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I'm Em.

I'm a 20 year old English/History student living in Sydney.

I dig art, music and books.

I'll take questions on relationships, friendships, high school, uni, or whatever else.



I try to give the best advice I can, usually drawing on my own personal experience. But I'm not perfect, and sometimes when I look back on some of my advice it's far from it (especially when I was 15 and writing LiKe THiS). It's just advice, though. It's not an answer or a solution, it's simply a potentially helpful perspective. And that's all I can offer you.







Photo:

Yayoi Kusama

"Infinity Mirror Room"

Performance art.

Mirrors, soft sculptures.

Castellane Gallery, New York.

1965.




Gender: Female
Location: Sydney, Australia.
Member Since: January 11, 2007
Answers: 391
Last Update: May 22, 2014
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If you get itchy "down there" does that count as masterbating? cause I get itchy sometimes, but I don't masterbate. just saying. (link)
Nah, masturbating involves stimulating yourself. Scratching is just scratching.


I know that the whole poem is not in Iambic Pentameter but I'm having a hard time figuring out where and what needs to be fixed.

Give me a secret, something sweet to love.
My lost mind floats the waves, in thoughts of you.
Have mercy; let me think you from above.
My carefully planned fate unthreads all too,
Making space for your presence by my side.
“What a couple, they’ll say”, as they do now,
Admit it, only I know when you’ve lied,
And just like now, we’ll drop in a last bow.
But even now, you’re thoughts are still unclear.
And though they all smile afar, the truth stands.
I look at you, dance around you, all cheer.
You don’t see, they don’t see, my shaking hands.
And I know, these rules will never let us be,
Even if you care at all about me.
(link)
I'm not an expert on iambic pentameter, so I'm not 100% about the stressed syllables, but this is a pretty decent attempt. You've got about 5-6 stressed syllables per line which is good.

You've got the basic 10 syllables per line, except for the second last line, but that doesn't matter.


I feel like im lost. Like this whole world is moving around me the more it moves the more i sheild myself. I act like i dont care and nothing bothers me but some stuff does im 16 /f i feel alone im losing my bestfriendd and i dont feel comfortable with anyone. I feel ugly even though i know im pretty. I feel like no one wants me and like im meannt to be a lonely soul in this world. I dont understand. I feel like i dont belong and ive felt like that forever. Like i dont belong with anyone anywhere. I dont understand. I want to find myself (link)
What your feeling is what a lot of teenagers feel. I know I went through feelings like this when I was in High School. It's really horrible and sometimes a little bit scary. The best thing to do when you feel like this is to talk to people, and you've made a fantastic first step by asking people here. Try and talk to your parents, a family member or someone you trust about it. If you don't want to talk to your family, go to your school councillor. You are always more than welcome to make a time to see your school councillor, and I think that that is an easier way to talk about how your feeling than talking about it with people you know. I know it's scary talking to people about it, but it'll feel nice venting how you feel.

You're not alone. You have family that love you and will always be there for you. I know it's lonely not having a lot of friends, and I know what it's like to lose a best friend, but things will be okay. You're so young, and losing friends is a part of life. You can always try to fix the friendship with your friend; try talking to her about it and figuring how to work things out. If things don't work, you'll make more friends.

When you feel ugly, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you're beautiful. Even if you don't believe it. Never call yourself ugly or anything negative. Whenever you have a negative thought about yourself, remind yourself how beautiful and amazing you are. Sometimes it can be really hard to say "I'm an amazing girl, I'm smart, I'm beautiful" but the more times you say it, the easier it gets. Never stop telling yourself how beautiful you are. You are absolutely 100% stunning.

I don't want you to get worried, but the reason I brought up speaking to people was because if you leave this it can turn into clinical depression. Don't be scared of depression. If you are a depressed, you can absolutely be happy again. It takes a lot of time and effort, I know because I suffered for a very long time with it, but I was able to be happy again so I know that anyone can. Talking about it with the school councillor will make it easier for you to figure out ways to move on from the way you're feeling.

Please know that you're not alone at all in feeling this way. Other kids at your school, in your grade are most likely feeling this same way, but they just don't show it.

You're only 16. No one knows what they want to be or where they want to go when they're 16. I had no idea what I wanted to be or who I was when I was 16. I'm 19 now, and I'm starting to get just a little bit of an idea of who I am. In time you'll start to understand yourself more. When you finish High School you'll grow a lot as a person and you will learn a lot more about yourself. It seems so far away, but it's really not far at all.

You will always belong somewhere. Maybe where you live, in your town, maybe that's not where you're meant to live forever. When you finish school or college, you should travel and explore the world. Even now you can just think of some places you'd really like to see and different things you'd like to see or experience at these places. I've never felt like I belonged in the city I live in, but I now know that I'm meant to move somewhere else in time. And remember, even when your family fights or has problems, you will ALWAYS belong with them. They love you more than they could ever show. You are a really wonderful, special person and you'll meet people that you can connect with in time. It took me a long time to find people that I was able to feel comfortable and myself around. Even now I only have about 3 people in my life that I feel like I really connect with, but it took me a long time to find them.

What made me start to smile again was finding things that interested me. I didn't realise how much I loved writing until I was 17. When I realised, I started writing every day. I love painting, drawing, playing guitar and reading too, so when I'm feeling sad I start painting or playing a song or reading a book. I'm not really good at any of these things honestly, but they make me happy to practice them. These little hobbies make a part of who I am. I may be a terrible painter, but I love painting and that still makes painting a part of my identity.

Try and find things that interest you. It could be a hobby, a sport, or even just learning about something you like. If you like ancient Egypt or another country, start learning about it. If you like going for walks, then start spending a little bit of time every day walking. I know that when you say you want to find me you mean more than an identity, you mean you as a person. But finding things I liked and was interested in made me feel like I was a person again, and it made me happy.

Try and talk to someone, if no one will talk to you then go to the school councillor. Tell yourself you're beautiful and wonderful every day, because sweetie you really are! Start trying new things and find out what interests you - doing something little that makes you happy can make you feel better about yourself. Remember that you are young and that things WILL change. There is always light at the end of a tunnel, and there is always belonging and happiness that you will find in time.


okay so I'm a 13 yearold girl and i know it's normal to have acne and I don't have a lot like some people do but I have some pimples. what some good acne cleaners that actually work? thanks for all your help, I really appreciate it:) (link)
I've used clean and clear, and that worked okay. The best one I've ever had is St Ives Peach Face Scrub. It's about $10 from the chemist/pharmacy or supermarket. When you use acne cleansers, you should only use them every 2nd or 3rd day. If you use them every day, you'll get rid of all the oil on your skin and your face will dry up. This means that MORE pimples will come out! You only have a little bit of acne, so every 3 days or so wash your face with a cleanser.

If you want to, ask your mum if you two could make some home-made facial mask cream. I bought mine from the chemist for $10, it's a clear cucumber smelling liquid. I put it on and it dries up over my face, then I peel it off. I do this once every two weeks and my skin feel soooo smooth after!. And it's a fun thing to do with your mum :)


hi im going to beach in 2 weeks with my friend and she has no clue ive ever got my period and she hast got hers and shes that kind of person whos shy and stuff im going to the beach with her in 2 weeks but i cant go in the water with my period and im to scared to use a tampon what should i do and also her mom knows i have gotten my period before but im still to shy to tell her mom and also will my period end by the time i go to the beach im just concerned!!!!! thanks so much please answer (link)
I know it's scary going to the beach for the first time since you've gotten your period, but it's okay! I promise it isn't as scary as you think :)

Periods last for up to 5-8 days a month. If you've recently got yours, your cycle can be a little bit unstable and sometimes you can get them like every 3 months. When the day to go to the beach comes, check before you go if you have your period. If you don't, you should be okay. Put a packet of tampons in your bag just in case. No one will notice that you've got your period because you'll be in the water, but when you go to the toilet just check, and if you do have them then you can use a tampon.

I know tampons are scary at first, but they're nothing to worry about! Inside the packet there's a little instruction manual with pictures that shows you how to use them. You put your leg up on the bathtub or toilet, or squat down, and just carefully insert it up inside of your vagina as far as it will go. It might hurt a little bit the first time, but it's okay sweetie. It's small and it will go up there easily. You need to put your finger up there a little bit to push the tampon up. Just relax, take deep breaths and stay calm. Do it slowly and try and keep your muscles relaxed. When I say it might hurt, it's just a little bit. I promise.

If you have your period now, try and practice. You'll get the hang of it. Also, I don't think you will have your period when you go to the beach if you have it now.

If you're still scared about using a tampon, talk to your mum about it (even though that's embarrassing). The first time I used one it was really scary, but then I figured it out and realised there's nothing to be scared about!


I've had the same hair style for years now, and I'm looking for a way to spice it up.

Here's a (kinda bad) picture of me.

I have long auburn hair that is naturally slightly wavy and straigthens/holds curl pretty well. I have long layers and long side bangs.

Any ideas?

I've considered blonde highlights for summer, do you think this would look good on me?

I'm not sure if I want to go short, but I really love this hairstyle. Do you think I could pull it off?


I appreciate any advice or tips! Thanks! (link)
Blonde highlights would look AMAZING on you! Your hair is already a lightish brown, you have olive skin, and it'll shimmer in the sunshine. Honestly, I think the way it's parted and cut suits your face pretty well. Maybe some shorter layers if you're feeling adventurous? Just a few to give your hair a bit of a flick.

I'm not sure about the all over blonde because the light brown suits you really well, but give the highlights a go. Maybe after that you'll have a better idea of what your hair would look like blonde all over, and then you can dye the rest a little later on.


Hello,

So I took art classes this year as a Freshmen Art one and I love art, so much..and I took that class so I could hopefully get better at being an artist.

I'm not really planning on this to be my career, but I would like to improve.

Is there any artists, or anyone who enjoys drawing on this site? IF you have any tips for me please tell.

I would like to get paint soon, and a canvas..what do you think I should do to prepare before painting? I'd love to know.

I'm semi good at drawing, but I am not very good...ha but I want to improve..thank you!

(link)
The best advice my teachers ever gave me about painting was to keep practicing. Read, research and learn about different types/movements/artists. I fell a bit in love with impressionism and did most of my High School art using some of their techniques, but mixed it up a little with surrealism and my own thing.

You develop technique in any form of art by practicing. You get used to the way you like to move the brush or the pencil, the way you make things look, the kind of detail you put in...etc.

I'm talking mostly about painting because that's what I know about the most. The thing I love about painting is that if you make a mistake, you can just paint over it! So you can practice and get as experimental as much as you want on a canvas.

The second-best advice my teachers gave me was to look at art. Go to galleries (if you aren't already, which I'm guessing you probably are) and just look at the art. Get as close as you can, see the way the paint is used to create the shapes/image/colour/depth. Sometimes I stare at an artwork in an image and think "how do they do that?!" then I see it in person and I realise how. So, if I ever decide I want to do something like that in my art, I can!

When you look at art, step back too. Look at it as a whole. Look at the way it all comes together, the colours, the form... You should do this with your own works as well. You have to work so close with it, but you should always step back now and then to see how it looks.

There are lots of tips and techniques on painting/drawing/sculpting...etc like using a smaller brush to paint things that are far away and a bigger brush to paint things that are closer, using warm and cool coloured paints, and all that business, but there's just way too many little tips like that, that are impossible to put down here. If you're interested, start googling "tips on painting" or something like that and things will come up. But really, you learn a lot just from looking at paintings and practicing. Your teacher should help you out with your technique and if you don't know how to paint something, then ask your teacher (or google it!)

Before painting:

1) get a pack of small paints. I get this pack of about 10 little cartridges of paints that's about $30. They're chromacryl acrylic paints for students. There should be at least black, white, cool blue, warm blue, cool yellow, warm yellow, cool red and warm red (if you want a specific kind of colour, this brand or other brands will stock something close to it, and if you can't find it in an art shop, go to a house paint store and check out their little $3 sampler paints). Look around at different art shops to see who has better prices (and mention that you're an art student - they might give you a discount!) Most art shops will have little packs of paints/drawing tools that you can pick up. For drawing, depends what you want to use. Maybe a not so expensive pencil set (of lead or colours, your choice) and practice with them. You can always invest in more expensive pencils later.

2) Brushes. Once again, don't have to spend much and they usually have packs. Get something that's maybe around $20 at most. Depending on how big your canvas size is depends on your brush size. Just a few different sized brushes is fine to start with, and if you need a bigger or smaller size you can always go back and buy more. You can get paintbrushes really cheap from discount stores, but feel the brushes first. Sometimes the brushes are really course and it makes them difficult to paint with.

3) Canvases. Depends on what you want to paint and how big you want to paint it. I recommend getting the thicker canvases rather than the thinner (so about an inch thick). It's just easier to paint on and they don't warp so easily. In school my canvases were a meter by a meter and a half, but I had a lot of paint at my disposal and lots of brushes. Now I work on smaller canvases, like half a meter by about 25cm. You can get canvases from discount stores. They're usually up to $20, but pretty cheap for the small ones.

4) Try out impasto/modelling compound. Impasto you mix with the same amount of paint and when it dries on the canvas it comes up thick and bumpy. Modelling compound you have to put onto the canvas and let dry first, then you can paint over it for a bumpy 3D effect. I LOVEE these two materials! But also, don't be afraid to try other materials. I used food dye (I think... or some kind of cheap dye that was in the cupboard) and ink on one of my canvases and it turned out great. You can always cut into your canvas and sew it back up, or sew things into it. Ideas are endless.

5) Have a bit of an idea of what you want to do. If you wanna just go for it, then do it, but I always get stumped when I try that. I usually sketch in pencil what I want to draw and have the image(s) next to me at all times incase I want to mimic a colour or shading.


And don't forget to have fun! I hope that was of some use :)


Hey I asked you a question on may 17th about me and my boy of almost 2 years broke up and he used to do pills. Well its now been a week and a half and ive never felt this heartbroken. Hes been going out a lot and we have the same friends so I havent been trying to hang with tjem cause honestly it must depresses me more. But what bugs me so much is that he seems completly over it :/ like I can barely function and hes out and forgot about me. This boy used to tell me when hed break up with me and when we were together how much he wished we met later in life and he prayed wed get married someday. Im not tje kinda girl who fishes for this stuff so I know he wasnt just saying it. But how can he be so fine, like I feel like crap about myself and like im the biggest loser ever. Do you think he will come back in a couple months? Hes also moving to pennsylvania togo to school and I live in florida but we had a long distance relationship for a year now so I dont think itd matter. Please help :( im so depressed and I feel so lonely :( (link)
I know how horrible it is to love someone and them move on so easily. Recently, I lost one of my best friends that I'd been friends with for such a long time, and it was like being in a break up. I was so upset and depressed, and she didn't care one bit.

I knowwwwwwww how horrible this is, I really, really do. But, I promise you that it will go away. It might take some time, but really it will go away and you'll wonder why you even wasted your time on him.

I think the fact that he's fine and moving on easily is telling you that you did the right thing. It feels so horrible that you invested so much time, energy, trust and love into a person to have them throw it back at you like that, but there is always a little bit of silver lining in that big dark cloud. If he's able to move on so easily, then you deserve someone so much better than that. And now, he's gone. You're not going to waste another 2 years on someone that doesn't appreciate you the way you should be appreciated. It'll hurt for a while, and it might even make you a bit distant when it comes to your next relationships, but you'll learn what you expect in a relationship to avoid people that hurt you like this.

The first couple of weeks are the absolute hardest. You want to talk more than anything, you want him to feel bad, you want him to come crawling back to you begging for your forgiveness, but if you can get through the first two weeks, then you can get through a month. And if you can get through a month, you can get through 6 months. And if you can get through 6 months, you can live your life without him. You've already made it a week and a half, so I know that you can live a happy life without him.

It is so hard and horrible right now, and it will be for a while, but I promise you with every part of me that it WILL go away. As long as you stay away from him and don't let him back into your life, it will go away. If you let him back, even a little, it's not going to disappear.

Maybe he really did want all that, maybe he does, but he doesn't deserve you. He hasn't made the effort, and he's had soo many chances! Please don't go back to him, I know it's hard, but he's not going to change sweetie. Let him go. Deal with the pain, even as horrible as it is, so that you can move on and be with someone better for you in the future.

If you want to hang out with mutual friends, then you do it. Ask them to not tell you about him, even if you want them to. It's just going to make it harder for you.

You're nothing close to a loser, you are so strong and wonderful.

It's meant to be depressing and lonely, that's how it's meant to feel, but it will go away in time. Don't cut your friends out because they know him. You should always take out a little time for those people that have always been good friends to you. And if you don't, then maybe turn to your personal friends or even family (like siblings or your mum) and spend some time with them.

I think he probably will come back at some point. But don't give in. He's coming back because he knows you'll take him back. I know it's hard, but give him up. Let him go and move on with your life.

Don't ever forget how amazing you are, and that you deserve so much more than him.


i am a 13 year-old girl. i spent $50 ON MOTHERS DAY. i bout my mom 2 kingsized reeses $2.50 my grandmother 2 kingsized almond joy $2.50 i bout mom 2 candles at bath and body wotks $7-8 and i bout 2 candles for grandma $7-8 bout mom a lotion $4 bout grandma a lotion $4 bought grandma 14k gold earrings $20 bought mom a phone cover for $17 do you think i went alittle OVERBOARD on mothers day? (link)
I don't think you can ever go to overboard when you're buying gifts for your mum. I know any mother would be happy with a home made gift that didn't cost any money, but I know that my mum feels really special when I spend quite a bit of money on something for her. My mum does a lot for me and has spent a lot of money on me throughout my life, and being a single mum she doesn't get to spoil herself a lot, so I feel lucky that I'm able to do that sometimes; on mother's day or not.

I think it's very sweet of you to do that for BOTH your mother and grandmother. When it comes to our mummas, is it ever possible to spend too much on them?

Money is money, you'll always get more. The best part about having money is to be able to spend it on other people. So, no I don't think you went overboard. It is a lot of money for someone your age to spend, but I think it's incredibly kind of you to use it on your mother.


I just got asked out by one of the most popular kids in my grade. You could tell he really wanted to go out with me. I don't like him, but practically all of the girls do. They keep telling me that I should of said "yes" to him. They also say, "You were so dumb for not saying yes! Any girl would want to be asked out by him!!!!"
BUT I DON'T LIKE HIM!!!!!! Should I go back and say "yes"? Or say "no" and be real? I'm only 11! Help! (link)
NOOO! Don't just date a guy because people tell you to!

You did the right thing! If you don't like someone, you shouldn't be in a relationship with them. It's mean to them, because you're just leading them on. If people have a problem with that, so what? It's none of their business anyway.

Always be real.


I earned about 320 dollars from coaching a little league sports team during their whole season. I'm 18 and currently unemployed. I applied for another job but haven't gotten a response back. I don't really know what to do with my money. I can either blow it all and buy clothes (I REALLY need to update my wardrobe.. i haven't gotten a new outfit for probably a year and half. I just really need some new clothes haha I'm sick of wearing the same stuff) Or I can put it in my savings, earn more money, and then spend all of that later in the summer (considering i only have 2 weeks left of school).

so should I spend it now? or save it and wait until I have more money to buy clothes?

Also- if you say I should spend it now- do you recommend any places or ideas on how I can get a bunch of clothes for a cheap price? I was thinking Platos Closet since there are name brand clothes (so they are still cute) but cheaper. I don't really care if they are already worn. I just really need some new clothes haha. Thank you so much! (link)
I think you should save. It's your money and you should do whatever you want with it, but once it's gone it's gone. Especially because you're unemployed at the moment.

You don't have to save all of it, maybe just half or so. Something there in your account incase your friends want to go out or do something. I'm not sure where you live (and I live in Australia so I probably wouldn't be much help anyway) but factory outlets are great for lots of cheap clothes. Just go out and explore different stores, there might be some sales on.

I think it's great to start saving at any time, even just a teensy bit every week or so. It really does all add up :)


Me and her had sex last night and this morning she said her tummy hurts. She's been eating ok and she hasn't thrown up yet. She's 18. Could she be pregnant ? (link)
Okay... Maybe I've got my science wrong here, which in that case someone please correct me, but she would have no idea if she was pregnant or not after one day.

Usually, women don't start having morning sickness/cravings...etc until about 6 weeks after conception. Sometimes a week or two earlier, sometimes a little later on, sometimes not at all.

If you're worried, you can take the morning after pill up to 72 hours after sex.


if a singular thought process is nothing more than a chemical reaction that occurs within the walls of our skull then what is so special about them? why do thoughts or feelings hold relevance they're just chemicals. and all we are is an even larger conglomeration of chemicals then why do we hold value on human life? is the chemical composition that makes my body more important that the thousands of other organisms that die every time i take a breath? why should my choice in the regards to the span of my life hold relevance to anyone? (link)
Well, this isn't something I've got a whole lot of knowledge on, so this is all opinion.

They're not special, we've just come to believe they are. In my opinion, it's like asking why we think that we're any better than animals. There's only two things (that I can think of) that separate us from animals; language and reason. Even though animals do converse in their own verbal and body language, we think we're a lot more significant than they are because we communicate almost anything through language. As with reason, who knows what animals think? Maybe they do contemplate the many sufferings and complexities of life in theirs and our worlds. We just like to think that compared to them, we can rationalise our actions/existence/possibilities of the universe, and can understand things better than they ever will.

Culturally, we think things are important because of ideologies. These ideas that are continuously being changed and redistributed throughout society that come to be known as mainstream beliefs. One could say that we think our thoughts and feelings are so important because without it we're really nothing; life means nothing; that there would be no reason for religion, no afterlife. So, to believe that we're so special, especially these parts in us (thoughts and feelings) that are meant to make us 'unique' from the animal kingdom, is really trying to keep society stable and in order. If we thought we were nothing better than animals, maybe the social order would turn to chaos, maybe we'd all die out.

So, the span of your life holds relevance to other people because we've developed these emotions and thought processes as a response to continuously changing cultural expectations and understandings.

There's also the idea with thought and reasoning that we are far superior in this sense to animals. By focusing so much of our energy into intelligence and education, we kind of stunt our physical growth. So mentally we continue to evolve, becoming more and more intelligent, but physically we stay the same (or possibly devolve). Animals, in a physical sense, are superior to us. Most animals in a one on one fight with a human are gonna win, but our thought processes allow us to create traps and hunting strategies that could allow us to win.

But, there could always be some unknown force or power out there that makes us more significant than any other creature. Who knows.

Really interesting question, would love to see what other people think :)


there\'s this guy who asked me to do something for him for work. we talked for like 2 hours the first night the next day he texted saying he wanted something fixed so i went back and we talked again for another hour. that was almost 2 weeks ago now that we did that. he texted me like 3 other times he didn\'t say much but were in the same math class so he texted one day saying ur not in class today..working from home :p so i texted back and was like yeah and we texted for like 10mins or so. after that he didn\'t text for like 3 or 4 days then in class when i was there he was like your here today and sat beside me..maybe because his friends were close by? :s but a day later today he texted and was like u still at the mall? and wanted a ride home so i did then we talked a little about star wars of allthings! so does he like me ? i thought so but i dont know.. how should i talk to him i wanna be atleast friends :) (link)
Pretty much sounds like he does.

He wasn't texting you for a few days here and then because you weren't texting him first! He was probably waiting for you to send him a random text, and then finally texted you back when nothing was happening.

Talk to him like you would anyone. Just be nice, smile, ask how he is, what he was up to on the weekend or whatever. Maybe bring up something to start a conversation, which can be anything. Can be about your maths class, family, mutual friends, sports, hobbies... etc.

Even just texting him out of nowhere saying, "Hey :) How are you?" will get a conversation started. And if he likes you, he's going to keep asking you questions back to keep you talking to him.

The more you talk, the better friends you become :)


Well, I'm M/15. I feel like I need a meaning. It feels like I'm lost. I think I need friends or people who understand me. But that seems impossible. I miss how I used to feel. I am not really religious but I believe there is a god. The things I like are sciencey and sometimes go against religions. But now I don't know what to believe. Do my feelings have to do with a soul or a god? but then theres the possibility that Its just in my head and theres some psychological problem in my head. Weather its what I breath and eat or hormones or anything of that nature. I find the scientific explanations easier to believe. They seem more "realistic" But I still hope there is a spiritual side to all of this. I'm lost :( for example: in reality I probably won't find the answers I really need here. But then I have a hope that somehow, someone sent from god will happen to find this and it would have some meaning. Please don't give me a jesus lecture. I have my parents for that. (link)
There's nothing wrong with you, you're a normal confused teenager. I think you're just a normal guy with normal feelings.

When it comes to religion and science, sometimes it feels like you have to pick one road. But the thing is, you don't. You don't have to KNOW that there is a god or spirituality to believe in it, even if you consider yourself a scientific thinker. Scientists are allowed to be christians/buddhists/jews/muslims etc too!

A lot of people will tell you that god doesn't exist and that Christianity or any religion is all nonsense. Just like a lot of people will tell you that god does completely and utterly exist. But really, no one can prove either side. No one can prove that a god or ultimate universal being doesn't exist, just like no one can prove that it does exist.

When I was your age, and even still now I'm confused about what I believe in. I was never forced into any religion and was allowed to believe in whatever I wanted to. I struggled a lot with the God vs. No God debate, and in the end I just decided that I was happy being open-minded to spirituality.

You don't need to believe wholly in one religion, or be wholly against religion to feel like you have a meaning as a human being. To me, a religion (or lack of) doesn't make a person who they are. It's how they treat other people and themselves, regardless of what they believe, and how they are open-minded and respectable about other people's beliefs that gives a person identity and meaning.

You can believe in science and feel like that's the more reasonable choice, but you can still have your own religious beliefs, even if they do contradict each other sometimes. You can believe in whatever you want to. I know it's hard when you can't pick one side, or believe completely in one thing, it is incredibly confusing.


I work at a flower shop after school and this guy texted me saying he was comming in to get a attachment of flowers for his mom stepmom and grandma for mothers day. So he stayed around there with me and helped pick out and arrange the flowers we talked lots and he asked lots of questions about me like where I'm going to college in September and what I like to do and stuff. I thought we connected, the next day he texted saying one arrangment wasnt quite right so he came by to fix it up and we talked for about an other hour. Three days later he texted me saying your not in class :p does he like me?? I want to aeast be friends and how should I start talking to him more it's been 4 days since he last texted me I think. :s any advice? :) (link)
That is one of the most adorable things I've ever read on here!

Yess he likes you. The hanging around and coming back is a big sign, but texting you about something unrelated to your work is like a massive flashing sign blinking "HE'S INTO YOU!"

He texted you randomly saying "you're not in class :p" becauseee he wants to talk to you and that was the best he could come up with without sounding too eager.

Play it cool with him. Be just a little flirty, just a subtle kind of cute flirty. Send him a random, unexpected text. Not asking him out, just saying something casual like, "did your mum/stepmum/grandma like the flowers? :)" or you could say something a little bit funny. Just casual, not meaning anything. Guys love when girls act all casual, well guys that I know anyway, because everyone loves flirting and it gives them a bit of something to chase after.

Just be cute, a little flirty, nice, say funny things and maybe even do that thing where you make fun of someone but in a cute way. Eventually with the more you text, he'll either start asking "so, are you busy next week? do you maybe want to get some coffee or lunch?" or you could go ahead and ask him.


I was with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we've been through alot and I put up with so much. He is 3 weeks clean from pills and pot. We've done a long distance relationship for the past year and I love him so it didnt bug me so much. Now that I'm home for summer, I was hoping we would just enjoy our time either together but I'm realizing he's no good for me and none of my friends or family like him because I'm so sad and unsure all the time. He would constantly break up with me and then come back saying how much he loved me and blah blah blah.He would break up with me cause he didnt think he was good enough for me at the moment and he used to say how he really wanted to find me in the future cause he wants to marry me. But enough is enough and as the days go by that I dont hear from him, I realize I'm not one of his priorities and if he really wanted a relationship he would try harder to make it work. I know I cant be with him but im so sad :( I just want him to come back, but weve been off and on for so long that I know it will just go right back to this. The thing is he has no idea we are done, like he slept over on saturday and then we talked briefly through text amd then he ignored me and I haven't talked to him since. I really want him to miss me amd really hope he realizes how good I was,to him :( any advice on how I can make him miss me and not jyst move on quickly? I really would love for him to not get with anyone amd come back to me in like 3 months and appreciate me more. Do you guys think this will happen? My friends say if I walk away and pretend I'm fine, he'll try to get me back like hes done before. (link)
When you're with someone, they should feel like they have something so amazing. They should feel like they need to earn your love and having you around. Not with gifts or anything like that, but with attention, affection, kindness, selflessness, and effort. You are so right when you said if he really wanted a relationship he would try harder to make it work. If a guy feels like he's not good enough for you, he should work so damn hard to feel like he is because he should know that what he has is so worth the time and effort.

Every breakup is hard, every single one. Sometimes a certain breakup is harder than another. I'm not sure if this is what you feel, but when I was with boyfriends that had problems (drugs, family, abuse...), I felt like I was really special and important to him because I was something good in all of that darkness. Being with someone who had a deeply rooted problem made me work harder in the relationship and it made me feel like the relationship was so much deeper and more complex than any that I'd had before, because before I never would have gone through all of this for someone else. And when that person did something to hurt me, or threw me out of their life so easily, or was selfishly hurting me without understanding or caring, it felt like daggers. And I'm ashamed to say that I did stick around even when they were hurting me, and I did try everything to get them back.

It's so strange how someone who can make you feel so sad and can be so hurtful to you can make you want them so much. But please don't go back to him. Don't let him stay over, don't reply to him, cut off all communication with him. It's hard, and it will get harder. You'll want him to want you, you'll want him to beg for you to take him back, but he won't be different. If he moves on quickly, let him. It will hurt horribly, but you'll find someone so much better for you that will make you forget about him completely. As I said, it will be hard, and it will get harder as the weeks go by without communication, but eventually that empty, dark, painful feeling will start to go away. And in time, you'll find a new happiness.

You're so wonderful, and you deserve someone better than that.


im 18/f hes 19/m

okay so i really like my bestfriend, alot. and for the last 6 or so months we've been extremely close. he got out of a 5 year relationship 7 months ago, and he wants to enjoy singledom. but at the same time he told me of this mystery girl that he has significant feelings for, and how hes scared to tell her how he feels...he doesnt want to make another mistake like his ex, but he wants to be with this mystery girl so badly. The thing is, about two months ago a mutual friend of ours, told me that he confessed to her that i was in fact the mystery girl and he was going to explain everything to me in person. however, that day never came...The thing is, he went on tour with his band for a month and i wasnt able to see him, so ill be seeing him for the first time since tour this coming monday. and during that time, i began to stress and worry that maybe he had developed feelings for one of the girls that went on tour with them. I felt threatened by this, so i decided to just try and get over him... but of course that didnt work. haha.

we have sexted before, a couple of times. and usually in the past with guys ive sexted with i never was really that turned on by it, but with him im extremeeely turned on. We havent had sex or anything btw, im still a virgin. we have kissed once when we were drunk but that was it.

so two nights ago, me and the guy i like were skyping for legit 4 hrs and 38 mins, and he was being like rediculously cute...like more so then usual. like constantly telling me how cute i look and i even mentioned how "i want to be taylor momsen" and hes like "no.. stay you :3 " and it was really cute. and he was telling me how he has all these requests on skype from people but im the only one he uses it for, so he doesnt accept them.. and he was saying how he wants to take me to this mountain one day and whatnot, and wants me to go with him to this gig coming up. So i was pretty certain after that convo that perhaps i am still the mystery girl he likes.

but then we hopped off and went to bed, but we were texting each other..and well things got a little bit complicated. we started off with him saying something really cheesy to me haha. but he knows i love cheesy stuff and then he full asks me out of the blue "so hows your love life? any new boys on the mind or in the life?" and i was like stunned... like i couldnt tell him it was him and i was freaking out.. so i was just like "wouldnt you like to know haha kidding haha you know me im pretty hopeless telling if anyone likes me or not haha so im just waiting to see what happens what about you lovely? hows things with the mystery girl?"
him: "im still not saying anything about her to anyone. how did you know there was somebody though im just seeing what happens cause i dont want to make a mistake. its kinda hard resisting though =/ sounds lame i know :c"
me: "your formspring haha. dw it doesnt sound lame it sounds adorable i dont wanna make a mistake either, and im petrified ill ruin it somehow and trust me im bursting at the seams wanting to tell him...but im waiting to see if he tells me first. #nowwhoselame haah"
him: "i thought you said you didnt have anyone :S im just hoping she likes me when im ready. sucks though...i want her so bad. but at the same time im not ready for it again...and im afraid someone will come and take her before i get the chance :c but if that happens ill know it wasnt meant to be i guess.."
me: "i do..i like him alot....i dont think he knows...part of me really wants to tell him...a big part of me hopes that he catches on and tells me first...im worried he'll find someone else, and it sounds selfish but i dont even want to think about him ending up with anyone else...and if he does then it just wasnt meant to be. but deep inside me, as silly as it sounds...i have this undeniable feeling that we will take the risk...and it will be the risk that we were thankful we took"
him: "aww okay. looks like were in the same sorta situation then ahah. im not gonna tell her for a while though. i just wanna see how shit goes first"
me: "what happens if she tells you she likes you first?"
him: "i dunno really. im just not ready and i dont know right now ahha. sounds stupid i know. but i would rather be the one to tell her anyway. and if shes still around when i decide im ready then awsome. if not, well then it wasnt suposed to work i guess..."
danni" josh she'd be an idiot if she ever left, shes a very lucky girl"
him: " well no not left...but like...found someone else. cause i havent told her. and i dont plan on it for a while.. i just wanna see how shit goes and find out more about her first and stuff =/ and no...im not even going to tell YOU who it is"
me: "if she likes you too, she wont even notice or end up with anyone else ahaha your gay! i want to knowwww"
him" I guess.. but some things change.. like i dont know if she will or wont. i wanna find out more about her first. thats why when i like a girl i wait ages to see what shes like, if she causes fights, if shes into other guys n shit.i wanna make sure"
me: "theres nothing wrong with that at all she must be doing okay if you still like her haha! i have a really good feeling for you about this, like it'll work out for you, no matter how long it takes "
him:" i hope so, i wish i was ready cause i wanna tell her so bad right now. but i dunno i just need my single time to be a douchey single kid i guess. THAT sounds stupid n shit. but after 5 years i need it i think. i could be wrong, but im going to try it out anyway"
me: "im sure shes dying to tell you too! haha doesnt sound stupid, it makes sense. i know quite a few people who have done the single bit for a while after getting out of a relationship, it helped them figure out if the single life is for them or not. everything will work out. you deserve to be happy "
him:" yeah i guess i need to figure that out haha. pretty sure it will be a relationship life because i cant 'get girls' for shit. haha"
me:" josh you could get anyone you want. and if your should choose to be in a relationship with mystery girl it should be cause you want to, not cause you cant get girls haah. but you'll figure it out "

i dont think mystery girl is me anymore after that conversation and now its just weird... like i wasnt turned on at all this morning when we were sexty texting just knowing that he likes some other girl.. and saying how "she doesnt have to know about it. she doesnt even know i like her. no body knows about her except my brother"
and now i cant even say anything cute to him with out him being like "shouldnt you be saying that to your man" etc etc and he got pretty pissy at me thinking that it was kellin quinn or shawn milke, but i had to explain to him that they're celeb crushes. not my legit crush. im seeing him on monday....and now i feel all weird cause im not the girl he likes, and i dont know how to answer him if he asks about the guy i like... i just really dont know what to think right now :( (link)
It is so unbelievably obvious that he likes you. Maybe, on an off chance he doesn't. But I've been through the whole best-friends-who-are-in-love-with-one-another-and-are-both-too-afraid-to-tell-one-another-then-stuff-it-up-by-being-ambiguous-about-who-they-like thing.

He was trying to be all casual about "mystery girl", and you were trying to be casual about your crush, because you both want each other to know but you're both too afraid to say it. So he ends up thinking "wait a tick, she likes someone else", and you end up thinking "hold on, mystery girl is someone else".

But telling him now, is not good. He just got out of a massively long relationship. He is not ready to be with someone, and you sexting him, flirting with him, and being all cutesy is just confusing him. What happens when someone gets into a relationship too fast after just getting out of another one? The new relationship falls a part really quickly. You need to back up girl. You can be cutesy flirty, but none of this sexting business. Give him some space to be a single bachelor, even if it does upset you. If it's meant to be, you'll still not want anyone but him and he'll come to you when he's ready for a girlfriend.

I don't understand why you're sexting with him anyway. I know you like him, and I can see he likes you, but why would you want to get that close and personal with someone that MAY not like you, and MAY like someone else? What if he shows his friends it? Compared to sex, it is safer, but you shouldn't be giving up anything easily when it comes to guys. Sexting can give up a lot of your dignity and self-respect.

But anyway, maybe say something like, "I'm waiting for this guy to ask me out. I really like him, but he needs some personal space and time to himself. When he's ready to be with me, he can come to me. But I may not wait around forever for him."

Or maybe not. It just kind of rests the issue of him always saying "shouldn't you be saying that to your man".

Remember that you need to be a little selfless and let him have time on his own to move on completely from his ex. 7 months is not a very long time to get over someone you were with for 5 years. Let him come back to you. Still be cute and flirty, but don't give up too much. Sexting is a no-no. And remember that you shouldn't be waiting around forever for some guy that may never come to you. If someone else comes into your life, don't be afraid to go on a few dates with them if you feel like there's something there.


Hello i'm a 20 year old female. I'm about 5'7 and currently weigh now almost 180lbs. Just 3 months ago i weighted 140lbs. I still look like i weigh that i tell people how much i weigh and they dont believe me. I'm not stressed, i'm eating decently healthy. The past month i noticed i was gaining weight so i eliminated any sugary beverages and drink mainly water and have even tried sticking to a low fat diet. But still i'm gaining weight and i just dont understand why. I dont go to the gym and work out but i do get a decent amount of exercise. I take the dogs for a daily 30-45 min walk plus my job requires me to constantly be on my feet. I dont have insurance right now and i only go to the doctors if absolutely needed. Any suggestions on whats going on and what i can do to lose the extra weight? Thanks so much! I do rate (link)
Hmm, that's a bit strange. And it's definitely not a pregnancy?

This is probably not it and is going to sound really stupid, but did you get a new scale? I used to use a non-digital scale, and when I got a digital scale I realised my one was off by about 5 kilos. Digital scales can also stuff up sometimes, too.

Do you think it could be muscle? If you're doing regular exercise, part of the weight gain could be muscle. I don't think you could really gain 40 pounds of muscle, though.

If you keep gaining weight, I would definitely suggest going to see your doctor and asking what it might be. I'm sure it's nothing serious, but sometimes problems with your body and illnesses can make you gain weight. And plus, it's a professional opinion.

The other advice was great though, yay protein!


I feel like I've learned a lot of things because of it, but I also feel like I've missed out a lot and now have pretty poor social skills. I've made better friends online than with people I know IRL, ugh. But nobody ever really invites me to things or w/e IRL and I do have some activities, but just, yeah. And I'm also a terrible procrastinator. I'd do so much better in school if internet (music, forums, news articles) wasn't distracting me all the time.

How could this impact me in the long run? I'm really worried. Like pros and cons wise. I really want to make up for this loss of life experiences when I'm in college. Like I haven't even been close to getting a boyfriend or anything. I don't relate to a lot of my peers on experiences like going to parties on the weekend with people from school, sleepovers, etc. It's also cause I'm one of the new people in school, so it's just very horrid. I haven't even been invited to any event (birthday, hang out at house) in more than a year now. When I first came to my new school people were nice and things were good and now it's like everyone's ignoring me. I dont get why people lose interest in me quickly.. I'm an interesting person, a good friend and everything.. I don't understand what I do wrong all the time. (link)
1) Procrastination.

Procrastination is so, so easily fixed. It's will power baby! You gotta force yourself to get off the computer and do your homework. It's hard trying to get started, but once you get in a bit of a routine, you'll be good. In High School I was a terrible procrastinator, and when I got into University I had to really force myself to do my readings every week. But now I have no problem getting through them (and secretly, I'm starting to enjoy them!) When you start spending more time on your school work, you'll notice your grades will start to go up and it makes you feel really good about yourself.

I would suggest trying to spend say an hour or so as soon as you get home from school on homework. It may be as much as two or even three hours, as long as you get your homework done. Then, you've deserved to go online. And try to limit your online time. It's great, but your life shouldn't revolve around it. Make sure you're off the computer at a certain time so that you get enough sleep :)

2) Social skills.

These are learnable.

It's really hard starting at a new school, but you can always make friends at any point. Don't force it, just maybe try talking to people a little more around you. The thing with social skills, making friends and fighting procrastination, is stepping out of your comfortable bubble and being a little fearless. It'll pay off, the more you step out of your comfort zone, the more confident you will become.

They were nice to you when you came, which is a great sign! They sound like nice kids, but because you're quite reserved and shy, they stopped trying to be your friend because it seemed like you were pulling away from them. Just be nice and friendly, smile a lot, talk more to other people and make more of an effort in your studies. Eventually you'll find someone you click with sweetie, you just got to be a little more talkative with people.

Don't be upset that you don't get invited out much. In High School I didn't have a whole lot of friends and didn't get invited out places often because I was a really shy girl with a low self esteem. When I got into University, it did take me a little while to make friends, but now I get invited to things all the time because I'm so much more confident than I was in High School. People aren't inviting you places because they don't know you. When you make friends, they will want to hang out with you outside of school.

3) College.

I live in Australia so it may be a little different, but here University/College is soo different from High School. People are less judgemental and more open to making friends. Most people there don't have a big group of friends like they did in High School, so they want to make new friends. At first you may be shy and quiet, but keep pushing outside of your comfort zone to talk to people and make friends. The more friends you make, the easier it will become to talk to people. Compared to when I first started Uni, I'm 95% more confident and happier.

So...

You need to force yourself to study. It takes will power and a lot of effort. It's like getting out of bed on a cold morning for school. At first it's painful and seems impossible, but once you're up and walking around it's easy.

You make friends by being a happy, confident person, and by talking more. You may not be confident, but to me, someone that smiles at other people and is just nice is a confident person. Try to talk a little more to people every day, and when you start getting along with someone ask if they want to hang out or go see a movie or something. You can ALWAYS make friends WHEREVER you are :)

School sucks. It just does. But don't let it get you down. When you finish school you'll realise how insignificant it is. You don't even begin life until you finish High School in my opinion, and you'll know what I mean when you graduate.

You sound like a really lovely girl, and a very interesting one at that! There's probably tonnes of people at your school just like you, shy and feeling a bit lonely and sad, but you can always change that.

There's nothing wrong with you at all, you're a great girl, you just need to talk more and let people see your personality a little more and they'll love you!




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