I am a father of three, girl, boy, girl, all are now over 18. I have been married for 29 years as of 6-30-07, so yes, if you do the math I was married at 18, just after graduating high school. I am very aware of the pit falls of doing so, but we made it through the really tough times. I came to this site, because of my daughter, she also uses the site.
I am an author and have written three books, only one under this name, but it is not how I make my living. I am in business, working full time and I have a seasonal business in ponds, selling Koi, goldfish, water plants and supplies. I help people to plan and build ponds, as well as, maintenance if they need it.
I am not here for the ratings and could careless what you rate me. I will tell you things I know, I will tell you what you don't want to hear, but most of all, I will tell you things from my perspective. I have experienced a lot in my life, I have not lived with my head in the sand and I'm a realist, you want someone to blow smoke up your as*, don't read my writings, (I don't do fairy tales).
I am not so foolish as to think I am always right, I can only tell you what I know and give you something to think about. It is up to you to find out if I'm right or not.
Life is complicated, because people are complicated and one answer does not necessarily fit all, but that doesn't mean you should not consider what I say as a possibility.
Feel free to write me personally if you wish, there is only so much you can say in such a restrictive environment as this site is, it doesn't allow for proper conversation.
Thank you for coming to my column and giving me the chance to help.
E-mail: gibber@cableone.net
Gender: Male
Location: Minnesota
Age: 53
Member Since: May 14, 2008
Answers: 285
Last Update: March 27, 2013
Visitors: 26920
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:sorry so long:
so i went with this guy for six months. we fell in love. but then we both switched schools.he tried really hard to go to the school i was going to but he wasnt in there district. so we broke up. hes not the type to cry but when we broke up he cried and it tore my heart into shreds! we kept talking afterwards though.i kept hope that maybe he would get into th school that i was goin to but it kept seeming more likely.its been about 4months since we broke up and theres been a few boys to ask me out.every time i told my ex about it he would say so are you gonna go with him, and i would say no and wonder why he would ask me that. well non of those boys i really liked like that and i still am not over my ex.well i asked my ex a couple of days ago if he still loved me and he said he didnt know. another boy asked me out thats not that bad looking...well i told my ex about him and he was like are you gonna go with him and i asked do you want me to and he said maybe it will help me get over him. the thing is he jus told me he might be moving and if he does he might have to go to the school im goin to next year. i jus keep thinking what if he does go to my school.then we could go back out and he said he would if he did go. i just feel wierd going with somebody when i still have strong feelings for my ex and am having a hard time getting over him becasue i still have hope that he'll go to my school next year and we can go out.could anybody give me some insight on why he insist that i go with the boy that asked me out.he told me he doesnt have a girlfriend and isnt about2 so thats not it...i jus dont really beleive that he wants me to see other people so i can get over him. do you? (link)
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It's hard to say this and it's going to be hard for you to except, but he has realized that for him it was not love, it was infatuation. Being young, it is hard to see, but infatuation is often mistaken for love and I feel that on your part it was also. Infatuation is one of the steps to love, so it's hard to know, when it's happening to you, which is it, love, or infatuation.
(Off the subject, but still pertainate; this is why you should wait to have sex. You need to know what it is, infatuation, or love before you complicate a relationship further by bring sex into the equation.)
You should date and date a lot, until you can start recognizing this, otherwise you will be in early adulthood wondering why you married the guy you did in the first place, once the infatuation wears off.
Distance made you get through the infatuation stage, where time normally does that. Remember to make sure that you take time with any guy you date, so you can get past the infatuation stage and see if it has the legs to get you to the love stage.
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Okay so im 18f and hes 23m
Hes my old bosses son andive liked hm for quite some time. Im going to the works xmas party with a friend who still works there and i know hes gonna be there.
I realy want to let him know i want him. What are some things i can do or say to make him know this and turn him on. But it has to be something that i could do in a croud and not have the other people know.
THANKS! (link)
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2nd edit;
So, going up and asking him if he would like to go out with you sometime sucks so bad it deserves a 1. And I'm sorry, but saying, "I want him," and you want to "turn him on". Is sexual in any bodies book, though I did give you the benefit of the doubt in my original post, why is it you can't just ignore the stuff that doesn't apply. You have taken it personal and you don't even know me. I think you might be just a bit unstable right now, maybe you should take a breath.
Edit;
Your just going to give me a 1 rating and not respond to me. I gave you advice for both possibilities and neither one of them deserves a 1. Okay, maybe they are not fives, but your question is not a five either. Words mean things, when it is all we have to go on, could you be more careful how you use them please.
Normally, romantic advice is a specialty of mine, but in your case that's not what you need. In your words, I don't see romance, I see, teach me to be a whore, no offense. (First and second line, second paragraph.) You do it your way and that's the way he'll see it. You will not become anything serious, whores never do. So you need to decide what it is you want, something that could be serious, or a one night stand.
You want something serious, then go up and ask him if he would care to go out sometime with you. You want a one night stand, go up and whisper in his ear "I want to F_ck you", nothing turns a guy on more then that direct statement coming from the right girl, you just have to hope you're the right girl.
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Male, mid 20's.
I don't need advice on how to get my ex to be my friend again, I've already asked and researched and everything. I'm ready to be friends again.
I just don't know how to get her to talk to me so I can do all that. I mean, is there like a perfect email/blog comment/phone call that will make her actually take notice enough to let me say what I have to say? (link)
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Why are the girls so often the smart ones? She is making a clean break just as you should be. Leave it alone, you tried, there was not enough, let it go. As ex's at your age, there is too much conflict to be friends and she knows it. She loves you, you love her, it will always be that way, love doesn't just go away. Most people can't find their soul mates when their judgment is being clouded by another love. Say good bye for now, look for your only, perhaps life will bring you back together as friends someday. Don't doubt the plan.
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Me and my ex-boyfriend are like best friends..friends with benefits kinda thing..but a lot closer then friends like people think we're dating lol but as much as i love him to death..i can't stand him. We're both really stubborn people and we both think about things in completely different ways..and we always fight. Its rare that we go through a whole night with out getting into a fight. I've tried to end my friendship with him so many times but he's always like i can't let you leave cause i need you we need eachother your so important to me..and i can only get like 4 days of not talking to him cause i end up missing him too much. But as much as we care about eachother..in reality we don't bring anything good out of eachother. Does anyone know what i mean? Like you want to just forget about him but i feel like i need him cause he's my best friend. I don't know why i can't give him up =( I think since we care about eachother so much we try to bring back our feelings for eachother but its like that ship has left. We're going to off to college at the end of the school year..and i know our friendship wont last through college as much as i'll miss him. What should i do should i just end my friendship with him now or what? (link)
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2nd edit;
You think this is rude! You think my telling you how I see it is RUDE. Your the one that wrote the letter, I'm telling you what I would do. Do you wonder why no one else has answered your post, I don't. Could it be that there isn't anyone out there who is willing to say the same thing I have said and get a 1 rating from you.
Don't feel bad, you are not the only person here who writes to find people to tell her what she wants to hear, to validate something they are doing wrong. I don't really care about the rating you give me, see, I care about you. I want you to look back on your life and not regret, to know that you tried very hard to do the right thing. If you knew you were doing the right thing, you would not have written your letter and what I say would not matter to you. But it does matter, doesn't it? The truth hurts sometimes, but you'll be the one living with it, not me. Be well dear spirit, I truly wish you the best and hope you can live a life of no regrets.
Original post;
End the benefits, see how long he needs you after that, won't be long I bet. While you are in a destructive, going no where relationship, do you think you may have missed your only, I hope not.
1st Addition,
Looks like ending it is not really an option to you, even though that is the question you asked. This is Advicenators, not Optionnators or tellyouwhatyouwanttohearanator. My advice seems fairly cut and dry, I advice you to end it with him and you give me a 1 rating. So it is clear that you don't really want advice, you want someone to tell you to stay with him. Run to him and try to make it work, your meant to be together, it's destiny. There, do you fell better now?
You may not like what I have to say, but when you ask an "A" or "B" question, I think a 1 when you don't get the answer you wanted is a little harsh.
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Sorry this is a bit long. okay so i am a 21 year old female. So last week, I was asked out by a co worker of mine, Brad. I'm not interested in him relationship wise but I politely declined. He wasn't really upset thankfully. Anyway since then Brad has been talking to me a lot and today we happened to take our lunch break at the same time. Brad asked me to sit with him and when i did, he reached our for a hug and said he was happy we were still friends, even though i didnt want to go out. So i returned the hug. A few seconds into the hug he grabbed my arm and pulled it above my head so that i was pinned against him with my arm up in the air. To my horror he took his other arm, wapped it around me and began to tickle my armpit (the one that was exposed because my arm was up). I am EXTREMELY ticklish under my arms and I began to scream and laugh hysterically. Brad is double my size so he was able to keep me pinned against him. He wouldnt stop tickling my armpit. He continued it for a long time. I was laughing, screaming, and crying. It tickled so much. Anyway, when he was done and when we had to go back to work, he pulled me aside and told me that he had had fun and told me i better be looking forward to being his tickle slave. I dont want to keep being tickled so how do i let him know that i dont like being tickled without hurting his feelings? (link)
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OOH, don't shoot for that one, hurt this guys feeling, the sooner the better. You do not want to be friends with him and if he does one more thing, you don't even want to be co-workers with him. Make it perfectly clear that you don't even want him approaching you. Tell him his behavior was not acceptable and you will not have it happen again. You have no interest in having a male co-worker as a friend and if he does not respect your wishes, you will go to management and file a complaint. Don't mess around with this guy, spell it out and stay clear.
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me and my boyfriend recently had rather mind blowing sex. After having sex for about a year now (we have been together for two) we are always very sensible. I was on the pill for a short time until it did crazy things with my periods, and then I went off it.
However, I have never achieved orgasm with him. Maybe this is because he is my first and we dont have time to practice - or a free house!
So its two questions. One leads on to the other.
a) Last night it felt the best ever - I had so much tension in me, but I don't know if I orgasmed. It felt like I was on the brink and then it didnt, and then it did, and cor, that suggests to me that I didnt - Ive never had one before so I don't know what it feels like! So, how do you know? What does it feel like?
b) After we did the deed and he pulled out, there was something that was very wet and sticky EVERYWHERE. the top of the condom was full and although the condom had pulled up a bit at the bottom and i know it could leak out, they fit well normally and i was under the impression it was unlikely.
Problem is, I've never been so wet it got on the bed and on all over him.
So do you think I should get the morning after pill? Should I consider that I may have 'come'? Or should I think that I was rather more extraordinarily wet than normal?
Yours, confused and worried. :) (link)
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Edit:
Not sure where you are coming from in criticizing me as you did. I answered your question, my question to you would be, did you not read anything after I mistakenly assumed you were young? I'm not sure when it became a crime to think that a women is young. I was not criticizing you, I admire that you spent a year getting to know your partner, but I ask you, how do I know for sure that the stains on your sheets were yours? I wasn't there. I can tell you that my wife has experienced female ejaculation a few times and contrary to what others say, you don't automatically know you have had an orgasm. Most often, like I said, the women thinks she has urinated. I tried to make that clear, it is a different type of orgasm then a women normally experiences and is very confusing for her.
There are no less then three types of orgasms for women and each is more intense then the other. There is the external, often done by masturbation. There is the internal caused by the rubbing of the penis or another object against the right spot in the vagina, (often called the g-spot), and is more intense then the external, the third is when a women actually ejaculates a liquid that is normally clear but does become sticky as it drys and may appear white once it does, but not always.
I'm sorry if I did not explain this clear enough for you, but perhaps you need to consider not being quite so sensitive, when you don't give all the information and a person has to make an assumption. In truth dear spirit, your own inhibitions about what is wrong and what is right about sex is getting in your way.
As to using the morning after pill, I will not answer to that, it is something that you have to choose for yourself, I will not be responsible for you ending a life. Even if it is only hours that an egg has been fertile, I still see that as abortion. Fault me if you want too, but I will not make that kind of choice for you.
Thank you though for making up my mind for me, I will no longer answer questions that don't have enough detail in them for me to give informed advice.
Original response;
You know, this is the problem of getting into sex at an early age, I don't mean to sound critical here, but when you have so many more questions then you have answers, this should be a clue that you don't know enough about sex to be participating in it. You know, you can't play baseball with out understanding it, but somehow it's okay to rush head long into something that can be so life changing.
I'm not criticizing here, I am speaking from experience. I knew nothing of the female body when we first started having sex and she didn't know much more. If I were to say that she did not experience an orgasm in the first five years, I would probably not be that far off. In our defense, back then, information on sex, was not easy to get.
I could explain to you that women naturally lubricate at times of arousal, they also can ejaculate during a very intense experience. Trouble is that when it is first experienced it seems much like urinating to the women and the shock of it mentally interrupts and diminishes the orgasm, so questioning whether or not you did is quite common.
Had you waited and explored sex by yourself through masturbation, you would know what an orgasm feels like, at least the type you induce yourself. I say this because the different types you women can experience, feel different as well.
Try self stimulation, after you learn how to make yourself orgasm, try it in conjunction with your partner and penetration. Learn about the female body, there are plenty of books out there. Don't be afraid to tell your partner what feels good, he'll thank you for the information.
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I'm really like this girl who is in my school ok but I'm really nervous to ask her out as i dont know her and im not in her class.So I was thinking of getting my cousin to do it as he is in her class and I was wondering to girls find that a bit weird.SO MY QUESTION IS DO GIRLS HATE IT WHEN SOMEONE GETS THEIR FRIEND TO ASK THEM OUT FOR THEM?
(I wouldn't do it myself as i couldn't stand getting rejected like that) (link)
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Never go through someone else and stay away from lines. I'll give you an idea of how to approach this. Common ground would be so useful here, if you know of someway to get that, maybe an interest of hers, or a place she likes to go. Make eye contact, it is very important that you don't sneak up on her. When you reach her, introduce yourself and remind her you go to school together. Tell her you don't have any classes together or anything, so you have no way to get to know her and you sure would like too. Ask her if she would care to go out, or if maybe there was a shared activity she liked where you could get to know each other better. The mistake we often make is going all or nothing, letting her have options, lets her feel in control and safe.
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18,f. sorry long, but so thankful if you read this.
i use to be happy, i use to love life. now i'm the complete opposite. i've been through so much in the past and i'm currently going through some rough times. i don't like to complain, i don't want people to feel bad for me but i just don't know what to do with myself anymore. it all started in 8th grade. i had a major surgery, and it wash honestly one of the worst things i had to deal with. i had a cist in my mouth, they had to break my jaw. the oral surgeon said NOBODY has ever seen this before, it was something rare. after surgery i was throwing up blood, i couldn't sleep and didn't eat. i lost so much weight and i'm a skinny girl to begin with. they threatened to put a tube down my throat because i needed to eat but i refused. it ended up taking about a full year for my cheeks to get back to normal and everything else but now i have to go every year to the hospital for a check up to make sure the cells that were in my cist aren't coming back, because it's possible and that just scares me so much. my great grandpa also died, i know people aren't really close with their "great" grandparents or anything but he was like my grandpa. i saw him all the time, he believed in me, he was one of the strongest men i know and he was my hero. when he died i was so lost. people think i'm so gorgeous, guys have even told me im "perfect" and i think i'm pretty, but have no self-confidence. i can't take a compliment at all. i don't really mind how i look but no guys want to go for me for some reason. i'm not a bitch, i'm a nice person i dont know what my problem is. i have trust issues, especially with guys. i've tried to trust people and two of my best friends completely screwed me over and it hurt, really bad because they did hurtful things, and it affected my family. i use to be close to my family. don't get me wrong it's not like i don't still talk to them but they think i don't appreicate anything. they think i'm a brat and all i do is want everything from them. lately i have been crabby, i'll admit that and maybe sometimes i don't treat my parents how they should be treated but i can't help it. everything is getting to me and i have the shortest temper. sometimes i'll even cry for no reason? my friends all left me to go off to college and i need them, more than anything. i'm a freshman in college but am living at home. college is so stressful, i am trying so hard and i'm doing pretty good but it's taking a toll on me. work is just a whole different issue. i love my job, and i had the opportunity to work at a bank but i didn't want to leave my current job because i loved it so much and that opportunity passed and now i regret it so much because i can't work at the place i'm at now forever. and i'm majoring in business so i should of taken the bank job. since school started and with everything else going on i don't really have time to eat much. i've lost about 10 pounds in the past two months. i am about 5'6 and use to weigh around 120 and now i weigh about 112. i don't want to lose weight, i try to gain it back but i can't, i can't eat right. all my jeans are too big for me now and i hate it. i can't sleep at night. i am too worried about everything going on in my life. i recently had my heartbroken by my best guy friend,we were not going out but were really close to and he decided he wanted someone else and i don't know how i'm going to overcome this. i have been having pains in my stomach, and the worst aches on my body and my mom thinks it's due to stress, i think so too. ive been to the doctor and they said nothing was wrong. nobody understands me. they don't know what i'm going through. everyone thinks im something i'm not. they think i'm a strong girl, they think i'm happy because i pretend to be they think i live a perfect life. i don't want people to think my life is a mess and that i have so many problems. i do let it out, i have cried too many times to count but nobody knows this. my parents won't understand. they think i'm fine. everytime i bring up a problem with them they say "you'll be fine" or "dont worry, it'll get better" or "there is nothing wrong with you" they tell me to try my hardest and thats all they ask of me because they know how stressed out i get and they know i try, really really hard at everything i do but i just can't even handle everything right now. i know people in the world have much worse problems than me, but why does it seem like everything in my life is falling apart. like nothing i do will make it better? (link)
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In all this, I hear nothing, it is emptiness I see. People think that they can go through life on ignore and they don't do what they are suppose to be doing.
I will give you the basics here, so don't expect an epiphany here. The Human Being is the combination of the Human Animal and the Spiritual Being. You have been living with the Animal in charge, not the spirit. Your spirit will see the lessons in all that you have gone through, the animal will just consider them a string of bad things and say, "Oh, poor me, I have it so rough". Trouble is, until you start seeing the lessons and changing what you are suppose to change, these things will not stop.
You are suppose to live by the spirit and use the animal. You are living by the animal and ignoring the spirit.
This is not going to seem to you like much help right now, but it is what you need to hear. Take time to get to know your spirit and look back with it to see what you think of all these "bad" things.
To close dear lady, Your great grandfather never left you, not for one minute. He's always with you, search and you'll see.
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My mom is wanting me get the flu shot but I have a few questions. Does the flu shot give you the flu? Does the flu shot make you sick after having it?
My best friend had the flu shot last year and was terribly ill for a week or better afterward. She said that if she hadn't had the flu shot then she probably wouldn't have gotten sick because she rarely gets sick (she was just taking the flu shot because she could get it for free and figured, "Why not?").
I don't want to end up sick because I was trying to avoid getting sick. I really hate when I get the flu (or any kind of illness, actually) so I am trying to avoid people that are ill already with it. I'm afraid that if I get the flu shot then I'll end up sick too, just like my best friend was last year.
So, does anyone know if the flu shot makes you sick or if the flu shot actually gives you the flu? If it doesn't make you sick then why did my friend get sick last year right after having the flu shot? (link)
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The flu vaccine is the makers best guess at what type of flues will be around this season. They should be dead viruses that your body will then react to. Since you can't get the same form of flu twice, you will not get those particular strains this season. Since your body doesn't know these viruses are dead, it fights them as if they are not, so some mild reaction is common. However, should the vaccine happen to be tainted by a live one, you will get that strain. This should not happen and no maker is going to admit it when it does.
You can still get the flu after the flu shot, if the maker has guessed wrong about what strains are going to hit this season. Either way, life is a crap shoot, if you feel there is a need for one,(is there a lot of risk that you will come in contact with a flu bug? Are you at risk of not being able to fight off a bug? Do you have bad habits, touching your face, not washing after using a public wash room etc...?), if so get the shot and expect to have a short time of not quite feeling yourself, should be less then 24 hours. Most likely not more then a few hours after you get it.
I personally have never got one, though when I reach old age, I may start then. My wife does though, because of an illness she had some years back that almost killed her, her system may not fight it as well as it should. I believe that so much of what medicine does these days is harming us, making us weaker, more unable to fight off things naturally. Germs, bugs, etc..., make our system stronger in the long run. There are times when we need the help and there are times when we don't. Planning for everything, means doing nothing and this kind of paranoia is going to do great harm in the end, though we may not live to see it.
If you have not had children yet, there is that to consider. Will these things over generations weaken your family tree and the human race in the process? Do you risk this so that you can have the convenience of not getting sick?
There are those who believe that man will not kill ourselves off through war, it will be a super virus that we cause trying to fight lesser viruses. Thinking about these things harms no one, doing things with out thought can do great harm to us all.
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Before you start thinking of a response to my subject, it's not what it literally sounds like.. Anyways I like this girl like a lot. Shes special to me, she became my second TRUE friend in my life. But my best friend knows her a bit more than I do and said that she's heartless, a gold digger, and has no intention of finding love. After hearing that my heart sort of broke a piece off. He was just trying to save me from experiencing a greater pain, but right now I'm in a state of like confliction. Like inside I don't want to believe that shes that kind of person. I was thinking of trying to change her but my friend mentioned that people can't change, and even if I do change her then it will become one of those situations where your loving someone for who they are not. I don't quite fully understand.. If she really is that sort of person then I want to change that, maybe shes heartless because no one cared for her or was there for her. Any advice? I don't want to be just her friend. (link)
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Perception is everything. You can not change someone, you can only change yourself, this applies to her as well. With some people setting a good example only makes others work harder at trying to find fault in you. Trusting someone else's word as to what a person is or is not can be fatal, not trusting another's word as to what a person is or is not can be fatal.
If I told you who's quote this is, you may dismiss it with prejudice, so I won't tell you, "Trust, but verify." Know how far each person in your life goes, it's very important that you know who will die for you and who will head for the door when you get into a bar fight.
I have had people be right on things like this and be wrong, it is the perspective they come from. The friend that gets beat up for insulting some guy's girlfriend and you don't lend a hand, may consider you a chicken, when you just felt he had it coming and in truth, you would have done the same thing.
Test, that is always the proper thing to do, test and watch. Always live with your eyes wide open, don't make excuses for others just because you want them to be something they are not. See them for what they are and decide if you can accept them for what they are. If you can't, move on, don't try to change them, because the odds are way against you. People choose for themselves what they want to be, many choose the easy way, instead of the right way.
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Is it possible for a guy to actually love you in highschool? Even when you are having sex?
Or do they ALWAYS just use you? (link)
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One, don't have sex with a guy you're not sure of. Two, don't have sex with guys, wait till they become men. Three if you're having sex with a guy you're not sure of if he's using you or not, tell him you're afraid you might get pregnant, so you're not going to have sex with him any more, if he drops you, he was using you. Four, don't tell him this when you're in the middle of having sex, (sorry, small joke).
Very few guys at that age really know what love is, I really didn't. I wasn't out to get laid either, I just wanted to be accepted by someone. Guys are not good for that, if you're another guy. At that age they're all busy trying to impress everyone. I have talked several times about the fact that women want to be everything to one person, where men want to be everything to everybody. Problem is and some come to realize it sooner then others but, men can't be everything to other men. We are all trying very hard to accomplish this, but in the end, it's futile. Some guys learn that, some don't.
In general it is safest to think that all guys want to get into your pants, just don't let them and see who still hangs around, love always hangs around.
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my boyfriend is 20. i am 19. he is coming down for thanksgiving. we have been together for almost only 5 months. i dont think we are spending thanksgiving together. he at his family dinner. i at my family dinner.
my question being, he would love to see me all dressed up. (heels, hair done, dress) (like prom) obviously we are not in high school, so no prom dances. :) but i would like to do this for him. but i want it to be a special occasion so it doesnt seem corny!!!
any ideas of anything would help so much. im sorry if my question is awkard because im a bit confused on what im asking :) but advice would be greatly appreciated! thanks!!! (link)
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You have made me smile and warmed me on a cold night, thank you. I know what your looking for and understand it. My daughter got married recently and they wanted simple and casual dress. I told them that their wedding was not for them, no matter what they think. People have so little reason to get dressed up these days and the inner self's need to do it is so strong. Everybody looks so good, so self assured and I gotta say it again, so damn good when they dress to impress and why shouldn't we have that?
I tell you what, never be afraid to show that, never be afraid to shine like the diamond you are. You talk to your boy friend and tell him that you realize that Thanks Giving is about family, but it is also about giving thanks and you wish to see him for just a kiss that night so you can remind him how thankful you are that you know him. Tell him it can be just a minute where ever he wants, on his doorstep if necessary. Then you show up dressed for him in all your beauty and shine, you never need an excuse to shine dear spirit and you should always shine bright.
Say nothing when you see and approach him, go straight for a kiss then turn around to leave, if he doesn't think of something for the two of you to do, this one may be too stupid for you. Trust me, you'll knock him for a loop. He'll know after this that he has something special with in his grasp.
You should never fear corny, or awkward, because another word for them is special and that is what it will make him feel. It is only when we are most vulnerable that true love reveals itself.
I expect to hear from you after Thanks Giving dear lady.
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ok me n my bf have been 2gether since 2000! we have a 3 yr old son n we love each other! but he jst ignores me alot n treats me like im not here! but he treats other people all diff! hes all nice n respectfull 2 them but with me is a whole diff story! he always tells me that i need 2 quit carring about things he dose n i should jst care about that he loves me only! but i tell him but u dnt show me that u do! he says 2 quit bitching n nigging at him! that i need 2 change! n i admit i do bitch n bitch at him alot! its like everyday! but wat gf doesnt! wat can i do 2 change my attitude tores him! how can i show him that i dnt really care about wat he dose even dough i do! (link)
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Do you know what he doesn't know? You kind of seem like you do, but you don't realize it. Let's see if we can put it into words. There are things that a man and women need to be too each other if they are going to live their life together. There is one thing that every husband and wife that reaches till death do us part, have in common. They are best friends.
Now, let's understand what you want deep down inside. Women, deep down inside want to be everything to one person. Here's where the trouble comes in, men want to be everything to everybody. He already feels, (wrongly so), he is everything to you, so he doesn't have to do anything but express his love to you.
So tell me, where does bitching and nagging come into to this, well, frustration. Big question, does it help, does it make him think? No, guys don't do that. You really have to spell it out to us at that age and older.
When you are alone with him and he doesn't have the Do Not Disturb sign hanging from his forehead, try talking to him about these things. Get him realizing that thinking he is solidly everything to you is wrong. Tell him when the day comes that he is your best friend and you can tell him all your, (play this up now), deepest darkest secrets, you'll let him know.
Remember now, once in a while we need to be bitched at, remember the old saying, "Behind every great man is a great bitch", or something like that. I think you'll find though, once he starts thinking about it, you will not find as much to bitch about.
Changing people from who they are, to who you want them to be is wrong, expecting them to take part in their own life is not.
Be well dear spirit.
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this is my situation,
im 16 years old, 4 weeks pregnant i know i have options and i have been thinking about them a lot.
adoption is just out of the question if i did that then one of my family members would adopt my child and i wouldn't be able to deal with that. So im not putting my child up for adoption.
i have always told myself that i was against abortion not just because i think of it as killing a baby but because it can cause physical and emotional harm to you also.
if i kept the baby i know i would have sooo many people behind me my mom has 4 sisters and all of them including her had there first baby at 17 so i know they would understand i know they would all help me, but im sooo scared. Im a Jr this year and the baby wouldnt be born till late july early augest so thats summer i mean .. i want to go back to school after i have the baby i would do that.. but i dont know.. i mean im not sure the father will stick around my best friend is his sister i know she would help me but i dont know what to do... i really dont want to be someones mother right now and i know its my boyfriends and mine fault that this happened but .. HELP!
what would you do in my situation, tell me why and what you think I should do!... please help any advice will help me (link)
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Edit;
There, that's the reaction I was looking for, remember, "A child is best taken care of by it's own mother". No one will ever love your child like you will. You are in for the ride of your life my dear, you will learn more from your child and she will make you become the best person you could ever imagine being. I will not apologize for what I said, it has made you make the proper choice and I wish you the best. You and your daughter will be watched over, that I promise you.
I'm not going to give advice, I'm going to give you my opinion. In almost every case a child is best taken care of by it's own mother. That said, I feel an open adoption is what you should do, to a couple. I must add that you are still in the first trimester and you can not be sure you are even going to carry this through until you are past this stage, but I will assume you will make it.
Find a good couple, one you don't know, complete strangers, who will raise this child as their own and give it the life it deserves, one that you obviously can't, or won't. You have shown already that you don't make good choices, you can't even pick a boy with balls, it makes me wonder how you got pregnant. Worse yet, you were stupid enough to have sex with him, hopefully it was before you knew these things, but I doubt it. That really has no bearing, for you should never have sex with someone who you don't know well enough to know if he's going to stand behind you and has the balls to be a man.
For once, make the right decision and let a real man and woman raise your child, cause you'll screw it up, you could never show this child the love it needs. I'm sure you'd just end up resenting it for screwing up your life.
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So here's the situation I have been friends with this guy for a few months now and ever since we first met it was clear we both like each other and like we kissed before and tried dating but it just didn't really work out. Now we're just friends and its working really well except there's still like tension between us because its clear we still like each other. I was thinking we could be like friends with benefits and stay just friends but then like if we get the urge to kiss each other or fool around thats fine and theres no commitments and no expectations which was the problem before. I don't really know if this will work out though and I'm afraid of telling him my idea and how he might react to it.... (link)
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I'll Remember You in Spring Time
I'll remember you in spring time and when I contemplate, the reason why we cling to those who give us such false fate.
I'll remember you in spring time and in the early morn, for that was when I loved you, that was when we were born.
I'll remember you in spring time and when our love was new, before it was you took me apart and could not find the glue.
In the fall, I'll forget it all in favor of my fate, when someone comes who knows how to be my love of late.
Rick Gilbertson
If you know not my opinion from this writing, read my column, or write me. I warn you though, I won't just give you platitudes like those who came before me.
P.S. I see my message totally escaped you, I shouldn't wonder, I should know better by now then to answer stupid questions, where the answer you want is so apparent. Here let's try again, sure go with the benefits thingy, you don't have to worry, you'll never get pregnant and even if you did, you could abort it. And don't worry, you won't miss your soul mate while your tied up in a meaningless relationship and I'm sure any man out there would love to marry a women so loose that she believes in friends with benefits.
There, now can you change my rating to a five, I agree with you, Friends with benefits, whoray
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i dated this guy for about 2 years and i was in love. its been about 7 months now since weve broken up, and im not over him due to the fact that for the first 5 months after we broke up we would still hangout and he would still tell me he had alot of feelings for me until i couldnt take all of that bullshit anymore. just last month hes been saying that he missed me and that he still loved me.. then i wouldnt hear from him for another couple weeks.. its just confusing and annoying like if he really loved me he would actually be trying, but he doesnt and i just want to be done with it all because ive been so hurt by all his bullshit! anyways!! i really just want to get over him, any advice on ways to forget somenoe you were in love with? i really wish i could find a new guy to replace him and make me forget him but ive been trying and im just not into anybody.. i thought finding a new boyfriend would be much easier but its not at all. i go out a lot with friends but, it doesnt exactly help me get over him? (link)
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You still love him and always will, just like he will. Love can't be taken back, once given. When it comes right down to it, there wasn't enough, to the two of you, to like each other well enough to stay together. There is nothing wrong with this, but you can not take like out of the equation. It doesn't matter how many years it's been, that will not change. You have tasted the love between man and women now, you just need to find the one that you will like enough and will like you enough to spend your lives together. These things don't happen just because you want them to, it takes time. Wait for it, watch for it, but never push it. Your soul mate will come when it's time.
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basically, i know im pretty, but i just dont see myself as anything great? i dont think im ugly, i just think im... cute. but nothing lyk great even though everyone always tells me im gorgeous. i need help with my confidence? because sometimes i meet boys that i never thought would be interested in me, and then i find out that they actually were they were just intimidated or thought i was stuck up because im scared to talk or be myself around people. i always think people dont like me. any advice on helping build my confidence or helping me be ME around people?! (link)
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Confidence does not come from what you look like, it comes from inside. It comes from knowing you are good, as I like to say, "Even when I'm bad, I'm good at it". We were all made to be good, it's what happens to us after, that screws things up. Stop clinging to thoughts that you're not good enough, your butts too big, or you're not pretty enough, these things don't matter and they are very superficial. They can change in a heartbeat, then what do you have? Know you are good, you were designed that way. You are perfect for what you are meant to do from the day you are born. Others may try, but only you can change that.
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I am pregnant and we think it is a girl. I have been thinking about what to tell my child about what I would like from her when it comes to sex. Well what I want to tell her is that she should wait for someone she has been with for a long time, who we (parents) know well and she is pretty sure she loves. The reason I want that is because that is what I did. I didn't have sex until I was 17 and was in love with the man that is now my husband and I really like that I can say I only had sex with one man and he is the one I am with today. I guess it makes for no regrets and stuff like that.
I am really just curious to know something. Those of you who have had sex just because you wanted to do it do you regret it? Also those of you who have had sex with the one person that you were in love with was it worth it?
The reason I ask is because I hear about how many teens are having sex with so many people but I don't hear about the regret. I just would like to know if there is any regret out there. (link)
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My one regret was taking my girl friends virginity from her. She had such an innocents about her, a nobility, a sureness, that I had no right taking from her. It was replaced by fear, self doubt and an inner loathing the likes I had never seen. I talked her into something she was not ready for and she knew I would leave now that I had gotten what I wanted. It changed her in ways I did not expect and I was afraid I could never get her back. In the days to follow, she broke down in tremors, cried and broke my heart to see her like this. That was 32 years ago, but nonetheless as yesterday for me. I still look at pictures of her and see what I took from her, knowing that I could never leave her, because I owed her.
We have been married for over 30 years now and we were and still are the only one to each other. Neither one of us has ever been, nor will ever be "with" another as long as we live. I will never forget the wrong I did her then and the right she did me by marring me.
I know this is not what you're looking for, but the odds that you will get what you're looking for is slim. You have to feel you have done something wrong to regret, it is unlikely that you will find many kids these days that even know the difference. As long as they got something out of it, their goal has been accomplished.
You, however, please believe that you are not in the minority. Hold tight in thinking that the majority are like you and me dear one, it is what I cling too.
Be well dear spirit.
In addition, I would like to add that this is not the reason I married her. I married her for the same reason I pushed her to have sex, I loved her, even more today then yesterday. I knew she was my only, even at that young age. I stay because I still love her, but I also realize that two life times could not be enough for me to return what she has given me. For in that act, she gave me everything she was and I will give her everything I am.
So that I swear.
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18,female.
i've always had a good relationship with my parents, they do trust me and we're probably closer than most parents and teenagers are. i can talk to my mom about alot of stuff but there is one thing i can't talk to either one of them about and that is sex, and being sexual. they know i'm on birth control, my mom went with me to get it but i went on it to control my periods and they also know i'm a virgin (i hope they still believe me) well anyways a couple weeks ago my dad caught me doing something he probably didn't want to see, and that was me in my bra with my best guy friend. they both love this kid, but they thought we were just best friends. well i tried to cover it up, but my dad knew exactly what was going on. now we were not having sex or really doing anything sexual we were just messing around with each other and cuddling but i've never had a boyfriend before so they think i have no interaction with boys, at least in a physical state. well he talked to me about it that night and was like i don't care if you mess around with him, just be smart about it and i was like i know dad i'm not stupid!! well i would hope this awkward situation would be put in the past but today i was driving with my mom and we were sort of fighting and then she brought up how i should go see the doctor, well i want to, to ask them about my birth control and make sure everything is okay and she was like maybe you should get a papsmear and i was like NO! i don't want to, doesn't it hurt? and we were talking about it and she was like you can start getting them when your 18 but usually if your sexually active, and then she said "but i know dad said you and nick (my best friend) were "fooling around"" and i was like yeah mom we are having sex, being sarcastic and she was like well maybe he gave you cooties then i was like whatever. AWKWARD!!! it's just annoying that they assume i'm doing this sort of thing. i think it's cool that they don't really care if i do things like this or not just as long as i'm smart and safe but i hate talking about it because it's not what it seems. me and this guy haven't like done anything but i don't think my dad beleives me no matter what i say because yeah what would you think if you saw your daughter with a boy in her bra when you came home? i just don't know what to do!! it's not that i want to stay a virgin until i'm married, i'm just waiting for that right guy and they always bring up how i don't have a boyfriend, which also gets on my last nerve. they put me down when they talk about it, like i'm not good enough for any boy because they say "i'm too needy, and all i care about is myself and no wonder why i don't have a boyfriend" which makes me feel so good about myself..yeah...
well any suggestions would be well appreciated thank you so much. (link)
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I'm impressed, someone who can actually get it all out and try to give us something to work with. First off, can I tell you where you made your mistakes with out you shutting down for the rest of what I have to say? Well, yes or no, I guess I'm going to give it a shot.
I have discussed this before, but here goes again. The problem with parent child relationships is, both sides normally do not accept each other. They want you to be something your not, and you want them to be something they are not. They want you to be an adult and talk and act like one and you are not. You want them to be the perfect parents and leave you alone to do what ever you want and they don't.
You treated them in away that was that of a child, you treated something that was serious in their eyes with your normal child responses, which was that of smart ass answers and come backs. That is what children and actors do, not what adults living in the real world do.
It's uncomfortable for you because you are not living in the real world, you are still a child, even at age 18. You know, we never really leave age 18, even at 49 I still think in many ways as an 18 year old. I still act at times as an 18 year old, but I know what is serious and when I have to be an adult. They have made an attempt several times to try to get you to be an adult and you like a child have thrown it back in their face and they are going to do what ever it takes, including embarrass you if need be, to get you to take it serious. An adult does not say "eww" when it comes to doing what is right for themselves just because it means spreading their legs for a doctor and experiencing a little pain. You should have said to your mother, "Do you think it is necessary, even though I have not had sex yet, because if you do, I'll set up an appointment", that is what an adult says.
Stop belittling your parents and treating them like they know nothing. Your father knows more about boys and men then you could possibly ever know in your life time and your mother knows every thought that is ever going to run through your head and don't you ever think different. You will live a different life from her, but nothing will ever surprise her coming from you. You have the greatest chance in your life to learn about life and what you should and should not do and your blowing it, because you can't see your parents as adults and you can't act like one. Don't wait until it's to late.
Now, if you were my daughter, here's what I'd tell you. If this boy is not the one you are serious about, don't take your clothes off around him, unless he's gay. Two, don't ever be afraid to talk to us about anything, but don't expect us to sugar coat our answers to you. Three, if you don't like our advice, don't take it, live your own life, but don't expect us not to say I told you so when you find out we were right. And most of all, go see a doctor, talk to him about everything. Find out when you need to start getting paps, ask him if he still thinks you need to stay on the pill to regulate your period, most of the time that is only a temporary thing and your body should be able to take over on its own at some time. It is suggested that you only use the pill for ten years collectively, if you've been on it a while, your eating up birth control time that you may need when you do find the right guy.
I hope I covered it, but if I did miss something, I hope you will write me and ask me what I missed. Most of all, I hope you have taken what I have said in the proper vain, if not, I guess your to pissed off to do anything but yell at me. Don't worry, I'm use to it.
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soo, i heard that it can be sexy to your boyfriend when you wear his clothes.. like a tshirt or something. but how do i actually get them you know? i don't live with him and i don't spend the night or anything. anyway, if anyone has advice i'd be happy to have some, thanx :) (link)
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Part of the allure to wearing your boy friends clothes is the smell of them, for most girls anyway. They like the smell of their boy friend, from cologne, deodorant, or just simply the way he smells naturally. So you see, just taking a shirt or something is not going to work, because you want the sexy part of it, it has to be something he has worn and not washed. When you tell a guy, "I like wearing this because I like the way you smell and it reminds me of you," that is sexy. "I want to steal your clothes because they are more comfortable," means little. What we think about then is, then go buy more comfortable clothes.
We would much rather see you in womens clothes that show your body off, then see you just wearing our clothes for no apparent reason, other then you like them. If your guy wears a jacket, even a hat, something that doesn't often get washed, ask him if you can have it for awhile and tell him when he asks, you want it because it smells like him. Return it when it loses that smell and trade him, or tell him to wear it for awhile, then give it back to you. You'll get much more mileage out of this one, trust me on this.
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