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boyfriend doesnt wanna have sex after the baby
Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years now and have an 8 month old son together. Up until a month before our son was born we had a good sex life and were having sex a lot. After our son was born we started bearly having sex about once a month. Now he gets all mad when I try to have sex with him and tells me no. He doesn't even want me to see him naked or touch his private area. I feel like we are little kids. Please tell me why you think he doesn't wanna have sex with me. It is really hurting me.
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Your boyfriend sounds like he is having trouble adjusting to having a child to look after. I would take what he said about not wanting another child at face value - he simply doesn't want another child. Are you using contraception at the moment? If not then this will be the biggest reason he doesn't want to have sex with you. If you make it clear that having sex will not make you pregnant, he will come back to you.
You can use condoms, the pill, an IUD, or any other contraception your doctor prescribes.
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It can be that he is having psychological issues. Some men do after their wife or partner gives birth.
What happens is that now that there is a baby around needing lots of attention, they are no longer able to see her as a sex object, only as a mother and that will kill the sex drive. Perhaps seeing you be mother to your child reminds him of his own mother and very few guys think of their mom as a sex object.
Sometimes women after giving birth lose some of their drive for a while or with the demands of the baby find less time to take care of themselves and dress up and try to seduce their partner.
Since he is having trouble seeing you as both sex partner and mother, all in one, he is the one needing some professional counseling to get over it.
As Adviceman said, you are not married so you are currently in a precarious position as far as him legally being responsible for the childs care. Also not being married to you may play into what level of importance the boyfriend will put into the relationship, to work towards saving it, who knows. He may not being willing to go for counseling. I will bet he still has sexual needs, just no longer interested in a "mother". Thats his issue, not yours. Don't take it personally, its not you, it's him. However, this could mean that he will be going to get his sexual needs met elsewhere and things can only get worse from there. I also vote for going to see a lawyer and make sure that he is legally responsible for the welfare of his child, even if he can't see in his mind the mother of his child as a still sexy and desirable.
Just so you don't start to think all guys are like this, on the opposite hand, there are men who find women irrisistable when they are pregnant and afterwards. I have a husband who says he can tell by looking at a nude womans body which one has had a baby or not, other than weight gain, there are subtle difference to the shape of her breast and belly that he finds very attractive, more so than the female who's never given birth. And I know also from what I've read and heard that he's not the only one...many men find the fact that their woman is now a mother to be sexually stimulating, sometimes even more so if she is breastfeeding. These kinds of men will be so turned on by taking milk from their wifes breast to help out when she is engorged because the babe is going through a sleeping phrase. Nothing will release the milk from rock hard, painful engorged breast except the sucking motion. Having to share the breasts with a baby is a turn on for some men, and a turn off for others.
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I cannot think of any valid reason he is this way with you now. The one absurd reason I can think of is he fears making another baby with you if I'm right he may also be getting ready to run for he is not ready for the responsibilities of fatherhood.
My thoughts and fears aside; the fact that you two are still living together does not negate what you need to do to protect you and your son. To insure that your boyfriend lives up to his legal responsibilities as the child's father. He is responsible for his son until he reaches the age of 18. That means reasonable child support as determined by the courts. This support not only includes monetary but health insurance as well. The courts can also order him to purchase term life insurance to cover these costs in the event of his death.
I know you are sitting there saying you don't need to have legal papers served on him for he is there and being a good father. Fact; You two are not married and until you are he can leave at any time. His responsibility does not leave with him it just makes it harder to enforce and to serve him with court orders if he doesn't want to be found.
My Advice is to see a lawyer on Monday and have the appropriate court order dawn up and approved by the courts. Then have the papers served on him. This is the only way to insure the security for your child and that your boyfriend lives up to his responsibilities.
I cannot think of any reason a man would not want to have sex with a women; especially a women who is making herself available for sex with him. The only valid reason in your case that I can think of is he is getting ready to run or at the very least thinking of it.
So do the right thing and see a lawyer and have the proper papers drawn up.
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You are going to have to ask him. We can't read his mind.
He may be tired and stressed, or it may be much more. Regardless the only one who knows is him. You'll need to ask.
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