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christmas/new years with the boyfriend
19/f
I recently moved into a house near college with two people, my best friend and her best guy friend. Not to her knowledge, he and I have been seeing eachother for almost three months now. Ergo, we've had to be secretive about our relationship.
Yesterday he asked what I was doing for Christmas, I instinctively answered that I was spending it with my parents, and then he asked if I wanted to go home with him for New Years, in that case visit. I was super psyched and I agreed, but said I would have to get my parents permission since I would be taking their car to drive to his place (2-3 hours away). My parents are aware of the situation and approve, and have been since the beggining.
This is what brings me to my dilhema; he doesn't want to tell his parents about us as a couple. I mean when they visited the house for Thanksgiving, I understood why we were 'just roommates' because it had only been like a month since we started dating. However, this time, he invited me to spend the holiday with him, at his home, with his parents. Would this not qualify as a 'meet the parents' situation? I mean, of course I've met them already, once when we moved in, and again at Thanksgiving, but this just seemed more 'legit' in a 'comming out' way. Am I wring to think this?
I understand if he just doens't want to tell people because of the risk of our roommate finding out, but he hasn't even told his best friend, which kind of bothers me as well, but I'm okay with it, I guess I just like to talk to my friends. But why won't he tell his parents? I know he doesn't tell them much, but if he's inviting me over, would that not be a good thing for them to know? I mean, I don't want to be lying to them, that wouldn't go over so well.
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He may be hesitant to introduce you as his girlfriend because he is worried about how his parents may perceive the whole "living together" situation. Even though you moved in as roommates, you are now romantically involved. This may change your living situation in their minds to a "shacking up" kind of thing, which they may not approve of. That being said, it IS a little awkward to invite you for the holidays and then ask you to keep your relationship a secret. I don't think thats a good idea. You need to ask him about this, as uncomfortable as this may be. You will be staying in his parents' home, and I'm assuming that eventually, if you date a while, he'll want to introduce you as his girlfriend. What kind of an impression will you make on them once they realize you lied to them? Not a great way to start out a potential friendship with your boyfriend's parents. What if they notice the romantic vibes b/w the two of you over the holidays? There's just too much potential for hurt feelings. Like I said, talk to your boyfriend about his expectations for the holiday. If he insists on keeping your relationship a secret then you might need to think about not visiting just yet (as disappointing as that may sound), or see if you can stay somewhere else up there, like a hotel or a friend. Either way, I think its a bad idea to stay in his parents' house while being secretive about your relationship. You may regret starting off on the wrong foot.
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Well maybe if he invites you over, he is either getting his parents used to you, or hoping they will understand that you two are together, without straight out coming out and telling them.
If they ask, then tell them, because they dont deserve to be lied to, but you dont have to go out of your way to tell them.
Does that make sense?
its kind of like the saying "you arent lying if you only tell part of the truth"
I hope i helped, and have fun!
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