about

Hey everyone. My name is Caleb, and I am a 16 year old male. I really enjoy helping others with problems they may be having. If you have a question about anything at all, just ask, and I'll give you the best advice I can. Thanks.

advice

About 7 months me and my boyfriend broke up (we dated for 10 months) and I've been tryin to move on but it's hard to find a guy that's not after only one thing. Everytime I finally find a guy I start to get feelings for my ex and he's one of the main reasons why I break up with my boyfriend, is this normal? And how is it soo easy for him to date (he's gone out with 3-4 girls since we broke up)??
-Anonymous

This is a good question. First of all, your relatioship with your ex was an extensive one, lasting ten months. In those ten months you apparently grew close to your ex. This causes a feeling of comfort. That is the main reason why people go back to past partners after breaking up. In your mind you remember being comfortable with him, and that is something that only comes through strong, lasting relationships. This makes getting over him harder, obviously. Now, you are probably right saying that most guys are after one thing. Finding a guy that respects you and loves you for who you are is something special, and that is why it's almost rare. Now, there are two reasons that may explain why your ex has had more relationships since the break- up. One reason is that he is really over you and has moved on. Another reason is that he may be trying to make you jealous. If I were in your situation I would try to have a conversation with him and see where you stand in his eyes. If in fact he has moved on, then the only thing you can do is to move on also. This is not something that happens quickly; it takes time. Stay strong and don't fret about this too much; things will get better. Friendly advice from Caleb.

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my friends brother is coming home from jail at the end of the summer.. her mom is always in a bad mood and her sister has to go to a psychologist because she has problems with her brother.. i feel so bad for my friend.. and she knows there are gonna be more problems when he comes home because her mom will want him to stay in the house and her dad will want him out and her brother never listens... i know its gonna be hard for her and i just want to help her.

Aight, this type of situation is complicated. In my opinion, all you need to do is just be there for your friend whenever they need someone to talk to. You shouldn't interfere too much because it's your friend's family, unless some bad things are going on at the house that need to be reported. You just need to keep an eye on this and try to be a good friend which I am sure you are. Well, I hope my advice helps you out. Friendly advice from Caleb.

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okay, I am freind this guy who everybodoy loves, he like the star or cleb in school. plus he think he hot, he really sweet and nice. thing is this girl he talk to in class and he knows I like him and other girl that like him, he always flarting with her in front of me and everthing. she always stare at me werid look after he dose.I know i don't seem make since, its my style of writing becouse i am deaf. it i want show that it not borthering me and plus I don't like him that way, i want show i want to be good freind. but sometimes i think reason why i like him becouse everybody esle like him like he a cleb.. he everything Drama, chapen of the basketball team, he msuch of the leader, so hope you guys get it. if not i try to explain better, this all i think of
thanx

Well, in answer to your question, I really don't think that you have to do anything to show that it doesn't bother you; just go about like normal. I know what you mean by liking someone because everyone else likes them. That's not such a bad thing. I mean if he doesn't do bad things or hurt you or anyone else, then it's ok to like him. He sounds like a popular guy, and that's why a lot of people like him. Don't worry about this too much. I hope I have helped you. Friendly advice from Caleb.

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I was a cutter for about eh, a few months. Then all hell broke loose I was sent away, skip the drama. I've been clean for almost a year..but now more sucky drama is stirring about in my world. I've been thinking about selfharm, but I've still been clean.

Now that you ahve the background...

What can I do with all of my..'emotions'..(did that ever sound cheesy) I already am a poet and a novelest. I pound out on Bass, too...

Danke

-Mistress Maddy

Ok, so you need to find a way to deal with these emotions. The best way to do so is to first, confront them. You need to sit down and try to figure what's bothering you on the inside. This is the most important step. Next, you need to find someone who you can really trust and convey your feelings to them. Telling someone else how you feel about specific problems in your life can relieve stress, frustration, and it can open doors to solutions for life's situations. Once, you've done this, you should feel much better about yourself. Don't resort to selfharm; it's not the answer. The only way to solve things is to confront them. We all have problems in our lives, and we have to deal with them. I hope my advice helps you. Friendly advice from Caleb.

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Throughout my whole life, I've always been kind of 'pleasently plump' so to speak. Now, being thirteen, I was uber fat in elementary school, I've gained about twenty pounds since fifth grade, but I've grown a good seven inches. Is this healthy? My 'extra weight' evens out pretty well on my body..I'm five foot five and I weight about one fourty seven or so.

I have wide set hipbones, I'm a "WIDE" person..But I know I couldn't change that even if I tried, that's just my body type. SO should I even concider diet. Oh, I'm already a vegetarian...

Danke

-Mistress Maddy

Danke? Where you from, Germany? Austria? Anyways, diet and exercise is a good thing for everyone, overweight nor not. In your case, you sound like you're already ahead of the game by stating that you accept your body structure and know that you can not change that. Now, about the extra weight. It seems to me that you would only need to incorporate a good exercise program. Running, biking, swimming, and any other cardiovascular and aerobic type of physical activity will help you to achieve any goals you may have. I would eat only healthy things, and excercise moderately. The exercise will help to tone your body. If you do decide to go on a diet, don't take it too far; keep a good amount of calories coming through your system, and once in a while it's ok to splurge. Well, good luck; I hope I have helped.

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I've been dating my boyfriend for a couple months now and i love him so much and im almost positive he likes me, but he's always flirting with everyone but me, just the other day he was fliritng with 3 girls right in front of me. And this was pretty obivious flirting the were playfully hitting eachother and chasing each other and one of them was like touching his face and holding his chin and then the other girl like kissed his hand. I was so pissed, and when one of my friends tried talking to him about it he denied everything and said he wasnt. Also I wish he 'd show it more that he likes me, he dosent not like me, its just not the normal boyfirend girlfriend relationship. What do you think i should say to him to make him realize what he's doing without him getting offensive? Also can someone please explain why he's acting so shy and unaware around me and no one else.

Sounds like you two need to talk. Flirting is something that some people do; it's just in their personality; however, in your case, it sounds like he is overly flirtacious. He either needs to chill out, or you need to find someone who will give you more attention. In a relationship, it's all about affection. He doesn't seem to show much affection towards you, almost like he'd rather be trying to impress other girls instead of you, his girlfriend. This is something that needs to be set straight. I hope that you find the words to firmly let him know that this is bothering you, but try to make the best of the relationship. If this continues, I recommend finding yourself a new boyfriend who cares about and is not afraid to show it. Good luck.

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Ok well i came on a trip to my cuzins house and i met his friend Robie well Robie is very cute and now i am going out wit him.Well that is all good and all for while i am here but ten again i live in California and he lives in Oklahoma. I am afraid that this is not going to work out but i want it to sooooo bad because i hella like him but what should i do i am considering moving back here but idk if i can so please help me!!!

Ok, your question is simple (How do you make boys like you?). Well, the only way to really have a relationship with a guy and enjoy it is to be yourself. Acting a different way or changing your entire wardrobe to fit others is not going to bring you happiness. In the end, if you do that, you'll end up confused about yourself and any relationships you have. The way to go is to be yourself 100%. This is the only permanent solution to your problem. Let the guys come to you; don't go chasing after them (that makes u look desparate, and even if you are desparate, that is not an attractive quality that guys look for). All in all, continue being yourself and let what happens be. Friendly advice from Caleb.

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this girl that says im her best friend always talks about my other friends behind their back, so i tell them because i dont think its right for her to do that. The other day she was talking about one of my friends named danielle, and so i told danielle this weekend and dnaielle said that my suppose to best friend called me a spoiled brat and a bitch and said that she doesnt hang out wtih me that much because i act stuck up .. but she is always calling me. I talked to the best friend and she siad she didnt say that, but how do i know because she always talks about everyone else to me. What should i do? i rate high!!

Ok, it sounds like your so-called best friend is two-faced. Most likely she's telling you one thing and telling others something else. Friends like that aren't worth having. You should talk to her about her issues. Someone like that is untrustworthy. You need to find out how she really feels; she may tell you a lie, and give her another chance. If this continues, you should probably cut her loose and move on. Friendly advice from Caleb.

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i wana go on a diet and iv tried alot and im just going by my own rules so i just make it up as i go along. has n e 1 been on a diet and lost alot of wieght?

Last year before summer, I went from 210 pounds to 160 pounds. The key to losing weight is to watch what you eat. You have to eat good. Don't starve yourself or you won't make progress. Exercise is the second biggest factor. You are probably looking for tone. If in fact you are looking to get more toned, you need to do more aerobic and cardiovascular work(running,biking,swimming). Light weights for high reps will also speed the toning process. Following a diet program is hard at first, but it gets easier. Drink only water; eat only fruit and vegetables, and no fried meats, and you should do just fine. If you have anymore questions about this subject or any other feel free to ask me.

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In your opinion whats the farthest a girl should go with a guy?

This topic is something that brings controversy. In my own opinion I think sex should be for marriage. By saving sex for marriage, it adds to the meaning of it. Sex before marriage however, is something that maybe you and your partner are up for. If so, the relationship can be strengthened or in some cases damaged by it. I tend to be more attracted to girls who don't go around sleeping with guys. In a serious relationship where both partners are true to each other and they have shown affection time and time again, sex may be the next step. All in all, the answer to your question relies on your own moral values and comfort zone. If you see no problem with going all the way, then that is your choice. If, however, you believe the same as I do, then you would see sex as something intended for life partners only. I am not saying that I will never have sex unless I am married, but I would like to think that I could hold off and save myself for that special someone. I hope that you make the best decision for yourself; don't be pressured into it if you're not ready or comfortable with it. Relationships are things that stay with you forever. Friendly advice from Caleb.

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I am fifteen and I have been lifting weights regularly for over a year now. The problem is I have started to look kind of like a house on stilts recently (my upper body is muscular and bulky and my lower body is defined and stringy) This is mostly because I run cross country and can't do any serious weights for my legs because it affects my running. Anyways, I was wondering if there is any way to build strength in my upper body without adding much more size. Also, I've heard from all kinds of people that serious weight lifting at a young age can stunt your growth, I'm 15, male and about 5'7", I'm ok with my height now, but I would like to grow at least another two inches before I stop. Does anyone know whether or not lifting weights is a serious enough threat to my growth for me to lighten up for a while, or if they're is anything I can do to prevent it from stunting my growth?

Ok, good question. Weightlifting has been said to stunt growth. In your case however, I don't think so. You're not doing heavy squats or leg press or anything like that. If someone turns out to be like 5'4 or something, weightlifting didn't make them that short; they're just naturally short. The growth stunt thing isn't something to really worry about. But, in answer to the other question, with strength comes size. In essence, if you lift heavy, you're going to get BIGGER and stronger. You won't get much stronger without getting bigger. I base all my information off of my dad's words who used to train people and my four years of lifting. Well, I hope my advice helped.

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I need to get in shape for this summer-like so bad..I've tried almost everything..Dieting and crunches didn't help..eating less and less didn't help..Not eating for almost a whole day didn't help..and I couldn't really keep up with the eating healthy thing..I just want to look greeaattt in a bikini for this summer..Does anyone know any ways to get in shape? Thanks

I know your situation. I workout 5-6 times a week with weights and aerobics. The way to lose weight is not complicated. The key is to: WATCH WHAT YOU EAT. In order to lose weight, you have to fuel you body. When you don't eat, or eat very little on a daily basis, your body goes into starvation mode. When this happens, your body begins to feed on muscle for energy, NOT FAT. Also, when you do eat, your body will convert that food to fat quicker. You have to eat healthy (you can eat as many fruits and vegetables as you want). At first, it will be tough, but after about 1-2 weeks, it becomes progressively easier. You're looking for tone, so you need to do more cardiovascular workouts (running,biking,swimming). Light weight for high reps will also help. Crunches alone will not get your abs that much better. You have to do various movements to get the different angles. Take it slow and find a motivation and hold on to it. I hope you meet your goal; it depends on how much you want it. Friendly advice from Caleb.

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15/F

While growing up I never had the "two parent home" that most have and I am fine with that. My mother has been great, The only problem was the show of love always bothered me. IE: kissing, hugging, holding hands. I never felt comfortable around that stuff because I never saw it and I didn't know how to act when someone did. Its not that I didn't get effection or anything but I didn't see kissing or love toward another man with my mom so when others did it I thought it was wrong. (just my young childish logic) Fast forward to now, I'm 15 and i guess I have a BF. Well, he likes me. We've kissed/madeout and held hands. We have a date saturday and I'm acually not that nervous for the most part. Its just that I don't know how to tell him my feelings, He said "I love you", I said "I love you" but that just doesn't seem to cut if for me. I don't want to seem clingy and I really don't feel comfortable saying i love you since everyone in my family is seriously screwed with love. I like Ryan and I don't want to get hurt by him or hurt him. (I'm afraid I might make a rash decision and dump him)
So exactly how do I get myself to calm down and just enjoy the fact that he likes me?

Hey, I'm 15 too, and my parents divorced when I was about one. I know what you mean about showing love being somewhat bothersome. To me, it was only when my mom had a boyfriend or something that it bothered me. Ok, to the question. At 15 years old, I can't really say that I have ever been in love. I have had some crushes, but that's about it. I'm not saying that you don't love Ryan, but with something like "LOVE", you have to go slow and just enjoy each other. Try not to put too much pressure on the relationship, because that may wind up destroying it altogether. When you are with him, try not to stress the love thing too much. The best thing to do right now is to just have fun and enjoy the fact that you have someone whom you like and who likes you back. These are supposed to be the best times of our lives; try to make the best of it. Friendly advice from Caleb.

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18f

There is this guy that I have been friends with for a little while at school. We went to a frat party together and were dancing and having fun. Yes we were both slighty inebriated but thats besides the point. I kind of like him and when we were dancing he kissed me and we made out for a little bit. I don't know what to think of it because I kind of have feelings for him. We have been hanging out and flirting but haven't kissed again. He did make some comments like, you looked really good tonight but only on AIM. Is he just really shy or do you think it was just a random drunk thing?

I think the guy likes you. If he continues to flirt with you after the frat party incident, I would think that he wants more than just the one time thing. The AIM thing kind of hints that maybe he is shy, but at the same time maybe not. You should probably let him know how you feel and see how things go. Friendly advice from Caleb.

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One of my very close friends believes he was born gay. I just don't understand his belief in that. Why is it that some people can be 'born gay' and others not? I just don't understand that concept in life. Can anyone explain to me why some can be born gay and others not?

Ok, this is a tricky and delicate situation. In my own beliefs, homosexuality is wrong. I believe that being gay is something that is more of a choice than a trait. People may do this because of bad experiences in their life or because they want attention. Since this person is a close friend, If I were you I would try to be accepting of this choice because if you try to push it too much, the friendship may be jeopardized. If your friend ever wants to have a serious discussion about it though, you really should tell how you see homosexuality. Friendly advice from Caleb.

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ok well theres this kid who confessed his love for me and well i dont feel the same and so i figured its better to tell him the truth and not lead him on but he dosent seem to get the hint he follows me around hes like my fucking stolker and i dont want to be his close friend b/c i cant trust him and well i see how he is and i dont kno how to make it clearer w/out hurting him normally i wouldnt care but since i ko how it feels to love somebody and not be loved in return so help pleaze he dosnt get the freaking clue

It seems like you're right, he doesn't get the picture. Basically the only way to solve this problem is to confront him again. Let him know exactly how you feel about your relationship with him. Most likely he will evetually stop following you as this is probably just a major crush for him. Try not to sweat it too much unless it progresses in to full on stalking. Friendly advice from Caleb.

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I have found myself snapping at people calling them complete morons and other such insults. I do it when I am frustrated or even slightly annoyed. I have no patience for anyone it seems. Later on I regret saying such things. I've said these things to friends and family, and even my boyfriend ,whom I adore. But when the moment hits me it seems I can't prevent the waspish comments from bursting out. How do I explain to these people why I say such things? I've hurt their feeling and it really upsets me. I don't mean to be mean. It seems i just can't help it.

Hey, I know what you mean about being "snappy." I would think the best way for you to control this outlash of words would be to find another way to vent your frustration. Working out or some type of physical activity like that can help to lower stress and frustration. If working out isn't for you, then maybe you need to let go of some of the stimulants causing your frustration. In actuality, there's a good chance that this is just something that will last a little while and eventually stop. Friendly advice from Caleb.

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I am a thirteen year old girl and I have a close male friend. We usually get on quite well and we are always talking and hugging. We used to be attracted to each other and he on/off still is to me but I don't feel that way about him. Everyone says we act like we're a couple and that we should get together but I honestly don't want to. We are very close but are we too close? I admit I hug him more than my other friends but I don't have any feelings for him. So is it wrong to be this close to him if we're not in a relationship?

Well, being a guy, my first response to that is that you may be leading him on. By giving him so much attention (hugs,etc.) he may be thinking that you are attracted to him; I know I would think that. So, in answer to your question, maybe you are too close to him; it's best not to lead him on if you're just in it to be friends. Friendly advice from Caleb.

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