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WARNING: HUGE question!!! at least in my opinion it is
i want to completely change myself. for so long, i have been a very, very depressed, miserable, super anxious, kind of rude, boring, not social at all person who has A LOT of anger issues.
i want to change into my ideal person: super happy most of the time, calm at all times (never angry), sees the positive in even the worst situations, easily talkative, the sweetest thing ever, doesn't get attached to people or things, etc.
i really really need to work on my anger issues, which meditation has helped a lot so far. ive also found out that resisting to act on my anger, my brain will rewire to become more calmer, and it's worked a lot so far. does anyone know any other ways to kill my anger even more? i just want to be the calmest person ever.
i also found a few ways to control my emotions. like when im sad, to acknowledge that im sad or angry or anxious, understand that emotion, then choose what emotion to have. but how can i feel the emotion i choose?
also how can i have absolutely no expectations? i have high expectations in a boyfriend, and my boyfriend isnt really in those. but i love him and want to stay with him forever; i truly feel for him. how can i lose my expectations on him and other people, because those expectations make me very unhappy????
also, if there's any other ways i can improve myself to be the best person i can be PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me and explain to me!!!! even the littlest things will help me! THANK YOU!!!!!!
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
I commend you for starting to change your life in this positive way.
One way I've heard that you can change your emotional state is to remember and relive past pleasant experiences. Fun experiences, happy experiences, funny experiences. Of course it'll be easier if you're not too far "down".
There's this thing I've heard of called the "emotional guidance scale". This basically a scale from feeling super depressed and shitty to feeling blissful and on top of the world. It basically says that to dig yourself out of a negative emotional state, you have to work your way up, because its really hard to be depressed and then pretend to be happy the next moment. Doesn't really work, but If you climb up the scale it'll be much easier to change your state to a positive one.
Yeah unmet expectations and be a real bitch. And cause of a lot of anger and/or resentment. I had a roommate where even expecting him to be a decent human being was a mistake. Sometimes I was just appalled that anyone could act like that and think nothing of it. So, I decided to not expect people to act a certain way. Sure it didn't always work. But it did help. But REALLY helped when I found myself dealing with this guy and his attitude was by placing full responsibility on myself. And the anger dissipated instantly. I told myself. "Well, you DID choose to hang out with this person, knowing full well that their behavior can sometimes be like this... You did it to yourself. YOU were responsible for this because your put yourself in this position. I accept full responsibility."
Its like feeding a dog by hand that is a known biter. You walked up to the dog and stuck your hand out. It might not bite you, but it might. If it does, you can't blame the dog. It was my own doing. You put yourself in that position to begin with.
I used to listen to this guy on youtube "Elliot Hulse" He was all about becoming the better version of yourself. You might find some good advice there. Not only for the bettering yourself but also with the dealing with anger and such.
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First off I would like to say you are an amazing person for making this change!! This is a win in so many ways! So congrats to you and keep up the good work!!
Meditating is an excellent way to deal with alot of this. Also remember that while you are mediating take some deep breaths.
You are doing some great things by taking the time to acknowledge your feelings and getting to the cause of them. Its difficult trying to get to a place where things just bounce off of you.
I am also working on this.
The best advice I can give you at this time to help you on this is to remember that YOU come first. Do things that feel good to you.
For example...
Maybe you do alot of favors for a particular person but when you need help they dont help you back.
So then comes that feeling of an expectation.. you do so much you expect something back right? and in a bigger picture maybe you do alot for tons of people and why dont you have anyone doing it for you?
Well its no ones responsibility to take care of you. You have to take care of yourself.
When you do something for someone dont do it with the intention of expecting something in return.
Thats a tricky statement because you are probably thinking that you dont set an expectation but unfortunately somewhere in your mind you do set an expectation.
So the next time you give or do a favor think about why you are doing it and immediately think about how good it makes you feel and how that feeling is truly the reason why you are giving and it doesnt matter what happens after that.
You give, you feel good and you move on. Case closed ( so to speak)
Make the choice to help because it makes you feel good.
I know this is probably starting to sound somewhat selfish but keep in mind that you are doing good in the world and there is nothing selfish about that!
If you make your happiness a priority the expectations will slowly dwindle away.
I start my morning off on a positive note.
I take some deep breaths and I think about the things I am grateful for in my life. Its great to think about several things however if you could think about 1 or 2 things Im pretty sure that will be enough. Try to also think about something you are grateful for about yourself.
Make sure they are things that trigger a happy emotion.
Maybe you are thankful for the new car you purchased recently but for some reason when you think about the shirt your boyfriend gave you it triggers a bigger emotion inside (for example).
So the shirt is the one you will want to think about.
I also set my intention for the day. Maybe an intention for you on most days could be that you are not going to let anyone bring you down.
thats a tough one but just believe it! The temptations will be there but you will be so much stronger you will be able to fight them off quicker.
If things dont go as planned dont beat yourself up for it. This is a work in progress overall your days will be so much better and you will notice a big difference in the way you face obstacles.
I hopee some of this helps you!! Good luck and I am so happy for you!!
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