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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
22, female, UK living in a flat.
I cannot sleep in the same bed as my partner and he isn't happy about it. He doesn't want us to sleep separately and I have been using ear plugs for a long time but the noise manages to sneak through. I fear that if I do not find something that makes me practically deaf during the night my relationship is over. Any advice?
The Answer
Tell him to get his ass to a doctor.
Seriously, the very least he can do is go to a doctor and see if there is anything that can be addressed medically. You are owed that much respect.
Frankly, if he wont take your comfort seriously enough to see a doctor and try a few different products or techniques, I'd dump just his ass right now.
I love a snorer. He has allergies and some damage to his nose and he can't help it, but a year I told him I needed him to do due diligence and speak to a doctor, because I was wearing earplugs and was still being woken several times a night by sounds that made me feel like I was under attack. I was anxious and exhausted. Now both of us sleep better.
Your partner has to recognize this a serious problem - he may think it's normal for him, but it almost certainly leaves both of you sleep deprived and cranky - and he has to get on board addressing it. Not only can chronic snoring be unhealthy for him (sleep apnea increases his risk for stroke and heart attacks), he also needs to know you will not be the first women who walks away if he doesn't take it seriously. It is literally a relationship killer.
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The Question
I am Male mid 20's
She is female mid 20's
Her friend is Male 30's I think???
First of all I am not a guy that is getting jealous about my girl texting other guys. It is just a very strange scenario. I will explain it a little bit.
1. She usually hangs out with the guy, his wife and kids. They are basically family friends, all good I get it.
2. When the wife and kids leave town and he stays because of work, she goes over there because he does not like to be alone.
3. Whenever we hang out, they usually text frequently unless we are on a date out of respect. Totally fine with it.
4. However, when she is over there. Especially on those weekends when the wife and kids leave town. Her replies to me are virtually none at all. Maybe 1 every 2-3 hours if any at all. (again totally fine but kinda of sketchy when looking at number 2&3.
Again, I totally love her and am not super jealous easily. I really have not gotten paranoid about this at all. She is super open about. She is the one who tells me she is going to hang out with him because he is home alone, when she could totally lie about it. I don't get pissy or mopey and try to make her feel bad about going over there because I trust her.
However it is slightly concerning to me, I just want other peoples feed back.
Am I just being paranoid and should not worry?
Or should I lay some rules down about this whole thing with her going over there alone with just those two. I would honestly say the most concerning thing to me is how she texts him when we hang and texts me when she is over there and the family is all there, but does not reply when it is just him and her there alone. I don't know, I don't want to start assuming anything but it is a strange situation. Any help would be awesome!
The Answer
I think laying down 'rules' is unwise. The if delayed texting is your only objective evidence, that's really really thin. Different friendships have different norms, and it could be as simple as that her norm with him doesn't involve checking her phone as often.
So take an alternate approach: Invite him over to hang out with you both. Go to a bar, make a meal, go to a movie or an event.
My boyfriend had a similar female friend when we moved in together. Frankly, she is now one of my better friends, and I never have the briefest of worries when they hang out one on one. I'm comfortable knowing that they both (him and her) respect and care for me too, and enjoy our time all together, but also I know they talk up a storm one-on-one and I don't expect to hear from him until he is on his way home.
Perhaps more importantly, if she is going to cheat, or has cheated, making rules about texting is not going to change or stop that. Your default should be trust, and it sounds like that is your default. Your gut doesn't seem to be telling you anything is off, you are just feeling a bit jealous about the quality of texting.
By all means also ask her to be more responsive when she is over there, but also invite her friend (and his wife too?) to get to know you as a couple and as people.
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The Question
Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years now and have an 8 month old son together. Up until a month before our son was born we had a good sex life and were having sex a lot. After our son was born we started bearly having sex about once a month. Now he gets all mad when I try to have sex with him and tells me no. He doesn't even want me to see him naked or touch his private area. I feel like we are little kids. Please tell me why you think he doesn't wanna have sex with me. It is really hurting me.
The Answer
You are going to have to ask him. We can't read his mind.
He may be tired and stressed, or it may be much more. Regardless the only one who knows is him. You'll need to ask.
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The Question
I am struggling with the concept with iambic pantameter and it would be so wonderful if you could help me out?
Welcome to our “fun and homey” college
The place to further your currently miniscule intelligence
Get ready for time of self-defining independence!
Your future within stone’s throw; unyielding to damage
School, work, friends, family, a million deeds to manage
Prepared to succumb, yet striving for excellence
Once exhilarant; now left with dissipating ebullience
Corroding and hopeless, our spirits we need to ravish
With the weight of the world upon us, the stakes are high
“What career are you choosing? Quick! Decide!”
Sovereign pressures from everyone, everywhere oozing
Infinitely engrossed in outright stress
To an impenetrably distant beyond is where I’d fly
My life, I procure the obligation to repossess
Thank you!
The Answer
It sounds like you aren't clear on what a syllable is, because most of these lines have far more than the 10 syllables and 10 syllables per line is really at the core of what of Iambic Pantameter is.
I could send you to a bunch of links online that explain what a syllable is, but I think the best thing you can do is find someone in your life who gets it, and have them go through it with you.
You could also watch this video - It's meant for younger children than you - but because syllables depend on how a word is spoken aloud, hearing a voice explain things might make it much clearer for you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvcgVRULaWw
Finally, I've broken up your first two lines into the number of syllables, so hopefully you can see how they are being counted.
(1)Wel(2)come (3)to (4)our “(5)fun (6)and (7)hom(8)ey” (9)col(10)lege - 10 Total
(1)The (2)place (3)to (4)fur(5)ther (6)your (7)cur(8)rent(9)ly (10)min(11)u(12)scule (13)in(14)tell(15)i(16)gence - 16 Total
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The Question
I don't mind if my boyfriend watches porn. But I honest to god accidentally got into his history and saw chaturbate. To me that's an entirely different thing. Him watching a live girl and chatting with them just bugs me so much. I will admit I have self esteem issues and it makes me feel less desirable. But to me that's like cheating? I really don't know how to put it. What should I do?
The Answer
It's a betrayal.
You had a perfectly reasonable expectation that he wasn't haven't sexual contact with other people. As much as a there was no touching involved, video-chatting is not the same as watching porn. He has sought out a sexual interaction with another person. That's very different. That's a huge breach of trust.
So don't make this all about your feelings, and your self-esteem. Women often fall into that when it comes to porn, but that isn't the core of the issue here. The issue here is that you thought you had one kind of relationship agreement (the kind that would exclude sexual activities with others) and that he broke that agreement.
He'll probably want to justify his actions - he may honestly feel this is no different than watching porn (he'd be wrong, but he may still honestly believe that) but he can't really argue that your expectation wasn't reasonable. It was totally reasonable of you to assume that he watches porn, but that he doesn't seek out sexual activities with others. You self-esteem has nothing to do with it. What he did was try to get off on a technicality when it comes to trust, and trust doesn't work that way. He doesn't get a pass because of the 'fine print'. On some level, as much as he may enjoy this behaviour or justify it in his own mind, I suspect he recognizes that doing this behind your back really sucked.
Let him know this behaviour is not the same as porn, and isn't what you signed up for and that you feel betrayed by his attempt to 'round down' video chatting to the same as 'porn watching', when it is in fact far closer to flat out cheating to bring someone else in the mix, even a stranger, even just online.
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The Question
So I started chatting with a stranger on a chat website (non-dating) and we're the same age and have a ton in common, and we've been chatting back and forth for the past few weeks... however, he recently uploaded a picture of himself (first one I've ever seen) and (NOT saying he's ugly) he's really not my type, looks-wise. He said, after he uploaded it, that he understands if I want to break contact whenever. How do I non-chalantly and politely... ditch him?
14/f
The Answer
You sort of can't. You can ditch him, sure, but it's not going to be nonchalant and it's not going to be polite.
If the truth is that you'd just prefer to spend your time chatting online to total strangers who you are also physically attracted too, well, that's sort of shallow. Why not be his friend? He's just a stranger online, it's not like this was likely to turn into a real relationship anyways. You said your communication so far was just a friendship, and not dating, so what is the problem? Do you think it's a waste of your time to be friends with a guy, if there is no chance of romance? That's weird. I enjoy friendships with people I don't find physically attractive.
Fortunately for you, this guy has already given you an out. So he is probably not going to make it too awkward for you if you do the real rude and total obvious ditching you want to do.
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The Question
hi dear
im a male 27 years and my friend he was divorced for his 1st marriage then he married a woman who is 5 years elder to him she is 32 with a baby boy from her 1st marriage and she is having crush on me once was invited for a dinner at her place she told me she is not sexually satisfied with my friend and she moved his hand directly to my cock under the table and said wow what a long thing you have between your legs and now she wants me to have sex with her and i also liked her when she grabbed my cock in her soft hands but Im very much confused what should i do is it ok to have sex with a lady who is 5 years elder to me ? plz help me out thank you.
The Answer
No. It's no okay to have sex with your friend's wife.
It's disrespectful, dishonest and will lead to lots of trouble and pain. Don't be an asshole.
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The Question
i had my abortion in January 29 and till date (march 17) i am not having my periods but I am having constant abdominal pain. it varies on a pain scale 1/10 to 9/10 but i am having this abdominal pain constantly. ultrasonography reported no infection at all. doctor suggested me oval-g drug that gives me nauseousness but no period still. i want to know what will be the next step after this.
The Answer
We can't know. You'll need to speak to your doctor.
There are many different types of abortion, and they come with different possible complications. We don't know medical history, or what other factors may be going on.
Keep up with the doctor, and find another doctor if you aren't comfortable with the advice you are getting from this one. That really is the very best advice anyone can give you.
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The Question
I'm sleeping with a married man, he has invited me to his son's graduation party at his home. Why would he do this? I have never been to his home, I have never met his wife. Although we have talked about his wife and his family, I always thought he wanted to keep me separate from his home life. I have no desire to ruin his life or out him. My place, for him, is a distraction, an ego booster, and a shiny new toy until he tires of me.
The Answer
You'll need to ask him. We can't know what is going through his head. Except that he's an idiot if he actually invited his secret mistress to a family event. I mean really, that is just completely moronic.
Don't go if you aren't comfortable going. I wouldn't be comfortable with it. I'd seriously question a man's sanity for even suggesting it, but if you really want to know WHY he made such a stupid suggestion, you'll need to ask him.
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The Question
23 f living with my 25 year old boyfriend and his family. I am living there because of a crazy home situation that I couldn't stay in. I like his parents a lot but I don't like living with them.
When I first was dating Tim, it was obvious that he had been spoiled or sheltered. Not money wise, just that his mom would do everything for him. He didn't know how to clean, cook even basic things, do dishes, do laundry, etc. I noticed that whenever he would try to do something, his mom would say he was doing it wrong and take over, rather than showing him how- she doesn't have much patience. Over the last year, I have taught him all that stuff and he's gotten really good at it. However, she still makes derogatory comments when she sees him doing something like cooking. "oh god, what are you doing now", "what mess are you making", etc.
She is 'linked' to his bank account, which basically means she can go online and see what he spends using his debit card and credit card. We each have our own checking accounts and share his credit card, which we almost never use. We take turns paying for things and manage our money pretty well. However, she still criticizes him about we spend money on and how much we spend.
Recently we opened another credit card at a clothing store because it offers a large discount on their clothing. We don't plan on using it too much. His mom opened the bill and yelled at him for spending the money. I have more than enough to pay for what we bought, as well as several hundred extra. He has less than fifty bucks in his checking account, but that's not a problem, I've been giving him money for gas and food to hold him over and he gets paid tomorrow.
He is very close to his parents and understands his mom is wrong but doesn't want to do anything about it. She is hurting our path towards independence and making him feel bad about himself. How can I change this frustrating situation?
The Answer
You can't fix this, and what's more, if you try you could make things far, far worse.
You need to recognize that this isn't just 'her being controlling'. This is the dynamic between your boyfriend and her, and he is part of the problem. What you've described here may certainly be involved and overly critical, but it's not that abnormal. Your boyfriend has the power to change his responses to her criticism, and to remove her access to his private banking information.
It's easy to blame it all on her, but it's up to your boyfriend, to try and change the dynamic with his mother, if and when he wants too. Right now, he doesn't want too. He's more comfortable with the current situation, than he would be with the work, and arguments and stress that would go along with changing it.
I understand that this really very frustrating for you. No one looks very good when you get a front row seat to the worst kinds of behaviour in a family, but if you try to change this, not only will it make it worse, you might create a situation that can never be fixed. Because this is a disagreement between mom and son. If you allow it to become a fight between his mom and you it'll just be an open sore for years, because the two of you aren't the two people with an actual problem to solve.
Support your boyfriend - even if you don't love the way he is choosing to handle it - be supportive, praise him for what he does well and keep your opinions on his mother between him and you. Remind him that he is the only one that can change his relationship with his mother. You can't fix it for him.
But you also have to appreciate that he is under a unique pressure. These are his parents, and he is adult living with them with his adult girlfriend. You have way more power and independence in this situation than he does. He and his parents have two decades of patterns and drama to navigate. Asking him to change those patterns is no small request. Most adults never tackle those issues in their relationship with with their parents head on. Most adults move away from home before it becomes necessary.
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The Question
Ever heard of Emmanuel, James? I have. He makes his books really expensive, like, $200 claiming only the “rich and privileged" could read his book. What kind of conceited, selfish,disgusting pig creates (this is based on reviews) an overpriced 10 paged book that only talks about how you wasted your money but you're rich and don't care and now can brag. Apparently, this dude thinks the rich are above all other people and they should be treated better. Can someone please tell me a way I can contact this @$$hole and tell him off?
The Answer
Why bother?
The man is not an author. He's an internet troll. He made a really stupid book, said a bunch of stupid things he knew would make people mad, and then sat back and enjoyed his fifteen minutes of being famous for being a dick.
All he wants is for lots of people to get angry with him, make more posts online about his stupidity, and then hopefully to sell the book a few times to idiots who have enough money to waste on it.
He wants you ask make angry posts like this and write angry letters. The best way to shut these sorts of assholes down is to simply ignore them.
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The Question
I have a crush on this guy, but I don't know what he thinks. Signs point to: he has a crush on me. But he's the hottest guy in school so girls are always kissing his butt, and he's always playing “hard to get" I admit I'm a hopeless romantic. I know that heart breakers get the guy all the time. How do you become one without spending much money? Or being “fake?"
The Answer
Going out of your way to become a 'heartbreaker' is an act of manipulation, so it's inherently 'fake'.
Most girls and guys who break someone's heart don't do it on purpose. It's not a badge of honour. It usually makes everyone involved feel pretty down.
Want to know what he thinks about you? Ask him.
Straight up ask him. That'll set you apart from the girls who just kiss his butt. Remember: Lots of people who 'play hard to get' are actually insecure and don't know how to take the next step. Put yourself out there and take what you get back. That's the furtherest thing from fake, and will probably take him by surprise.
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The Question
I do know that some things are untrue e.g you cant sit all day and daydream about becoming a millionaire and you will become one because the iniverse will bring it to you i get that you would have to be seriously dumb to believe in it but some of the thing are true e.g if you believe that you are good enough to get an A* in ur rs exam you can do it (most people would think it is very hard work to revise to get a high grade but when i read the book i interpreted it in a different way i thought of more things in a positive way and believed that i could get from an A to an A* and it didnt have to be difficult...the point is im not that dumb and i know alot of the stuff in the book is stupid but some of it was really usefual and chamged the way i look at life :D) so i guess i meant that it made no sence to act like you have perfect skin if you dont have it and expect to have perfect skin lol that was really stupid in the book.
thank you
The Answer
I know you aren't dumb, but the book is really smart in the way it lies to you. Lots of smart people get taken in, because the writers are professional scam artists. I know some people find it helpful, but I don't think it's okay to be 'sorta of helpful', if that help is based completely in really, really stupid lies.
Please, don't believe things are sorta of true just because they make you feel good. You have a huge amount of control over your life! You don't need some scam artists to tell you so. You can be awesome and in control of your life without accepting any part of The Secret as true. That new perspective you found was already in you. Don't give the liars any credit for your awesomeness.
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The Question
How do you find out what your last name means? There is a girl in my class from Germany and another from Ukraine and they both know, or say they know what their last name really used to mean a long time ago. Can a Canadian find out what their name meant back through history, or is that info gone forever?
The Answer
If you have a more common Anglo-Saxon name, the best thing you can do is ask your family members before you start googling.
Sometimes names shift and change over the years. For example, there are actually two completely separate groups of people from two different parts of the world, that use the exact same last name I have now. I had to do a good deal of research to find out which group I actually got the name from.
But asking my relatives was a good place to start. They gave me the names they remembers (back to my great, great, great grandparents in some cases) and from there it was reasonably easy to find others.
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The Question
The book says that in order to get wat you want your thoughts have to be positive and you have to believe that you can get whatever you want. It also mentions at one point that the steps in the book can be used for anythyng such as acne (in the book it said "pimple") so how do you aply the steps in the book to acne? It says in the book that if you want to have something you have to act like you have it already but how do you do that i mean i cant act like i already have clear skin if i look in the mirror and see spots on my face :) so i guess i am asking for a step by step explenation about aplying the steps to acne :) thank you
The Answer
That book is nonsense. It's a pseudoscience.
It doesn't work. It's nothing but a scam to sell books and other products.
The Law Of Attraction is NOT a Law like the Law Of Gravity. Positive thinking can certainly have a positive effect, but it's not a law, and it doesn't work on all things.
The law of gravity can be tested and it always works. When it works differently, we can explain why and the law still holds true. Having a positive attitude, being confident, believing you can succeed are all very good and you should do those things, but it doesn't send out magical beams from your brain that actually change reality around you. What they call the brains 'magnetic signature' and all that nonsense, exists only inside your skull. It doesn't get sent out and it doesn't change matter or reality. Scientists have tested this repeatedly, it's not happening, but every scam artist these days knows they have to throw some sort of 'science' into the mix to make you believe it.
The Secret says that the only reason you don't have what you want is because you are blocking it from coming to you with your thoughts. Which the prefect sales pitch, because whenever it doesn't work the Secret just wags it's finger at you and tells you that you must be 'thought blocking', because the Secret ALWAYS works.
Scientology uses the exact same sales pitch: Our system is perfect, if it's not working perfectly for you, you must be doing it wrong.
It's an incredibly cruel lie.
There is nothing wrong with you. The system doesn't work.
Try telling the 3 billion people on this planet who live on less than a dollar a day that the reason their children are starving to death is because they are blocking food, medicine and clean water with their thoughts. Try telling the man dying of cancer, that the reason he is dying is simply because he believes he is dying. Or better yet, watch the completely crazy man who completely believes he is the president. No matter how much he believes it, and acts like it, aint nobody gonna make him the president.
It's true that sometimes acting a certain way will get you treated that way by others, but that isn't a law. Think about this: If the law of attraction was always true, then every woman who got raped would have been asking for it and welcoming it in her thoughts in some way. That is the logic that holds if attraction is truly a LAW that ALWAYS works.
And not part of Quantum theory has anything to do with visualizing romance or a bigger paycheque. It's hard to even begin to address how ridiculous the Secret is when it's comes to it's lies about what quantum mechanics is.
The Secret is no more effective then a rabbits foot or four leaf clover: It's just good-luck superstition with some false science thrown in.
The Secret is based on simple, old fashioned ideas: Be confident. Visualize success. Believe in yourself and don't let your own thoughts turn against you. But then it takes them way, way too far and turns them into something ridiculous. You can do all that, and get all the supposed benefits of 'the secret' without giving those scam artists your money and being lied too about supernatural effects of brain waves and 'thoughts become things'. It's just not going to cure your acne.
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The Question
I Haven't seen this girl in two months!! Will she forget about me???!?
there is this tutor I work with in the tutoring lab in this community college I went to. She's great and a wonderful person to be around with. She is about 27 and I am 22 and she is engaged, One thing I noticed about her is that she was very touchy feely. , like patting me on the back or shoulder.
I worked with her for about two years and my class ended in June 2013. In fall of 2013 I attended a university but I saw her around campus ( I already knew she attended there too) when I was going to meet up with a friend recently and chatted with her. I started getting these weird feelings about her
now I find myself going out of my way to that location just so I can hopefully see her and talk to her again. One time I went and sat there for about half an hour (I had nothing else to do though so I wasn't skipping anything) I just get this extremely good feeling when talking to her or seeing her. Is this wrong?
honestly, I actually feel upset if I am trying to find her and I don't see her. I haven't seen her at all the last two months and I feel almost depressed. She said at the end of last semester that "I'll see you"
I am not trying to get with her or anything but she is the only girl that has given me any attention really or actually initiated conversation with me so I like to see her
please don't say "Don't look for her". Why is it wrong for me to want to still be acquainted with her?
The Answer
You need to see a therapist.
This all the advice you are getting from me from here on out.
You have asked at least 10 questions on the subject of this engaged woman since October. In each question, you've added (and left out) information and parts of the story, in what seems like an effort to make your behaviour appear less obsessive and problematic than it truly is.
This is also not the only obsessive line of questioning you've engaged in on Advicenators. There are other topics on which you've asked very similar questions, over and over again, sometimes providing self-contradictory statements. I'm not sure if you are doing this as some sort of experiment, or just for fun, or if these questions really reflect your life and mental state, but because I am a level 1 moderator here, I can see the other questions associated with your account, and because I'm not an idiot, I can see you plainly use at least two accounts on this site.
I'm sure you are genuinely depressed and upset by no longer seeing her, however, I don't believe for a moment that seeing her again is going to cause you anything but the most temporary good feelings, because your crush on her is clearly not at the crux of your problems.
Your behaviour towards her and the feelings you've described, plus your behaviour on this site on other topics, means the only piece of reasonable advice I can give you is to please, please, please, go talk to a mental health professional. You don't need to live with these sorts of fixations, fantasies and anxieties, but in order to address them properly, you need to work one-on-one with a pro, and be honest with that pro. Coming here, over and over and over again, to ask basically the same question and try to alter the outcome and get the advice you most want to hear, isn't going to help you. You don't need friendly advice from a stranger. Your questions, when seen as the whole pattern that they are, need a more serious intervention than we can provide.
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The Question
20/f
Hello,
I got interviewed for a job a week ago and they said they would call me to tell me whether or not if I got a job. They called me yesterday and said that they really enjoyed talking to me and they had a lot of fun talking to me but they unfortunately went with another candidate.
Then she said, "But I really liked talking with you and I enjoyed being with you. I was wondering if you would like me to pass your information to the HR to see if another department is hiring because I would really like to work with you."
I told her that I actually applied at the same company but a different mall as well and she said, "oh, working for this company is great. I worked at the mall too but I would REALLY like it if you worked at the mall I work at. I would love it if you became part of the team because I really enjoyed talking to you."
I was disappointed at first because I studied hard and worked hard to get that job but then I was relieved a bit. My sister thought it was probably because I wasn't meant for that department and that it's good that she likes me and that she wants to help.
Is this what most managers say to those they interview to make them feel "not too bad" about themselves? does this happen often?
The Answer
This isn't normal. Chances are she really did like you and think you'd be a good fit. She might have been out-voted by other people in the interview, there could have been some office politics going on, or, as good as you were, maybe there was just one person who was better.
Be proud of yourself and take her up on any offer of help she gives. That's how most people get jobs: Somebody else already known to the company vouching for them.
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The Question
If I'm 35 and haven't had a period in years but always thought it was due to being underweight and the medication I'm on... I wasn't getting regular period for very long time but had my son seven years ago... I've heard its def possible to ovulate without menstruating. Anyone else experience this and KNOW FOR FACT they are ovulating but not getting their period? I'd like to have one more child.
The Answer
You need to talk to a doctor about this and MAKE SURE that you aren't menstruating due to weight or the medication. That really isn't something you can take on faith. That's can be a very dangerous health sign in a young woman.
Please. Go ask this question to a doctor, and have a look into why you aren't menstruating. Could you still be ovulating? Yes, but it's unlikely. You really need a doctor to talk to you about what is happening, and what it means for future pregnancies. I very much doubt anyone here is equipped to help you.
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The Question
I am a 44 year old woman. I have been married for 3 years. During the marriage I have been happy, but my husband hasn´t been. He has cheated on me 3 times, left me twice, and has currently asked me for a divorce. My problem is: I fight tooth and nail for a reconciliation. I have used logic, patience, understanding, and giving in to my husband´s every whim to get him to see how worthwhile it is to have a good life together. I feel all it takes is maturity and respect to make things work. To me, divorce is the last resort. I would feel like a total failure with divorce. When I didn´t agree to divorce, my husband became infuriated. He started throwing things, breaking things, and yelling F*** YOU, I HATE YOU. I cant let him go! I have an addiction to this man that I cant shake. What do I do?
The Answer
Get yourself in the therapy.
This man has told you in pretty much every way that he can't that he doesn't want to be married to you. You are not being mature, or logical, or respectful at this point. You are being irrational, disrespectful and a bit of bully, to deny him what he has so clearly said he wants for himself.
So get yourself in therapy. It's understand to fear being seen as a 'failure'. A lot of people whose relationships end feel that way, but that's not reasonable and it's not a valid reason to force someone to stay married to you when they don't want to be.
Get yourself a good therapist and work through your feelings and disappointments with them. Let this man go. He doesn't want to be your husband anymore. It doesn't sounds like he ever really acted like one. Respect him enough to accept his decision, even if it's not the decision you'd make for him. He has a right to that much control over his own life.
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The Question
Is it worth the extra money to buy BPA-free plastics for your family? Is there really anything to worry about, do you think? We are about to have a baby and I am getting paranoid about it the more I hear about it over and over again. Advice?
The Answer
There is really no established evidence that BPA is biologically active in humans to a degree that is harmful. There was one study, usually called the Baker study, and other scientists have not been able to duplicate it's results.
In the States, the National Center for Toxicological Research (which is funded by Congress to do this sort of research) is currently running a really thorough study on the effects of ingesting BPA and so far, they consistently show that BPA has a negligible effect on human hormones except at extremely high doses-thousands of times more than what humans being actually consume. Just so it's clear, Negligible is the lowest term they have. In science-lingo that word means "if there is anything there, it's so small we either can't detect it, or there is so little has no visible effect on the outcome when studied", because scientists rarely say never, negligible is akin to "We can't find any evidence of an effect."
In my opinion, the idea that BPA is harmful is like the idea that vaccines could cause autism - it's might have been a somewhat reasonable question to study at some point - but now it's been utterly debunked and people are only promoting it to try to scare people and sell parents alternative products.
Of course, there are still smart people who study this who disagree, and think BPA is harmful even in the small amounts we all consume daily.
Do whatever you feel is right for you child and your family, but in your shoes, I'd certainly worry about the quality of my child's food, but if it were me there are probably other things I'd prioritize for my child's health other than avoiding BPA.
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