Ivy921's advice column

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Q: so tonight i was at a big party type thing..and i notice this guy kind of looking at me from the corner of his eye and purposely turning it seemed to look at me. i picked it up that he was doing it..but i thought nothing of it until later..he started doing "laps" around me when i was talkng to my friends. he went from one part of the room where everyone was all the way to where i was with my friends *it wasnt nearly as crowded..* he did this a couple times! my friends thinks he likes me..when they told him to talk to me he said he was shy. where do i go from here? we dont really talk so help me out from the beginning pleaseee!! this is just new for me because usually the guy likes one of my friends..i happen to have very pretty friends..ok thanks to anyone who tries :)

Oh, he so thinks you are cute and is nervous to talk to you. A little smile and a wave usually seems to do the trick to tell the guy you are interested in talking to him. This can also work in schools. Also, if the guy is interested, you'll see that you will see him pop up in places around you that you hadn't seen before. Say hi. introduce yourself if you don't know each others names. Or say, hi. how did you like that party on friday? something nice, but maybe an easy question to break the ice. Good luck and keep me posted.

Q: i have a feeling that my husband is still fooling around with other girls what should i do to know and find it and to stop him

Oh boy, this is a tough one. People are going to tell you to dump him or gather clues and confront him... But being married is more than just those things, and I'm so sorry this stuff is happening and you must not feel so great about it. Would you be adverse to going to couples counseling together? He may be against it because he may be forced to admit things you don't want to hear, but tell him this: That you think you are having some problems in the marriage that you want to work out, and that some of the things may hurt to hear but you are willing to work through them if he is...
However, if the damage is done and you want out, by all means, kick him out or move out on your own and get a good lawyer.
Good luck and keep me posted.

Q: okay my boyfriend wants me to have sex with him .....i really want ot because i'm 16 sooo what do i do?

Well, being 16 does it make you feel that you are too young and not ready yet. Or do you think that your friends will think its too young and make comments to you? How do you really feel about it, regardless of your age? do you really care for each other? does he treat you with respect and understands what you are feeling (most of the time at least?)
If those answers are yes and you want to have sex, talk about it, get condoms and do what feels right?
If you are thinking about doing it because you want him to like you more or are scared that he's going to leave you if you don't or something along those lines, don't. at any age, be it age 16 or 21 or 32. That will only lead to heartache and a loss of self esteem.
Hope that helps and gives you some things to think about.
Good luck.

Q: I'm 16, and my boyfriend who is 18 will have been going out for 2 months next Friday. I was wondering.. should I get him a card? Or buy him a present? Or should I just not do anything..just simply wish him happy anniversary? What do people usually do for their 2 month anivarserys?

Why don't you guys just go out to a nice dinner or do something special together that day, because before you know it, it will be 3 months, 4 months, 5 months and a card or a gift for each month kind of takes away from the special-ness of celebrating birthdays and things like that.

Q: So, yeah, I haven't updated to you in awhile. Well, alot has happened. Well, by the way my name is Sarra, if you could guess from the user name, and his name is Dallas. Well, after the whole thing of him making out with me, we were talking on the computer and he brought it up. Saying, "Sorry about the other day, it'll never happen agian." So I go, "Ok...can talk to you about this later?" (Because I was going to see him later at a friend's house.) So I later pull him aside and ask him about it, he is still blind and doesn't realize that I loved when he kissed me, and that my whole went numb. (Yeah, I like him that much.) So he says that he just really wanted to kiss someone, and he figure since I also hadn't been seeing or kissing anyone in a while that, why not? And he figure since we had beening joking about lately and he knew that he could trust also why not? Well I felt like sick to my stomach knowing that he thought that it was fine to do that to me. So we haven't talked about it since, and get this, now he has a girlfriend while he still clearly has feelings for his ex. (Even if he doesn't want to admit.) I need help! Thanks.

Thats a tough one. Its really hard when you are hung up on a guy and he has no clue about your feelings. I think the best thing to do right now it keep your distance from him. Being around him will only end up hurting more in the short term and you also run this risk of saying something you may regret later because your feelings are so raw right now. If Dallas has a clue he'll see that you've been distant for a while and try and talk to you. If he asks you directly whats wrong I think you can tell him the truth that you thought that the kiss maybe meant more because you started to have feelinsg for him and what he said afterwards unintentionally hurt. I think that will blow him away. After that, the ball is in his court. You can't force someone to like you, but you can at least have some control of your feelings and the situation. I bet you are a great girl and if not him, then another guy will really adore you. Please keep me posted. take care. xoxooxo

Q: Alright. How old do you have to be to get an abortion? I know that you can get it done at any age, but do you have to have a parent with you or can you have an adult 18 or older?

I'm 14. I'm not sure if I'm pregnant or anything. Just incase. And I don't really need you to tell me that I'm a slut, skank, or whore because I had sex with my boyfriend of a 1/2 year. I would like someone that has had an abortion to answer this question, if that's possible.

Thanks alot,& I rate.

♥

Well, you have to wait a few weeks after you are pregnant, one can't be done until the 6th week. If you feel comfortable telling your parents, your mom can take you to a doctor and he/she can tell you where they are done in your area. If that is not an option, you can go to planned parenthood and have it done there. You have to go with someone who can help take you home afterwards, hopefully someone who can drive. You can't eat or drink about 12 hours before you have it so try and do it first thing in the morning. You'll have your period afterwards for about 2 weeks and have to wear pads, not tampons. You won't feel so great afterwards, but you will feel better about 6 hours or so later.
Good luck and keep me posted.

Q: okay so the other night, my friend told me she likes me, and 2 nights later I asked her out. And she says "I would love too, but I have to bring my grades up and I have Cheer competitions almost every weekend in in January." I really like her and my other friend told me just to give her time. And i don't know if i should give her time or what to do?

Give her time and hang out with her in school. Her parents may have told her that she can't date until these things are done or something like that. If you really like her, you two will find ways to hang out and get to know each other, and besides, with all the holidays and stuff coming up, the January is around the corner.

Q: So me and my friends were smoking paper (yeah i know its retarded) And I know it cant get you high (unless you stuff it with weed or have smoke newspaper which has ink) but I was wondering if there are any effects. You do inhale a ton of smoke and burn the heck out of your throat. Just wondering. I'll rate you for anything unless its under the lines of "Omg you shouldn't do that!" thanks.

I don't think it can be so harmful that years from now at the doctors office you will say, OMG I wish I hadn't smoked paper, but I don't think its the wisest thing to do. It burns fast, you can burn your face, you can burn your throat and you get a lot of smoke in your lungs. Again, not the end of the world, but I bet you'd feel kinda dumb with a burn on your face because of this.

Q: i haven't had my period for 2 months and i know i'm pregnant because i'm a virgin. relatives and stuff think that i have a problem with reproductive system or something and wants me to see a gyno, but i really don't want to do that and i'll make that my last resort. they think it's because i always drink cold stuff and don't eat. my weight is the same as before and idk. help? i'm 14/f by the way

At your age periods aren't always regular and that is normal. However, if you had normal periods before and now you don't, you may have lost too much weight or something else is up. I doubt you have a reproductive problem right now, but if you are too thin ( i don't know if that is the case or not of course) and that is stopping your period, that can become an issue. Maybe talking to your regular doctor first can help. Good luck and keep me posted.

Q: Hey guys,
Me and my older sis just got our noses pierced today, and we were wondering how the hell we're supposed to blow our noses. Wouldn't stuff get stuck on our nose rings? We both have nose screws in right now, their really little diamonds. My sister's is clear and mine is a really light blue. We're wondering when it would be okay to blow our noses. If anyone has their nose pierced, can you please let me know what you did when you first got it done? That'd be great. Thank you so much! I'm going back to the place in about a week or two with my sis to get our nose rings tightened. Thanks in advance!

Yes, but gently. Its actually pretty important to have it clean in there-- you may see that you may come down with more colds this winter if you dont. Its probably easiest to blow your nose after a hot shower when its not dry and can hurt.

Q: I just started a new job. The store is new, it's only been open about a week and a half. I've had about 7 shifts so far.

Well I had today(saturday) off. I knew I didnt have to work again until Sunday. The problem was that my boss left a message at 10 in the morning today saying that she needed me to cover someones shift at 5 today. I didnt actually get the message until after 5 pm because my answering maching wasnt working. So by the time I phoned the store the manager said my supervisor was gone for the day. I know that I wasnt scheduled to work today but could I get fired for not atleast phoning her? I talked to my friends and they told me I am worried for nothing and that I am allowed to have a life, but I just wanted to check here first.

I don't think you are in trouble at all. Touch base with your manager and explain that you didn't get the message until late but in the future you are open to helping out on additional shifts. I wouldn't worry, but I'd feel the same way until I spoke to my boss. People understand that people have lives and aren't always free to work when they aren't scheduled. It shows you have a really good work ethic and that you care.

Q: I have a huuuuge biology test on monday, and im so nervous. It's just so confusing. Im studying so hard but i just know im gunna fail. I have a C- average, so i HAVE to do well. Plus my gramma just died, so thats just another distraction. Im so nervous i feel like im gunna be sick. How can I calm down? What are some good study tips? Pleaseeeee help!

I'm so sorry to hear all of the stress going on in your life. that is not easy. What always worked for me to study was to write the chapter in your own words. It will help you make sense of the material and will also ensure that you aren't just glazing over when you are reading.
Good luck!

Q: If you dont like hearing about sexual things i suggest you stop reading at this point :-)

I asked a question about the pill (birth control) and found out it was 99.9% effective. Does that mean the guy could cum inside the girl and even then there would only be a .1% chance? or is the 99.9% chance with using a condom and pulling out?

Its that there is that 0.01% chance that you could get pregnant. They say that, so in the very rare chance you do get pregnant, you can't sue the drug company. If you both know you are STD free and you use the pill every day at the same time of day (thats the one thing that can make it less effective; skipping a day and taking it and different times) you should be fine if he doesn't pull out.

Q: ok so here's the deal. me and drew went out for 2 1/2 years. everything was perfect and then he went to college. (i'm a highschool senior) he came home every weekend. its been almost 3 months since he's been there. we've had several problems since he's been there. he wanted me to be ok with him at another girls dorm til 1am dancing with a bunch of people. i felt uncomfortable and he didnt understand why. basically we didnt understand each others point of views. i got jealous for no reason. he broke up with me tuesday night. he says he still loves me and the last thing he wants to do is lose me but he feels as if its best. we were both miserable during the week bc i missed him and he couldnt do anything about it. i'm really hoping this is just a break. he won't talk to me. he told me he'll come to me when he's ready. its so hard to wait. apparently he's home this weekend and i dont know what to do. i really hope he calls and we work things out. what should i do?

I'm really sorry to say there isn't a lot you can do right now to get him back. The best thing to do is concentrate on your last year of high school and having a lot of fun with your friends. The good news is that he has a long break in December and I am pretty certain he'll call you during that time and you'll be able to talk. The change between high school and college is really huge, you'll see next year, and while your heart may be breaking, trying to talk to him may backfire and get you more upset. Trust me, I've been there. I think that throwing yourself into all the good things you have going on at home will help ease this. And who knows, over time, if he's the right one, you two will get back together. Sorry that may not be what you want to hear... but I think that may be the case for now. Good luck with everything and keep me posted.

Q: well i started writing poems and songs about sucide and dieing and cutting and popping pills! im sucidal?? PLZ HELP!!
(( and plz dont tell me to go see a counslar or therpist because my family doesnt know and i dont want them to find out))

No, you probably aren't suicidal. You are probably going through a lot of changes in your life and also reflecting what you hear in school/tv/life around you. Its good you are writing about things and I'm sure you are a sensitive and smart person and your writing shows that. If you do feel down, please take note of that and write about how you really feel and if you do feel comfortable talking to someone, like a friend, do so. But I think you will be ok.

Q: There is this boy I have been going with for two months and his mom found a new house and is moving. When they move he will be tranferring to a new school. They keep setting these dates of when it's going to happen. Every time that date comes they don't move. When I found out he was moving I cried for two whole days. I really love him and don't want him to leave. Then he asked me if he actually does leave will we still be together. I really need some advice on if I should stay with him.

Yes, a long distance thing isn't that hard especially with IM and texting, etc. Also if he goes to a new school he'll need the support when he first gets there and someone to talk to. I know it will be different when he moves away, but it doesn't mean it will be worse and if you care as much about him as it seems you do, I'm sure it will work out. Good luck and keep me posted.

Q: Hey I'm a guy and was just wondering...should age matter in a relationship? What's your point of view on this one, like does it matter if both are close in age or far apart...by far I mean less than 5 years or so. Thanks in advance, will rate.

It depends on what age you are and what age the other person is. Say, 16 and 21 isn't great, but 28 and 33 is no big deal. Its not so much about age as it is about being in the same phase in your life. Makes communication easier. Hope that helps.

Q: 15/sophmore/female.

I have been with my boyfriend since feb. 2nd 2004. yes, 2004, not a typo. He has always gotten, uneasy (i guess thats the word) when i talk to or hang out with other guys. Me and my boyfriend go to different schools. Well I talk to this guy from my summer job, and he is 21, and in college. My boyfriend is 17, and i am 15. And my boyfriend is on drumline, and so I am so used to him not getting home until 6:00. I get home around 3:30. well, he doesnt have drumline anymore, so he was home today. and i didnt call him. so when I did, he didnt sounded, not mad, but upset, i cant describe it. and he asked if i was online, and i said yes. and then he asked if i was "talking to that twenty year old " and i said yes, and i was talking to Elise too. And he said "I'll call you later" and i asked why. and then i cant remeber the rest, it was really short, and then he hung up. and didnt say bye. so i called back, no answer. i called his cell, no answer, so i texted him saying that im sorry and that he cant get mad at me for talking with my friends and that i love him (being my boyfriend) in a way that i could never love anyone else.

My boyfriend and i do have silly fights alot. but this one is stupid, i mean, this guy is 6years older than me. I would never date him. He is a good friend,sorta like a brother to me.

did i do anything wrong?
My boyfriend and i just got over the whole "cant hug the opposite sex" thing. he used to get upset when i did that. keep that in mind.

What should I do? What should i say? should i call my boyfriend? text him?

any advice is welcome.
if you need more info, just ask for it. thank you.

-Kelsey-

He's pretty insecure and is scared of losing you to this other guy which is I guess understandable because I bet he thinks you are pretty great and most guys would like you. That said, his reaction is a bit extreme. Its one thing to be a little jealous, but this boarders on possessive. Send him an email telling him how you feel and that you would never date that guy and that you care about him. Send him and then let him get back to you. He needs to cool down a bit and try and get some perspective. Try and make some plans just the two of you this weekend and show him that you only have eyes for him. If this blows up into something bigger than he has maybe some other issues that you guys need to deal with, but i think this will blow over. good luck and keep me posted.

Q: well i was hanging out with some guys aboout 2 years older than me. i have only been friends with them for like a month, and i think one of them (Josh) is incredible hott. So i was with the guys and josh was there and he kept staring at me. so i was like why are u staring at me? and hes like your really pretty. and he started smiling... but idk if i believe him or not. is he only doing this as a joke since he knows i think hes hott? should i trust him, or is he just doing this to show off for his friends?

He is flirting which is a good thing. Just keep hanging out casually and being yourself and see what happens. I don't think he would have said that without some truth behind it, but you know, actions speak louder than words, let him come to you. I bet he likes the chase and so have fun and see what happens.

Q: I have a '05 mustang GT and I wont let anyone drive it. I don't even let my best friend who I've known since we were 3 drive it. But, apparently, my bf thinks he should be an acceptation.

We were supposed to go to a concert last night. Well, he called me up and told me that we can't take his car because he didn't have any gas and we were running late. I told him that I didn't want to take my car because the concert was in a different city and I didn't know how to get there. He gets very irritated when he has to tell someone where to go when they are driving. So, me driving was not an option.

He then suggested that he drives my car. I said no. He asked why not and I told him what I always tell him, no one drives my car.

I said that I'd even pay for the gas and that I didn't care if we were a few min. late.

He didn't pay attention to that and got all upset because I wouldn't let him drive. We ended up in an argument and didn't go to the concert.

I have my reasons for not letting my friends drive my car. Most of which is because most of them are not responsible drivers. So I don't see why my bf feels that he should be an acceptation. I'm not going to let him drive it and I'm not going to apologize. Should I just wait until he comes around?

You are totally in the right and its your perogative. He will come around. In fact, I'm surprised you aren't more upset with him trying to pressure you to drive. He'll get over it. He's just jealous of your car.