I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
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She was sleeping in a bed at a hotel for a bday party with a girl. The girl's boyfriend came in and they had sex in the same bed she was in. My friend, Julia is small. The guy turned over and raped Julia. She said she was disgusted blah blah. and the next morning the girl (who is an absolute whore and has a baby now) said "How could you do that?" to Julia!
This was a few years ago and my boyfriend wants me to tell her to tell someone. I want her to too. Her mother thinks she's a whore already and Julia says "it was so long ago. It doesn't make sense to say anything now." I don't know what to tell her. If he's done this to her I'm sure he's done it to others or is going to. By the way, I know who they guy is. I have seen him before. (link)
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This is a tough one. Of course it makes sense for her to tell the authorities, but victims of rape often don't want to have to relive the experience by having to recount it to multiple strangers, perhaps ending up by having to testify in court while facing the man himself. Its understandable. She also may feel embarrassed and ashamed. Even though she didn't ask for it, it is often the case with victims. I think you should encourage her to go the authorities. At this point, there's probably not much they could do, any evidence being done away with long ago, but having a complaint on record against the guy could go a long way to convicting him in the future should he ever do something like that to someone else. If she chooses not to, see if she would be willing to talk to someone, a counsellor or a therapist. There are plenty of websites and hotlines for victims of rape to contact. Perhaps you could Google a few for her. She needs someone who knows what she's been through to help her deal with some of the consequences of this awful crime. In the meantime, keep being the supportive and caring friend you obviously are, be there for her, encourage her, and do your best to let her know you'll accept her no matter what her decision is. Best of luck to you and your friend.
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what do you do?
i need advice badly. me and my boyfriend broke up and then got back together and now we broke up again. its a couple months after everytime he says "i love you" to me..he has commitment issues because he grew up with his parents fighting so i understand why he's like this ( he hasn't actually told me that but i know it's it because my dad had divorced parents and went through the same thing). i've seen love die so many times when it deserves to live and i don't want this to be another. he tells me when we're apart (we live 20 mins from each other) theres times when he doesn't want to hang out and he'll make up an excuse why he cant but then when he's with me, he won't let me go... i know he loves me because he told me and he says he still cares about me.. but its sad to say that his parents screwed him over.
we're still hanging out as "friends" but i'm seriously in love with this guy. i need major advice. (link)
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Unfortunately, this one is a bit beyond your control. You can control your behavior, but you can't control his. He's been burned badly. He has legitimate reasons for being commitment shy, but that doesn't mean he can never get to a better place. I had the same situation back in college. My boyfriend and I dated off and on for 4 years. I loved him, but when we were together I felt like I wasn't getting the commitment I deserved from him. I decided that I was worth more than I was getting from him. Even though he was great and kind and caring when we were together, I knew there was more, that love was more, than what I was getting. So I broke it off once and for all. It hurt so bad, but I refused to settle for less. We started dating again after a few years apart. He is now my husband. That time apart gave him time to grow up a little, and realize that what he truly wanted was me, and he would do anything to have me in his life. Your guy sounds like he needs some more time to evaluate himself and his feelings. Once he really figures that out and finds a certain "peace" with his past, you guys could really have something great. If you settle for what you're getting now (which is certainly less than you deserve, as a caring, loyal girlfriend) you'll be robbing yourself of something potentially fantastic in the future. Good luck. I really hope this works out for you. I've been there, I know the pain of it all, but I also know the joy that can be found in waiting for the right time to make a commitment to one person.
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19/f
I've been dating this guy for a little over two months, we spend quite a bit of time together, and hes asked me to be his girlfriend twice. I wasn't ready then, but right when i was starting to feel like i was, something happened. I wanted to see his phone to look at his texts, because i do this a lot jokingly because most of them are from me anyway. But this time he like hid it from me and deleted all the sent folder, and then gave it to me. and when i looked in the inbox, all these texts were from his ex girlfriend (they dated for two years, and broke up sometime in July). Basically the gist of it was that he had brought me up to her randomly, and so she brought up her boyfriend but my guy got all offended and didn't want to hear about her boyfriend and how perfect he is. So obviously he's not over her..
so my question is, should i keep dating this guy? I like him, but it doesn't seem fair to me. I feel like a rebound.
Please all advice helps! (link)
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I'm a big believer in women's intuition. I don't think we listen to it enough. Yours is telling you something's not right and you deserve better than to be a rebound. I think your assessment of the situation is spot on. He obviously still has some feelings for her. It doesn't mean he'll never get over it, or that he can't care for you at the same time, but you are right, its not fair to you. Every girl deserves to be the apple of her man's eye. Right now, you're not. He's distracted. I'm not suggesting leaving him behind and never seeing him again, but maybe you need to give him some more time to sort through his feelings. If you do that, you may find that down the road he will be ready for a relationship with you and it will be stronger for the time apart. If you stay, you'll be stressed out with trust issues, always wondering if he's thinking of her when he's with you. You don't deserve that. Be honest with him. Tell him what you think, calmly but boldly, and then back off this one for a while. Maybe he just needs a little push in the right direction to finally realize that relationship is in the past. Good Luck!
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Okay.
I'm 19, currently attending Savannah College of Art and design, and I want to work for Pixar.
Lately i've been building this image in my head of the ideal future for me. Living in Emeryville, CA, working for Pixar, swing dancing in San Francisco on the weekends, snowboarding in the mountains... i've looked at wedding dresses, and i just keep elaborating on this vision i have of the direction i want my life to go in. And i'm afraid i'm just setting myself up for disappointment. My mom has told me that it's good to visualize your goals, but i'm afraid in 3 years when i'm starting the "rest of my life" so to speak, it's not going to be what i pictured.
Is it bad for me to be so concerned the future? Is there anything i can do to ensure this happens for me, or should i stop worrying about it?
Thanks for your help (link)
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I like that you are thinking about your future and making plans. You're way ahead of most kids your age in that respect. However, I'm concerned about your anxiety about having the "perfect" future. You can take steps to achieve your dreams and work hard to get there, but I'm worried that this "ideal" vision you have in your head is so perfect that you may be disappointed when things don't go exactly according to plan. Because they won't. They never do. But that is the beauty of life! Sometimes the most unexpected things turn out to be the greatest things in our lives. While you should definitely visualize, as your mom says, and keep working, going to school, etc., just know that its unrealistic to think that everything will happen exactly the way you want it when you want it. As a matter of fact, the most successful people in this world are the ones who display the ability to be flexible with changing situations, those who can roll with the punches and adapt to new challenges. Don't focus so much on the specifics of your future that you bind yourself up in chains trying to get there. Keep going to school. Keep your goals in mind. But remember that reality is here and now. Take time to enjoy yourself and your life the way it is right now. Don't wait for "some day" to be happy. You can be happy right now. Remember, Life is about the journey, not destination.
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i have hereditary bags under my eyes and i normally put alot of makeup on the cover it up and im tired of doing that. any ideas on how to look more awake without pounding on tons of make up?
thanks (link)
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Are the bags puffy? Try a hemmroid cream. Really, it helps to shrink puffiness under the eyes. Lots of celebrities use it.
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I'm 18 years old and in a serious relationship. My boyfriend is my bestie and all thee above. I believe our sex life is our business and personal and we NEVER discuss it with anyone.
Well, my roommate caught us having sex one day and ever since then she won't SHUT up!!!!
[My boyfriend is pretty uncomfortable knowing she saw us. Violation of privacy is what it felt like.]
If a condom commercial comes on: "omg you and eric!"
I had leftover conditioner in my hair: "don't know with THAT is since you and eric are..."
A sex scene: "eric's butt!"
"everytime I see sex on tv I think of eric's butt going up and down."
"we need one of those hotel signs that say do not disturb for you guys!" (WHAT! so everyone will know what we're doing? NO! How about you knock! WHY would she even bring it up!!)
oh there's more, I'm just giving you a little taste.
Let's get this straight. She knows everything about sex. She's NO virgin, no in deedy. She's actually an ex (maybe ex!) known promiscuous girl herself. So shes no stranger at all to sex!
I can understand one time or two, HA! HA! funny, but omg a million times is ridiculous and annoying! I once told her "OKAY! What me and my boyfriend do is private don't talk about it!" Didn't help. Its so private to me, I feel so uncomfortable now that she saw us. I'm really a nice person who gets along with everyone and this is making me mad and I don't know how to shut her up. SHE on the other hand is selfish and self centered and is the rude one.
So how do I say SHUT UP?!
I'm really fed up with it! (link)
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I generally don't recommend getting loud with folks, but it sounds like your roommate needs it. So, next time she makes a comment, roll your eyes, throw up your hands and tell her to "Shut Up already with the comments! I understand it was embarrassing for you to see us like that, it was completely embarrassing for us too! But can we just drop it? Every time you make a comment its like experiencing the whole embarrassing thing all over again. So please, shut up!" This may take a lot of courage on your part, but trust me, once you do it, you'll be glad and you'll realize it actually felt kind of good. She'll probably be hurt, but after a few days she'll get over it.
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My name is Walt as you can plainely see from my user name. I am 18 years old an finishing my last year of highschool and for as long as I can remember I have not had the ability to feel emotions. All i can feel is alot of built up rage and hate. I tried to think of what makes me this way, but honestly i can't. I used to be afraid of everything (heights, rollar coasters dying, etc....), but now i have noticed I fear nothing. My chemistry teacher made a blast of fire with grain dust. I did not know that that was going to be the reaction and yet i didn't even flinch. I have an IQ of 142 so im pretty smart but i only pay attention when i am interested in a topic. Last I've been faking emtions aslong for as long as i can think of, everyone i know only knows me because I learned to fake these "emotions". Is there anybody else like me? If so how do you deal with this problem. Are we stuck like this? (link)
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You need a therapist or a counsellor. Talk to your parents or a trustworthy adult, perhaps a school counsellor. There is a way to understand all of this, and there is a way to be different, but you have to reach out.
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i wont a sleep over with my best friend, but the thing is im not the best at making a good conversation and its always her making the conversation an i think she is abit sick of it tbh. anyone no how i could make an interesting funny conversation ? thanks :) (link)
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Best thing for breaking the ice and creating something to talk and laugh about - games. Download directions for card games like Blackjack and poker. bet with pennies or candy, something like that. Also, kids games like Hungry Hippo, Operation. Mad Libs is a really fun game for all ages and is always good for a few laughs. Once you two get laughing the rest will come naturally.
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i really want to have a new years party.. buuutt my parents and 12 year old brother NEVER go out....how can i get them to go out? (link)
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You can't. And even if you could, don't. Your parents are not as clueless as you think, trust me. They'll know, and you'll pay a heavy price. Get a part-time job, save some money, and as soon as you graduate get your own place. Then you can have as many parties as you want : )
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what matters more to you, what you really really want or what you deserve? and why? (link)
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This question is all about YOU. The answer is neither. What matters most is other people. Its not all about you.
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19/f
I recently moved into a house near college with two people, my best friend and her best guy friend. Not to her knowledge, he and I have been seeing eachother for almost three months now. Ergo, we've had to be secretive about our relationship.
Yesterday he asked what I was doing for Christmas, I instinctively answered that I was spending it with my parents, and then he asked if I wanted to go home with him for New Years, in that case visit. I was super psyched and I agreed, but said I would have to get my parents permission since I would be taking their car to drive to his place (2-3 hours away). My parents are aware of the situation and approve, and have been since the beggining.
This is what brings me to my dilhema; he doesn't want to tell his parents about us as a couple. I mean when they visited the house for Thanksgiving, I understood why we were 'just roommates' because it had only been like a month since we started dating. However, this time, he invited me to spend the holiday with him, at his home, with his parents. Would this not qualify as a 'meet the parents' situation? I mean, of course I've met them already, once when we moved in, and again at Thanksgiving, but this just seemed more 'legit' in a 'comming out' way. Am I wring to think this?
I understand if he just doens't want to tell people because of the risk of our roommate finding out, but he hasn't even told his best friend, which kind of bothers me as well, but I'm okay with it, I guess I just like to talk to my friends. But why won't he tell his parents? I know he doesn't tell them much, but if he's inviting me over, would that not be a good thing for them to know? I mean, I don't want to be lying to them, that wouldn't go over so well. (link)
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He may be hesitant to introduce you as his girlfriend because he is worried about how his parents may perceive the whole "living together" situation. Even though you moved in as roommates, you are now romantically involved. This may change your living situation in their minds to a "shacking up" kind of thing, which they may not approve of. That being said, it IS a little awkward to invite you for the holidays and then ask you to keep your relationship a secret. I don't think thats a good idea. You need to ask him about this, as uncomfortable as this may be. You will be staying in his parents' home, and I'm assuming that eventually, if you date a while, he'll want to introduce you as his girlfriend. What kind of an impression will you make on them once they realize you lied to them? Not a great way to start out a potential friendship with your boyfriend's parents. What if they notice the romantic vibes b/w the two of you over the holidays? There's just too much potential for hurt feelings. Like I said, talk to your boyfriend about his expectations for the holiday. If he insists on keeping your relationship a secret then you might need to think about not visiting just yet (as disappointing as that may sound), or see if you can stay somewhere else up there, like a hotel or a friend. Either way, I think its a bad idea to stay in his parents' house while being secretive about your relationship. You may regret starting off on the wrong foot.
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how much does therapy usually cost? i have bluecrossblueshild, what will i pay out of pocket with them? (link)
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When I was in therapy I paid $125/session, and I believe that was on the high end of the scale. My insurance only paid %20, which left me with a lot of out of pocket to cover. But, that said, it was worth every penny and any sacrifices I had to make in my budget.
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can you get pregnant from pre cum? (link)
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Yes. The chances are smaller but there are sperm present in the "pre-cum"
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This Christmas will be the first one with my boyfriend. We've been together just under a year, so I think it'd seem rude if I didn't get his family something for Christmas.
Now, his older sister has just got her belly button pierced - so I know what I'm getting her. His little sister (10) I'm thinking maybe a small necklace or bracelet?
But then, I have no idea for his mum, dad and his nan, I can't spend too much as I barely have any money and seeing as it's my 16th on Christmas, my parents will have absolutely nothing.
So any small gift ideas for his parents and nan, I would be grateful :) (link)
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Instead of worrying about a different gift for each person, try getting something for the whole family. A candy dish, a nice framed picture, a gift basket, a gift certificate to a local restaurant, something along those lines. That way you can keep the spending to a minimum but still provide a small but personal gift as a way to express holiday wishes to his family. But if you decide a gift is out of your price range, trust me, a lovely card signed warmly by you will be more than enough to impress the family. It may not be expensive, but it shows you cared enough to take the time to recognize his family, and that means a lot.
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I'm a girl, and I'm 16. My boyfriend and I have been dating for five months almost six, I know it's not long, but we've mutually been liking eachother since the 7th grade. I'd even want to say that I've been in love with him since then. This is all kind of pointless to what I have to ask, but I figured I'd share a little information.
Anyway, his best friend is a guy. He had a girlfriend. They recently broke up. We were together, and he just left my house to go be with her and comfort her, because she was so devestated that HIS best friend dumped her. Why does he need to comfort his best friends, ex? I got really mad at the fact that he just got up from my house and went to be with her.
Is this something that I should worry about, that I'll be the second best always, I'm not trying to sound selfish. But your girlfriend normally comes first, right? I'm just wondering if I overreacted,or if its something I should be mad and concered about.
By the way, he's done this three times to me already.
(link)
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Yes, this is something to worry about. I don't care what his explanations are. Trust your gut on this one. We women don't listen to our gut enough. Yours is telling you what to think here. You don't need anyone else to confirm what you already know. This is wrong. Your boyfriend is sending out a not so quiet vibe that his feelings about your relationship may have changed. You need to have an honest conversation with him about this, in a time of peace, not when you are upset or crying or angry. Bring it up when things are calm and try to speak calmly to him about it. He's a guy and guys are more likely to listen to us girls when we're not so emotional. Dumb, but that's just the way it is. Then you'll need to make a decision as to wether you deserve to be treated this way, if you should leave, or if you don't mind his feelings for another girl and want to stay. Its up to you, but listen to your gut. You're a lot smarter than you may think.
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18/f
My ex and I were together for 8 months. He was my first time, not my first love, but the one I loved the most. We had made big plans for our future together. He was going to go to college near me, 4 hours away from our home and I would move in with him my junior year when I was allowed to live off campus. During the last month of our relationship he asked me what I thought was a cute way to be proposed to. When he first asked I thought it was adorable but as the week went on I started to freak out. At the time I was seventeen and thinking about proposals, doing apartment searches for him, job hunting and going through my first month of college away from home. Needless to say I freaked out and took it all out on him. We fought for a week and I told him I was confused and didn't know what I wanted and he begged me for a second chance and told me he'd do anything to keep us together. So he came up to see me for the weekend and I could see the pain in his eyes and it killed me knowing that I caused it, I couldn't stop crying the first night but he just held me and I couldn't remember why I had said any of it to him. We ended up having unprotected sex, it was the first time we had done it without a condom. He was here for two nights and we just hung out the whole time and I tried to make it as normal as possible but it was obvious that he was still hurt.
As soon as he left I got all of the scared feelings back again. He called me when he got home and I tried breaking up with him over the phone, saying I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore. And I was bawling the whole time because I knew I was still completely in love with him. He hung up on me and then I got a text saying that he'd prove to me how much he loved me and he didnt answer any texts after that. I thought he was going to kill himself although he doesn't have a suicidal history at all. But I was a wreck, I've never cried so hard. I even went into a panic attack. Four hours later he showed up at my door and I cried and yelled at him for putting me through that but I was so glad to see him and we just hugged for a long time and he cried and I cried. But something still made me break up with him and I regret it everyday since then.
He didn't want to speak to me and a few weeks later I had a miscarriage, which I didn't tell him about. He texted me asking when I was coming home for thanksgiving, because I had to pick up stuff from his house and he wanted to see me. I called him and told him everything, how breaking up was a mistake and he said that he could never forgive me for breaking his heart, which I don't expect him to. I told him about the miscarriage and his mood completely changed, he was back to the caring person I always knew. Asked if I was alright and why I didn't tell him and I said that every time I tried talking to him he picked a fight. After telling me he still had feelings for me he said he'd think about things and call me the next day. So he called, just to tell me that he doesn't give second chances and he has a new girlfriend.
Its now been two months since the break up and I've tried every possible way to get over him. I've kept myself stoned for a week so that I didn't think about it, which works until the high wears off. I had meaningless drunken sex with an old acquaintance. I've taken down all the pictures I have of him and hid everything that would remind me of him. But I'm best friends with his sister, and his mom still emails me to see how I'm doing. I saw him over thanksgiving break and I couldn't look him in the eye without crying. He still wears a bracelet I made for him and he taught his band how to play all my favorite songs. Everyone is telling me that I'm better than him, he's from a lower class family and he smokes a lot and his family has more problems than I could ever explain. They tell me he's not worth my time and suffering and I'm sick of it. This is the only relationship I've ever fought for in my life.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm an emotional wreck for the first time in my life. And I want my sweetheart back. (link)
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I'm afraid this is one instance where the only thing that will heal you is time. I don't doubt that you love him and truly care for him, but remember all this started when you began to have second thoughts about making such permanent commitments so early in your life. Your gut was telling you something then, you should listen to it. I'm a firm believer in women's intuition, and I think we don't listen to that intuition enough. Yours was telling you that you are too young to be planning marriage and and all the commitments that come with it. Your gut recognized that you need a little time to grow up and become a more confident, stable, experienced version of who you are now before you can give the proper care and attention to a marriage. Even though you loved him, you listened to your gut and made the break, because deep down inside you knew it was right for both of you. The pregnancy and the miscarriage complicated it all for you because it got you thinking again about the future and a family and marriage. Your feelings became all wrapped up in that situation as well, and its obviously caused you a lot of confusion. It doesn't matter what his family situation is like, if he smokes or any of that stuff. What matters is that you recognize that you are not in the right place right now to maintain a serious relationship headed toward marriage. That's what your first instincts told you, and I believe they were right, as much as it hurts. You are just entering adulthood and all it has to offer. College, work, friends, studies, it all starts to add up quickly and would leave you not as much time for your boyfriend, which wouldn't have been fair to him. It also would be unfair to put everything in your life on hold to be with him. Not just to you, but to him. Every good man deserves a woman who is sure of herself, knows who she is and what she wants in her life, and who is making steps to get where she wants. You're just starting to figure all that out, and believe me, it will change quite a few times over the coming years before you truly settle on something. You'd be robbing your ex of the chance to have that great, confident woman. And in the long-run you would end up resenting giving up this time in your life. I know this hurts so badly right now, and he is obviously hurting too. But instead of acting out by having random hook-ups (HELLO!? DANGER!) and drinking, try making yourself do things you don't feel like doing, like joining some groups at school, or attending special events. Throw yourself into something you really like to do. You need some good distractions and you need other things to fill your time, so you don't spend so much time thinking about this situation. What's done is done. You feel awful now, but I promise, you won't always feel this way. And someday you will look back on this time and be grateful for the experience and for what this relationship added to your life at one time.
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okay so basically it's always been me and my 2 best friends Melissa and David. But now Melissa and David are going out, and when we hangout i just cant help but feel like the third wheel. there all lovey dovey and it's weird because it's never been that way! I feel like he's her property and that me and David cant even hang out anymore and that every time he hugs me or says he loves me or anything that She'll get mad. They always say there gonna include me when we hang out but they never end up actually doing it! So it's just awkward for me and they know it. I just don't know what to do! And when they get in fights (which is alot) they both come running to me and i don't know what to say and they get mad that i dont side with them. it's basically just an overall horrible position to be in and I don't even know what to do anymore! (link)
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This is a very awkward situation to be in. I can understand how you feel. Everything has changed overnight with the two friends you care for the most in this world and you didn't even get a say in it. However, as unfair as it is, you can't really change it. Your friends are dating now, so of course things are changing. Even if one of them started dating an "outside" person, things would still change. The excitement of a new relationship always takes up a lot of time for the people involved, at least at first. Your friends aren't intentionally excluding you, they are just doing what new bf/gf's usually do. Unless Melissa has said something to you about hanging out with Doug or giving friendly hugs/affection, just keep on doing what you do. You're not the one at fault, so you shouldn't have to be walking on eggshells. However, one thing you should do, for your own sanity, is sit down with them and tell them you will NOT get in the middle of their fights. Its not fair to you. Be calm about it, just tell them in a time of peace, when you guys are just hanging out. You can't get in the middle of it and still be a good friend to both of them. You've had to accept that your 2 best friends are now a couple, so they have to accept that you can't be the one they turn to for relationship venting or advice anymore.
I know its hurtful right now, but you have to be willing to give them a little space for now. Just understand that they'll have some nights where they want to be alone, and its got nothing to do with not caring for you. Once they get past this first stage things will even out a bit and you'll all be able to hang out without things being awkward. Its weird right now, I know, but this is all part of life, growing up, and changing. I promise, in the end, it will all work out. In the meantime, when you can't hang out with them, try to find other things you're interested in doing, other people you enjoy hanging out with. You'll be okay, I know it. Try to be cool about it all and eventually it will all get better.
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Hi! i'm 16, i take yasmin. well, i just went to the bathroom and i noticed my underwear was brown, and no it wasnt from my butt lol. it was from my vagina. i had my period over a week ago. im scared, i do have unprotected sex with my over a year long boyfriend. but i sometimes use condoms. dont yell at me for that, its my choice. what is this all about? please help! xxx (link)
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Well, it is normal to have an occasional brownish discharge when you're on the pill, especially when you first start it. Don't panic. Its actually "old" blood that wasn't discharged during your last period. Totally normal. However, I've heard about some recalls and health problems with Yasmin, so I think you should ask your doctor about it. THere have been some pretty serious issues like strokes and blood clots reported with Yas, so definitely check it out. But the spotting is most likely normal. I've been on the pill for 15 years and I still have discharge from time to time.
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I am a sophomore in college and have been friends with a girl since my junior year of high school. Well I guess I shouldn't call it a friendship. Here is a little bit of background on the situation. Good "friends" until she got with her current boyfriend ( they have been together for about a year and a half I would say). During their relationship, I noticed the girl and I hung out a lot less. It's not like she ditched all of her friends, just me. I never confronted her about it because we never talked anymore. I find out her boyfriend doesn't like me for reasons I don't know. He didn't like her hanging with me an it's pretty obvious she listened to him and ignored me. She even deleted me off her facebook friends and blocked me for no reason a couple months ago. But today I got a facebook message of her apologizing and how she was a terrible friend and what not. I did not write anything back yet. I am not sure what to say, if I should make it a big deal or not. We haven't talked since June. I want her to know i forgive her but at the same time I've realized I don't need someone like that in my life. Sorry for the length. Any advice? (link)
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I think your assessment of your situation is spot on. You don't harbor any ill will toward this girl, but you understand that she isn't someone you want to be involved with. Message her back, and tell her that you forgive her and there are no hard feelings. You don't need to tell her you think she is toxic and you no longer want to be close friends anymore. Unless she specifically asks, she doesn't need to hear it. It would only hurt her and that's not what you're trying to do. Then simply leave it at that. If she emails you and Facebooks you a lot, just don't respond very often. She'll eventually get the hint and go find some other friends.
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So 2 years ago i had this huge crush on guy a year older then me who had a gf and he flirted with me and then 2 weeks later he told me i was acting like his gf and then he left so i was miserable for 2 years after he left pretending to be ok and not telling anyone but know i tel everyone i cant stand him but i still love him and i need him to know that i hate him because i could destroy the only thing that is making him happy (his gf) which i know i could never do.But it rips me apart every time i see them together
plz tell me if im doing the right thing
Thank-you (link)
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So what would happen after you "destroy the only thing making him happy"? Would he come running to you with praise and thanks for ruining his love life? Thank you for knowingly taking away the only thing that is making him happy? This man isn't for you. He made his choice years ago. Instead of spending so much time regretting the loss of something you never had, start asking yourself why it is you haven't been able to move on after all these years. Is it because you spend so much time still thinking about him? Are you insecure and feel like you need a boyfriend to feel good about yourself? Whatever the answers are, you need to work on feeling ok about who you are and what you have to offer. You need to work on your confidence in yourself. You can start by getting involved in other things, activities, groups, anywhere to meet other people with similar interests. Once you start realizing what an interesting person you are to others, you'll start attracting the kind of guys who can truly appreciate you for who you are. This guy is not one of those guys. Let it go, start occupying your time and your mind with other things.
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