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Like someone for who they are not? Or for who they are?
Before you start thinking of a response to my subject, it's not what it literally sounds like.. Anyways I like this girl like a lot. Shes special to me, she became my second TRUE friend in my life. But my best friend knows her a bit more than I do and said that she's heartless, a gold digger, and has no intention of finding love. After hearing that my heart sort of broke a piece off. He was just trying to save me from experiencing a greater pain, but right now I'm in a state of like confliction. Like inside I don't want to believe that shes that kind of person. I was thinking of trying to change her but my friend mentioned that people can't change, and even if I do change her then it will become one of those situations where your loving someone for who they are not. I don't quite fully understand.. If she really is that sort of person then I want to change that, maybe shes heartless because no one cared for her or was there for her. Any advice? I don't want to be just her friend.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Perception is everything. You can not change someone, you can only change yourself, this applies to her as well. With some people setting a good example only makes others work harder at trying to find fault in you. Trusting someone else's word as to what a person is or is not can be fatal, not trusting another's word as to what a person is or is not can be fatal.
If I told you who's quote this is, you may dismiss it with prejudice, so I won't tell you, "Trust, but verify." Know how far each person in your life goes, it's very important that you know who will die for you and who will head for the door when you get into a bar fight.
I have had people be right on things like this and be wrong, it is the perspective they come from. The friend that gets beat up for insulting some guy's girlfriend and you don't lend a hand, may consider you a chicken, when you just felt he had it coming and in truth, you would have done the same thing.
Test, that is always the proper thing to do, test and watch. Always live with your eyes wide open, don't make excuses for others just because you want them to be something they are not. See them for what they are and decide if you can accept them for what they are. If you can't, move on, don't try to change them, because the odds are way against you. People choose for themselves what they want to be, many choose the easy way, instead of the right way.
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Have you heard of giving someone the "Benefit of the doubt"? Give her a chance, and get to know her a little better. Your friend may just be upset, and think that after you and this girl hook up, that he won't be your best friend anymore. I could be wrong, (you know him in real life so you have better judgment :)) but you need to look at both sides instead of just being blinded to just one. If you think he is telling you the truth, I would be cautious. Although, if I were you I would get to know her better myself.
In the end, it's your decision. I have been in many of these situations, and I know they are not easy, and most of the people who tried to protect me were right... and it made me feel stupid, but I know I did no wrong, and I no longer feel that way because I was doing a good deed. Getting to know someone before getting to know them a little more is better than dumping them off into the gutter before actually seeing it for yourself. Who knows, if she is heartless, maybe your heart can melt the ice. I, myself had a great impact on people and motivated them to change. Don't get me wrong, though, you can't force someone to change unless they want to on their own.
I hope I had a good understanding of what you wrote above. Good luck and hopefully I helped.
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