|
My children are traumatised
Hi everyone! I have 2 boys, they are 4 and 6 years old. Their dad took them for a 2 weeks holliday this summer and decided not to bring them back to me. They spent 3 1/2 months at his place while i fought in 2 provinces to get them back. It finally happened on november 13th. The oldest missed 2 1/2 months of his first grade school year.
That'S it for the context, now, when i get mad and let's say, put my hands on my hips, the oldest has defensive reflexes, i found out he got hit by his father with a fly swapper and a wooden spoon. They also act out a lot, and my youngest has nightmares that he is being taken by a bad guy, and they end up in my bed every night. They have a very hard time going to sleep. Also, last night the 6yo one couldn't stop crying because his dad took him to a fishing and hunting trip and they shot a duck, since the bird wasn't dead, my morron of an ex got the 4yo one to "finish it"by choking it to death with his bare hands. My son is traumatised, he said he could have taken care of it, that he only had one small bullet in his head and that he could have fed him some of the fish they caught. I think it's horrible that he has to live with such horrific images in his head!
Now, what i'm wondering, is should see a specialist with them, or just let them talk and tell me what they've been through on their own. The father is now only allowed to visit them through a visitation center, and supervised. Also what else can i do to help them get better, understand that they won't get hit by me ever, that they are safe now, all that without traumatising them even more and badmouthing their dad. They are like all kids, even if the father is an idiot, they love him very much.
Someone been there? How long for the defensive reflexes to go away?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Domesticity category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Parenting?
I am glad you decided to seek professional help hun. Times will get easier and I will prey for you and hopefully others are to. As for your children. It may be tough at night for a while. I would let them sleep with you. Spend plenty of time with them. They have to regain your trust even though you did nothing wrong. Their father taking them away he probably told them things maybe you didnt want them things like that. you just have to show them that you are their for them. hold them when they cry or are scared tell them everything is going to be okay. When they act up they can not just get away with it. but for now I would just sit down and talk to them about it. eventually moving to maybe sit in time out when but after a talk or time out hug them and explain you are not mad and you still love them. or something. good luck through these tough times eventually they will get better and eventually you will retreive full custdy with out visitation.
]
you are such a lovely caring mother!i support your decision.your such a soft mother and askign for advice about this topic shows how much of a great mother you are!i hope the specialist helps you and your boys.i feel soo bad that you all had to go through that!im here for you if you need it.anytime.
]
You did the right thing by getting professional help. That's probably best for this situation. And there's nothing wrong with you getting that help, too. You're going through this situation with them, so you all need someone to talk to about it.
]
More Questions: |