Sweet_LiL_Angel's advice column

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Q: I am a 14 year old mother.
Please do not judge me, i am judged enough.
I am still in school and planning on finnishing.
My story is, my friends father raped me, obviously he did not know what the word protection ment, and knocked me up. He is in prison, my parents grief every day, and people stare like they think they are God and its judgment day. It is very hard, i couldnt give the baby up, i just didnt have it in me. I am 7months and huge. I am scared, i have watched tons of videos on wat is most likely going to happen to me when the twins arrive. Yes, i said twins. One boy and one girl. My mother has called adoption agencies and etc, but i have turned them all down, truly i want to keep my children, granted the father is an asswhole. When i feel them kicking to the sound of my voice it rips me apart to think i would give them up. I thought i'd talk to you since you were 15 when you were preg. So any advice for a 14year old soon to be mom?

First off think about it this way have you ever watching law n order. from the shows oliva was a child of a mother who was raped. you have to stay strong and i have faith in you. I was raped 3 times. thank god i didnt get pregnant. but at 15 i planned my child. i wanted a baby yes its hard and i hope you have your families support you wanting to raise these children. one day when they are older you will have to tell them what their father did to you and you have to tell them why you keep them. you are keeping them because you are a good person. who see's because of what this man did to you doesnt mean for you to punish the lives of young children who have a future.. okay now child birth not going to lie painful. not going to lie GET AN EPIDURAL dont wait till its to late to want one. they dont mess up your backs have the doctor explain to you what the shot does. how do they do it. the shot doesnt even hurtyou are to much pain from the contractions.. which get soo much better after the epidural. it numbs you from the waist down. and its amazing. motherhood is great i love it. sleepless nights but i was a night owl any ways. my two year old whos about to be 3 is a handful but i wouldnt trade him. i wouldnt change my mind about my past any questions let me no hun and good luck and dont worry im pregnant again and pretty nervous.

Q: im 18 my boyfriends 20..and im pregnant.
we were so careful..we used condoms and bc but we ran out of condoms and thought it would be ok. i took every pill on time but im pregnant. he wants to give the baby up for adoption and i cant, i already love it. does anyone have advice on how and can convince him to keep it? no lectures please.

Hunny i was 15 when i had my first child. its tough but i managed. take your time and sit down and talk to him tell him you have thought it through and you are wanting to keep the baby. A baby is a wonderful thing and can be expensive but its amazing life changing thing. i am pregnant now with my second im 18 i am 7 months and i just love it.

Q: My son is 27, and he graduated about 6 months ago from college, and I can't seem to motivate him to go out on his own; get a job; move out and start his own life! What on earth haven't I tried yet? Any advice would greatly help.
Dale

Sometimes tough love is the way to go. Tell him I know the economy isn't doing well but you need to get up and off your butt and look and find a job. give him a time limit.

Q: 15/f

(Sorry, it's long. The last paragraph has the actual question--the first paragraph is just the backround story)

Okay, I know I'm kind of young to be saying this but about two years ago I fell in love. Not teenage girl crush type of love, the real love. I fell in love with my best friend. We were friends since I was nine and he was ten. When I turned 13 we started growing feelings towards each other. Last year, on my 14th birthday, he asked me to be his g/f and, of course, I was ecstatic and said yes. We fell in love. I couldn't go one day (literally) without hearing his voice. He was my whole life. He was everything too me. I knew he was the one, there was (is) no life or happiness without him. Last year on the first day of summer, he gave me a promise ring and told me that no matter what I would be his love. I was so happy with him. I felt like my life was complete before it even started. I turned 15 and things were going great until he told me he was moving to new york. I couldn't stop crying. Every second I could spend with him was precious. Finally, he moved and I felt like my life was temporarily over (I knew he would come back for me someday). On september 22 I got a really sweet email. I had to leave so I didn't have time to reply. The next night, I went back to my emailing list to reply when I saw an email from his brother. I opened it first.
He died, Sep. 23 at approximatly 9:23 PM. It felt like my heart stopped beating. I thought Every one told me things would get better, time heals everything. Things have gotten better, externally. But internally, it finds worse every second without him. Like I'm falling and every one that's around me is just watching. I don't know what to do. I've been on a few dates but there is no guy that I am attracted to. It's not that they aren't attractive, but they aren't him. What do I do? I don't want to tell anyone because I don't want to stop hurting emotionally--the pain is the only thing I have left--but I want to be able to like a guy or even just form some kind of relationship with a guy. Can anyone please help me?

Hun you don't have to date guys yet to try to move on you need to be with your friends. Spend time with them. Go to the movies and yes in time things will heal. You should see a counsler to help you though.

Q: I have a 1 1/2 month puppy, weighs aprox. 13 lbs. I just took him outside, and I was holding him probley 5'6" of the grond, and he jumped and landed on his neck. He looks fine, he got up and sort of shook his head and stuff. THen he went back to just running around. I feel horrible though!!! Is he fine?

yeah he is probably fine. kittens do it all the time and hes up and playing hes fine.

Q: I founded a babysitting referral business at www.flowersitters.com and I currently charge families $10.00 to refer a sitter, and $7.00 to refer an additional sitter - short-notice fees, as well, if the bookings are made less than 48 hours in advanced, however, I don't tend to receive very many short-notice bookings.

I'm considering raising the referral fee to either $12.00, $15.00 or $20.00, but I am not sure. Right now, I answer phones and e-mails, contact sitters and the family to set-up interviews and exchange information, and then I release contact info after receiving the referral fee.

What would be a fair price to raise my current price to?

Thanks!

Raising the price may lose you buisness. A lot of mothers can't afford day care because of the price. Keeping your prices low helps them a lot. being a young mother I know. II looked into daycare while i would be at work but it was crazy high.

Q: Okay, The deadline is february 1st! not long from now, right? well that's how long we have to raise 3500 dollars to go on a New York trip! please help and give me ideas! also, do you know any people who might sponsor the trip for us!?! please help!?!

My husband works for a fire department. Small town.. We have to raise money to build on to his fire deparment. Do a chili cook off. get people to make chili and have a small prize. also.. Auction. we make big money. I made 3 cheese cakes and they brought 300 dollars all together. I mean get your whole town involved on the trip how educational it is what an experience etc. people pay big money for baked goods ask people to bring something to have auctioned off.

Sorry forgot about that okay first off flyers!!! ask people to call you who are going to make chili so you know how many contestants you will have. plenty of paper plates and soda!! and spoons. chili toppings crackers and cheese um. to auction.. ask everyone to bring bake goods and start auctioning at 10 dollars or so. keep raising it. till no one else would bid make signs posters flyers etc get your whole town in on it.

Q: well I've been dating this guy for about 7 months & my mother knows about him but she doesn't want to let me go out with him because she says im to young ( im 13 ) & I think she's afriad because she thinks ima become out pregnant or something but at least I want her to meet him , my mother is the type of person that you can't have a serious talk with , & im scared of havinq a serious talk w| her she's always being sarcastic & im tired of lieinq to her bout hanqinq outt with him but I love him and I don't wanna losse him just because of her , so what do I do ?

It is very common for parents to be worried about their children and you are very young she probably did not expect you to be dating until you were older. You need to sit down and yes i know you said its hard but you still have to do it. Tell her mom I dont know if you are nervous I am going to go out and have sex. but tell her. If there was a point in time way later down the road that i felt i was ready to have sex I will tell you first. I will ask for birth control but until that day you have nothing to worry about. (and please to this) I got pregnant at 15 years old and it was the hardest time of my life. trust me. any who just let her know you dont plan on having sex.

Q: I really need help.
okay, so i have a bestfriend.
but theres so many problems.
i love her so much, its just like i cant live with or without her! whenever its just me and her, things are PERFECT. whenever someone else is around, she acts like im noone. im invisible. im a ghost. its horrible. like, i feel so clueless and helpless. noone understands how i feel.
please, please. someone help me? :(

I have been in this situation and my friend and i quit being friends because it was as if she was just using me to have someone their for her when she was bored. Talk to her first let her know how you feel.

Q: okay, im 15 my cousin is 17. we have been around eachother when we were kids, and i guess you could say we have 'ecperimented' but we were only 3 and 5 so idt that counts. Well we grew up a lot after that. he ended up dropping out of school and hookin up wid all these sluts. i feel he is just a good part of the family (honestly, i dont have feelings like that for him). i get along with his gf's wen they r over. but he kept telling me to send him a dirty pic tonight. i said no. so he sends me one of his man junk. oh i wanted to throw up. that made me so freaking mad. he told me he wanted one because he has always kinda liked me. well i told him if he liked me then he wouldnt force me to send something i dont want and will never send. wat should i do? im not going to tell him tha i dont like him and i like im as just part of the family now cuz im pissed at him... maybe later i will. but how would you feel if his happened. and wat should i do?

Honestly I would tell him how you really feel. Do you have feelings for him? If not you need to tell him this. Let him now the past is the past and you were just a young child then. You love him as family and nothing more than that. Tell him i hope you understand but I would really appricaite if you would stop sending me dirty pictures and if you would quit asking me to send you to them and it makes me uncomfortable. that is what i would do.

Q: ok so last year, this gang of boys used to tease me about my skin color and gave me a nick name...bb black b!^@# ... i cried lots...and i wasn't a snitch so i didn't tell on them. well this year, this is what one guy said to me.. pretend my name is leslie. so this was a conversation on fb..commented on my closest friend's status...i have brown skin...why do they make fun of me?? i dont wana snitch on them...coz they will hate me even more. now i feel like running away. or going to my hometown where im safe with my family members :( help me please!! . .. ..and is it good for my friend to keep helping "boy" even if he made fun of me??

boy: im happy as long as that ugly bitch dies

girl two: what?!

boy: leslie (me, pretend im leslie the one who wrote this)

girl two: you seriously need help. =p

boy: she seriously needs to get hit by a car

girl two:. that\\\'s really mean :/ why would you say that?

boy: its harram, or sin to be that ugly

girl two: -_- have you looked in the mirror l8ly? haha jk! i'm joking ok.!! :s

boy: yeah i know what jk means ;)

girl two:^^ good.. :d

my close friend:....i don't know what to say....

girl one: boy....get a freakin life...your so freakin meannnnnnn

and no one can b as ugly as you..:p

boy: least im not in love with carl ;)

girl one: wtfffffff im not in luv with himmmmmm you freakin idiot!! you big mouthed asshole!! :p

my close friend: i'm with girl one!...she called you an asswhole n deserve it!!...(its for boy).....im jst too nice tht im still helpin you man!!

should i fight talk back?? .... and if i talk back, boy might dis me up :( so idk wat to say...

No I don't think you should fight back. Growing up I had a cousin who was puerto rican. Now we werent real cousins we have been close for ever since babies and our parents were good friends. Well people really thought we were cousins well because I was white and she was puerto rican they called us skunks. It hurt and was mean the way people talk and very unnecessary. I hope you can learn to ignore what people say to you it is iggnorant what they have said to you and people say it to make them self feel better.

Q: Ok, so Im 19/f on the pill. But in the past month Ive missed a few just cause I get so distracted here at school (im in college). Me and my boyfriend have sex regularly and we dont use condoms ( I dont need the condom lecture, please). A couple weeks ago, we had sex and he thinks he came in me just a little. So that makes me nervous because I did miss a couple pills. Now, Ive been feeling kind of nauseous for the past week. And I feel really like grose and bloated, Ive also been moody. (Plus Im constipated, I know.... its grose) I know these are all symptoms of early pregnancy, but its not like Im making myself feel that way. I just happened to look up early symptoms for a paper I was writing and freaked out when I realized that all of them were applying to me. Do you think Im pregnant? Or what are the chances? My next period is a week and a half away. Any opinions would be helpful, thanks.

I think you should wait until a week or 2 after your next period. But stressing out about thinking you are pregnant will make your period come late. When I was trying to get pregnant and id be late for a period id feel a little sick some symptoms would apply to early pregnancy bt then id get my period. not im pregnant and I havent had a period in like 7 months any who. Sometimes early pregnant symptoms are signs that your period is coming. Also do at least 2 home pregnancy tests or just go straight to the doctor. Ask them for a pregnancy test. If your boyfriend did cum inside your chances are probably pretty high. but i dont know how long you have been on the pill or anything.

Q: i am a single dad of 4 children 3 girls age 9 , 13, 16, and a boy age 8 my sister has been questing my children about me seeing them naked.
i bath my 8, and 9 year old and wash my 13 year old hair the only reason i help my 16 year old is bescause she has 2 broken arms and a broken leg who eles can hekp me

you need your sister or another female to help out with the 16 year old. the 13 year old is old enough to wash her own hair if it is not done right ask her to go back and rinse it out again. the 8 and 9 year old both can bath them self. I would agree with your sister no offence but your children are old enough to bath them self.and the 13 year old could help out with the 9 year old girl.

I HAVE 3 THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Q: im told not to tell a soul because its getting somewhat taken care of. so il ask un-named. my bff is very badly depressed bc her moms boyfriend abused her so she told her mom after a while and he killed her mom and he went to jail which was a little over a year ago. now she lives with her grandparents. her grandpa is very bad bipolar and abuses her as well but only her none of her younger siblings. today she finally told me about what her grandpa does and showed me her new bruise which is very bad, it is like right on under her breast an its bloody red and very swollen and stuff she wont even put anything on it because its swollen and itd make it bigger. still which happend two days ago it even ripped her shirt. this weekend he is going to treatment for bipolar so she is running away and staying with a certain friend because he will be very bad. he is also their only source of income since the grandma cant work so if he goes they go homeless. hes going into treatment so it will maybe get better and if she gets taken away hed probly go for her little siblings so she wants to stay and take it for them. she also has anger management problems and depression so shes very agressive to people but i dont blame her. what can i do? any advice on any of this and as much advice as possible?! its getting better so i am not telling. im almost 16 and she is 14

I am sorry but weather it is getting better or not you need to go to the police and let them know because a few good days could lead to a very bad day and she could end up like her mother. I am sorry if what I say sounds harsh but my mothers boyfriend abuses my mother and my brother and has hit me before I am married now and I do not deal with that anymore. My mom wont leave him my brother isnt old enough to leave and doesnt want to move with me because im in a different state. but you need to help her.

Q: Hi everyone! I have 2 boys, they are 4 and 6 years old. Their dad took them for a 2 weeks holliday this summer and decided not to bring them back to me. They spent 3 1/2 months at his place while i fought in 2 provinces to get them back. It finally happened on november 13th. The oldest missed 2 1/2 months of his first grade school year.

That'S it for the context, now, when i get mad and let's say, put my hands on my hips, the oldest has defensive reflexes, i found out he got hit by his father with a fly swapper and a wooden spoon. They also act out a lot, and my youngest has nightmares that he is being taken by a bad guy, and they end up in my bed every night. They have a very hard time going to sleep. Also, last night the 6yo one couldn't stop crying because his dad took him to a fishing and hunting trip and they shot a duck, since the bird wasn't dead, my morron of an ex got the 4yo one to "finish it"by choking it to death with his bare hands. My son is traumatised, he said he could have taken care of it, that he only had one small bullet in his head and that he could have fed him some of the fish they caught. I think it's horrible that he has to live with such horrific images in his head!

Now, what i'm wondering, is should see a specialist with them, or just let them talk and tell me what they've been through on their own. The father is now only allowed to visit them through a visitation center, and supervised. Also what else can i do to help them get better, understand that they won't get hit by me ever, that they are safe now, all that without traumatising them even more and badmouthing their dad. They are like all kids, even if the father is an idiot, they love him very much.

Someone been there? How long for the defensive reflexes to go away?

I am glad you decided to seek professional help hun. Times will get easier and I will prey for you and hopefully others are to. As for your children. It may be tough at night for a while. I would let them sleep with you. Spend plenty of time with them. They have to regain your trust even though you did nothing wrong. Their father taking them away he probably told them things maybe you didnt want them things like that. you just have to show them that you are their for them. hold them when they cry or are scared tell them everything is going to be okay. When they act up they can not just get away with it. but for now I would just sit down and talk to them about it. eventually moving to maybe sit in time out when but after a talk or time out hug them and explain you are not mad and you still love them. or something. good luck through these tough times eventually they will get better and eventually you will retreive full custdy with out visitation.

Q: So basically, my mom's boyfriend who have been together since I was a little baby (I'm 15) has basically been my dad to me. I just started calling him my stepdad to people just because its just easier to say. a thought popped into my head one day and I thought about just calling him dad. But I feel like it would be completely awkward. I feel awkward just thinking about it. Like he was kind of on my bad side before last year for awhile because of his temper and him raising his voice and getting mad over the stupidest things. For instants, he yelled at me because I opened a drink, took a sip, didn't like it, put it back in the fridge saying I would get it back later, and he flipped because I just wasted something. I really hated him then. but now everything seems really okay, and he actually started to say 'i love you' to me. it felt kind of great but awkward. i told him the same back but I left. Would it be a good idea to call him 'dad'?

If you feel comfortable calling him dad then you should. I mean he has been there for you. Almost your whole life. My son is turning 3 in January and his biological father has never been in his life. He calls my husband father but he doesnt understand yet. Some day I will explain it to him and he may change his mind about calling him dad. But if you feell comfortable with it you shouldnt feel akward.

Q: So, i am a teenager, 14 years old. my mom's age is 64!!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT :'( this is too old for me. i cannot stop worrying. all my other friends have moms who are only 38 or who just turned 40. :( so unfair. my moms like old. this is hurts me. I AM ONLY 14 AND MY MOM IS 64. what do you think of that????

I think you are over reactting. I mean I wonder my children are going to say when they are in school. When my oldest graduates high school I will just be turning 30. I mean age is just a number your mother loves you. Maybe she had a reason to wait so long before having children. Or maybe she couldnt get pregnant and you were a miracle. I dont know the situation but I think you respect that you have someone who loves you a lot of people don't have that.

Q: Ugh seriously my life sucks so bad and i just can't deal with it any more.!:(
I have been home schooled for a year now I left public school second semester of 7th grade and now i am in 8th. I lost ALL of my friends from being home school i have not EVEN one friend! I hate being home schooled i want to go back to school so bad i hate being home on a computer all day and i have no freakin life! It's not fair i want to go back so bad i just want to be a regular teen! Whitch leads to my second problem.... I hate the way i look I hate my body and i am to emmberest to go back to school cause I am fat! so thats why i can't go back i hate myslef and i am not strong and comfterable anuff to go back. I just want to be a normal teen, when i was in school i was the popualar girl not the annoyying mean stupid ones but everyone new me. Well now i am nothing. SO to fix my problem i work out everyday!!! 7 out of 7 days running bikeing stretching light weights EVERYTHING!!! i am on like the 4th month so far and i haven't lost a POUND!!!! i don't get whats wrong with me:(? I seriously cry everyday wondering why i can't be happy with myslef and not be huge i just want to be skinny and ughh it's not fair.
Next problem!.... I am the youngest one in my family My siblings cousins everyone! there all at that age were they can go out drink blahh blahh blahh and then theres me i am kinda of an outcast in my family for certin things, but it sucks that i can't be at that age they get to experince things i don't and i am left out it sucks! so bad being the youngest in your family. I hate how i have to prove to them i am not a freakin 5year old anymore the expect me to watch like Pooh bear (not really but do you get what i mean) and it pisses me off how they don't think i no what going on in the world like they think i don't no what sex or anything ugh idk they treate me like im 2 like really? your fucking anoying ugh whatever!! i hate my life and it's such a waist! i don't understand why any of this is going on it's not fair!!!!!!!
SOrry i just needed to let this out cause i have no one to talk to! i tell my mom this all the time but she never helps ugh this suckkss :( sorry if you have any advice feel free to let me no:(

Okay first off. You arent going to lose a pound if you dont stop and put your mind to it. stop putting yourself down. I am pregnant with my second child. I am 18 years old and had my first son at 15. I didnt ever get to lose the weight and I feel fat and ugly. But i am confident after I give birth to my second child I will lose the weight this time. ITs tough and i know what it is like to go through school trying so hard to be skinny and perfect. First off. cut out all soda, all junk food, all candy. everything like that and put your self on a diet. breads, pasta, things like that arnt to good. meat is try the atkins diet it worked for my mom. start walking strech before you walk. and strech after you walk after two weeks to a month start jogging. warm up before and after. drink plenty of water lift weights 30 minutes a day to tone. listen to music while you jog and clean you head. read in to meditating find away to relax your mind. do this all year and summer. i know the holidays are coming up but be confident hun. good luck. ill prey for you to gain your confident back.

as far as it is for your family, it is something you just have to deal with. go on myspace or facebook and find your friends that you were friends with from school.

Q: Tonight I called my ex, (i broke up with him in early october). We haven't spoken on the phone since the break up, just occasional texting. Well tonight I told him I still and always loved him and he said that he always knew i loved him. He wants to hang out when i come home for thanksgiving. I don't know what to do. It's sort of like we're starting from scratch? But we went out for 8 months.

Well we need something to do that won't involve sitting in his bedroom because we know where that leads, and we just need to be able to reconnect and talk. I'm basically asking for date ideas?

Go out for a walk, to a park , out to eat, walk around a mall or another store, etc.

Q: I'm constantly catching my dad staring at my tits or watching me as I bend over to put a new bag in the bin and looking at me inappropriate.

It is so gross and and is creeping the shit outa me.
What the hell do I do??
HELP!

My father did and does the same stuff and I am married with children. Always telling me I have a nice butt and things like that. You have to ignore it make him feel uncomfortable and cover up. I know it sucks you have to cover up in your own home. but one day you wont have to live there and wont have to worry about it

bio

My name is Ashley. I am 22 years old. Ill be celebrating my 3rd 21st birthday June :) . I had my first child at 15. I got married at 18 and had another child shortly after. They have two different fathers. I am currently going threw a divorce. I moves states after we seperated ( ugly seperation) but I had no family in that state. I left everything except my beautiful babies and our clothes. I found a job up north and things are going good. I am dating. I have been in abusive situations. I am going to college for psychology and sociaology. Im here to listen help and give you advice ive been in alot of different situations and can relate to a lot.