i'm tired of people projecting on me that only muscular girls look good. i had a body fat of 40% and people would always tell me they loved my arms, when they were fat arms, not muscular. it's like people just want me to stay ugly and unthreatening and not look good while slim. unless people genuinely like the muscular look in girls. i personally don't and i'm justified in feeling that way. i don't tell girls who want to bulk up to stop, because slim looks better. it's a choice every girl makes and every girl is justified in wanting to look more muscular or just skinny. i spent so much of my life overweight and grew up with terrible self esteem and missed out on a lot as a child and teenager because of it. i like the more delicate slim look and no, it doesn't mean i desire to have an eating disorder. i was overeating before, and not doing enough cardio. i wish i knew how easy weight loss was so many years ago.
The correct answer is: Who cares what they think.
Its your body, shape it how you want. Good for you to make yourself look and feel better. Don't pay attention to the haters.
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It's none of your faults... It's mine... for existing. I always start to feel negative emotions because I get jealous of people or irritated when people give me one word replies and so on... It never seems to end. I've been jealous of example, people who mention their boyfriends or getting married, even if it's been just roleplays since it often feels realistic to me in a way, or just having happier lives in general, and it's so hard not to feel some kind of negative feeling when I'm alone in real life, myself... That's partially why I'm so obsessed with wanting people to talk to because even if it's only for a short time, it helps me evade those types of posts. But like I mentioned before... This same emotion ALWAYS repeats... I can't stand it sometimes. I try really hard to ignore it, and I'm either kind of successful or a failure completely... It gets worse when I have complete silence with nothing making me happy at all. I guess I'm just not the type of person that wants silence all the time... Yet I also don't always want to be bothered since I get exhausted and worn down so easily... I'm just so messed up... It won't end. It never will.
Don't compare yourself to others. Someone always comes out on top and its usually not you. You want a relationship because you think it'll make you happy. You get jealous of those in relationships cause you want to be happy "like them". Realize that just because people are in a relationship, it doesn't mean that they're happy. Lots of times they would be happier to be single, but are trapped somehow. So don't get jealous because you think they're happy. They very well might not be.
Emotions mostly happen when you react to a thought. When you hear them talking about their boyfriends a thought comes to mind. Probably that she is lucky or that you are not lucky. Or is a reminder that you are not in a relationship and that thought upsets you. So you feel jealousy.
You need to stop the thought in its tracks as soon as you have it and focus on something else. Or if the thought comes up you can redirect it by thinking to yourself that they are probably not happy together. Something to make you feel better that you don't have it. Instead of just going into your head filling yourself with ideas that don't serve you.
Other ideas that don't serve you is the idea that you're messed up and it will never change. If you hold that belief, then your brain will look for evidence to support that belief. Sounds crazy, but that's how the brain works. It focuses on things, then subconsciously looks for evidence.
There's plenty of dating sites and groups to meet up. You just gotta do something instead of just wishing for it.
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my guy friend always picks on me, so I asked why he does this, he says im easy to pick on, smiling.....is that a bad thing?
No, your friend is just a bully.
He picks on you because you're probably smaller than him and you let him get away with it. If you let him continue to bully you, he probably won't stop unless you do something about it. Or stop talking to him.
There's probably info on how to deal with friend bullies. Maybe just talking to them or shaming them or making them feel like a jerk for being a bully would suffice.
Good luck and don't let yourself get bullied, you might become a target for other bullies if they see others picking on you and you just letting them.
Just don't get carried away like attacking him with a deadly weapon or anything.
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Like do you feel? Calm? Happy? How exactly do you feel?
And can someone explain the levels of consciousness? Like what happens?
Thank you.
Myself personally. I've felt a lot more unity with all that is. Non judgemental, compassion. An understanding that all is as it should be. A really going with the flow feeling without judging anything or anyone.
This might be a good video for you. The whole channel is pretty good in my opinion.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqCOss4hqnE
or just look for "school of life, higher consciousness."
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My life has always been tough, more downs than ups. Never married, no kids. I had a good job. I had a best friend, an only friend of over 40 years. Then I found a girlfriend. As far as kids, well, that boat had sailed. We were both in our 50's. But then, catastrophe hit. The economy went bust, and I lost my job. About this same time my friend died. My girlfriend dumped me. I lost my home, and became homeless. I attempted suicide but the police interfered. here in Illinois, once people like me are out of the hospital, they put you in a nursing home. After you're more coherent, they put ya in State run housing. I get counseling and therapy as part of the deal. But the councilors want me to accept things and move on. I can't. Jerry was my only friend. I still can't get Jill outta my head. I'm absolutely alone, no friends, no family. I want to die so badly I can taste it. I don't know what to do.
I also lost everything, job, place to live, girlfriend (she was also my best friend) and cat. I also wished on a daily basis that I was dead instead of having to face what was to come. Tired of the struggle. I didn't see a point in continuing. I just wanted it to end.
I'm glad I didn't. Now I've learned to be happy with the little I have and I'm a happier person for it overall. Things started "looking up" when I accepted my life situation. The current life situation is not my life, its just my current life situation and life changes all the time. Things didn't change, it was just my attitude. I wasn't fighting against what life gave me anymore. Acceptance is the first step. I not only accepted that "this" was now my life situation, I took it as that this was part of my journey for growth as a human being. I held the idea that I didn't know what the universe had in store for me and that this was just a stepping stone, even if I didn't see it at the time. I think I've grown more since that happened to me, than in the last 2 decades of living a "normal" life.
My life situation hadn't changed, it was just my attitude about it and that made all the difference.
One time, I was at a party and my girlfriend was really drunk and flirting other guys. I saw it happening, then noticed thoughts coming to my head. As I entertained these thoughts, emotions of varying degrees followed the different thoughts. Then I came to the conclusion that if I couldn't think those thoughts, I wouldn't feel these feelings. So I stopped entertaining those negative thoughts and the negative feelings went away also. This is true of life in general. Including the situation you find yourself in.
Not accepting what is, takes away your peace. It all has to do with what you focus on. Thoughts come first, then we interpret the thoughts, then emotions follow. Our thoughts/focus on that "life sucks" will keep us there. The brain also works by unconsciously find evidence of what you think and your belief systems. Try to focus on things that you are grateful for. I'm sure you can find some reasons to be grateful.
Another thing that might be influencing you is age. There are many stories of people who became greatly successful after they retired or are over 50. There's also lots of success stories of people who became rich and successful after being homeless.
We don't know what's in store for us. Torturing ourselves by fighting what is (our current life situation), is no way to live. People just get depressed or bitter or both.
I'd like to recommend a really good book called "the power of now" by eckhart tolle. Which is all about accepting what is.
They have medical marijuana in IL. Might want to check that out too. It doesn't have the harmful side effects of anti depressives and it works instantly. Also, it really helps get out of your own head and gain some perspective. Really good for being in the moment. Unfortunately, a lot of regular doctors are brainwashed that its bad because its a "drug". The doctors that prescribe it have the information about it. Not general doctors (which might carry their own prejudices) Its totally legal in some states and in many countries. It doesn't kill people unlike many regular prescription drugs. Don't let your preconceived notions about it stop you from trying what could lift your depression. And its a lot safer than regular medication for depression that alters your brain chemistry.
You have to accept what is in order to move on. Focus on things you're grateful for. Don't entertain the regular thoughts you have that lead you to want to die on a regular basis. Find something that gives meaning/purpose to your life. Or at least find something you love or are passionate about. Otherwise life can get pretty dull. There are many videos on youtube to help. Not only audiobooks but other resources. Good luck! You can do it.
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I'm a (beginner) artist & animator, and I'm trying to make a monster-type character for a short movie. But whenever I do sketches for character design, it usually ends up looking 'cute' in one way or another. How can I draw something that's *actually* scary (instead of having a stereotypical giant furball with pointy teeth)?
(^^sorry if my question is confusing at all)
You're probably better off asking this at an art board/forum. Like deviant art.
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When I was younger I'd be depressed about not having friends, and now, as a young adult, I tend to shun communicating with other people, even family members I love. I just enjoy solitude more. Having friends and even the notion of being in love just seems only fictional, something that will always be out of grasp for me. I feel more self assured now, but hate the control I allow my emotions to have over me sometimes, because my emotions only lead to ruin
I also enjoy solitude. People think there's something wrong with me cause I like the solitude. You're probably just an introvert. There's nothing wrong with that. People are different.
One good way of dealing with your emotions is to accept full responsibility for them. Accept that they are your own reaction and that you are %100 responsible for them. Not the people or situation that is bringing up those emotions.
For example: I have this friend that's awesome sometimes but a horrible horrible person at other times. Needless to say, she pissed me off beyond belief sometimes. When I accepted full responsibility, it meant that it was my own doing for her to treat me bad because despite her being a *****, I still hung out with her. It was on me.
Another example is people disappointing me. It was my own doing because I created expectations. They didn't live up to my expectation and THAT's what's causing me to react, not so much what they did or didn't do. I've even had to go as far as accepting responsibility for creating the expectation that the person that pissed me off was a decent human being. And it worked and my emotions subsided.
A really good book to not react to people or situations is "the 4 agreements". The second agreement is "Don't take anything personally." The 3rd agreement is "Don't assume". You can see why these agreements are invaluable in stopping the surge of negative emotions from rising to the surface. If you don't take anything personally and don't assume, there won't be emotions to have to control, because you stop them before they become a problem. That coupled with taking %100 responsibility will work wonders for you. Or anyone, really.
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I'm at rock bottom. I have been having suicidal thoughts the last couple of days. I am experiencing a great deal of emotional pain. I am not happy with where my life is at. I am disappointed people. I want to be loved, supported, nurtured and uplifted. I want to be in a loving relationship. But the only thing the universe has given me is heartache. I want to be hopeful and have been. However, it leads to disappointments. I have to admit I want someone to save me. I'm broken and I don't know how much longer I can live like this.
Life is hard sometimes and is full of ups and downs. There are also cycles in our mental states where on one end you feel good and at the other you feel really crappy and things get to you more. We just tend to notice the crappy feeling more. This is especially true for women. (from "men are from mars, women are from venus")
I think a lot of people are not happy with where they are. Even though to others, they "shouldn't" be unhappy as they are since they have this or that. Happiness is a choice. And it primarily has to do with what you focus on. Do you choose to focus on what you don't have? Or focus on what you do have? 2 people with the same circumstances can have very different levels of happiness.
I think what is causing you this pain is too much wanting. You are not happy "here"(no loving relationship), you want to be "there" (in a loving relationship) and that tears you apart inside. The more you want to be "there" the more being "here" sucks. The more you want and dwell on it, the worse it gets.
You have to learn to be ok with what is. Otherwise you're just torturing yourself. The easiest way to do that is through gratitude. When you think about it, we take a lot for granted cause we are too busy thinking about how life sucks or that we don't have what we want. So, focus on things you're grateful for. You can start even with simple things: like that you have a home, that you eat every day, you have a computer, car, internet. That you're not blind, deaf, can smell, taste, can move your arms and legs, that you don't live in pain, etc. Some people have to live with terrible conditions, be thankful you're as healthy as you are. When you wake up, even before you get out of bed, think about and be grateful for what you DO have. When you are feeling good, set an intention for the day to feel good and focus on things that make you feel gratitude. Also might want to write down the things you're grateful for, that would help too.
Another reason you are not happy is unmet expectations. Expectations can be a real pain and can make our lives harder than they need to be. Especially when it comes to people. I've caught myself getting really upset at people who didn't do anything "wrong" per se, but they didn't meet my expectation. And I realized that it was my unmet expectations that were tormenting me, not so much what the other person did, or didn't do. So learn to not have expectations from people or from the universe. If you find yourself getting upset. Ask yourself if your expectations (which you created yourself and are %100 responsible for) played a part in what you are feeling now.
The biggest thing is learning to be OK with WHAT IS and your current life situation. Focus on things to feel good about or be grateful for. Instead of focusing on what you don't have.
Also, don't think that you're broken. Our brains tend to look for evidence of those things we believe. So if you hold the thought that you're broken, your brain will try to prove you right. You're fine. Everyone is broken in their own way. No need to tell yourself that.
I'll just throw out that exercise, not only releases endorphins (which make you feel good), you'll be getting healthier and more attractive. Which of course will help you attract someone.
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I was wondering what you thought do you feel it is really that big of a deal nowadays to have a nude image of yourself online not a sexual one but like just of yourself nude on a beach or similar?
Sounds like you want to do it. The main thing I would say is the consequences. Meaning what your friends/family/enemies/boss/coworkers will think. Though, depending on your job, this might not be a good idea. Also, future boyfriends/husbands/kids. Might be weird for them to know what you have naked pictures of you floating around the internet and that you willingly put them there.
Have you thought of WHY you want to do this? Consider all possible scenarios and consequences. There's plenty of naked people on the internet and nobody cares, so its not a big deal to others. Just the ones close to you and those I mentioned above. Also, be at least 18 if you decide to do it.
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i want to have the healthiest relationship with my bf. so one thing i need to learn to do is to kill all my expectations!!!!
like i dont want to expect fast replies from him because sometimes hes busy. i dont want to expect him to be really really really really sweet because thats just not how he is all the time.
theres much much more but how do i not have any expectations?!?!?! what sthe easiest way to not have any????????????????????????
The best way I've found is to constantly remind yourself to not have expectations. For example: If you're texting him, tell yourself that he might not reply back quickly and that that's OK. If its been a while and you start getting anxious, remind yourself again that he's probably busy and that he'll respond later and that that's ok. Same thing with the affection part. Accept that that's just the way he is. If you get anxious or whatever that he's not being as affectionate as you "dream" that he would be. Remind yourself that that's just the way he is and that you accept him the way he is and everything is OK.
Expectations can be a real bitch, especially in relationships. Unmet expectations can cause a lot of unnecessary drama. Accept the other person for how they are. Nobody is perfect. And nobody should have to live catering to someone else's expectations; don't you think? So make your life and his easier by accepting each other the way you are, flaws and all.
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21/f
I have a gay best friend who has recently smothered me from the details of his new relationship. I hear about it EVERY SINGLE DAY. Literally. I am currently down and in a rut when it comes to my love life. And he knows this. He has,I'm not kidding,informed me if EVERY date,kiss,bite and sex they've had. And I just couldn't stand it anymore. I am by no means jealous. I just don't want to hear about relationships until I get my life together. So I sent him a message with this content:
"I have a favour to ask. And I know it's going to sound selfish,but I have to make this request. You know that I really don't have my shit together when it comes to my love life. And frankly it makes me uncomfortable hearing about you and him every single day. It's not about jealousy,I just think you're sharing too much of what is supposed to be private. Nonetheless I'm very glad that you two are happy. There,I had to get that off my chest."
And he replied by berating me about doing the same when I was dating so he thought it was OK. While I did tell him about my relationships,I never went into so much detail,and every single day. I feel at ease that I won't listen to that anymore,but I fesr I may lose his friendship now. Am I a bad person for simply wanting to be at peace from his constant nagging?
I don't think it was selfish. You did it too, but he way overdid it. Some people just talk too much and share too much information and they don't realize it. Sometimes I just wanna say "SHUUUTT UUUPP!!!"
You didn't come off as a bitch by your words, but he just got offended anyway. Some people just get offended way too easily and any kind of suggestion/request may be taken as criticism or attack and their response is to defend themselves how they know how. In his case, by berating you.
If you decide to apologize, say what you said here. That you're in a rut with your love life and you don't need to know every detail about someone else's successes because it makes you feel bad. (even if the last part isn't true). But it'll win you sympathy points and he'll probably forget about being offended.
And no, deciding that you don't want to put up with someone's constant nagging does not make you a bad person.
Might wanna rethink whether this nagging diva is really worth to keep as a friend.
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My Dr just started me on Celexa it's about a week I'm exhausted and feel like cry sometimes how long does it take to adjust and is there any success stories out there because all I read is bad things....
You might wanna consider finding more natural ways to improve your condition. From what I hear, pretty much all of those synthetic anti-depressives are bad and things will certainly get much much worse if you want to get off them later.
Meditation or yoga are great ways to relieve anxiety. If its hard for you to meditate, there's lots and lots of guided meditations on youtube. You just gotta look around and find one you like. Meditation also takes practice, so don't get discouraged if you don't "feel" anything for a few tries.
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i want to completely change myself. for so long, i have been a very, very depressed, miserable, super anxious, kind of rude, boring, not social at all person who has A LOT of anger issues.
i want to change into my ideal person: super happy most of the time, calm at all times (never angry), sees the positive in even the worst situations, easily talkative, the sweetest thing ever, doesn't get attached to people or things, etc.
i really really need to work on my anger issues, which meditation has helped a lot so far. ive also found out that resisting to act on my anger, my brain will rewire to become more calmer, and it's worked a lot so far. does anyone know any other ways to kill my anger even more? i just want to be the calmest person ever.
i also found a few ways to control my emotions. like when im sad, to acknowledge that im sad or angry or anxious, understand that emotion, then choose what emotion to have. but how can i feel the emotion i choose?
also how can i have absolutely no expectations? i have high expectations in a boyfriend, and my boyfriend isnt really in those. but i love him and want to stay with him forever; i truly feel for him. how can i lose my expectations on him and other people, because those expectations make me very unhappy????
also, if there's any other ways i can improve myself to be the best person i can be PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me and explain to me!!!! even the littlest things will help me! THANK YOU!!!!!!
I commend you for starting to change your life in this positive way.
One way I've heard that you can change your emotional state is to remember and relive past pleasant experiences. Fun experiences, happy experiences, funny experiences. Of course it'll be easier if you're not too far "down".
There's this thing I've heard of called the "emotional guidance scale". This basically a scale from feeling super depressed and shitty to feeling blissful and on top of the world. It basically says that to dig yourself out of a negative emotional state, you have to work your way up, because its really hard to be depressed and then pretend to be happy the next moment. Doesn't really work, but If you climb up the scale it'll be much easier to change your state to a positive one.
Yeah unmet expectations and be a real bitch. And cause of a lot of anger and/or resentment. I had a roommate where even expecting him to be a decent human being was a mistake. Sometimes I was just appalled that anyone could act like that and think nothing of it. So, I decided to not expect people to act a certain way. Sure it didn't always work. But it did help. But REALLY helped when I found myself dealing with this guy and his attitude was by placing full responsibility on myself. And the anger dissipated instantly. I told myself. "Well, you DID choose to hang out with this person, knowing full well that their behavior can sometimes be like this... You did it to yourself. YOU were responsible for this because your put yourself in this position. I accept full responsibility."
Its like feeding a dog by hand that is a known biter. You walked up to the dog and stuck your hand out. It might not bite you, but it might. If it does, you can't blame the dog. It was my own doing. You put yourself in that position to begin with.
I used to listen to this guy on youtube "Elliot Hulse" He was all about becoming the better version of yourself. You might find some good advice there. Not only for the bettering yourself but also with the dealing with anger and such.
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21/f
I always feel like I don't have time for anything. Like the clock is just ticking life away and there is nothing I can do about it. To an observer,I would probably seem like I've got everything going for me. When in reality,I've never felt more miserable.
I'm always waiting for it to get better,but it never comes. I keep waiting for 3 years to pass my anatomy exam but it just isn't working out. I keep waiting to become more likeable but I only have one close friend who doesn't really understand when I get emotional. I have recently broken up with a guy I loved very much because he was homophobic. I keep waiting for an opportunity to meet someone right for me but it feels like it will never come. It feels like I will never reach all those great things in my life. My best friend said he thinks that I'm going into a black hole of negativity again and this has to stop. I would stop if I knew how. I won't go see a doctor because it is greatly stigmatized in my country. I don't even know why I feel this way. I was mentally abused in elementary school but I thought I was over that. Can someone help me overcome this? I feel apathetic and I'm losing my will to live.
You are not alone in feeling like this. I'd say its quite normal. I was notorious for being in that mental state. Waiting for things to get better so that I can be happy. For example, "Once I get a car, then I'll be happy." "Once I get an apartment, then I'll be happy." "Once I get a hot girlfriend, then I'll be happy." "Once I make more $, then I'll be happy." This went on for many years. I got those things that were supposed to make me happy, and I was for a bit, then I just went back to my "normal" level of happiness. (Which I wasn't really happy at all). I inevitably found something to be unhappy about, even if I had my place, $, car, girlfriend, etc.
We learn to focus on the bad and overlook the good. And that becomes a habit. Our thoughts, whether negative or positive, lead to feelings. If you keep thinking negative thoughts all day, finding faults in situations and people, you're probably not gonna be a happy person.
The "waiting" state of mind will perpetuate. Meaning you will always be waiting for something to "fill the void" so to speak. That puts your level of happiness in the hands of others or some outside circumstance. You have to learn to create your own happiness, then the outer circumstances will change to fit the new you. Our subconscious minds are always on the lookout for things that prove our beliefs. If you believe "Life sucks" Then the subconscious mind will look for reasons why your life sucks.
Like you said, to an observer, you may have your shit together and you have no reason to be unhappy. But your mind is too focused on the "I'm unhappy and waiting for this or that to happen so I can be happy." And since you don't have those things, your mind will whisper negative thoughts. Which lead to negative emotions, which leads to more negative thoughts, more negative emotions, etc.
It took me losing everything, job, girlfriend, apartment, pet. Everything but my computer and my car for me to realize that I had been wasting my life always waiting for things to get better so that I could be happy.
Like Abraham Lincoln said: Happiness is a choice. Now I'm in way worse conditions than I've ever been. A failure by society's standards. But I'm much more happy now than when I had my shit together. I was actually miserable and leading a life of quiet desperation.
So my advice to you is to find ways to feel gratitude. Wake up and list things that you are grateful for. That you have a place to live, you're not starving, you're healthy, You can see, walk, talk, hear. You can start with basic things if it'll make it easier. You'll be surprised how much we take for granted. Some people create a gratitude log where they write the things they are grateful for every day. Its important that you do this in the beginning of the day because it sets the course for your day. If you wake up pissed off, chances are your day is not gonna get a whole lot better.
Like Einstein said: Doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. We do this by waiting and waiting. Doing nothing different, then getting bummed because things are the same. Constantly wanting things to be different causes stress and anxiety. So if you want those relationships or experiences to come to you, you have to take the first step. If you choose not to, then at least be at peace with "what is". Being at peace with what is and accepting "what is" is very liberating.
I think completely accepting what is and finding things to be grateful for instead of focusing on negative things will do wonders for you. Of course, it'll take practice, but the peace of mind you get in the end will be worth it.
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I'm 25 and my boyfriend is 24. We just started dating about 3 months ago but recently started becoming more intimate. The thing is that when he fingers me he puts his actual fingers in and is kind of rough which I don't like. I'm definitely clitoral so I just like it rubbed. How can I let him know this without it being awkward or making it seem like I don't like when he puts his actual fingers in me especially so rough? I don't want to make him feel bad.
Show him what you want him to do. As in, grab his hand with yours and basically rub yourself with his hand and encourage him to do the things you like or the ones you like best.
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I'm 25 my boyfriend is 23. We have officially been dating for a month now. I've never been the touchy feely kind of person. My ex boyfriend would never hold my hand, kiss me in front of others or anything like that. barely would hug me. So i was kind of used to no affection.
Well now my current boyfriend always wants to be touching me. If we're watching tv he always wants to hold my hand or lay on me. I feel a little smothered. Sometimes I back off a little and he's like "youre mean" I dont know how to approach this. I do like him - I like kissing him. But sometimes the touching and constant contact can be too much. He knows I'm not really like that - I've told him before. But if hes touching me or something he's like you never touch me or why dont you touch me more.
Can someone help me with this situation?
I wonder if you would feel this way if you liked him more. Something tells me you're not all about him. But I could be wrong. Some people are touchy feely, some aren't. I'd say just be upfront with him. You said you already told him, but you gotta tell him again and in a way where he doesn't feel rejected or that anything is his fault. Like "I'm not a touchy feely person and I like my personal space. Nothing against you, this is just how I am. I don't mean any offense by it. I don't mean to be mean, I don't mean to upset you. I just need you to understand that." Or maybe find a way to tell him in a way he can relate to. Someone invading his personal space like his mom or some relative or whatnot, I dunno. With guys you gotta be upfront and it may take a few times before they get it. If you just pull away to get away from him, then he might take it personal. Which is what he is doing. Guys aren't normally like this unless they're a little immature or don't have much experience in relationships. So they overdo things and don't respect boundaries. Perhaps he's a little too young for you.
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Recently, I have asked a few questions about this problem I have with my friend. I'll summarize it. Me and my friend were worried because she had a depression problem and tried to commit suicide so we told the counselors. Now she is mad at both of us. She refuses to speak to us, ignores us, and when we do speak to her, she ends up screaming in our faces. I am so lost in this world, I have no idea what to do. Please help me.
I assume you've already looked online on how to talk to someone like her. I don't have any ideas for you, except to maybe call the suicide hotline and tell them the situation and what you should do about it. They are the experts after all. Do that first. If all else fails, you can tell her to talk to them ONE TIME, then after that, you'll leave her alone about it and drop the subject. Probably a good idea to have someone on the line already when you tell her this so she doesn't get impatient while on hold. I've referred to suicidal people on here and I've been told that calling them probably saved their lives. So its worth a shot at this point. Might very well be a hormonal imbalance that makes her feel suicidal, at least maybe they can talk her into going to the the doctor and having herself checked out. Good luck!
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Hii.. :) I have problem with myself.I dont love myself.I have lowsel estem.I wouldnt say im fat and i wouldnr say im think i would say im chubby(actually im 157cm and i have 50 kg). There are days when i think i look so good but then they are days when i dont even want to look at the mirror.Everybody expects from you to be perfect all the time any time.Its not imposible.I love fashion and dressing up and its my passion and i love reading..So i read a lot about that you cant love anyone else if you first dont love yourself and stuff like that.But then when i get my confidence there's society.Looking at girls who are famous and have money just by being pretty while i study all day and am still affraid about my future. Sometimes i want just to stop with everything,i want to seee how it feels to be famous,popular or being in centar of attention.I want to rest a littlebit from my rough days.I look at some girls in my school going around and comenting about who's what wearing and their hair. Why is that so much importat look at youself.Why gosssiping? Why? Mind your own buissnes...So in this world i feel like just one not important stranger. I feel like ill never find someone who trully loves me because who am i andnot because of my looks.Ofcours you first see look but i rather be with someone who is not that pretty but you can talk to..I am going from one thing to another. But my main goal is to get confidence and i dont know how.There is always something bringing me down,some voice telling me im not good enough.I ahte my height i may grown more bc im in my teenage years but i wouldnt be that much of a change. I may grow 3/4 cm and nothing more(Im now higher that my mum so i dont think ill grow more) and i hate my body. I have lots of pimples while my friends still dont have or have but just a little.everytime i try to lose weight nothing happend and i find myself always quiting after failures and failures..while other girls which are just bones and skin are like im too fat look at me and blah blah blah and then eveyone is like no you are perfect and blah blah blah.. I dont know what to do? Do you have any advice? :) ♥
Thank you? :)
I wish there were more mature girls like you. Unfortunately, girls are easily brainwashed by Hollywood and the media that tells them that super skinny is hot or ideal. Well, its really not. Some guys like skinny girls, but I would say most guys like girls with some meat on them. You saying that you are chubby at 110 pounds is a perfect testament of what good a job they are doing at making girls think that super skinny is the only way to go and if you're not super skinny then you're unattractive. This is simply not the case.
The whole gossip thing and girls being mean to each other and talking behind each other's back is just something immature girls do. And you're gonna find a lot of them. You won't be able to stop them so don't even try. Its just something you're gonna have to put up with. Its their nature. Fortunately there's girls like you that are not like that and see it for what it is. Some immature crap. You can't change others. You can only change yourself. Another aspect of this immaturity is the whole popularity contest and constantly trying to look prettier than another and putting down those who don't fit the profile of what they think "pretty" is. Don't buy into that. For those girls that don't grow out of it, will likely grow up to be very shallow, materialistic and are constantly struggling to stay pretty and popular.
So don't feel bad about your body. Your height and weight are perfectly fine. You're not super tall or fat at all, so don't trip. The pimples are most likely that you're still in the process of becoming a young woman and its just hormones that makes this happen. You'll grow out of it as we all do. If you want to help your skin, drink plenty of water, drink water with a little organic apple cider vinegar, keep your face clean and stay away from greasy foods.
Wanting to be rich and famous is pretty common of course. But don't feel bad because you aren't. If you want to live miserably, constantly compare yourself to others. If you compare yourself to others, one of you will seem "better" than the other. Most likely you'll feel bad about yourself because you don't measure up because you're comparing yourself to someone better looking or rich or whatever. Basically, that they possess qualities that you wish you had because you think that if you had those qualities, you'd be happy. Since you don't possess those qualities, then you feel unhappy. (But its all a sham. Happyness comes from within, not from the stuff you have or the money.)On the other side of the coin, you'll compare yourself to someone and feel superior to them. Like a lot of those girls who are trying to "outpretty" each other. You don't want to be like that either. So don't compare yourself to others, you'll only make things worse.
Another misconception you have is that you're always supposed to be perfect. Any adult can tell you that is pretty ridiculous. That the reality is that NOBODY is perfect. So why try to be? You're never gonna be perfect is neither is anyone else. We are only human. So take that weight off your shoulders by dropping the belief that you always have to be perfect. Remember that nobody is. Not even celebrities. Even rich and famous people are so miserable they commit suicide. Or take drugs to escape their reality. Money and fame don't buy happiness, nor does it make them better people. Happiness comes from within.
The "not feeling good enough" is also common. I think pretty much most of us have that in one way or another.
Teenage years and the social aspects of school can be pretty brutal. Especially with mean, gossiping girls talking shit about each other. Its a phase that starts in teenage years and that's when its at its worse. Thankfully, its not forever.
I would say to start loving yourself by first accepting yourself, perceived flaws and all. (you are being way too hard on yourself for not being or looking like these skinny girls. You sound perfectly normal and healthy to me) Also accepting what is. Meaning: your life, life situation, circumstances, school, gossiping girls, other people in general. Just accept that THAT is what it is for now. I'm not saying you have to like it. Just accept that it is what it is. By accepting yourself as you are (remember that nobody is perfect anyway) and accepting life as it is (life is not perfect either), you will drop the stress and anxiety that comes with trying to be perfect or wishing things were different. You say you like to read. Read "the power of now" by Eckhart Tolle. Great book. You can probably find it online for free or maybe even on youtube.
Don't know much about confidence. But when I've felt the most confident was after achievements. Like getting better at a sport or a musical instrument or whatever skill I gained. After adopting the "accepting myself as I am" mentality and that I don't have to be perfect and not caring what others think, the need to "be confident" to be accepted went away.
So to sum it up:
1. Don't compare yourself to others.
2. Remember that nobody is perfect and no one truly expects you to be. If they do expect you to be, they're delusional. Since they're delusional, no need to worry if you're not perfect.
3. Accept yourself as you are and accept what is.
4. A good way to bring happiness is to practice being thankful. You can start by being thankful for the things you take for granted. Like that you have a home, a bed to sleep in, you eat every day, you have a computer and internet, you're not sick, you are able to do most things physically, that you can see, hear, smell, taste, touch, etc. Might be a good idea to write down the things you are grateful for too.
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Hi, I'm a 14 year old girl which will probably put you off of this question immediately. I'm not like a lot of other girls who would say I'm depressed just because it's 'cool' nowadays. For that, I am ashamed of those people because I know from a close family member that depression isn't fun or anything good.
I'm not asking for pity or because I want attention. I just want to know if this is serious enough to go to a doctor without wasting their time on yet another teenager who thinks their life is crap.
My life isn't crap. Well, I mean it could be a lot worse. My mum and I aren't rich and we live on minimal benefits but we get by. Now we have an extra mouth to feed, it's a bit tougher for my mum and she's sleeping a lot of the time now. My dad doesn't live with us now but I don't really mind much. They weren't happy so it was for the best. And the only reason they stayed together was because of me. They forced themselves to be unhappy just so I could grow up to have a happy household, except it wasn't happy for them. They admitted this too so please don't say I shouldn't blame myself.
I haven't seen my best friend in over a year which makes me feel completely alone. Even when I'm around good company with my other friends, I tend to push this thought of loneliness away. I'm happy for a while even though they must think there isn't much else to me apart from what I show to them. I know they have their problems but they think there's are shittier (pardon the language) just because they had counselling. I can't afford that, I'm afraid. I get self-conscious a lot and feel I'm not good enough for anyone in the school to even consider liking me. Now that must seem completely shallow but it's true. I would like a boyfriend to keep me company and watch movies with them on the couch. Or something along the lines of that. But no further!
The fact is that I have laid my feelings bare onto this webpage shows that I might not exactly be the wisest person ever, but I need someone's opinion. I'm so sorry for the length of this as I thought I'd make it detailed. Thank you if you do answer, in advance, I think you are truly a good person for helping other strangers out for nothing. Congratulations :) thank you.
You can't communicate with your best friend online someone?
I think you're getting depressed because you feel lonely. I read in a book that people need at least one person with whom they can be themselves with and not be afraid of being judged. Its a human thing. That open communication is necessary for emotional health and well being. Unfortunately we don't all have that. (the book is called "why am I afraid to tell you who I am.")
The answer is, "cause its all I've got and if you don't like it..." fill in the blank. So what the real problem seems to be is that you don't have someone you can communicate with at a deeper level.
You seem to have a good head on your shoulders (unlike many other teenage girls) and will figure out that its all in your head.
If you want to hear my opinion on how to go about the depression thing. Ask me directly and I'll answer later. I gotta go right now. Good luck! I highly recommend that book so you can understand what's going on with you better. Its an easy read and pretty short. Probably read it in a day or 2.
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I don't know what to use for my nose because my skin isn't the oily type, and my nose gets dry, blackheads and tiny pimples. Are there any suggestions on drugstore products I can use for this? Thanks!
I've tried the strips the other person is talking about. They work.
In the shower, using a soapy washcloth (which is a little abrasive), I'll do circles all over my nose for a bit. Since I've been doing that, I've noticed less blackheads and my nose looks better and smoother too. I haven't really needed to use the strips since then.
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