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sister has aspergers...will she ever be normal?
i'm a little upset right now. when my little sister had speech problems/delay, we knew something might be wrong with her brain development or functioning of the brain, or whatever. we thought she had autism. but we found out recently it wasn't autism, she has aspergers. she's 14 now, turning 15 in november, but i'm really worried about her future. she's really bright and is the absolute nicest person in the world, she'd never do anything wrong or hurt anyone on purpose. she's very sensitive and cries easily. at school she has friends, but she's homeschooled and goes to school only on fridays. she has no friends in the neighborhood. in her free time, she sits on the computer and watches shows and videos on youtube or paces around in her room. she NEVER LEAVES THE HOUSE unless its for school or church. and everyone at her school knows something is wrong with her, but they all think shes just weird, they dont know whats going on with her mind. basically, the best i can explain it, she has the mind of a 5-7 year old. you can hear it in the way she talks and walks and her body language, she's very different. it upsets me like no other when someone tells me that my sister is weird or she acts "strange" or that she's stalking some boy because she thinks he's cute. she doesnt realize that when she has a crush, she cant make it very obvious, so shes never had a boyfriend and from what i can tell, shes not going to get one anytime soon.
so after all this inside information on my sister, can anyone tell me if they know that her brain will eventually catch up to her, or if she's going to be like this for the rest of her life? she wants to get married and have children, but our whole family can't ever see her moving out on her own since she thrives on family and security. what can i do?
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Alright, well maybe it's time that you started doing a bit of research on Aspergers. I honestly DON'T know whether or not she'll be "normal"... but you need to know that she can't help this, and obviously no matter what you'll be there for her. Well, this kinda seems like Autism. i have Cousins that have Autism, and i know what you mean, it seems as if they're in a whole world altogether most of the time. i thought they'd have the MINDS of little kids, as they seemed to act like them. but after spending time and speaking heart to heart with them, i realized that they're A LOT like me. I mean, i found that he had feelings like any other normal being, and that they were very sensitive. i recently recall one family renunion where these Adults were sitting in a corner and muttering loudly enough for everyone to hear, about how unfortunate my Cousin's were. i watched his face crumple, and when later asked him about it, he said he knew that people in the streets and at school found him sort of "weird". so my point is, your Sister is probably not the best in Social behavior or in school work, but the inside feelings and thoughts are mature, good enough for her age. her thoughts and feelings will mature as she ages, yet she might still act a bit "different". i'm guessing that she will soon learn about Boys and how you're not supposed to make your crush on sumone so obvious! :P but still, i think the best way for her to get more social is for YOU to talk to her, heart to heart, make her feel loved, and try enrolling her in a group or club in something that she loves, like dancing or singing. try getting her to leave the house more often, so she'll get used to it. hope this helps! :)
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Sorry, I know this isn't really advice, but I do agree with everything dearcandore said. It's a very tricky diagnosis and since it was only detected in the early 90's (meaning very few studies), there isn't a whole lot of information about it.
However, I also want to let you know that my older brother (now 24) has it. He HAS matured over the years a great deal, but he will most likely never act his real age. He used to never be able to hold down a job for more than a week, but his last 2 jobs he had for many months at a time. As far as relationships, he doesn't want one, so quite different than your sister. So there
are also variations between people with the disease, which makes it even more difficult to predict how their futures may end up.
Anyway, I just want to let you know that if you'd like to talk further (gotta run to class at the moment), please feel free to e-mail me anytime. I know how it is, because I've lived with him all my life, and I KNOW it's not easy.
Best of luck and hope to hear from you soon. :)
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You need to accept that this IS normal for your sister. Its difficult, but you're going to need to start accepting that this is just the way she is. And maybe you'll even learn to love it. Think about it, her mind is like a 5-7 year old, she's not jaded, she's not a liar, she doesn't play mind games like other teen agers and adults. While her condition may seem strange to others, its perfectly normal for her and TO her, and that's how you should treat her. Try not to get too upset when others label her "strange". Its a normal reaction and most people won't be aware of her diagnosis. When someone Says something like that and it bothers you, just calmly and kindly explain that your sister has aspergers and she does not relate to people the way others do. Then walk away, leave it at that. If they ask you what aspergers is, you can tell them its a form of autism or tell them to look it up. Either way, try not to take it personally, your sister doesn't, I'm sure. And don't be so sure about what will or won't happen for her future. Many people with Aspergers end up in steady relationships. Don't think about what she CAN'T do in this life and start concentrating on what she CAN do. Also, you can help her get used to life outside the house by doing things like explaining feelings, facial expressions, and social etiquette. People with Aspergers have trouble recognizing social cues that others take for granted. Your sister may never develop a natural social "decoder", but she can LEARN how to respond to certain signals from people. For instance, if you are walking by her and you say hi to her and she doesn't respond, you can remind her "You know, sis, when someone says hello you should say hello back, or they may think you are not friendly". Just stuff like that can make a big difference. Most of all, don't be sad for her. She is made just the way she should be, and although it will be a challenge for your family, it could even be a huge blessing. Just as she has many things to learn from you, you also can learn from her. Embrace that and try not to worry for her so much. You sound like a loving and caring sibling and with family like that your sister will do well in this life.
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I dated a guy for a year and a half who has Aspergers. Aspergers is on the autism spectrum it is a high functioning form of autism which means a person with Aspergers can function with this kind of autism. Someone however with a low functioning autism can not function as well. Aspergers is a disorder in which you have a different view/ perspective of the world. It doesn't mean the person is stupid or dumb or slow they just see things differently then you and I. She is going to have Aspergers for the rest of her life it is not something that can be cured. For example I have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) which I've been diagnoised with since I was 3 years old...and I still deal with some of the challenges I face because I have ADD. Such as I have a hard time concentrating and I tend to procrastinate a lot. I look as ADD as a challenge not a disorder and your sister can look at it the same. People with aspergers have a hard time socializing with others and she can overcome that...my ex-boyfriend attended leadership seminars that helped him to socialize better. Everyone is different though but if she is pushed to a seminar or a class about socializing with others it may help. People with Aspergers tend to seem a bit "awkward" around others or say something that maybe inapropriate. For example when I told my ex-boyfriend a family member of mine passed away he started telling me jokes about death (which is not apropriate to do when someone has just told you that a family member passed away). I then told him that it was very inapropriate to say things like that and understood...he's not stupid though. People with aspergers tend to also have an obsession with things and are really smart as well. Its was really nice reading your question, because I can tell you really care about your sister. Just be there for her by standing up for her...or by even just supporting her. Make sure she feels involved and love her as you have done. If you want to talk please feel free to send me a message. I would also suggest researching Aspergers on google so you can get more information and to get a better understanding. Even go to your local library and look up some books. I am on a forum online called aspiesforfreedom.com, which is a forum that has a group of people who have Aspergers and some who do not and are trying to learn about it...check it out! Hope I helped! :)
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Aspergers is a form of Autism. I have dated someone for 5 years who also had it.
The good news, There are medications that the doctor can prescribe to help with the disorder.
The bad news, Aspergers is a mental disorder which can be treated but will never fully go away.
I don't know too much about Aspergers but I can say there are alternatives that can help your sister to have a better future. Counseling, Medications and even a Life Coach may be a good alternative for her. People who have aspergers are sensitive to light, noises (especially loud noises) and also tend to be more emotional. As far as living arrangements come for her future you could suggest to your parents that a group home for people with mental disabilities could be a good option for her but there are always ways, Another good alternative may be a living assistant environment.
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