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Addicted to my Husband
I am a 44 year old woman. I have been married for 3 years. During the marriage I have been happy, but my husband hasn´t been. He has cheated on me 3 times, left me twice, and has currently asked me for a divorce. My problem is: I fight tooth and nail for a reconciliation. I have used logic, patience, understanding, and giving in to my husband´s every whim to get him to see how worthwhile it is to have a good life together. I feel all it takes is maturity and respect to make things work. To me, divorce is the last resort. I would feel like a total failure with divorce. When I didn´t agree to divorce, my husband became infuriated. He started throwing things, breaking things, and yelling F*** YOU, I HATE YOU. I cant let him go! I have an addiction to this man that I cant shake. What do I do?
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I think you need to talk to a therapist or something but listen here baby girl this man obviously has no respect for you if he'd treat you like that. That's okay because it's his loss & i know there is some man out there who will treat you right & appreciate you for all the right reasons. You need to realize you deserve more then what he is giving you. I know how it is... Sometimes you're with someone so long that there all you know & you don't wanna end that routine or break that cycle but later you'll be so glad you did. It's not too late to find love. Theres no age limit on love. Its gonna hurt but you have to let him go because he obviously has already let you go.You don't need a man to be happy. just stay true to yourself & everything else will fall into place, you'll see. Best of luck to you, stay strong & stay beautiful.
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First off, know one is perfect but Jesus.
Therefore, If u have tried all you can you're just in love with someone who doesn't love you. Many times that happens, but you can't earn real love.
I advise you since you were a dedicated, giving, and loving wife to him for 3 years; let him file for divorce, get you a lawyer, and make him give you back every thing you gave him. (cooking, cleaning, having sex- with him whether or not he was enjoying it- or appreciated it).
Everything has a price. Sue for marriage to him for 3 years, and get a restraining order against him in-case once the divorce is final, and he feels you aren't sober/ over him he can arouse you, and you'll just have sex with him. NO. NO. NO.
Go along with the divorce, get whats owed to you, and go on vacation, and find somebody to love you.
@Kerrington2016
Advisor
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You have become addicted to having someone around, Not really the marriage in general. People who hold onto relationships/People in an unhealthy environment are often people who are afraid to be alone and suffer some sort of anxiety or depression.
From the sound of it, You're marriage has hit the end of the road. Unless you both have agreed to attend marriage counseling together, Then unfortunately you may have to take the necessary steps towards divorce. Sometimes things don't always go the way we want them too and divorce does not mean you failed. Often people misjudge the word "Failure and Divorce" You see, Relationships of any kind don't come without a risk. Love, Is a risk we take from the start, Even in a friendship. You are not the only one to have a bad marriage, Go through divorce or even try to wits end to make a marriage work.
Sometimes in order to move on we need to learn to except that a situation is what it is and learn to let it go. If you can't shake it on your own then I would suggest connecting with a therapist who can help you cope through it. In order for a marriage to work, TWO people have to be willing to work together as one and in this case he doesn't seem to be working with you. To me, This sounds like an unhealthy marriage and would really be best to go your own way.
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I am sorry to hear about your marital problems but it is difficult loving someone who does not love back. You seem to be in a lose-lose situation in that if you get divorced you are unhappy but he will be and if you don't you are in a marriage with a man who has no respect for you and clearly does not want to be married to you any longer.
Perhaps try a trail separation before you go to court and make any decisions? Give each other between 2-4 weeks of minimal contact and go from there, meet for coffee and discuss your options.
I wish you all the luck in the future.
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I agree with Razhie; for whatever reasons your husband wants out of this marriage. You may be addicted to him though, from your writing, this is a clear case of you can lead the horse to water but can't make it drink no matter how much you want it too."
Just for the moment let’s say you did convince him to stay married; how can you ever trust him? He has cheated on you 3 times in three years. He will cheat again that I can assure you of. He looks at the grass in the other pastures and believes it is greener than the pasture he is in. From your writing he sounds like a man that will never be satisfied with the grass in his own pasture.
Why put up with someone like him? Why denigrate yourself in such a manner when there are much better men out there you are more deserving of. Who will love you and honor you and will live in your bed and only your bed.
Give him his divorce. Get yourself the best divorce lawyer in your area and take him to the cleaners. Then let him see if he can graze in other pastures.
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Get yourself in the therapy.
This man has told you in pretty much every way that he can't that he doesn't want to be married to you. You are not being mature, or logical, or respectful at this point. You are being irrational, disrespectful and a bit of bully, to deny him what he has so clearly said he wants for himself.
So get yourself in therapy. It's understand to fear being seen as a 'failure'. A lot of people whose relationships end feel that way, but that's not reasonable and it's not a valid reason to force someone to stay married to you when they don't want to be.
Get yourself a good therapist and work through your feelings and disappointments with them. Let this man go. He doesn't want to be your husband anymore. It doesn't sounds like he ever really acted like one. Respect him enough to accept his decision, even if it's not the decision you'd make for him. He has a right to that much control over his own life.
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