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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Yes.. My boyfriend asked for me to have a threesome. This came after he started talking to an old friend of his through Facebook and his friend said that she was a lesbian. I guess my boyfriend got curious and that's when his lesbian friend suggested that he ask me if I would would be willing to it.
Thing is,I don't have a problem participating in any of that because I am adventurous. I have two problems which I need guidance on..
1.Should I be concerned about the type of conversations that my boyfriend is conducting through Facebook..? I mean, doesn't that kind of conversation cross the line and constitute cheating to an extent? If it were me and I was having a serious relationship with someone, then any talk about sex would feel like I'm not being true to the person I'm in a relationship with.
2.What does it mean if he asks for a threesome? Does he maybe think that our sex life has become boring and we need to spice it up, or has he considered cheating on me with someone else just to experience a change?
I am of the opinion that threesomes could be a sign of an unstable relationship and maybe my boyfriend,in not too many words, is beginning to show me signs of him cheating in future.
Help me out!
The Answer
I don't think talking ABOUT sex is necessarily a betrayal. We all needs friends and safe places to talk about what is going on in our lives - and that includes sex, and our relationship.
Although those conversations can certainly cross the line - where they become disrespectful to the partner and become a problem - I don't think it's fair to say "You can never talk about sex with anyone but your girlfriend!" What it is fair to say is "You also need to talk to your girlfriend!" and that is exactly what he did here.
What does it mean that he asked for a threesome? It could mean nothing. It could be as simple as speaking to his lesbian friend made him think that maybe he could do this really cool thing. It could be as simple as the sexual equivalent of hang-gliding - if you saw a chance to do it, you'd at least think about it. It could mean he is bored, or disloyal, but it doesn't have to mean those things. Again, this falls under the "You need to talk." guideline. You need to ask the tough questions (without jumping to the conclusion that he must be looking to betray you) and he needs to offer some reasonable answers about where his head is at and how he's thinking about this.
Can the desire for a threesome be a sign of an unstable relationship? Hell yes.
Is it always? Nope.
Look, when someone opens the door to "Let's talk about sex!" it's the exact opposite of cheating or betrayal, and so far, that is what your boyfriend has done. It's okay to be insecure, and you don't have to do a damn thing you don't want to, but you should respect the fact that you have given no evidence or reason to believe your boyfriend is cheating at all at the moment. He's being your boyfriend when he's talking to you about something that interests him.
By all means, ask him the tough questions and let him know you are going to need a whole bunch of answers and conversations before this is something you can consider. Let him know that it scarred you a bit and made you worry that he brought this up. Give to him the respect that he is given to you - tell him the truth and keep the conversation between the two of you open.
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The Question
Me and now ex, were together for 2 years. However, this past month we haven't been right, I wouldn't say we were even together, the amount of times we broke up in the month. A lot of arguing, I felt I was putting too much effort in and getting little back, I was the one chasing him after we broke up, begging to work things out and the way he were with me was clearly because I was putting effort in, so he felt he didn't need to as I put too much in. However, it's been 2 days since we last spoke, we had an argument and I told him I was going on a date and he told me to never text him again. I want to be in no contact as of today I would say, as I've been checking his profile so it doesn't count as no contact. I'm just wondering though, because I said I was going on a date, maybe he won't come back, he won't text/chase me because of that. I want to build my confidence and patience up, so I don't come off as needy anymore. I'm going to do 30 days of contact, but what happens if he never contacts me again? And what step do I take after the 30 days? Do I try with him after the period is over? My thoughts are luring in my head, I'm thinking if he does message me whilst I'm in no contact and I don't reply, he may think "forget her" and move on himself as I won't be replying. Has anyone got any experiences to share?
The Answer
What are you trying to achieve?
Are you really trying to be single for a while and work on yourself?
Are you just trying to make this easier on yourself by not Facebook stalking him?
Are you hoping to make him miss you or to get back together with him?
Before you decide what you should do, and how you should do it, you have to know what it is you are trying to achieve. It doesn't sound like you really know.
Frankly, if you are trying to take control of your life, and be a stronger person on your own, you aren't going to achieve that in 30 days. Any decent study or mental health professional will tell you it takes longer to make a substantial, lasting change to your habits and behaviour. The general time thrown out, is 90 days.
At 30 days, you'll almost definitely still be struggling to adjust to a him-free life. If you were just looking to get his attention in some way by ignoring him then that might be a good length of time, but if you are tying to change your habits, your behaviours and your life, it's not nearly long enough to do that.
So, you have to ask yourself:
Are you doing this trying to make him respond in a particular way? To get his attention or to cause him confusion? Because if you are, then it's just petty game-playing.
Or are you doing this because you really want to change your behaviour? If you are dedicated to breaking these patterns, you'll need more than 30 days. If you are doing this because you are really dedicated to change, then if he does contact you, you need to be direct and let him know that you aren't interested in having any contact with him for the foreseeable future, and that you'll let him know if and when you are.
If you want to change, you probably shouldn't get back together with him anyways.
If what you really want is just him back, then don't pretend it's really a No Contact Rule - all you are really trying to do is avoid the pain of thinking of him - instead try to think of what you can do to (respectfully and honestly) let him know what you want from him.
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The Question
The entire world is talking about ******* talking Angela! Like, OMG someone posted on Facebook talking Angela is,like,hacked! It must be true! Damon, do all you gullible idiots believe everything? The image in her eyes is an animation affect, an experienced animation artist said so, and it's just a freaking virtual cat people! She has loaded responses! When a dude on YouTube answered her question about pets,“shut up, bitch!" She responded,“bitch? That's not a common pet. What would you feed it?" See! Tell me, what dumb-as-**** people believe in this ****
The Answer
Why is this worth so much stress and swearing in your life?
Hoaxes are designed to take people in, and some people get taken in. Calling people names and freaking out isn't going to make people any smarter - it fact it makes the problem worse - because people are less likely to hear you out when you talk like this.
There are lots of resources and articles debunking these hoaxes in plain, accessible language. Share those with your friends and encourage them to think critically. Being right isn't worth much if everyone writes you off a name-calling jerk.
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The Question
Are hiroscopes real or is it just a state of mind if u believe in them or not
The Answer
Horoscopes are really just entertainment. They have no direct relationship with who we are or how we relate to others.
I could go into all the ways that our the modern 'zodiac' in newspapers is a complete bastardization of the actual Hellenistic and Babylonian astronomy, and all the ways horoscopes appear to work, but are simply mind tricks, but it's probably best you just watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haP7Ys9ocTk
It sums it up nicely. If you want to learn more about the science behind it, google the Barnum and Forer effect.
The only 'truth' in a horoscope, is the truth you THINK you see in them.
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The Question
Is it true that if you tickle a mans prostate gland it will make him ejaculate?
The Answer
Many men find stimulation of the prostate very enjoyable - but it's also personal thing - some men really don't want their prostate gland touched at all, others will like different types of stimulation - not necessarily 'tickling'.
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The Question
Should a family of 9 be living in a 5 bedroom house or is that over crowding ? UK
The Answer
I grew up with 11 in a 5 bedroom home, so I'd say yeah, it can be done. It can be tough, but I doubt very much there are any laws against it that would call it 'over-crowding'.
If you are having troubles with your family, maybe you could ask some more questions and people could advise you on to get by in a crowded house!
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The Question
My dad sucks at driving, but you can't tell him that because he'll argue that he's the greatest driver you'll ever meet. To him, a good driver is someone who can maneuver the car well an do cool tricks. To me, and I hope to anyone else, a good driver is someone who is careful, follows the rules of the road, and cares more about safety than being cool.
My dad speeds, takes annoyingly hard turns, slams on the gas and on the brakes, has bad road rage, and texts while driving. He'll also take his eyes off the road to look at the passengers in the car while he talks to them. Once, he fell asleep while driving and when my sister woke him up, he yelled at her, "What? I was sleeping!"
He says that the only other person he knows who was better at driving than he is was my uncle who died in a car accident before I was born. That accident was not completely his fault, but it was partially.
Before that though, he was hated by most of our town for another accident he caused. He was trying to pass a car, but when he got in the next lane to do so, there was a car coming down that lane in the opposite direction. He didn't have much time to pass the car in front of him before he hit the car in the next lane, so the safe thing to do would have been to pull back over into his own lane. Instead of doing that though, he floored it and hit the other car head on. The woman in the car was a mother to small children. She was sent to the hospital where she was told to stay in bed due to a blood clot that the accident caused. She didn't obey the order and got up, which caused the blood clot to break and the woman to die.
People blamed my uncle, but he took no responsibility for it. My dad and grandparents saw no reason why he should. People wrote my grandparents letters saying that if they were good people, they'd help that woman's children I guess by giving them money, but they wouldn't do it. They said that it was the woman's own fault for getting up. The thing is though, that it never would have happened if he hadn't pulled something stupid and caused that accident.
I can't explain what it says to me that my grandparents wouldn't help that woman's kids and that they and my dad don't see any fault my uncle has in her death. It just makes me disappointed in them and it scares me because they don't seem to have learned anything from the accident. I can totally see my dad doing something like what my uncle did someday. He's so convinced that my uncle was such a great driver that he hasn't learned anything from either accident (that one or the one he died in). At least not what he should have learned.
How do I tell my dad that he needs to work on his driving an that he shouldn't follow my uncle's examples without sounding like a total @$$ hole?
The Answer
How you may deal with this depends a lot on your particular situation. I had a similar issue with my dad - he had road rage that made me really uncomfortable. I was never totally sure he wasn't going to do something really stupid. I think he kept it under wraps when his kids were younger, but by the time we were teens it was pretty intense.
The magic words for me were "I'm not comfortable." and "I don't feel safe."
When you label what they are doing (driving dangerously) they can say "This isn't dangerous!" but it's much harder to argue "You aren't uncomfortable!" if yes, you actually are.
I was lucky, I had other family members who supported me (or at least, didn't undermine me) and I was an adult, so I had a lot more power about my choices.
I had my dad pull over and walked myself home more than once (even if he had calmed down by the time he pulled over). I kept emergency cash on me so I could call a cab if I had too. I refused to get into the car until he had calmed down. I simply declined to go to out with my father during rush hour. It meant I missed out on some things, and it was sometimes really uncomfortable, but he tones himself way, way down when I'm in a car with him now.
Most Dads, don't want to frighten their daughters. Most Dads will change their behaviour when the realize their child is more comfortable in a cab then with them behind the wheel.
Also, you are going to sound like an asshole for a while. It's hard not to sound like an asshole when you are right, and the other person is wrong. And when you need to put your foot down and back up your beliefs with your actions - people are going to call you an asshole. You have to be as civil and clear as you can be, but you can't let that break you. I get called an asshole on this site almost weekly - but not because I was wrong.
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The Question
I'm a 13 year old girl and I call everyone darling, love, honey, etc. They've gotten use to it, but I'll call strangers that too on accident and I get funny looks sometimes. Or if the person doesn't know me well they'll think I'm flirting. Is it ok? Should I try to stop doing this? It feels like I'm being old fashioned or something.
Side note: I talk funny, too. I say words like therefore, no slang, and grammar that's so proper it sounds weird ( because people have become so used to using abbreviations and contractions, whereas I don't use any of that (I don't use it when I speak anyway.) It sounds even weirder because I'm so young.
The Answer
In some cultures and communities, calling someone hun, love or darling is diminutive. It's infantalizing, even insulting. It's also very familiar and intimate, and not everyone is going to welcome that.
It's something older people may get away with - forcing that kind of intimacy on another (usually younger) person - but there are very few communities where it is polite or normal for you to do it, especially with your elders.
These are terms of endearment that should be reserved for people you have a solid relationship with - people who know you and understand your habits and intent. Calling strangers and casual acquaintances by these names could cause confusion or even insult. You should try to avoid it.
It's nice to think "This is just the way I am!" but if the way you are has a high likelihood of being rude in a given situation, it's time to change your behaviour.
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The Question
We haven't been dating that long, but I just don't know if I want a relationship right now. He seems like a really sweet guy (but possibly clingy) but I just don't think I'm ready right now and I don't know if he'll understand that. He doesn't really understand a lot... If that makes any sense...
Anyways, my last relationship was about 2 months ago but I just don't know if I WANT a relationship right now because of everything going on. I don't know if I should tell him in person either because I don't think I can. Like honestly, I don't think I can. I tried once but I just couldn't do it. I have his number but I think it won't be good to tell him in a text. I know it's not right, but I think it's better than confrontation. I know that might sound weird and possibly wrong, but I just CAN'T tell him in person.
What should I do? I liked him in the beginning and then he found out and that's why he asked me out, but now that we're dating, I don't know if I'm really ready for a relationship and if I want one either. I think he really likes me (obviously if he asked me out), but I don't think he's a good guy for me.
Advice ASAP please, I kind of want to get this over with because I've just been really anxious about this for the past few days.
The Answer
It is really hard to break up with someone in person, but unless you fear for your safety, it is the most respectful way to do it.
A break up is not a confrontation. It's just telling someone the truth of what is happening. Doing this in person is best way to help someone understand what you are saying, and to have mutual respect. Far more gets communicated and understood when we do things face-to-face.
If you really can't handle that, at least give him the courtesy of a phone call. Hearing your voice is likely to help him to understand what you mean, and that you are serious. A text is not okay. It's not respectful, and it'll probably get you into more trouble, because texts are so easy to misinterpret and misunderstand.
I know this is really hard, but it is something you have to learn how to do, and how you do it is important.
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The Question
So I was walking through a cvs pharmacy parking lot when a giant pit bull stuck its head out a window and bit up my elbow , I went inside and I seen that I was bleeding so I called the police they found the owner it was a old lady , she started crying and said she would pay for my tetanus shot so I didn't press charges , I recently got the bill it was about a thousand dollars , so I went to the police station and got the police report with her phone number on it , I called the lady numerous times but she doesn't answer , I went to her house her car was there I didn't want to knock on her door I figured she would say im harassing her so I called her from outside once again she did not answer , what should I do ?
The Answer
You should ask the police or an attorney what you do next.
The next step will depend a lot on your state, and other circumstances we can't really know.
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The Question
Hi. I've answered many questions myself on the subjects of dreams, and of astrology. Now it's beyond argument that cosmic bodies influence the EARTH. The moon demonstrably affects tides, sun-spot activity and solar mass-ejections are shown to influence our atmosphere & weather, solar flares disrupt satelite communications and I believe one of the distant planets conveniently deflects (potentially world-ending if they hit us) asteroids out of our path. (Not sure which planet, and there's certainly loads more examples-but I'm not into cosmology/astro-physics). But I've never been even slightly convinced that us HUMANS are in any way influenced by the rhythms and cycles of the universe. My replies of course, reflect this. Getting to the point, an extensive project, by a number of well-respected psychologists was published recently. It has some very strong evidence that during periods of the full moon dream activity tends to increase, and the content of the dreams seems more random and bizarre. Also sleep patterns tend to become disrupted (generally, more difficult to 'get to sleep' and awaking earlier). A report by psychologists does not of course suggest reasons WHY. It's the usual probing into human nature and behavioural patterns. I'd love to hear what the panel of intelligent and free-thinkg columnists make of this. It's a bit of a mind-bomb for me. I have no idea how this known-to-be-lifeless, inert (though I admit very beautiful) lump of rock can possibly influence our dreams? Possibly electro-magnetic/electro-motive forces, my only vague idea? But does simple magnetism (in effect) make us dream more vividly? I wouldn't have thought so?? Thanks in advance for any thoughts, theories or ponderings any might share with me. CJB
The Answer
This doesn't disturb me much.
I wasn't able to find the study you are referring too (just other layman articles that refer to it) so I'll try to keep my comments somewhat general...
I'm about a hair's breath away from a complete philosophical materialist but the idea that phases of the moon affect us on a phycological level doesn't challenge that for me at all.
The moon may be lifeless, but it can't be called inert. It exerts a huge amount of force and influence over everything on this planet. There is a reason some cultures worshiped it as a god. It's a big deal.
It's worth it to remember that tidal phenomena are not limited to the oceans, but happen anywhere that a gravitational field shifts - including the atmosphere and even the crust of the earth. It's harder to see, and nearly impossible to distinguish the effect of the moon from all the other dynamic factors that influence weather, but it's everywhere, all of the time.
If we were putting money on it, I'd bet the changes in sleep patterns a study like that detected had far more to do with gravity or atmospheric pressure than magnetism. There is very little evidence that human beings respond to the extraordinary weak magnetic field created by the moon (although there is some question that other mammals might, so it's a worthwhile question...) but we know that human beings can have really drastic responses to atmospheric pressure, and can be sensitive to gravitational forces.
All this means to me is that there are some more cool questions to be answered - which is science's job - and because its a serious job it takes it's sweet ass time. It certainly doesn't mean that we need to start taking our morning horoscopes seriously. If the study bares out and can be supported and replicated, then the phases of the moon can now be grouped with stress, a bad cold, and eating too much cheese, as things that can effect our sleep and dreams.
Here's the thing about humble pie tho - it's not something you have to eat each time a reputable study shows that some area of scepticism was unnecessary. Shown to be unnecessary isn't the same as unwarranted. The whole reason a study like this making such a splash is that scepticism was totally warranted! This showed something surprising. Scepticism is still somewhat warranted. This was just one study, apparently a very well done one, but still just one. Other people are going to respond with supporting data, or with explanations and evidence against it now.
So don't get down on yourself each time something crosses your plate that challenges your world view - instead, just don't be a dick! It's totally okay to have been wrong. You don't have humble yourself to admit that new evidence has shown you were in error. If you knew that new evidence could change your perspective then you were already plenty humble. Arrogance is clinging to your preconceived notions regardless of evidence. The thing you don't want to be is a jackass to others who beliefs are not supported by the evidence (as tempting, and as easy, as it is sometimes) while still directing them to evidence-based information. It's a tough line to walk, but it's the actin like a jerk that leads to having to swallow humble pie. Not the having been a skeptic, the having being a jerk.
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The Question
I just hate wearing the seatbelt in the car. It wrinkles my clothes and is uncomfortable. I have recieved 3 traffic tickets over the last few years for not wearing it. The last one was a couple months ago and the fine was $114. My husband is not happy. Well I had to use my hair salon money to pay the fine.So my 17 year old grandaughter told hubby that she could cut my hair for me.She thinks that a short "home" haircut would be a good reminder for me to wear the seatbelt and also a good consequence for me.My husband agrees with her and wants me to let her cut my hair short. Are they being fair about this? Sue J.
The Answer
You don't need to let anyone cut your hair if you don't want too. If the money you would have spent at the salon is gone, then you are free to go without, or to see a much cheaper hairdresser. You are not obliged to let your granddaughter give you short hair cut as punishment.
However, you do need to wear a seatbelt, like reasonable adult human being who obeys the law and values their own life. It's is incredibly childish and moronic for you to refuse to do so.
When I was ten I watched my best friend go head first through a windshield. Had she been wearing her seatbelt, she would have been shaken and bruised, because she wasn't she was very, very lucky to be alive. Of course, she missed most of the next two years of school because she was in hospital.
Wear your damn seatbelt. No one should have to 'punish' you with a short hair cut for you to start acting reasonably. You should be smart enough to suck it up and do the right thing without your husband and grandchild having to bully you into it.
Get your act together. Wear the seatbelt. Stop being such an idiot. You are going to get yourself killed.
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The Question
Does really your past life regression affects your life or in your future? I've experienced that years ago and the hypnotist said that I've lived like 15th century ago. I always dream when i get extreme fever about the people and things that the hypnotist described (old windmills, deep well, and grinders) and (the man in the railway and the lady named Mary). the hypnotist said that the lady I always see in my dreams was re-incarnated in me. And I always hallucinate after I wake when I dream about them and those things. I don't believe those things because I don't believe in any spiritual thoughts coz it's not proven by science. But it's hunting me, I've dreamt about those few days ago when I was extremely cold. I hallucinate but I really know that I'm NOT mentally ill. Pls help me about this.
The Answer
I wasn't going to answer this at first, but since you've brought up science and evidence, I feel I should throw out there that all research into pass life regression therapies and even hypnosis for retrieval of memories from your actual life, heavily suggest if not out flat prove that hypnosis INTRODUCES and INVENTS memories, or at least thoughts that feel indistinguishable from real memories. It's not at all reliable for recalling real events, and is actually responsible for a whole bunch of false accusations of demon worship, and sex abuse, and alien abduction.
That's what the science says. It's not just 'unproven to work'. It's also proven to have done harm to people.
Frankly, the healthiest thing you can do, is not worry about what this hypnotists said. I'm sure they meant well, but they aren't skilled professionals, they are spiritual practitioners, and if you aren't down with sharing their spiritual beliefs there is no reason to take their spiritual advice or observations.
If you are having experiences that concern you, see a doctor. There are lots of perfectly normal, healthy reasons to experience hallucinations from time to time, but if they are worrying you it's worth having them checked out. It doesn't mean you are mentally ill, it just means your body or your brain might not be behaving itself and could use some support. It could be as simple as being sleep deprived, being low on iron or dehydrated, or even a response to stress and anxiety. All of which are normal things that can interfere with your ability to process information that your senses give you, which is usually all an hallucination is in a healthy person.
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The Question
My GF and I got a new roommate because we have extra room in our apartment and it lowers the rent. He loves to cook and is really outgoing. He makes big breakfasts, lunches, dinners and delicous desserts. He also insists that he will take care of shopping, errands, etc. if we just sit back and try one of his pies or something.
But he has also been doing all the laundry and over the past few months my GF said a lot of her shirts and pants were getting tighter and a lot of mine were too. We think he might be accidentally shrinking them in the wash. How can we go about doing something about this nicely?
The Answer
You just start doing your own laundry.
Criticizing this guy for doing a chore for you would not be cool and is not necessary. Just thank him and tell him you'd rather do your own laundry.
Either you or your girlfriend should be doing the laundry for yourselves. Having your roommate do it (in any situation other than as a desperately needed favour) is kind of weird.
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The Question
Okay so bare with me. And pardon my language too. But anyway, my dad and I have always been good friends, but recently my parents got divorced and my dads been kind of a jerk lately. I am a gamer, and I always have been. A few years ago, i bought myself and xbox 360 (with my own money) and I play it a lot. My parents somehow got the bright idea that they could take it away even though i bought it with my own money, i buy my own games, pay for my own live etc. But they take it away because i get bad grades and all, and i can kind of see why..? But I dont think its right. But my dad (ever since the divorce) has been a real jerk about the xbox, and he complains i spend too much time on it, and that i dont focus enough on school. He blames the xbox for my bade grades. I simply disagree, i just straight up dont care about school. Homework is dumb, I come home for me time. Not to do shit from school. But hes blaming the xbox for my bad grades, and Im getting really pissed the hell off that hes such a jerk about it. He acts like he owns the thing. Im frustrated as hell with him, and i'm getting to the point where im beginning to want to go live with my mum instead of him. He and I are becoming less of friends, and we fight almost daily. I love him (hes my dad) and I want to be great friends with him, but I hate when hes an ass to me about my passion, and takes it away from me. Its like me ripping his camera away from him and saying "oh well you didnt finish that quarterly review project your boss wanted you to complete, so no camera for you for like 2 months." and its slowly waisting my money away, and really beginning to piss me off. I want to maintain a good friendship with my dad, but its hard to do when i begin to hate him more and more every damn day. What the hell do I do?
The Answer
You are minor living in his house? Then can take your xbox away, even if you bought it.
While you are a dependant, your property rights flow through your parents. Although there are certainly laws to protect high-earning minors, if Justin Bieber's mom wanted to restrict him from say, driving his Lamborghini (when he was under 18) she would had the legal authority to do so, even though I have no idea how she would have managed to actually stop him from say, just buying another one...
I understand why you'd disagree with that or be unhappy with that, but you are going to have a really, really hard time finding a parenting expert, a lawyer, an ethicist or moralist who wont come down squarely on your dad's side on this one - taking the xbox away may not be the best way to punish you - but your parents have the ability and the right to remove the privilege of the Xbox despite the fact you bought it for yourself.
I'm also a gamer, and I get it. I love loosing myself in my games - some days it is the only fucking I want to do - but your idea of what 'me time' is totally unrealistic. For an adult, 'me time', doesn't start until a whole shit-load of other things are done - not just leaving work. You don't have to like school or homework, but you think you are off the clock the moment you leave the school and can just ignore your homework and jump into your hobby (not your passion, your hobby) you are wrong and your dad is going to resent that attitude. Hell, if I or my boyfriend had that attitude, the other person would resent it! The idea that you can just come home and do whatever the fuck you want - that's a child's idea. It's time to start to let it go, and create a balance of your responsibilities and your hobbies.
Here is the fundamental truth: If your father fucked up badly enough at work, there would be no camera. Then there would be no TV, and eventually, no food. Your dad's boss may be his friend, but he's also the boss. Just the way your dad may be your friend, but he's also your dad, as a Dad, he needs to make you see you are mucking this up.
Get your head on straight. From what you've written - which of course I know is never the whole story - your father might not be using the best way to motivate you or deal with your issues, but you've got some growing up to do and some problems to solve. And you aren't going to handle the things you need to handle if all you are spending too much of your time playing video games, or complaining and arguing because you aren't being allowed to play video games.
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The Question
A few months ago, my girlfriend and I won a partner karaoke contest at the most successful counter-service restaurant in the city and we each won 3 free meals a day. They serve a variety of hotdogs, burgers, fries etc. Both of us work in offices a few floors above the restaurant in the same building and we live down the street so it's really easy for us to go there 3 times a day and take advantage of our free meals.
There are a lot of benefits to eating for free. We've been saving a lot of money since December when we won. We've been able to buy ourselves new clothes because they all started shrinking in the wash (we go to a laundromat).
But our friends seem really jealous and haven't been inviting us out as much. Last time we hung out with them, they wanted to go for a group bike ride. We went for a little bit, but we couldn't breathe in the thin winter air. We asked if they wanted to go watch TV at our place and they basically told us off. Are they jealous of us winning that contest back in November? Or what?
The Answer
Seriously?
It seems bizarre to me that your first assumption is that they are jealous of something that first started over five months ago, when a much simpler, more realistic explanation, would be that you aren't up for doing the stuff they wanna do and that bugs 'em. Perhaps all the time you spend eating out at this one place, maybe they feel you aren't willing to spend time with them other places, or doing other things. If my friends only ever wanted to hang out at one, counter-serve spot, that'd piss me off.
Take an honest, hard look at your behaviour. If something is getting your friends backs up it is far, far, far more likely that isn't not just your good luck, but something that you are doing. It may be connected to your free meals, but when I hear someone suggest that other people are 'just jealousy' that usually means they are being 'just jackasses' about their privilege or luck.
Maybe there is something going on here, but you need to stop making petty assumptions about these people, and start talking to them. Assuming they are jealous is just strange. I have friends that make more than me, and friends that make less. You have to be respectful of those sorts of differences when you get together, but if you go around jumping to the assumption that everyone is jealous of a few hundred dollars you are saving each month then you are going to have a damn hard time making, and keeping, adult friends.
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The Question
Is there one trustworthy horoscope place to get yours every day? I keep going to different ones and they all say different things! I am beginning to think they are all just made up! Help?
The Answer
You are beginning to get the right idea!
Zodiac signs are legitimately entertaining, but have no direct relationship with who we are, how we relate to others or what happens in our lives. Horoscopes are bullshit.
I could go into all the ways that our the modern 'zodiac' in newspapers is a complete bastardization of the actual Hellenistic and Babylonian astronomy, and all the ways horoscopes appear to work, but are simply mind tricks, but it's probably best you just watch this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haP7Ys9ocTk
It sums it up nicely. If you want to learn more about the science behind it, google the Barnum and Forer effect.
Horoscopes are an interesting neurological phenomenon, but they don't mean anything. The only 'truth' in them, is the truth you THINK you see in them.
If you like reading your horoscope, just pick a site or a writer who you enjoying reading. It's like reading the funnies in the morning. Nothing to take seriously, just a bit of easy entertainment.
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The Question
When me and my girlfriend met we were both very slim and fit. We watched what we ate and were always at the gym. We also used to make fun of the fat people in our group of friends.
We have been living together for years now (since graduation) and the scale has risen and so have our thighs. I have got a big potbelly now, and her buttocks have gotten huge. I guess it's just overindulgence in the sweets (cakes and pies on dates, donuts with our feet up watching TV).
Bottom line, though, our friends from college (we all graduated 2 years ago and have been quite busy) invited us to wing night to reunite again (and it does sound fun). But, the last time they saw us we were wearing tight jeans, nice shoes on me, heels on her. Now, I wear sweatpants with socks and sandles, and my girlfriend wears stretch pants with slippers.
On top of that, they have all been dieting and spending time in the gym, so they all lost the weight.
So my question is: should we go to wing night, a night that involves eating messy food with your hands, when we both got fat? (even worse, we used to be the skinny couple that made fun of the fatties in the group), now I can barely button my pants, she complains that she can't see her slippers when she looks down, and we both are out of breath, grabbing our knees after we go up a few stairs.
I just dont want the people who know us as the "fitness elitists" to see us walk in slowly, breathing heavily. Not to mention, the sight of us sitting with a pile of wings, with sauce all over ourselves, eating with our hands.
I also feel bad for my girlfriend because one of our friends whose weight my girlfriend joked about a lot, will be there, and she too has lost it all. It doesn't seem fair that she should be able to watch her pig out on a sloppy meal.
So, should we go?
The Answer
I find it strange that the one thing you don't really mention is whether or not you would enjoy reconnecting with these friends. That is, in my mind, the key factor in whether or not you should attend this event: Do you care for these people? Do you want to see them again?
As for the weight, you aren't going to be able to change the fact that you will be fatter people than you were before, but if you stop being so self-involved for a little while, you might show up and be better people than you had been before.
By your own admission, you and your girlfriend were bullies. You may also have been friends with these people, but clearly you were judgemental jackasses when it came to their weight, and now you are terrified that people may treat you with the same cruelty and disrespect that you once treated them with.
And they might do that.
They also might not.
Since some of these people have previously struggled with their weight, they might appreciate the difficulty you and your girlfriend are facing now. They might offer sympathy and understanding and genuine advice and support, rather than the criticism and insults you offered them.
I understand that attending might hurt your pride, and if you really don't want to see these people, then you shouldn't go. But you could go, and you could be kind. You could even apologize for the immature and nasty ways you used to act. You could ask for their understanding and support as you now struggle with an issue they once struggled with. You could be a good sport if they offer gentle teasing, as you've certainly earned some ribbing. You could undo some of the shitty things you did.
You could take this opportunities to be better, albeit fatter, human beings.
On a side note: You could also both take this as opportunity to go shopping for your bigger bodies. It may not be as fun as it used to be, but you'll fare better if you put the work into looking good, rather than bumming around in sweats. I had much more fun shopping at size 6 than I do at size 14, but wearing clothes that fit well and look good is an important part of improving your outlook and attitude.
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The Question
I have never had a job before and I've filled out many job applications, but no one has given me a call. I prefer to have a job thats close to where I live, but I think I'm not getting hired because I have no experience. I don't know what to put down for "work experience". Do I need a resume even though I don't have experience?
The Answer
Start volunteering.
There are other kinds if experience besides 'work' experience, and you need to feature those. Special roles, committees or after school clubs and activities can also be included but volunteering is the very best way to show you have experience and get some great references.
You do need a resume, but you also have to work your network. It may seem unfair, but the truth is that most of the time it's about who you know not what you know. Tell everyone you know that you are looking for a job. You are unlikely to get a call back until a friend or a friend of a friend makes your resume rise to the top of the pile.
EDIT: Don't lie. If you lie, you'll get fired and no one will give you a reference. Then you'll just be back in the same position you are now. Don't lie. That is horrible idea for someone who actually wants to get ahead in the world.
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The Question
I want to get a puppy to surprise my boyfriend so what are the absolute cutest puppies? I know he doesn't want pets, but if I get the most adorable puppy EVER he won't be able to say no, right?
The Answer
No.
Your boyfriend deserves your respect. He has told you doesn't want pets. Getting him a pet would be very disrespectful, and it would be cruel to both him and the dog. The dog deserves an owner who wants to love them, not an owner whose girlfriend tried to force a it on him.
Pets are life-time commitments and should never be given as surprise gifts. They change your life, your schedule, and your finances. Giving a puppy as a surprise gift is exactly how the most adorable puppies ever end up in shelters waiting to be put to sleep.
Don't do this. It is a horrible idea. Your boyfriend will resent you for giving him such a selfish gift - something that you obviously want but he has said clearly he doesn't - and he'd be right.
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