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long time boyfriend
i was with my boyfriend for about three years. he is my very best friend in the entire world and ive never been more comfortable with anyone. hes the only person ive ever been with and we make eachother very happy. im in college and my freshman year was great and everything was fine with him, but we spent almost every single day together and were inseperable so i didnt make that many new friends at school. we lived together for a while but i went back to school in the fall for my sophmore year. i really wanted to start hanging out with my friends more and being more independent and it caused alot of problems. we had about a 7 month period where we would fight constantly, break up, miss eachother and decide we can fix the problems, get back together, be happy for a while... and then start fighting about the same things and doing it all over again. finally after about the 5th time of going back i decided that it was the last time. we havent seen eachother in over a month and have barely been talking. since then he has gotten a job and is working full time (which was one of our huge issues), and seems to be doing much better in life. i havent been able to move on and i constantly think about him and miss being with him, and i know he feels the same way. he thinks that him having a good job now will eliminate so many of our issues and that hes in a better place..so half of me is like- you clearly still love him. you loved being with him. you cant move on or think about dating anyone else. you cant stop thinking about him every 10 minutes... so why stay apart??? but then the other half of me is like-- your just going to go down the same road youve been going down over and over, things are going to be great in the begining but they will just end up going back to the fights and getting upset and goign through the whole break up thing all over again. i mean on one hand.. if im thinking about im constantly and missing him so much, then why shouldnt i be with him? on the other hand... is it normal to still be this attatched and effected this soon after a big break up? i just dont know what to do becuase he really wants to see me. he never wanted to break up- it was all me. i obviously want to see him too but im just scared im going to just put myself down that same old cycle and end up regretting it and getting in fights and yelling and all that crying all over again if i do. i dont see myself being with him for the rest of my life, but at the same time i cant get him out of my mind and i miss my best friend. part of me knows that its best in the long run not to go back there, but its hard becuase hes such a big part of my life and i miss it.
what should i do..
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Sounds to me like you already know the answer to your own question, you just don't like it. You've been down this road over and over again. Do you know what the dictionary definition of "insanity" is? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. You have to understand that just because you know breaking up is the right thing to do it doesn't mean it will be easy for you. This guy has been a huge part of your life for years. It will take a lot longer than a month to get over him, and it will take even longer if you keep dragging it out by seeing him when you don't need to. If you can't handle breaking off all contact then stick to calls and email. And start doing things with other people, even when you don't feel like it. Tag along with someone for movie night, go to a party, join a club at school, anything that will distract you and help you cultivate new friendships. The key to moving on is having other people around you who interest you and bring you joy and positivity. You sound like you have a great head on your shoulders. You sound very mature for someone your age. Breaking up with someone you love because you know its dysfunctional takes a lot of guts, and there are a lot of people who wouldn't be able to do that. Ride this one out a little longer. I guarantee you will find that the more time passes, the easier this will get. Good Luck.
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I don't know exactly what issues you are fighting about, but I don't see any major issues that would make you break down such an amazing relationship, for a minute there, the way you were describing the relationship, and how you're so close to each other it was as if you were married, and the thing about living together for a while, it sounded like you were so inlove and so close, and when this is usually the case, its hard to leave each other or be seperated ,cause you will miss each other cause you were so used to being close to each other, and you'd probably think that your fighting is a very bad thing, but its actually a very good thing cause you are fighting cause you love each other and miss each other, and are jealous when you leave each other, and wonder what each one is doing, and your upset, but your not fighting with bad intentions to cause trouble. And i don't see major problems here, i don't see that someone cheated on someone, or abused someone or whatever, you know. These are just fights coming out of love, and breaking up the relationship is not the solution, but compensating is what you should do. See what upsets him and he should do the same for you, and then compensate for each other, try to change the little things you do. Usually love comes with sacrifices, and it has nothing to do with dignity or respect, its your sacrificing to be with the person you love and to make him happy.
And about the friends part and having no friends, this is so normal, and everyone loses their friends or is seperated from them once they meet ' the one' and the guy and 'their love', and i know it sucks and it feels so bad, and its like your really lonely when even your guy is not around, and that you don't have a best friend to hang out with and talk to and complain to and tell her about your guy and all this stuff, but your guy is your best friend and your brother and your lover, and no matter how lonely you'd get and how bad it feels having no social life, it still feels good and you can sacrifice that just to be with him, which obviously you've already been doing,but didn't notice it except when you went back to school for your sophmore year.
I think you should see him again and maybe talk about it maturely and without fighting, and tell him how your done fighting and you don't wanna have issues with him again,and that you just wanna be with him,and suggest making compensations for each other, cause if you really do love each other, you'll compensate and you won't be able to let go. And that's why i'm not advising you here to move on or date someone else or just forget about him or any of this, because its so obvious to me that you really love each other, and you are meant for each other, and it would just be a waste to let go or break this off, and over nothing major, just little issues that build up to big ones, so find the source of these problems and figure it out, and compensate.
Hope i helped, if you need anything else, please be free to contact me. Best of luck!
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