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for people in on and off relationships
what do you do?
i need advice badly. me and my boyfriend broke up and then got back together and now we broke up again. its a couple months after everytime he says "i love you" to me..he has commitment issues because he grew up with his parents fighting so i understand why he's like this ( he hasn't actually told me that but i know it's it because my dad had divorced parents and went through the same thing). i've seen love die so many times when it deserves to live and i don't want this to be another. he tells me when we're apart (we live 20 mins from each other) theres times when he doesn't want to hang out and he'll make up an excuse why he cant but then when he's with me, he won't let me go... i know he loves me because he told me and he says he still cares about me.. but its sad to say that his parents screwed him over.
we're still hanging out as "friends" but i'm seriously in love with this guy. i need major advice.
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Hey.
Well, I can relate to this a bit, seeing as I was in an on and off relationship as well, but it ended for a different reason. But same with you, we stayed friends and I wanted more (still do actually). What I've come to realize out of all of this is that while we were together things may not have been as perfect as I thought they were. I mean, I know you don't want to hear this, but we do tend to idolize people especially when we are forced to part.
Sometimes being friends is the best thing for the time being. I've had the experience of pushing someone back into a relationship that I don't think he truly wanted, and it inevitably ends again, and causes more pain than just a single break. Think about his logic. You've said yourself that he has good reason for his decision.
Be his friend. Let him open up to you when he is ready, but make sure he knows how you feel and that you want to be there for him. Right now he may not be ready for a relationship with you, but what he really needs now is a friend. And you can love him in this way for the time being. The future is unclear and foggy, we can't really predict where it will take us. But just remember that no matter what happens, there will be something good to look forward to. It may be that he will change his mind in the future or that your future will take you to find a new love.
Never lose hope and never forget that life works in strange ways. You'll be okay. I promise.
<3
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Unfortunately, this one is a bit beyond your control. You can control your behavior, but you can't control his. He's been burned badly. He has legitimate reasons for being commitment shy, but that doesn't mean he can never get to a better place. I had the same situation back in college. My boyfriend and I dated off and on for 4 years. I loved him, but when we were together I felt like I wasn't getting the commitment I deserved from him. I decided that I was worth more than I was getting from him. Even though he was great and kind and caring when we were together, I knew there was more, that love was more, than what I was getting. So I broke it off once and for all. It hurt so bad, but I refused to settle for less. We started dating again after a few years apart. He is now my husband. That time apart gave him time to grow up a little, and realize that what he truly wanted was me, and he would do anything to have me in his life. Your guy sounds like he needs some more time to evaluate himself and his feelings. Once he really figures that out and finds a certain "peace" with his past, you guys could really have something great. If you settle for what you're getting now (which is certainly less than you deserve, as a caring, loyal girlfriend) you'll be robbing yourself of something potentially fantastic in the future. Good luck. I really hope this works out for you. I've been there, I know the pain of it all, but I also know the joy that can be found in waiting for the right time to make a commitment to one person.
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