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My roomate won't shut up!!!
I'm 18 years old and in a serious relationship. My boyfriend is my bestie and all thee above. I believe our sex life is our business and personal and we NEVER discuss it with anyone.
Well, my roommate caught us having sex one day and ever since then she won't SHUT up!!!!
[My boyfriend is pretty uncomfortable knowing she saw us. Violation of privacy is what it felt like.]
If a condom commercial comes on: "omg you and eric!"
I had leftover conditioner in my hair: "don't know with THAT is since you and eric are..."
A sex scene: "eric's butt!"
"everytime I see sex on tv I think of eric's butt going up and down."
"we need one of those hotel signs that say do not disturb for you guys!" (WHAT! so everyone will know what we're doing? NO! How about you knock! WHY would she even bring it up!!)
oh there's more, I'm just giving you a little taste.
Let's get this straight. She knows everything about sex. She's NO virgin, no in deedy. She's actually an ex (maybe ex!) known promiscuous girl herself. So shes no stranger at all to sex!
I can understand one time or two, HA! HA! funny, but omg a million times is ridiculous and annoying! I once told her "OKAY! What me and my boyfriend do is private don't talk about it!" Didn't help. Its so private to me, I feel so uncomfortable now that she saw us. I'm really a nice person who gets along with everyone and this is making me mad and I don't know how to shut her up. SHE on the other hand is selfish and self centered and is the rude one.
So how do I say SHUT UP?!
I'm really fed up with it!
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Wow, I'm sorry about that first off. That must of been embarrassing.
But, when someone is obnoxious enough to continuously bring the subject of the matter up, you know it's time to lay down the law.
I'm also a very mice person, and I'd be a pushover too, on letting her getting away with all those rude remarks.
Although, everyone has a line where when its been crossed, you gotta say something.
What helps me start off by getting things out, I repeatedly think about what happened in my mind to where the point it gets me angry enough while she's in the same room with you. Next time she makes a remark, in your mind it'll end up telling you to just say it loud.
Something along the lines of, "Dude. Knock the f*** off. Seriously, you're being really rude and immature and I'm getting f******* sick of it. Just shut the hell up already!" with a very persuading tone of voice.
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I generally don't recommend getting loud with folks, but it sounds like your roommate needs it. So, next time she makes a comment, roll your eyes, throw up your hands and tell her to "Shut Up already with the comments! I understand it was embarrassing for you to see us like that, it was completely embarrassing for us too! But can we just drop it? Every time you make a comment its like experiencing the whole embarrassing thing all over again. So please, shut up!" This may take a lot of courage on your part, but trust me, once you do it, you'll be glad and you'll realize it actually felt kind of good. She'll probably be hurt, but after a few days she'll get over it.
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"Hey Roomie, I'm really not comfortable with the whole you walking in on us having sex. I'm sorry it happened. I really need to stop talking about it now because it's not funny and it embarrasses me. I need you to respect this, and stop talking about it."
Firm, straight-forward, and most importantly: Friendly.
You aren't telling her to shut the fuck up, you are telling her that you need her to respect your feelings. So take a deep breath, and stop making this a fight. It's not a fight, its two roommates talking about what they need in their lives to be able to live comfortably.
Frankly, your roommate might be a self centred and rude girl, but she also sounds like she was really uncomfortable too! She’s just using humour to deal with it. You both need to be able to put it behind you.
Has it occurred to you that maybe you owe her an apology for not doing something on your side to make sure this didn’t happen? Like a sign or a signal, or sending her a text or message asking her when she would be back? You both live in the space, so you are just as responsible for her comfort and respecting her, as she is for respecting you.
Asking her to stop talking about this, at the same time as defining how you can deal with getting some privacy when you need it in the future would be a good way to show that you are willing to respect her at the same time as asking her to respect you. Knocking is certainly good manners, but expecting her to knock on the door where she also lives might not be sufficient if you intend to continue to have sex in your shared living space. So make sure you are open to hearing about what kind of respect she needs, when you tell her what kind you need.
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