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January 23, 2007Answers:
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My name is Elly and I am 18 years old. I live in Michigan and I graduated High School in '07. I'm currently attending a great college, but I'm home for the summer. It's too nice outside to sit on the computer all day, so I might not be as active on here as I would like.I guess a good way to describe me is experienced. I've discovered a lot about life and I can't wait to discover more... while having fun at the same time of course! ...BUT, like everyone, I have experienced things in life that I rather wish I hadn't. And I also feel that those bad experiences qualify me to help others with this column.
I have been in a serious relationship for over two and a half years now. I personally know that love is a difficult thing to nurture. It takes a lot of work. Life is NOT a fairytale where two people can simply love each other and everything will just fall into place. It doesn't work like that in the real world.
People on Advicenators are starting to disappoint me. Everyone says "ooh I want to help! I've experienced EVERYTHING!" Yet, I can't tell you how many questions I see with answers like "you could have googled that" or "we're not going to do your homework" or "I'm so sick of 'wow does he like me?!' questions." I used to sort of be like that, but now I realize how hypocritical that is. If I know the answer to a question, I will answer to the best of my ability without making you feel stupid for asking it in the first place. Advicenators is going to turn into a pretty nasty place if people just keep brushing off questions like that.
Rate or don't rate. I really don't care. But don't give me a 1 just because I tell you something you don't want to hear. Go to your mom for advice if you want sugarcoated answers.
I can give excellent advice on:
relationships/sex
friendship
family issues
anything about animals (i worked at a vet for several years)
college
advice
Well , I know loosing your virginity is a big thing in all but why?
I mean yeah i know that its the risk of getting pregnant and getting disceases but other than that why is sex such a big deal?
Why do people think other people are slutty if they give a blowjob or get fingered?
It feels good, its not like your hurting anyone by doing it.
I just dont see whats so bad about it sometimes.
Please inform me, because ive done all that stuff and I dont feel bad or regret it at all, i thought it was very enjoyable.
Like I have told many people; sex is a natural thing for humans. How you do it and how often you do it is up to you. As long as you are safe and responsible about it, there's nothing wrong with it. But you have to remember that sex before marriage goes against many religions. Sex is a big deal to some people, and it's not a big deal to others. It's a matter of opinion. That's all. It depends on how you were brought up and whether or not you practice a religion.
Ok so me and my boyfriend have known eachother for a year now and weve liked eachother a whole year and so now weve been dating bout 8 months now and we kissed after 8 months of our relationship because im prety respectable and he understood and never tried to go over any line and waited..so afetr 8 months weve kissed and i feel so SLUTY and i feel so bad i think im such a whore and i dont know why..i just never liked being touched and now weve made out and i feel so bad..can i know why ..am i slut? hhes the only guy i ever kised and the last one..i wana be with him forever
You are not a slut AT ALL! Sluts are girls who sleep with a million different guys every weekend and walk around with their thong sticking out. But you? You are a nice, respectable girl who is just starting to learn intimacy with her boyfriend. That doesn't make you a slut. Kissing isn't such a horrible thing, is it? It's a sweet and innocent way to be close with your boyfriend. You're not a whore. You're not a slut. Don't ever think that.
Next time, if you still feel uncomfortable about it, instead of full on making out, why not just a peck on the lips every now and then? That way, you can slowly get more comfortable with it.
And btw, your boyfriend sounds like a great guy. Most guys would wait a few days before wanting to make out with their girlfriend. 8 months is a long time to wait. He sounds like a wonderful guy for respecting you like that. :)
my boyfriend broke up with me last night.. he said he still likes me but he needs time to get his head clear because he's still in love with his ex girlfriend. (from october) he keeps thinking abuot her but he told me that he never thoguht abuot her when he was with me... i told him i was in love with him and he told me i was killing him. i asked him if i should wait for him to get his head clear. and he said he's not going to tell me NOT to wait because he still likes me. but i don't want to have waiting for nothing. and wasted my time. but i love him. and so my question is should i wait for him to get better. because this happed over six months ago so how can he try to recover now? you know? i lost my virinity to him. i didn't want it to have been for nothing. please help thanks a lot
If he loves another girl, then it's better that he is just left alone. I'm so sorry. You gave him your virginity and everything only for him to leave you. I say you should just move on. If this has happened before, it's happening now, then it will happen again. There are better guys out there. You and your ex should simply be friends. If he really liked you, he would want to be with you and that's obviously not the case. Spend more time with your friends and do things you love to keep your mind off him and to help you meet new people.
i would like to tell you all, that you are beautiful. everyone on here are the greastest among people. for we are all hear to help and be helped. and this is no question. and if i get suspended or deleted from advicenators for it or something, so be it. but the main point is, you are all wonderful people and every one of you are making this world a better place by signing on here everyday and helping someone half way around the world that you don't even know. that's what's gonna change the world. if everyone was like the people here, the world would be a better place. but sadly it's not. but maybe someday, it will be. so if you see a struggling man or woman, do not laugh, stick out your hand to help them. do good in the world, more than you already have. and maybe someday you can change the world. and i write this becuase someone answered the boy from pakistan in a way that really moved me. and it makes me appreciative of what we do here. and it makes me aware of how good i am. compared to some people in the world without homes, money, food. or are young parents. and their last hope in the world is here, and when everyone gives a helping hand, it's something beautiful and unreplacable. God bless all of you!
Aww I feel special! It's funny how something as small as answering a question can help someone so much. It feels good to be helpful!
I put out a bulletin on myspace saying, "i deserved that part."
so they all hate me, litterally. They are being commpletly unreasonable about it.
How should i react to them?!
They're just jealous. You were proud of yourself for getting the part you wanted. You were the best for the part, obviously. That's why you got it. Tell them to stop being jealous. Ask them "Why wouldn't I deserve the part I got?"
okay i know I'm only 13 and i have my hole life a head of me but i'v never had a boyfriend or a guy even ask me out=[ i have some guy friend but only a few of them are single and all of my close girlfriend have boyfriends and i and i don't want to call them hores but they've all gotten passed 2end base and i feel like no one gives a crap about me and no one will love me=[ i meen i think I'm pretty and allot of the guys i hang out with don't say I'm ugly and i mean none of my friend say i am but still I'm a nice person and well i have my flaws but I'm only human and i feel alone but i dont want to seem like a hore just to get a date but i don't know what to do or how to get a boy to like me as in more then a friend.
I was exactly like you, so I know just what you're going through. The key is to be patient. I didn't get a boyfriend until the summer before my junior year of high school. And guess what? We're still together. I have no doubt that you are a nice, beautiful girl, but your problem right now is feeling like you have to have a boyfriend just because your friends do. My friends were just like your friends: they got a new boyfriend like every month and I was stuck with no one. Now, they're all jealous of me because I was patient and ended up meeting a wonderful guy and getting a great relationship that has lasted ten times longer than any of there's has.
My point is, you're young. Love will happen to you, you just have to wait. All you can do is focus on your schoolwork, hanging out with friends, and doing things you love. If you do those things, you're bound to meet someone sometime. Trust me. Just be patient and everything will fall into place. I truly hope you can find that special someone like I did and then your friends will realize they've been wrong all along.
how come no one gives you "feed back" on your answers anymore. like serouisly.
Probably because they're just lazy. Or they simply can't decide how to rate a person, and they don't want to be unfair, so they simply don't rate.
Lemme hear all the ideas u have =)
Yes he likes me but how do I make him jealous??
Constantly hug your other guy friends. Flirt with other guys. Give other guys way more attention than you give him. When you do talk to him, tell him about all the funny things your other guy friends do. Talk to him about how hot a certain celebrity is. Guys hate that, lol!
So basically. im 15 and my boyfriend is 17 going on 18 in may. but trust me we have like almost the same maturity level. and honestly age doesnt really matter for us. so just ignore that small detail. haha. well him and me have done almost everything except have sex. and honestly i dont think ill be ready for that for a really long time. and he understands that i want to wait a while. its just that im scared that when he wants to i wont be ready and i wont know how to tell him so ill end up doing it and become a complete mess and totally regret it the next morning. so i was just wondering, for anyone who has been in this situation before or just even knows what im talking about, what should i do or how should i tell him when the time comes around without hurting him or even myself. thankss. :]
Teenage couples often have this problem. It really is hard to stop once you get going, if you know what I mean. That's why it is so VERY VERY important that the two of you set up your boundaries before you start fooling around. That way, you both will know how far things will go and it shouldn't get out of hand. A good way to prevent from having sex is to always keep your underwear on. You can do plenty of other things without taking them off. It's the easiest way to prevent him from going to far.
do you think it's reasonable for a seventeen-year-old girl to be forbidden to get rides from her friends? i mean, my mom and dad don't let me drive around with my friends. it's not like they're fucking drug dealers or anything, they just don't like it. i try to be empathetic and see things from their point of view, but i don't. i don't argue with them unless i really disagree, and i just don't think it's fair. please tell me if i'm being totally uncooperative in feeling this way. and what can i do to get them to ease up a little? i hate not being able to go anywhere unless they pick me up and drop me off.
Your parents love you and seem pretty overprotective. They simply don't want anything to happen to you. Point out to them that if they didn't want to risk something happening to you, there is no point in you even leaving the house. Ask your parents to think about when they were teenagers. Remind them that you are resonsible. Get a cell phone, if you don't have one, so your parents could call and check on you. Your parents need to see that you are growing up. You are missing out on all the good things a 17-year-old girl should be experiencing. If my advice doesn't work, go to family counseling so an unbiased third party can help you reach a negotiation.
i'm 14 years old and i recently got a boyfriend that i really like, and me and him are doing great. but, since i've got this boyfriend, i seem to be spending less time with my friends. and they've been getting mad at me some. it's not that i don't want to hang out with them, i just somehow make plans with my boyfriend first. if anyone has advice on how i can manage friends & a boyfriend please help. i greatly appreciate it.
thanks,
xo megan.
You need to plan out your weeks and weekends. Pick some days that are just for seeing friends and some days that are just for seeing your boyfriend. And then perhaps on weekends you could hang out with both. Don't break your schedule and you'll have time for everyone. Plus, you may not feel this way right now, but after you are dating your boyfriend for several months, you might get bored with seeing him everyday, so allowing some time for you two to be apart will help keep the relationship stronger.
lately i've been thinking about killing myself.ive been crying myself to sleep alot lately and last night i even went in my room and locked the door and started looking for scissors to cut myself with.its a good thing that there wernt any in my room,or i would have cut my wrists and killed myself.it just seems like no1 cares about me anymore and like everything bad that happens is my fault. and my brothers and friends are not helping right now, the reason i went in my room last night was because my brother changed the time on the oven,i was cooking a pizza at 400degrees and he changed it to 450 degrees. i've been getting mad like that , over stupid litl things for like a monthh now, and if it doesn;t stop im afraid im gonna get so mad and sad that im actually gonna kill myself,and since im a christian,i know its wrong but i just cannt help it. i really want to become happy again, and stop thinking about killing myself.how can i do it?
Have you considered couseling? Getting that upset over a pizza is not healthy. I used to be exactly like you: I got mad over EVER LITTLE THING so I know just how you feel. I find that taking deep breaths help me to calm down. Trying breathing in for three seconds, holding for three seconds, exhaling for three seconds, holding for three seconds, inhaling for three seconds, etc. Do that for 10 minutes at least and it will help you to stay pretty calm.
Again, wanting to kill and cut yourself is a big deal. You need to see a counselor right away. If you don't want to go see (or pay for) an actual pshychiatrist, go to your school counselor for some guidance.
In order to become happy with your life, you need to do things you love with the people you love. Surround yourself with friends that care about you. If the friends you have now aren't helping, go make some new ones that will. Tell your brothers that you've been upset lately and I'm sure that if they truely love you they will be there for you no matter what you need.
There is a way to stop feeling this way. The first step is simply to find help.
my face is wicked shiny! yeah, mostly it's my forehead. and in pictures it looks so retarded. what can i put on my face to make it less shiny??
and yes, i already do wash my face.
You can make your own oil absorbing sheets. They work just as well as the Clean and Clear sheets. Just go to the dollor store and buy a package of tissue paper (the kind you stuff presents with) and cut them into 2"x5" rectangles. Just store them in your purse and go. You can use them to wipe up the oil anytime and anywhere.
Another thing you could try is an oil absorbant face wash. I personally use Neutrogena Oil Reducing wash and it's AMAZING. There are many different brands you can try until you find one that is best for you.
Good luck! :)
I had this boyfriend Timothy for about 4 months.
he was a great boyfriend. I broke up with him one time, because my friends didnt like him at all, and i love my friends to death. but, we got back together about a month after and we went out for another month, until this "incident."
he was on a bus with his friends and my two friends allison and shante sat on his lap and started making out with him. he didnt even tell me it happened. the girls did! i cursed him out and i was really mad at him for a while, but eventually i forgave him and the girls. i still like him alot, and he said he likes me so much and wants to go out with me again, but i can't. i like him alot, but i cant risk being hurt again. i miss him holding me and the way he tickled me and kissed me, but, i still can't give him another chance. what should i do about it? should i be friends with benefits? should i give him another chance?
No. This guy basically already had a second chance to be with you and he completely blew it. Trust me, you deserve only a guy that will treat you with the respect you deserve. It may be hard to get over him, but there are plenty of things you can do. Surround yourself with your friends and do things that make you happy. If you want to be friends with Timothy, that's fine, but only do it if you're sure you're comfortable with it. Just be strong and don't give in no matter how strong the feelings for him.
does cellery really burn more calories then you gain from it??
Yes. Celery has negative calories because the amount of calories you burn from chewing it is more than the amount of calories that celery has.
my best friend is a huge flirt. we joke around about it, and we think its funny sometimes. but now,recently, its bothering me cause any guy that i like or like me.. she starts to flirt with. she knows and i dont think she means to. she never emotionally hurt me or stole a guy from me, i'm just afrarid she will.
so what can i do maybe make her stop or keep a guys attention on me? help is appreciated
The most important aspect of friendship is honesty and trust. You need to be honest with your friend and tell her that her behavior is worrying you. It's not like you have to be mean about it, say, "I don't mean to accuse you of this or anything, it just seems like you flirt and awful lot with the guys I like and it kind of bothers me. Are you doing it on purpose?" Chances are, she doesn't realize she's doing it and she'll stop doing it from then on.
If you want to keep the guy's attention on you, why don't you try flirting a bit? Or at least be confident and fun to be around. Your outgoing personality will attract the guy you like to you. There's more to snagging a guy than just flirting. Flirting is easy. The girl that has the guts to go and have an actual conversation with the guy and invite him out is the one that will get his attention.
Okay so last year i messed around with this guy and we only talked here and there since. but for the last couple of months hes been messaging me on myspace but when we see eachother other places its awkward sometimes he makes a comment to me but rarely. any ideas on how to talk to him when i see him?
Just make small talk with him. Ask what's been going on in his life. I don't know if you want to be friends with him or anything, but if you do, try inviting him to the movies or bowling so you can catch back up.
okay so
1 i dated this guy for a month and a half and loved him so much
2 we boke up because my parents hated him but mostly because were 4 years apart and could get in a lot of trouble.
3 we stopped talking after the break up until 7 months later he messaged me on myspace.
4 we started talking every night and getting really close again and flirting like crazyyy and then we started hooking up and did pretty much everything but sex but were planning to
5 then we got into fight over whether he was using me which i dont think he was now that i think of it
6 after the fight we decided to be friends [ i wasny happy bout it] and about a month later he had a girlfriend
7 problem is i still love him with all my heart and hes the only guy i can ever feel comfprtable around and i can picture myself with him for life
8 what can i do besides try to get over him because ive tried getting over him and its pretty impossible should i just wait for him to break up with his gf?
thanks soooo much in advance
-ash
Why not tell him how you feel? Be completely honest with him. Tell him, "Look, I'm not trying to come between you and your girlfriend on purpose, but I just can't get you out of my head. I still have strong feelings for you and I've felt a strong connection between you and I after all we had been through. Do you feel the same way and, if so, can we ever be together again?"
That way, you can know how he feels about the situation and if things don't work out, it may be easier for you to move on knowing whether or not he wants to be with you.
I know admitting that you have feelings for someone is a really hard thing to do, but in situations like this, it's all you can do.
okay so me and my boyfriend are playing these little games and we cant think of what to do when one of us wins. i dont want something like he buys me something or vice versa. i cant think of anything and he cant either. what are aome ideas?
Why doesn't the loser do something really sweet for the winner? Like a foot-rub or a back-rub. Or the winner could pick what activity you guys do for the rest of the evening. I don't know how intimate you two are, but you could try things in that area too if you know what I mean.
my boyfriend and i have talked about sex. and he is much more experienced then i am and he says that he will wait as long as i need until im ready. i think im ready. i just am afraid out of my mind about the pain. he is pretty big and im not. im really scared. ha. so from your experiences. how bad is it?
I'm not going to lie to you. It does hurt. So don't cause yourself that kind of pain until you are 10000000% sure that you are ready for sex. The key is to just relax and get it over with basically. The first few times you'll be a little sore, but overtime you will get used to it and it won't hurt as much. I find that after not having sexual activity for weeks at a time and then having sex can cause a little pain too. Just pace yourself and allow your body to get used to it.