I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
Visitors: 32924
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How can I be the best maid of honor EVER? My best friend is getting married. She has a matron of honor, me as her maid of honor, and her two sisters as bridesmaids. She lives way across town (about 45 minutes away from me) and the wedding will be her her hometown (about 1-2 hours away from both of us), where all of those other people live. I really love her and want to make it as special as I can for her, because this is pretty much the only marriage I've ever believed would work at all. (link)
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Planning a wedding is very stressful! Which is kind of crazy considering that it is supposed to be the happiest event of your life. But that's just how it is. So if you want to be the BEST maid of honor ever, besides fulfilling your regular duties (throwing a shower, picking out dresses, etc.) be sure to check in with your friend periodically. Call her or email her every so often and ask her if there is anything she needs you to do. You'd be amazed at how helpful it can be to just have someone that can pick up your invitations or price photographers. She will no doubt appreciate any help you offer. Like, if she asked you to help her pick out a photographer, you could ease her burden by researching 5 or 6 different places and then maybe putting together a little booklet or printout with sample of their work, prices, location, pros and cons, etc. Then you can give that to her and she can choose who she wants to follow up with. Just remember that during this stressful but exciting time, its all the little things that will add up to you being the best maid of honor ever ; ) Good luck! And have fun!
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19/f
I think i might be in love with my boyfriends best friend, what should i do? (link)
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Don't do anything right now. Let this one play out for a bit. It sounds like you're not sure what's going on right now. You may be falling for him, but maybe its just a crush. Maybe he has some qualities that you wish your boyfriend has and your heart is confusing admiration with love. I think the important thing is that you don't completely destroy your relationship until you are sure about your feelings. So give it some more time, a couple of weeks or months at least. Keep an eye on your feelings, but keep them to yourself for now (unless you have a trustworthy friend of course). When you feel a bit more clear about everything, then you can make a decision. You may be surprised what a little extra time can do to clarify your feelings.
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How do you make someone realize you're meant to be together when they have it set in their mind that you aren't just because it didn't work the first time? (link)
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You can't make anybody do anything. Its up to that person to decide for themselves. You'll only make yourself seem bossy and annoying if you try to convince them otherwise. If it is really meant to be then you should find peace in that knowledge and back off. If you're right, it will come back around, so go on your way and let nature take its course.
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18/f
I've been pretty lazy my whole life, at least that's what I think. Since I was 13 all I did was use the computer, talk on the phone and maybe ice skate or play tennis depending on the season. I didn't really hang out much, maybe I didn't really feel the desire to. Sometimes I was so lazy that I would rather stay in bed and go back to sleep and starve myself rather than going out to look for food, and if I had to use the bathroom then I'd wait until I really had to go. Now that I'm 18 I feel somewhat unmotivated or even lazier. My eating habits have improved though, but when I go out to the mall or anything I feel extremely tired and I sometimes would just want a place to lay down or sit and take a break. Last summer I did this several times with my cousin for probably every 10 to 15 minutes..I'm not fat, and I'm pretty athletic since I've played tennis for 3 years, was mvp, and was athlete of the week. When I'm out with my girlfriend who I've been dating for 7 months I feel really tired and just want to go home, like I was want to shop and leave, or take a couple of laps then leave. We don't have much money to spend anyway. Everything I see is like usual, and its the same every time I go there, just that there might be several sales or whatever. Lately all we do is go back and forth to each other's house, eat, spend the night, watch t.v., have sex, and that's our weekend. And we've been doing that for several months which really sucks because it's getting boring. And today when we went to get supplies for bird house I ended up buying my little cousin a giant coloring book and decided to buy the bird house later, then she offered to go buy paint and I said no lets go home because something kicked it and i felt really tired and just wanted to go home; but that was also after she called me boring because I said no and i felt, I don't know , sad? because i was thinking she'd leave me for someone more fun which might be likely. There are a lot of things I want to do, but it seems like the closer I get to it the more I realize how bored I am of the idea. What the he** is wrong with me? (link)
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I'm wondering if you are depressed. Sometimes the symptoms of depression look like laziness. It could be something medical, but my money is on depression. You just aren't motivated to interact with the "real" world. When you get tired its your mind telling you to protect yourself by retreating and further isolating yourself. You can start digging your way out of this by seeing doctor. Any family practitioner will do. They'll give you all the physical tests to make sure its not a medical issue and refer you to a therapist or counselor if necessary. Now, here's the hard part... you'll have to actually make an appointment. The good news is, you sound like you are at the end of your rope. That means you really want help. You are the only one who can decide for yourself that enough is enough. If you take this one small step, I can promise you from personal experience that the next step will be easier. You can be free from this. YOu'll be amazed how much you can change and how quickly, but you need to want it. See what you can do. You won't regret it.
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People always talk about how horrible being pregnant is. They always say how hard giving birth is, and how having a child completely ruins your life you knew it. And I understand all the bad effects having a child might have. But someone please tell me about the good parts. I've heard that giving birth doesn't always hurt and having a child isn't as hard as they say. I guess it just depends on the person. But someone who has experience with this, please enlighten me. Thanks! (link)
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When people say things like "having a child ruins your life" they mean having a child while YOU'RE still a child will ruin your life. Having a child with someone you love, when you are in a long-term, committed relationship, can be rewarding. But every child needs a father and deserves a stable home. To bring a child into this world just because you want to be a Mom, or have some kind of hole in your heart you think needs to be filled, is just selfish. And yes, having a child IS as hard as "they" say. What makes it worth it is sharing the whole experience with someone you love, knowing you have created a loving home and a solid situation for such precious gift.
P.S. - Indeed, I did make an assumption. Your question sounded very "young" to me and I responded with my instincts. Which is always a risk when you are responding to the written word. If I was mistaken I apologize and stand corrected. Nonetheless I hope you were able to take something positive from my response. Good LUck
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i was with my boyfriend for about three years. he is my very best friend in the entire world and ive never been more comfortable with anyone. hes the only person ive ever been with and we make eachother very happy. im in college and my freshman year was great and everything was fine with him, but we spent almost every single day together and were inseperable so i didnt make that many new friends at school. we lived together for a while but i went back to school in the fall for my sophmore year. i really wanted to start hanging out with my friends more and being more independent and it caused alot of problems. we had about a 7 month period where we would fight constantly, break up, miss eachother and decide we can fix the problems, get back together, be happy for a while... and then start fighting about the same things and doing it all over again. finally after about the 5th time of going back i decided that it was the last time. we havent seen eachother in over a month and have barely been talking. since then he has gotten a job and is working full time (which was one of our huge issues), and seems to be doing much better in life. i havent been able to move on and i constantly think about him and miss being with him, and i know he feels the same way. he thinks that him having a good job now will eliminate so many of our issues and that hes in a better place..so half of me is like- you clearly still love him. you loved being with him. you cant move on or think about dating anyone else. you cant stop thinking about him every 10 minutes... so why stay apart??? but then the other half of me is like-- your just going to go down the same road youve been going down over and over, things are going to be great in the begining but they will just end up going back to the fights and getting upset and goign through the whole break up thing all over again. i mean on one hand.. if im thinking about im constantly and missing him so much, then why shouldnt i be with him? on the other hand... is it normal to still be this attatched and effected this soon after a big break up? i just dont know what to do becuase he really wants to see me. he never wanted to break up- it was all me. i obviously want to see him too but im just scared im going to just put myself down that same old cycle and end up regretting it and getting in fights and yelling and all that crying all over again if i do. i dont see myself being with him for the rest of my life, but at the same time i cant get him out of my mind and i miss my best friend. part of me knows that its best in the long run not to go back there, but its hard becuase hes such a big part of my life and i miss it.
what should i do.. (link)
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Sounds to me like you already know the answer to your own question, you just don't like it. You've been down this road over and over again. Do you know what the dictionary definition of "insanity" is? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. You have to understand that just because you know breaking up is the right thing to do it doesn't mean it will be easy for you. This guy has been a huge part of your life for years. It will take a lot longer than a month to get over him, and it will take even longer if you keep dragging it out by seeing him when you don't need to. If you can't handle breaking off all contact then stick to calls and email. And start doing things with other people, even when you don't feel like it. Tag along with someone for movie night, go to a party, join a club at school, anything that will distract you and help you cultivate new friendships. The key to moving on is having other people around you who interest you and bring you joy and positivity. You sound like you have a great head on your shoulders. You sound very mature for someone your age. Breaking up with someone you love because you know its dysfunctional takes a lot of guts, and there are a lot of people who wouldn't be able to do that. Ride this one out a little longer. I guarantee you will find that the more time passes, the easier this will get. Good Luck.
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i'm a little upset right now. when my little sister had speech problems/delay, we knew something might be wrong with her brain development or functioning of the brain, or whatever. we thought she had autism. but we found out recently it wasn't autism, she has aspergers. she's 14 now, turning 15 in november, but i'm really worried about her future. she's really bright and is the absolute nicest person in the world, she'd never do anything wrong or hurt anyone on purpose. she's very sensitive and cries easily. at school she has friends, but she's homeschooled and goes to school only on fridays. she has no friends in the neighborhood. in her free time, she sits on the computer and watches shows and videos on youtube or paces around in her room. she NEVER LEAVES THE HOUSE unless its for school or church. and everyone at her school knows something is wrong with her, but they all think shes just weird, they dont know whats going on with her mind. basically, the best i can explain it, she has the mind of a 5-7 year old. you can hear it in the way she talks and walks and her body language, she's very different. it upsets me like no other when someone tells me that my sister is weird or she acts "strange" or that she's stalking some boy because she thinks he's cute. she doesnt realize that when she has a crush, she cant make it very obvious, so shes never had a boyfriend and from what i can tell, shes not going to get one anytime soon.
so after all this inside information on my sister, can anyone tell me if they know that her brain will eventually catch up to her, or if she's going to be like this for the rest of her life? she wants to get married and have children, but our whole family can't ever see her moving out on her own since she thrives on family and security. what can i do? (link)
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You need to accept that this IS normal for your sister. Its difficult, but you're going to need to start accepting that this is just the way she is. And maybe you'll even learn to love it. Think about it, her mind is like a 5-7 year old, she's not jaded, she's not a liar, she doesn't play mind games like other teen agers and adults. While her condition may seem strange to others, its perfectly normal for her and TO her, and that's how you should treat her. Try not to get too upset when others label her "strange". Its a normal reaction and most people won't be aware of her diagnosis. When someone Says something like that and it bothers you, just calmly and kindly explain that your sister has aspergers and she does not relate to people the way others do. Then walk away, leave it at that. If they ask you what aspergers is, you can tell them its a form of autism or tell them to look it up. Either way, try not to take it personally, your sister doesn't, I'm sure. And don't be so sure about what will or won't happen for her future. Many people with Aspergers end up in steady relationships. Don't think about what she CAN'T do in this life and start concentrating on what she CAN do. Also, you can help her get used to life outside the house by doing things like explaining feelings, facial expressions, and social etiquette. People with Aspergers have trouble recognizing social cues that others take for granted. Your sister may never develop a natural social "decoder", but she can LEARN how to respond to certain signals from people. For instance, if you are walking by her and you say hi to her and she doesn't respond, you can remind her "You know, sis, when someone says hello you should say hello back, or they may think you are not friendly". Just stuff like that can make a big difference. Most of all, don't be sad for her. She is made just the way she should be, and although it will be a challenge for your family, it could even be a huge blessing. Just as she has many things to learn from you, you also can learn from her. Embrace that and try not to worry for her so much. You sound like a loving and caring sibling and with family like that your sister will do well in this life.
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I'm an 18-year-old female and I'm really lonely. I have friends but I don't feel like they really care about me or would mind if I wasn't around. I've tried talking to them about how I feel and they don't listen. My parents are the same. I don't like my personality or how I look but I can't seem to change it. I try to be social but I just end up feeling miserable. I was diagnosed with depression and had some councilling but it just made me feel worse and when I went back to my doctor, she just sent me away with a reccomendation for more. I feel sad and isolated all the time and I don't know what to do. (link)
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Go back to therapy. You didn't give it enough time. Its not an overnight fix. Of course it made you feel worse. You're digging up feelings and issues you've never had to explain out loud before. There's like a mourning period that you have to go through before you start to heal. I was in therapy for over a year, and probably the first 4 months were the worst. I felt crappy every time I left that office and I found myself thinking about things I hadn't thought about in years. But I stuck it out, and was eventually able to move out of that stage and into a stage of healing, and eventually happiness. You can have that too. You just gave up too soon. But you're worth the time it takes to get better. Don't give up. Don't take the easy way out. Do the hard work. You'll never regret it, I promise.
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20/f
Last week I ended things with my boyfriend of over a year because niether of us were happy. We've been on and off the past four months and it just got to be too much drama, and I decided it was best to end things before they got SUPER ugly.
Before I ever considered ending things with my bf, I became friends with another guy through work. Between meeting him and now we've gotten to know each other, and he's really nice, super cute, and understanding enough not to try to make a move on me now that I'm newly single.
But for the past 5 days or so we've been flirting through texts CONSTANTLY. to the point of where just hearing my phone buzz with a message makes me giggle or bury my face into my pillow, grinning. I havent forgotten about my ex and I'm not hanging out with this new guy really yet because I want to give myself time. But this doesn't feel like something I'm doing just to get over my ex.. this new guy really makes me happy. My friends are telling me it's a rebound and that I really don't have feelings for him, but I was even flirting with him before I ended things with my ex...
How do I know if my feelings are real? Honestly this is the first time I've felt this happy in a long time.. (link)
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Well, so what if it is a rebound? You're 20 years old! You're young and you're enjoying your life and all the new experiences it brings. If you are worried about being hurt, then stay away from this new guy. But if it feels fun and you are enjoying yourself, and he is fully aware of your situation, I say don't obsess over it and just see what happens. If you were older I would give you different advice, but I think now is the one time in your life to just go ahead and feel free. Good Luck.
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18/m lives in Ohio
With in a year i will be going to boot camp, I have a good family friend who died in Afgahnistan. He was a marine, but i know thats where the airborne are. My parents are very fearful of anyone trying to join up. My sister thought about it and my parents flipped shit even though she just wanted to sign up for the navy. I thought they were going to lock her in her room for life, but I already signed and its set in stone that im going... how do i break the news to them without them going nuts? (link)
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Tell them that they raised you to think of others, to be a good person and be a good and respectful citizen and you think joining the military embraces all the good values they taught you. You know they will be worried, but you believe in serving a cause bigger than yourself and you are looking forward to all the opportunity that your service will bring. Let them know you understand that as your parents they will be scared for you, but that you are taking on a big job and you're going to need their support. Good luck and thank you so much for your willingness to serve.
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I want to break up with my long distance relationship. There's no real reason..I honestly just don't feel like being in a relationship anymore. I live in the US, he in the Uk. I'm 19, he's 21. We've never met yet, been dating 8 months. He wants me to visit this summer.
I like him, but I don't love him. He LOVES me, he's actually obsessed. It freaks me out in a way. I tried breaking up with him earlier this week by using excuses about school, and he started crying for about 2 hours. So, I gave in. He told me he couldn't breathe, and that he'd come down here immediately and such. I don't WANT that, I'm scared if I break up with him that he'll show up at my door.
He's a very fragile guy, it took him 2 years to get over his ex, and he still talks about how he never thought he'd love again, blah blah, but then he found me. :/ I do like him, but I want to be free. I hate staying inside all day on the computer to talk to him, I want my life back. I know if I tell him this that he'll have some solution, like: you can go with your friends, or spend less time with me!
Basically, I don't want to be sucked in again. I want to break up with him, not lead him on with false hopes. Can you PLEASE tell me how to go about this? I've been struggling with it for about a month. I want to end it, cut all contact. But, what do I do when he starts crying? I'm not a heartless person, I don't know if I can just hang up on him. Ahh, please help!!! (link)
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You're obviously not a heartless person, since this is worrying you so much. But you've managed to become entangled with a very manipulative person. He is using your compassion and caring against you. He knows you have a soft heart and he can basically bully you with his tears. So, you've tried to be kind and talk to him about it, but he traps you on the phone. So as bad as this sounds, you're going to have to send him an email. Say everything you've wanted to say, tell him you're writing because you feel he manipulates you when you call, and please don't call or text anymore because you've made up your mind. It may feel heartless, but you've tried every other way. What happens next is his doing, not yours. You are not a bad person. You just got tired of a long distance relationship. End of story. It happens, so give yourself a break and don't prolong this any longer.
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I am a 49 year old woman that is in my second marriage. My first marriage lasted 18 years and ended 2 years ago. Being single for this short time, I met a guy that treated me like I have always to be treated, lovingly and communicates well. He is such an awesome guy that I got caught up in the excitement and said yes to his marriage proposal after knowing him for 2 months. I know now I did this out of lonliness and only for that reason. I am still in love with my ex husband and I thought this would be my way of getting over him. I was wrong!! The man I'm married to now is not what I wanted to do. I was not ready for marriage, I see it now and I want out. I have brought this topic to his attention on several ocassions and each time he fakes sick, ends up in the emergency room trying to get sympathy from me. He is very needy and clingy. I am not attracted to him at all and I do not like being around him. I want out so bad and want to remain single for as long as I can. How can I get out of this marriage because this guy is so crazy about me? I'm afraid he'll do something to himself. He is a very weak and fragile man. He has diabetes and he will not take care of himself if I leave. I was thinking of just staying with him and just live a single life and maybe he'll be the one to get tired of it and leave me. I know I sound a coward. Maybe I am. What is your suggestion? Thank you (link)
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Yikes. This really is a tough one. You may have asked the wrong person. I am extremely traditional when it comes to marriage. I believe it is a covenant that shouldn't be broken. But also, people are people, and they get themselves into bad situations. Even God recognized that and gave His people an "out" of divorce. So... not knowing what your religious convictions are, I think you have a few options.
1. You leave. You've admitted you were wrong to marry him. You admitted you did not leave enough time to heal from your divorce. You know now it was a mistake. Your husband is using his health to hold you hostage. He must know you are a very sympathetic and loyal person and he's using that against you. If you choose to leave, you need to make the decision that you will not be swayed by his physical health. You can still care for his well-being without being his wife. Don't let him hold that over your head. He's using your natural, nurturing instincts against you. But also be prepared for a fight from him. He loves you. As hurt as you were when your first marriage ended, that's how hurt he'll be if you leave. Just keep that in mind.
2. Stay and seek counseling - I know it doesn't sound like the most romantic option, but I personally know 2 different couples who were in a situation similar to yours. They married quickly on the rebound and also because emotional needs and then realized they hated each other. I remember one woman saying she was actually repulsed by her husband and cried every day thinking she was doomed to live forever with someone she couldn't even stand to look at. In both cases they received counseling, through the church and also professional therapy. These couples, years later, are still together, and yes, HAPPY. Through therapy they actually LEARNED to love each other, and it turned into something amazing they never expected. But it took work. It wasn't easy or fun in the beginning and I'm sure a lot of hurtful things were said and explored. But love isn't really a feeling, its something you choose to do, everyday. With help, I believe you could come to love this man. But, as always, it has to be your choice, something you want to commit to doing.
3. You can stay in the marriage, basically as a companion, but live as a single woman. I think this is the worst of the choices, but I know people who do it (hello Bill and Hilary Clinton!). If you do choose this, I think the only "acceptable" way to do it is to work out a detailed arrangement with your husband. Almost like a contract. He has to be crystal clear on what you want and what you expect and what your marriage is going to look like. And I do mean "DETAILED", like " I commit x days a week to you. We'll hang out, go out, whatever; I go out x days a week. I have boyfriends but no one in the house, no phone calls to the house, etc." stuff like that.
So those are your choices as I see it. You have some difficult decisions to make in the coming days. Whatever you decide, think about asking your husband to forgive you. He obviously didn't know how confused you were when you agree to marry him (you didn't either!). He didn't ask for any of this, so whatever choice you make you need to at least make sure he knows you accept responsibility. I do hope you find some peace, in whatever you decide. I can only imagine how I'd feel in your situation. I'd like to think I'd stay and seek counseling. I don't know. At the very least, you should do that first. A counselor may help you clarify some things in a surprising way. Good luck to you. Really, I hope you find what you're looking for and I hope I helped in some small way.
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19/female. Nick is 18.
We've been friends for about 3-4 years now. he's actually a senior in high school and i'm a sophomore in college, yeahhh please don't comment on the age difference that's not my problem right now!! plus i'm doing online so its not like i'm far away from him.
anyways nick would always be really flirty with me like all the time. neither of us have said we liked each other but this attraction has been going on for like 2 years now. girls have come and gone but i've always been there. well now there is this other girl who i feel threatened by and i feel like he needs to choose between me or her because i'm done with this crap. this girl is honestly really immature, not pretty at all and i'm not just saying that, basically i think he is too good for her. the thing is, i don't know if he sees me more as a friend! we never really established we liked each other, maybe in fear of one of us wouldnt feel the same way.
so i'm going to tell nick that i'm basically really turned off by him talking to this other girl and hanging out with her and if he really does like her then he can forget about me. BUT if i say this and he is like wait what do you mean forget about you? i thought we were just friends .. i'd be devastated and foremost embarassed. i just need to get it out there though. what do you guys think about me saying this? am i doomed for sadness? but maybe he will realize i'm not joking around and playing his games. (link)
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Sounds like you're both playing games. So stop the games. It looks like you're just going to have to bite the bullet and sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel about him. Leave the other girl out of it. That's not really the issue anyway. The real issue is that you care for him as more than a friend. Maybe if he sees that you are a real option he won't even have any interest in this girl. Its a risk, for sure. He may say he doesn't feel the same way. But maybe he does! The thing is, nothing great can ever happen if you don't take the risk. Just be really sure you're willing to except the consequences. Run it over in your mind - what will you do if he says he doesn't see you in the same way? What if he does? Are you willing to risk losing the friendship? If you do become gf/bf and then it doesn't work out you may never be able to repair the friendship. Are you willing to risk that? If yes, then summon up all your courage and just come out with it. And don't forget - don't make it about the other girl. As a matter of fact, pretend she doesn't exist. Concentrate on what you and Nick share as friends. She's just a distraction. Good Luck! I have a good feeling about this for you!
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Hi! I would really love to hear from everyone, ESPECIALLY those who have lost a lot of weight (like 60+) or are seeing results currently.
Well, I'm young, only 18... and I have a huge issue with my weight. Ever since elementary school, I can remember being one of the heavy girls in class. Now, I'm 5'4 and my weight usually ranges from 190 to 200. I've tried diets, I've tried working out, but I can never commit. Right now I live in a household where you will never find healthy choices like veggies, fruits, whole wheats, etc. And it's not my family, so I don't dare ask them to buy ME anything, I just take what I am given, you know?
I don't have a job right now, so I can't even buy my own food. I don't know, I just wish to lose weight. Can anyone give me any advice? Does anyone know where I can buy good machines (like ellipticals) for a reasonable price? ANY type of help would be appreciated! (link)
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Weight Watchers is an AWESOME program. I lost 75lbs in a little over a year. It is the perfect program for someone like you, because it doesn't require you to buy expensive foods or special fruits and veggies and stuff like that. It teaches you how make good choices using the food that's already around you. Its unrealistic to expect people to spend tons of money on food they'll never eat. WW will show you how to keep eating what you like, but be responsible about it. For instance, I'm a big sweets fan. I love cakes and cookies and baked goods. On WW I can eat cake at every meal if I want, I just can't eat as MUCH as I want. WW costs $10/week and weekly meetings last 30 minutes, and they are everywhere, all over the country. If you do a search I bet you'll be amazed how close a meeting is to you. Also, if you can't go to the meetings every week (which I highly recommend) you can do everything on line. Think twice about purchasing exercise equipment and use that money for the program instead. Did I tell you I lost all that weight WITHOUT exercising at all? Exercise can boost your weight loss, but if you don't change eating habits it makes no difference. My first week I lost 4lbs! Check it out.
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Hi,
Long story short.. my parents are divorced, I live with my mom whom I do not get along with. I would rather live by myself (not with my dad cuz that would create more conflict with my mom), but just in my own house with myself. I have had kidney failure my whole life so I have to visit the doctor a fair bit.
I've had my share of bad days. I only ever had one true friend.. that ended up using me for my brother. My mom likes this betrayer more than me and she treats my younger sister as the daughter she never had. (theres only two girls, my younger sister and I).
I am in grade 12 and I am trying so hard to make it through my classes and my life, but with all the stress of my mom, my older asshole brother, my cheeky younger sister, no friends (except for the 'one' who sleeps with my bro every weekend when he comes home), I don't have anything to hold onto. I just want to get through this year without killing myself (not literally, but inside) and being able to know that when I get on the other side, something greater will be waiting.. and maybe it won't hurt just to touch it.
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It sounds like you really need someone to talk to. You need to see a therapist or a counselor. I know it seems like an awkward idea, but believe me, a therapist can work wonders. It is someone you can talk to who has absolutely no stake in your life and no reason to favor anyone, even you. They'll just listen and maybe bounce back some ideas. It may sound simple, but it can change your life. Your parents are divorced and its affected you in some big ways. Don't think it hasn't affected your brother and sister also. The way you see them acting may be a direct result of all the feelings they (and you) have had to deal with over the divorce. Maybe no one even realizes how lonely you feel. That's another reason you should see someone. A therapist can help you come up with constructive ways to reach out to your family. Tell your Mom you'd like to get counseling. If you think she would feel offended if you told her it was for your family issues, tell her you would like to talk to a professional about the medical issues you've had all your life and how that affects you. You can be better. You can feel better. This is your life, and there's nothing you can do to change that. And, in the future, you'll see that you wouldn't want to change it even if you could, because all of this will shape you into a better person.
Good Luck to you. Things will get better, but you're going to have to be the one to make them that way.
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i'm a sophomore in college and my roomie is extremely self-conscious about herself. She had an issue in 7th grade with bullying and she hasn't been able to let it escape her. She's afraid to do anything weird in public because she cares what people think of her a ton. She always feels people are talking about her if they're whispering by her or texting. She doesn't think boys will ever like her (she says she's giving up even though boys have liked her here, and she had a boyfriend in high school for almost 2 years). Anything I or our two other friends tell her don't help. She just doesn't believe us. She always says how she needs to step outside her box and stop caring so much, but she can't. I don't know how to help her because nothing I say is helping. HELP! (link)
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These are deep issues your roomie can only work out for herself. Nothing you say or do is going to change those issues for her, issues that were there long before she met you. Encourage her to seek counseling or therapy. Beyond that, the best thing you can do for her is to continue to accept her as she is. You sound like a great friend. Continue to be that friend for her and keep finding ways to let her know you love her and appreciate her just the way she is. The more positivity she is surrounded by the harder it will be for her to be negative about herself. Good luck. Your roommate is lucky to have a friend like you.
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Okay, so recently to sum my story up short, My Boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5years. In the past I have caught him maybe 2yrs ago lying about girls he had slept with and he put it all out on the table who and what he lied about. 2 years later here we are he lied to me again saying he was going to sleep Friday night because he had to "work" saturday morning an I didn't trust him at all because his whole story about working had been changing, because he lives out of town also! He just recently moved away as well, so he said basically he couldn't come into town because he had to work. I trusted that he said he had to work even though things were sketchy! SO I called his friend later that night he picked up the phone an hungup an I heard music playing , eventually he called an chewed me out saying he was sleeping an stop calling him. I just so happened to check his account and see he was lying and at a nude bar? I kept thinking why would he lie, I caughthim an drove all the way to south carolina to fix things with him NOTE:i didnt do anything wrong, I think any female would have done the same an checked up on their bf of 5 YEARS. So he is wanting to break up because I went on his online banking and he foundout tuesday I tried logging in again and he changed his password so I couldn't go on an I assumed maybe he was hiding stuff and questioned him about it? I wrote him a long email saying if he wanted closure I will give it to him an called him that night to talk, this time he wasnt yelling at me on the phone he listened an just commented saying I dont trust him an never did, an that's why he did it an tried to get away with it because he knew I wouldn't approve of him going out like he did. Well needless to say we ended the convo on good terms he said he would call me and hasn't called yet, it's been about a day now! SO I want to know am I wrong? What can I do to fix it? I told him I would go to counseling to do whatever it took to make it work an would trust him but at the same time he has to gain that back from me? I don't know what more to do I have talked to al kinds of people at work, managers everything and have no clue what to do?? ANY advice would be appreciated , Thank you SO much! (link)
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Sounds like your boyfriend is giving you the old "rope-a-dope", giving you every reason to not trust him then telling you YOU'RE crazy for not trusting him. He lied to you about girls, he lied to you about going out, he lied to you about girls AGAIN, then he told you he wants to break up with you. Now, I don't know you, so maybe you are the jealous type and its driving him away (I've been married for 11 years and I have never spied on my husband, hacked emails or accounts or anything like that, because we have mutual trust and respect for each other), but even if you are, it doesn't change that he has lied to you, and you don't trust him. You're instincts are right. Trust them. You're gut is telling you he is messing around. Don't ignore that. It may be painful, but when you finally do find a guy who loves you so much he wants to be with you as much as he can, you're going to look back on this relationship with new eyes and see how dysfunctional it really was. It sounds to me like your boyfriend is trying to gain his freedom from you without having the guts to break it off totally, like a man. Do both of you a favor and break this off. It will hurt at first, but you'll feel a lot less stressed. Relationships are not meant to be so stressful. They should enrich your life, not complicate it. Get out now while you're still young and relatively sane. You will not regret it in the long run, I promise. I know it isn't what you hoped to hear, but I believe with all my heart it is true.
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OK I'm 17 years old, and never had a boyfriend. Sure Ive had people ask me out, but they weren't my type, and it has been about 3 years since a guy has liked me. Recently I have started liking this guy, but he doesn't seem to notice me. How can i get him to like me, let alone notice me? and is it pathetic to have not have a real boyfriend by now?
thanks for your time!
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My first date was in college. I was 19 years old. Its not pathetic. Honestly, this might sound strange, but maybe its a "compliment" that high school guys haven't been throwing themselves at you. At that age most are only interested in one thing (do I need to say what that thing is) and maybe you give off a vibe that lets guys know you're a little better than that. It feels lonely now. I know. You feel like you're not like the other girls at an age when you just want to be like everyone else. But there is no pressure! You have many years ahead of you to date and find a fantastic guy that is right for you and likes you for who you are. It will happen, I can promise you that. Try not to be so down on yourself. Having a boyfriend doesn't make you a better person. As for this guy you like, if you try things to get him to notice you it will only look desperate, and that's a surefire way to turn a guy off. Just live your life, continue to be yourself. He'll notice you because he likes who you are, not what you do. I know its hard, but it won't always be this way for you, I promise.
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this is going to be long lol
ok so i like this guy
he lives like 200 miles away though
i know him because he is my frends best frend (this frend likes me btw) and he comes down here to visit his dad every couple weeks so i get to hang out with him
for a while i got the vibe that he liked me a little or at least was interested in getting to know me and i got kinda excited cuz he's gorgeous and funny and not many guys like that like me
so i was really excited wen he came down over xmas break because his frend wasnt gunna be here so it wud just be me and him
but we only hung out once and after that it seemed like he was avoiding me because wen i treid to talk to him on im he wouldnt talk back and he kept making excuses about why he couldnt hang out with me
it totally broke my heart but im over it now
i just want to know what i did or what happend....i know hes popular and probably knows a lot of prettier and cooler girls but why would he avoid me like that? i know it cant be that he was creeped out because i never let a guy know i like him wen i do...ah im just so confused
i dont even like him anymore it just bothers me because i dont want him to have misunderstood something or hate me (link)
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He's a boy. Sometimes boys change their minds. As you grow older you're going to find that sometimes guys give you all the right signals and then back off at the last minute for some reason. It just happens. And guess what? You'll change your mind like that too as you grow and change. Try not to think of it as having anything to do with you. You liked him, so I understand that it hurt you, but if you take a step back and look at it without emotion maybe you can understand that he's just a young guy who just changed his mind. It was all him, not you. I'm willing to bet you didn't do or say anything that turned him off. Can you think of a time you thought you liked someone then changed your mind? Its probably just like that. Don't beat yourself up. This is just one of those things. Back off this one and just chalk it up to a lesson learned. And give yourself a break! I'm sure you're a wonderful girl and you're going to find someone awesome who likes you as much as you like them.
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So this guy and I have been really close friends since september...He only told me about a month or two ago that he likes me a lot....i never saw him in that way so we stayed friends...he has done so many things for me to prove how much he cares...like getting me two new phones when i lost the ones that I had....helping me find things that i had lost....being there for me when i was down and etc....I started liking him only about two weeks ago......we talk on the phone and see each other all the time at school....the one problem I have with him is that he is so demanding...like when we hang out he will kiss me or whatever, but he ends up wanting too much....like he wants to have sex...it becomes to the point where he is pushing everything too much...i can't take it....it makes me feel like he wants me for sex...but then at the same time I think of everything he has done for me and how he treats me when he's not trying to be all freaky....i don't know what to do...I have told him that i have standards. I'm seventeen, and i'm not ready to give up my virginity to any guy yet...He doesn't quiet understand for some selfish reason, and its getting on my nerves because it has happend twice...i really don't know what to do....what do you guys think about this situation? thank you so much for reading this. (link)
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This is the first of many lessons you'll learn about guys over your lifetime - they'll say or do ANYTHING to get your pants off! You feel like he is being so nice to help you and talk with you, etc., but given how pushy he is when you're alone I think its safe to say the only reason this guy did any of that stuff for you is so he could get in your pants. Sorry, I know it feels bad to know that. I'm sure you don't deserve that at all, but its quite common for losers like this guy to "buy" the affection of a pretty girl. I know you like him, but ditch him. Actions speak louder than words. Every time you accept a gift from him he is expecting something more in return. Nothing good can come of that. Stop accepting his help and leave him in the dust. You deserve a young man who talks to you and helps you because he really cares for you and wants nothing except to see you happy. They're out there, but you'll never find them as long as you keep wasting your time with guys like this.
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