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My friend is depressed about break-up & is avoiding human contact! (Long)
They broke up last week and she is very very sad about it.
But, he was a horrible boyfriend and is a horrible person. He treated her badly, he made PLENTY of mistakes and she forgave him, then when she made ONE tiny mistake, and he dumped her. He got mad because she wouldn't have sex (she is 15 and he is 14!) and he was a total @ss hole.
She is naturally a very cheerful girl, she is strong and doesn't let people get her down, so i hate seeing her like this. She keeps blaming her self, but it wasn't her fault at all, it was his fault because he acted like an emotional, over-dramatic, inconsiderate, selfish jerk.
Anyways, she keeps beating her self up about it and she is completely in love with him still. She was always very social and loved hanging with her friends, but now she avoids all socialising and all human contact.
When we tried to ring her to ask if she was coming shopping with us, she ignored the phone call, so we rang her home phone and her sister answered, so she was kinda forced to talk to us, but she made sure it was a quick conversation. Its was like "Hey, are you coming?" "No... See ya." And then she hung up.
I know she is sad and we are doing EVERYTHING to help her, we are keeping it to our selves about how much we hate her ex boyfriend, we are supporting her, listening to her, and making sure that she is ok all the time, but she never makes the time for us any more.
The only way she could get happier is to do some socializing, but instead she is ignoring us and neglecting us and hanging out on facebook all day. And when we talk to her on facebook, she doesn't reply, and when I speak to her on MSN she signs off, and when any of us try to call her, she ignores the phone.
I am absolutely sure that we didn't do anything wrong or do anything to anger her, we are doing everything properly and supporting her, but she won't even talk to us. I dont know how to tell her that she has to cheer up a bit. I mean, I dont want to seem mean, and I dont want to force her out of her house if she doesn't want to go. And also, she might get mad because she has a bad temper and I have never been through a break up so I cant relate to her pain. But I am really concerned about her.
I just need advice on what to do with her. I cant keep it out of my mind because I am always worried about her. She was never sad and now she is really depressed over some d!ck head and I don't know what to do or say to her. I know that when your friend is sad you are just supposed to listen to them and be there and hug them but she wont talk to me and I dont know what to do any more.
I'm very worried and I need some advice on what to say... Anything that will make her realise that she is sad for a stupid boy, anything that will make her realise that she is neglecting her closest best friends, anything to make her happy.
PS. We have said "It isnt your fault" "He over reacted" "He was a jerk" "You are such a great person and I know you could get someone better and have a good life" "We love you" "We are worried about you" "Dont worry about him" "He was stupid" "We will be there for you" "You dont have to forget about him, just take your time to grieve" "It was his fault and he was mean" "He made A LOT of mistakes and broke up with you for one thing you did!" "How great were you to him? You were always there and were the best girlfriend, and he was dumb for letting you go" "You must be really sad and we understand."
We have tried to be supportive, loving, against him, for her, neutral, understanding, we have shut up and listened, we have tried and tried and I dont know what to do any more.
Please help!!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I know you're heartbroken about how your friend is feeling as on now I'm in the same situation with my friend. She is dealing with this in a way that is comfortable for her and I know that sucks because you want to make her feel better. She is doing what she needs to do to deal with this...but she ahs got some great friends let me tell you. Its awesome that you girls are there for her but in the end when it comes down to it...maybe she just needs that alone time and she needs to deal with this in her own way. But if there is a day soon where she calls you or needs you then be there for her. As far as what you can do right now is just let her do what she needs to do. It sucks believe me I know I'm still trying to help my friend out as long as she knows I'm there for her whenever she needs me is all that I can do right now.
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people who go through a break up react differently some just get over it and some get supper depressed.
that seems to be your friend. i have never gone through a break up either so i am just giving suggestions, but if you have already said we will let you have your time to grieve, can i ask how long you gave her. it is like when someone dies, you just got to leave them alone and let time heal her, she is upset over him and your bothering her to where she is neglecting you on purpose, she wants to be left alone, this is her whole goal and people keep getting in the way of her so called goal.
i know you love her and want to help but if she is ignoring you then just wait and let her come to you, let her grieve i know you wish to talk to her and get her all happy again but you and your friends need to give her time, don't be mean about it once she decides to come to you, just smile and if she wishes to talk then let her and just listen.
good luck, i hope i helped you
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