I know that the whole poem is not in Iambic Pentameter but I'm having a hard time figuring out where and what needs to be fixed.
Give me a secret, something sweet to love.
My lost mind floats the waves, in thoughts of you.
Have mercy; let me think you from above.
My carefully planned fate unthreads all too,
Making space for your presence by my side.
“What a couple, they’ll say”, as they do now,
Admit it, only I know when you’ve lied,
And just like now, we’ll drop in a last bow.
But even now, you’re thoughts are still unclear.
And though they all smile afar, the truth stands.
I look at you, dance around you, all cheer.
You don’t see, they don’t see, my shaking hands.
And I know, these rules will never let us be,
Even if you care at all about me.
Line 6 also doesn't follow the stress pattern.
Line 9, it's "your", not "you're"
Line 10, stress pattern doesn't work after "all". Remember that it's stressed/unstressed
Line 11 not in proper stress pattern
Line 12 not in proper stress pattern
Line 13 not in proper stress pattern
Line 14 not in proper stress pattern
The best example of a line in iambic pentameter you have here is "My lost mind floats the waves, in thoughts of you". Every odd syllable is unstressed, and every even syllable is stressed. [ runswithscissors's advice column | Ask runswithscissors A Question ]
xXxPuNki-PiXiExXx answered Monday June 13 2011, 8:35 pm: I'm not an expert on iambic pentameter, so I'm not 100% about the stressed syllables, but this is a pretty decent attempt. You've got about 5-6 stressed syllables per line which is good.
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