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awkwardness talking about sex with parents
18,female.
i've always had a good relationship with my parents, they do trust me and we're probably closer than most parents and teenagers are. i can talk to my mom about alot of stuff but there is one thing i can't talk to either one of them about and that is sex, and being sexual. they know i'm on birth control, my mom went with me to get it but i went on it to control my periods and they also know i'm a virgin (i hope they still believe me) well anyways a couple weeks ago my dad caught me doing something he probably didn't want to see, and that was me in my bra with my best guy friend. they both love this kid, but they thought we were just best friends. well i tried to cover it up, but my dad knew exactly what was going on. now we were not having sex or really doing anything sexual we were just messing around with each other and cuddling but i've never had a boyfriend before so they think i have no interaction with boys, at least in a physical state. well he talked to me about it that night and was like i don't care if you mess around with him, just be smart about it and i was like i know dad i'm not stupid!! well i would hope this awkward situation would be put in the past but today i was driving with my mom and we were sort of fighting and then she brought up how i should go see the doctor, well i want to, to ask them about my birth control and make sure everything is okay and she was like maybe you should get a papsmear and i was like NO! i don't want to, doesn't it hurt? and we were talking about it and she was like you can start getting them when your 18 but usually if your sexually active, and then she said "but i know dad said you and nick (my best friend) were "fooling around"" and i was like yeah mom we are having sex, being sarcastic and she was like well maybe he gave you cooties then i was like whatever. AWKWARD!!! it's just annoying that they assume i'm doing this sort of thing. i think it's cool that they don't really care if i do things like this or not just as long as i'm smart and safe but i hate talking about it because it's not what it seems. me and this guy haven't like done anything but i don't think my dad beleives me no matter what i say because yeah what would you think if you saw your daughter with a boy in her bra when you came home? i just don't know what to do!! it's not that i want to stay a virgin until i'm married, i'm just waiting for that right guy and they always bring up how i don't have a boyfriend, which also gets on my last nerve. they put me down when they talk about it, like i'm not good enough for any boy because they say "i'm too needy, and all i care about is myself and no wonder why i don't have a boyfriend" which makes me feel so good about myself..yeah...
well any suggestions would be well appreciated thank you so much.
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I read this late last night and forgot to answer it. If I were you I would tell them that your guy friend no longer feels welcome in your house and refuses to come over.
Also tell them that while you may have been in your underwear that you've never done anything sexual with anyone and were cuddling. Tell them you haven't had sex and don't plan to any time soon with anyone and don't want to be pregnant or have an STD.
They should understand but alas you can't make anyone see anything they don't want to. I would get them to invite him and his parents over and show them that he's a standup individual and nothing is going on sexually and won't be.
As far as talking about sex goes as hard as that may be to do have the discussion and get what you want to get across and listen to them. They care and are the best source of solid info.
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Talking to your parents about sex can be a very sensitive and embarrassing conversation, but you also feel so much better once you talk to them. You feel more secure in your relationship and you feel like you can come to them with your problems and talk to them about anything. I think that you need to sit down with your parents and discuss with them your thoughts about it. Let them know that you are not having sex at this moment and that when you do you will be safe about it. Try to be very mature about it and maybe your parents will realize how mature you can be and stop treating you like a child and things may not be as awkward.
Hope I Helped.
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I'm impressed, someone who can actually get it all out and try to give us something to work with. First off, can I tell you where you made your mistakes with out you shutting down for the rest of what I have to say? Well, yes or no, I guess I'm going to give it a shot.
I have discussed this before, but here goes again. The problem with parent child relationships is, both sides normally do not accept each other. They want you to be something your not, and you want them to be something they are not. They want you to be an adult and talk and act like one and you are not. You want them to be the perfect parents and leave you alone to do what ever you want and they don't.
You treated them in away that was that of a child, you treated something that was serious in their eyes with your normal child responses, which was that of smart ass answers and come backs. That is what children and actors do, not what adults living in the real world do.
It's uncomfortable for you because you are not living in the real world, you are still a child, even at age 18. You know, we never really leave age 18, even at 49 I still think in many ways as an 18 year old. I still act at times as an 18 year old, but I know what is serious and when I have to be an adult. They have made an attempt several times to try to get you to be an adult and you like a child have thrown it back in their face and they are going to do what ever it takes, including embarrass you if need be, to get you to take it serious. An adult does not say "eww" when it comes to doing what is right for themselves just because it means spreading their legs for a doctor and experiencing a little pain. You should have said to your mother, "Do you think it is necessary, even though I have not had sex yet, because if you do, I'll set up an appointment", that is what an adult says.
Stop belittling your parents and treating them like they know nothing. Your father knows more about boys and men then you could possibly ever know in your life time and your mother knows every thought that is ever going to run through your head and don't you ever think different. You will live a different life from her, but nothing will ever surprise her coming from you. You have the greatest chance in your life to learn about life and what you should and should not do and your blowing it, because you can't see your parents as adults and you can't act like one. Don't wait until it's to late.
Now, if you were my daughter, here's what I'd tell you. If this boy is not the one you are serious about, don't take your clothes off around him, unless he's gay. Two, don't ever be afraid to talk to us about anything, but don't expect us to sugar coat our answers to you. Three, if you don't like our advice, don't take it, live your own life, but don't expect us not to say I told you so when you find out we were right. And most of all, go see a doctor, talk to him about everything. Find out when you need to start getting paps, ask him if he still thinks you need to stay on the pill to regulate your period, most of the time that is only a temporary thing and your body should be able to take over on its own at some time. It is suggested that you only use the pill for ten years collectively, if you've been on it a while, your eating up birth control time that you may need when you do find the right guy.
I hope I covered it, but if I did miss something, I hope you will write me and ask me what I missed. Most of all, I hope you have taken what I have said in the proper vain, if not, I guess your to pissed off to do anything but yell at me. Don't worry, I'm use to it.
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Parents are always going to make you feel like that, they're your parents, there's nothing to give you advice on except try to feel more comfortable about talking to your parents about sex....
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