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humorist-workshop

Darling?


Question Posted Saturday March 29 2014, 10:18 pm

I'm a 13 year old girl and I call everyone darling, love, honey, etc. They've gotten use to it, but I'll call strangers that too on accident and I get funny looks sometimes. Or if the person doesn't know me well they'll think I'm flirting. Is it ok? Should I try to stop doing this? It feels like I'm being old fashioned or something.

Side note: I talk funny, too. I say words like therefore, no slang, and grammar that's so proper it sounds weird ( because people have become so used to using abbreviations and contractions, whereas I don't use any of that (I don't use it when I speak anyway.) It sounds even weirder because I'm so young.


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DemiGoddess94 answered Thursday April 3 2014, 1:31 pm:
You don't talk funny, you talk the way you were taught to speak. If someone finds it odd then oh well. If some one thinks you're flirting make it clear to them you are not.

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Pittguy answered Sunday March 30 2014, 11:45 am:
Just because something is out of the ordinary or not conventional in no way means that it is wrong.

Sure, most 13 year old, or in today's world even most adults, don't often use proper English in their day to day lives. Some use cutesy sort of greetings but it's often a regional thing.

I'm not sure where you are from but I know that the greetings like "darling" and "honey" are extremely common with adults in the southern parts of the United States and I believe the use of the word "love" as a greeting is relatively common in the United Kingdom.

While some people might find it odd, others might find your speech interesting or refreshing. Personally, I would say it's part of what makes you uniquely you. And your individuality is something that your should celebrate.

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Dragonflymagic answered Sunday March 30 2014, 2:36 am:
I would never want to tell anyone to change who they are. Its important to be ourselves.
However, there are times when we must lay aside our preferences for respect of someones customs or rules. To go against it would be disrespectful.

If a girl friend invited you to go to visit her Mosque, you can't walk in with your head undercovered. You'd wear a scarf or borrow head gear of hers.
If entering the home of someone who does not wear shoes indoors, you take yours off too at the door instead of insisting on wearing your shoes.

So is there any compromise to what you address people older than you as? Initially no. There must be a time for adults to observe you with others and how you address them, a time to get to know you that this is part of who you are. Once older people have known you a while and are considered part of the family friends, etc... you might mention that they've likely noticed how you address others. It's a part of who you are and how once you're comfortable with and care about a person, you like to call them dear or honey. And you are wondering if that would be okay with them if you address them like that cus you'd like to but you will respect if they are not comfortable with it. iF NO,its no. I wouldn't address a strange single older man this way, you could draw unwanted attention. It's true that talking using dear, or sweetiepie in addressing someone was always done to me by someone of grandparent age, and on some occasions by certain girlfriends moms. I think people in general feel comfortable with that exchange. Anything different, I'd get their permission first. If you accidently find it slipping out with strangers and get that look, apologize right away. Better safe than sorry.
Talking differently using can not instead of can't and such should be no issue.

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blueheart answered Sunday March 30 2014, 1:23 am:
I also use that sweet words to my close friends or people who are younger then me. I'm 16 and I feel that it'way to respect them and make them feel they're important and special. But calling that to strangers accidentally is weird and strange, but when you call younger strangers like that it would make them feel that you are well-respecting them and also it would make u older enough and reaponsible as being shown on how u say or call them.

It's not flirting. It's just a way to respect others and to show them your friendliness. So you should not stop it unless people or stranger would find it offensive or annoying.

I hope this would help my dear ;) feel free to ask me.

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TheAnnie answered Sunday March 30 2014, 12:48 am:
I agree with the previous advice.Often times people reserve those words for someone they have a special connection with and it would be odd for them to hear it from a stranger. It's also used when an older person refers to a younger person in a sweet way (for example an older woman the same age your grandma could be says "excuse me, dear") and so it could be especially strange for people older than you to hear it. I would use those words with people you are familiar with and use more polite words to people you do not know (es sir, ma'am, miss).

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Razhie answered Sunday March 30 2014, 12:25 am:
In some cultures and communities, calling someone hun, love or darling is diminutive. It's infantalizing, even insulting. It's also very familiar and intimate, and not everyone is going to welcome that.

It's something older people may get away with - forcing that kind of intimacy on another (usually younger) person - but there are very few communities where it is polite or normal for you to do it, especially with your elders.

These are terms of endearment that should be reserved for people you have a solid relationship with - people who know you and understand your habits and intent. Calling strangers and casual acquaintances by these names could cause confusion or even insult. You should try to avoid it.

It's nice to think "This is just the way I am!" but if the way you are has a high likelihood of being rude in a given situation, it's time to change your behaviour.

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