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Should my girlfriend and I go to "wing night" ?
When me and my girlfriend met we were both very slim and fit. We watched what we ate and were always at the gym. We also used to make fun of the fat people in our group of friends.
We have been living together for years now (since graduation) and the scale has risen and so have our thighs. I have got a big potbelly now, and her buttocks have gotten huge. I guess it's just overindulgence in the sweets (cakes and pies on dates, donuts with our feet up watching TV).
Bottom line, though, our friends from college (we all graduated 2 years ago and have been quite busy) invited us to wing night to reunite again (and it does sound fun). But, the last time they saw us we were wearing tight jeans, nice shoes on me, heels on her. Now, I wear sweatpants with socks and sandles, and my girlfriend wears stretch pants with slippers.
On top of that, they have all been dieting and spending time in the gym, so they all lost the weight.
So my question is: should we go to wing night, a night that involves eating messy food with your hands, when we both got fat? (even worse, we used to be the skinny couple that made fun of the fatties in the group), now I can barely button my pants, she complains that she can't see her slippers when she looks down, and we both are out of breath, grabbing our knees after we go up a few stairs.
I just dont want the people who know us as the "fitness elitists" to see us walk in slowly, breathing heavily. Not to mention, the sight of us sitting with a pile of wings, with sauce all over ourselves, eating with our hands.
I also feel bad for my girlfriend because one of our friends whose weight my girlfriend joked about a lot, will be there, and she too has lost it all. It doesn't seem fair that she should be able to watch her pig out on a sloppy meal.
So, should we go?
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Sorry to hear you and your girlfriend have gained a lot of weight. Just think that life is that way. We loose some, we gain some. It might be due to you both making fun of the overweight people or just not taking care of your bodies. Is their a reason you both stopped eating well and working out? Is their something going on with you both that made you loose interest on your health?
As for the invite, my advice is to go if you think you'll enjoy yourselves. Don't worry on what others might think, just think will we have fun. Your friends if they are good friends won't judge but understand. If they behave incorrectly, then you know where your friendship stands.
Don't be hard on yourselves. Yes, you have gained weight but you can loose it. Instead of spending plenty of time on the couch, go out for a walk. Any exercise will help, as long as you continue doing it. And your eating habits should change too.
Hope you have a great time if you decide to go.
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Actually I think you guys should go. You guys gaining weight, it's called Karma or getting a taste of your own medicine. It's the universe's payback for all those times you guys thought you had the right to not only judge people but ridicule them. You both need to think about how the way you act and think effect other people.
But you should go. If those people are your friends they won't care, they won't judge you but if your friends are anything like yourselves can't say they won't.
And that shows what kind of people YOU two are.
Pick better friends. Make better decisions. Open up your mind.
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It's truly sad that our society has caused so many people to care so much about physical body image. Yes, it's always good to be healthy, but real friends don't judge friends on body weight.
That being said, you called these people your friends. If you want to hang out and catch up with each other, instead of alienating yourselves based on body image, you should go act like there's nothing different. You're all friends and you can enjoy each others' company no matter who's big and who's small.
My suggestion to you is this: Go have fun! And don't be so hard on yourself. If you feel uncomfortable with your weight, a little exercise is always an option.
I hope you have fun. :)
~Panda
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I see this is a classic "Cant' judge a book by its cover" or the belief that "What goes around, comes around."
As souls, we are all here on earth to learn specific lessons, experiences we are meant to go through and learn from to better ourselves. So it's not so much that fact that you messed up in your past that should be the focus. We take tests in school as a measurement of where we are at in our learning status, what do we comprehend and what lesson are we just not getting yet? Where do our weaknesses lie, where do we need to work harder? Guess what guys?
Life in general is the same way. From your day of birth til the day you die, life is one BIG long educational process, Life is School. Its not the mistakes we make that are the problem. The problem is not learning from our mistakes.
People shouldn't be defined by their past but where they are at currently.
However, I am not totally convinced you two have learned from your past. Why do I think so?
The Condemning evidence of your own words: "I just dont want the people who know us as the "fitness elitists" to see us walk in slowly, breathing heavily. Not to mention, the sight of us sitting with a pile of wings, with sauce all over ourselves, eating with our hands. AND It doesn't seem fair that she should be able to watch her pig out on a sloppy meal."
You are STILL more concerned with outer appearances, even though the shoe is now on the other foot. You still have not learned that what is more important is the condition of your heart as far as how you love and treat others.
You are more embarrassed to be seen in this state than embarassed for the way you treated them in the past!!! You say nothing of feeling repentant of your past treatment of them or of wanting to ask for forgiveness. Thats what the crime is here. That you have not yet learned.
Yes, I think you should go. I think any embarassing/humiliating experience that could possibly shake you both awake to the state of your souls is very important.
Do I sound harsh? Maybe, but hey its like that for every human being alive, having their lessons to learn and all have to go through what it takes to turn them around and learn to change for the better. for some it takes hearing a wake up message from another person. For others, it takes hitting a brick wall. I hope it doesnt take a Brick wall to wake you guys up and cause you to have a sincere change of heart.
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I find it strange that the one thing you don't really mention is whether or not you would enjoy reconnecting with these friends. That is, in my mind, the key factor in whether or not you should attend this event: Do you care for these people? Do you want to see them again?
As for the weight, you aren't going to be able to change the fact that you will be fatter people than you were before, but if you stop being so self-involved for a little while, you might show up and be better people than you had been before.
By your own admission, you and your girlfriend were bullies. You may also have been friends with these people, but clearly you were judgemental jackasses when it came to their weight, and now you are terrified that people may treat you with the same cruelty and disrespect that you once treated them with.
And they might do that.
They also might not.
Since some of these people have previously struggled with their weight, they might appreciate the difficulty you and your girlfriend are facing now. They might offer sympathy and understanding and genuine advice and support, rather than the criticism and insults you offered them.
I understand that attending might hurt your pride, and if you really don't want to see these people, then you shouldn't go. But you could go, and you could be kind. You could even apologize for the immature and nasty ways you used to act. You could ask for their understanding and support as you now struggle with an issue they once struggled with. You could be a good sport if they offer gentle teasing, as you've certainly earned some ribbing. You could undo some of the shitty things you did.
You could take this opportunities to be better, albeit fatter, human beings.
On a side note: You could also both take this as opportunity to go shopping for your bigger bodies. It may not be as fun as it used to be, but you'll fare better if you put the work into looking good, rather than bumming around in sweats. I had much more fun shopping at size 6 than I do at size 14, but wearing clothes that fit well and look good is an important part of improving your outlook and attitude.
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