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I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Last Update: April 13, 2014
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20 ..female.
I'm beginning to be quite confused about most guys being turned on about a girl being a virgin.
In my mind, a guy would be turned off because you're not experienced. And everyone says, a guy would looove to take a virginity from a girl but I would see it the exact opposite. Wouldn't a guy be afraid to take a girls virginity because he would think the girl would then become attached, and maybe even annoying/obsessive? That is, if he's not you're boyfriend.
I don't know maybe I look at it wrong. But everytime I tell a guy i'm a virgin i'm always thinking they're like .. "this girl can't get any?" or she's not experienced ..definitely doesn't know what shes doing. And i'm a pretty girl, comfortable with my body so yes i've had so many opportunities to do it, just not going to. Just things like that and feeling like it ruins everything. But people tell me most of the time its a turn on for guys.
Can someone please help explain this to me!? (link)
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Immature guys are all about conquest. They see it as an accomplishment. Usually it's not that it's a turn on, it's the accomplishment of being "first!".
Guys you're going to be into at 20 are alot less likey to care, or it's going to be a small red flag. Simply because, if you're dating guys a year or three older those guys are likely going to be looking for either just sex, or an adult sexual relationship.
The reason it's often a red flag is the value placed on virginity. Girls like this are the general minority, but it happens. A few years back I was with a girl who was 21 and who'd just lost her virginity to the guy she'd dated before me, and broken up a month later (he moved for school). She just hadn't found a guy she liked enough to be comfy with sex, and had been dating for less than a year prior.
Other girls view their virginity as a "gift" to be bestowed upon a worthy man, and it's the "gift" part that people start objecting to. Sex is a normal part of a healthy adult relationship, absolutely required for long term stability, kids, and maintenance of love and passion. But a not small enough segment of girls views sex as a gift that the guy they're with should be thankful for when and if he gets it. When a girl is a virgin for too long, people wonder if she's waiting until marriage (something few people want to do anymore) or if she's one of the above girls who wants herself and her vag to be worshipped.
So long as you're not in either category, it likely won't matter in the slightest when you decide you're ready. Be up front about what you believe and want from sex. That's the best advice. That way, if a guy doesn't mesh you can go your separate ways before anyone gets hurt. I'd honestly tell someone by the third date in your shoes if I were dating people seriously. At least bring it up. "I'm a virgin, this is what I think about sex, what do you think?" kinda thing.
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hey there. well im 14 and i have been dating my boyfriend for 14 months :) and.. i really really like him ( like alot). Anyways, we have been thru alot of 'bullshit' this year. He says he loves me and i love him to. But i have been curious is it possible to be in love at my age? at the age of 14? (link)
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The older you get, the more love means. When you're young, it's because someone's nice, because they treat you well, are funny, kind, etc.
When you're older, you start to understand the people you date. You love them for more than just what they do, you love them for who they are and what they think, what they've done and what they want to do.
You spend enough time around someone, and they become a part of your life. As a married guy, I have daily time that's my wifes to occupy. If she weren't here I'd literally have hours every day I didn't know what to do with. When she goes off somewhere on a trip or something, that's kinda what it's like, you miss someone when they're gone not just because they're gone but because for a few days the spot they fill in your life is emptier.
Yeah, you can be in love at 14. But it won't mean as much to you as it will in 5 years, in 10 years. As what you love about someone grows, as you grow yourself, love grows too. It encompasses more of who you both are and what your time together means and what you want from each other.
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ok so i i have a very low self esteem and i just dont see my body as skinny, some days i do and some days i dont. I am about 145 pounds and am 5 foot 6. am i overweight? Thanks for your adivce, i appreciate them!! Would help me with my cofidence...or not lol thanks (link)
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Real women aren't size 2.
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What does he mean? (link)
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It means he's attracted to you but he's so caught up in his religion that he's only capable of expressing himself in that context.
I avoid people like this, personally, because anyone who's incapable of asserting themselves in a way they feel is proper without religion is someone who's going to have a ton of issues and religion related baggage you don't want to deal with.
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when you go to the aquarium how can you be sure that the shark tunnel wont breaka and collapse on top of people? the way i see it is it's probably thousands or millions of pounds of water on some glass. wouldnt it be easy to break? (link)
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Usually Aquarium "glass" isn't really glass when it's a molded shape like a tunnel. Even flat panes are often some kind of plastic polymer, which structurally speaking is much stronger than glass. Glass itself can be very strong, but it's entirely inflexible. For something like an aquarium they'll use a very thick clear plexiglass like substance which can flex a little with the added weight of water, that tunnel is probably rated to hold two or three times the weight to which it's actually being subject, and is probably utterly impossible for one person without tools and purpose to break from the inside.
I'd bet just about anything you could stand under it with a ladder and punch or kick the top as hard and as many times as you wanted and never so much as stress that stuff.
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I'm 19 yrs old and my boyfriend is 23. We've been going out for over a year now and he has some "rules" that are just ridiculous but he seems to always justify them somehow and make it seem like whatever he does is okay. Like, he says certain lougnges he doesn't want me going to. He's made if im out late (AND my curfew se tby my parents is already 3 am so its not like im out past then anyway). He's allowed to go to the Jersey Shore with his friends if he's invited but if I say ok would i be able to go? He says no b/c im a girl and guys are everywhere. He went to Vegas with a few guy friends when we were going out for a few months at the time. Now my friend invited me to vegas in October and my bf flipped when I told him. I said "if you went, why cant i?" He said b.c its crazy and he didnt know it til he got there.. which is a lie and I told him that - its VEGAS! so then he tells me "you're 19, if you go, you're going single...worry about me and you going on vacation..not you and your friends." What should I do? (link)
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Seconding, thirding the break up advice.
He's an insecure little douche. He's controlling you in order that he feels less threatened because he knows he's a douche and he knows you'll eventually get sick of his routine like everyone else has.
Tell him why you're leaving him. "I'm not being controlled, and if you think you have a right to treat a girlfriend this way guess what! I'm no longer your girlfriend"
And stick to it. If you get back with him, he will pretend for a few weeks/months until you're attached again and it'll be right back where you started. Guys like this don't learn until several girls have left them over it. One is never enough, two rarely does the trick either, so leave and hopefully it'll be a first step towards him realizing what he's doing and stopping it for the next girl.
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My husband left his facebook logged in and i looked at the messages. He sent messages to some woman he plays poker with. the first two were innocent. She said yeah I made my bed i have to lie in it. My husband responded with. "next time you make your bed and lie in it..invite me over". I yelled at him, told him i would leave. He plays poker with her on mondays and said he doesnt like her "that way" and was just flirting.. REALLY? he is very apologetic and sweet to me. We have been married 8 months. I am very attractive and this woman is the exact opposite of me . What the hell is going on!! where do I go from here. By the wasy he is a wonderful husband otherwise. Thanks..Kim (link)
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It was innocent flirting and you blew it out of proportion. Flirtatious sarcastic replies are standard fare for interacting with women for a large number of men. It means nothing, it's just how they act.
Your husband was trying to be witty and you blew up about it. You kinda owe him an apology, honestly.
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Ok, so to start off with some background I am 18 F and I am dating a 22 M. When I was 13 I was in a relationship with someone my age and he was very pushy with sex, but we didn't have sex, close, but no sex. When I was 14 I met my 2nd BF online and I was very sexual with him, I was able to have 'phone sex' with him, aka, speaking dirty and stuff. When I was 15 I started dating my current bf now, let's call him Damon. When we started I was kinda ok with he idea of doing stuff, we waited 5 months and after that point he took my virginity, as the relationship grew stronger, I was growing more and more uncomfortable with being sexual with him. He never did anything to make me not want to, in fact that's why I am here. I would love to be able to let go and be 'freaky' but I don't know, i get stressed and embarrassed and I can't be freaky. I can barely initiate the sex or foreplay. I want to be able to be that 'porn-o dirty' for him because I am into that too, I just feel strange and stressed when it comes down to me actually doing it. There also is more to this sexual anxiety. I don't feel comfortable with him watching porn and jerking off to other girls, I feel that I am not enough for him and im not doing a good job. I understand that sometimes it's not even lust it's just an annoying feeling and you need to release, but he has no imagination so he need to watch porn. And there's more.. We just made some new friends who are really into BDSM shows, and so are we, but the almost live porn in front of us I know is going to be a problem, I'm going to go and watch him enjoy himself and get turned on my these other people all night and im not gonna enjoy myself. I just wanna be able to release my sexual tension and let loose and not be anxious about it. thank you all who may be able to help. feel free to ask any questions that might make it easier for you to help me. (link)
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Alright.
First off, the whole "porn act" thing is not something you will ever pull off until you're comfortable with sex and your own sexuality. Because it is a bit of a performance, you need to already be fine with all the parts of sex that aren't a performance.
Things like your confidence in your sex appeal, your comfort with vulnerability and emotional intimacy, and your trust in both him and yourself that shit's just fine between the two of you.
Second, the porn thing isn't about being enough. Masturbation is just a healthy expression of self sexuality and men are visual so porn just happens to be a convenient stimulation. It's not about a substitute for something, porn is about voyuerism. The single most prevalent kink present in human sexuality is the enjoyment of watching other people have sex. Look at the media put out in this country, people just like looking at sex.
I think you should focus less on the sex itself and more on the intimacy. Being comfortable naked around him, letting him show you that he thinks you're sexy. Talk to your boyfriend, tell him that you need a little encouragement and establish clear signals that you can send when it's good to go ahead or he needs to slow down or stop.
You need to work yourself to a place where you realize that he loves you and he just wants to be intimate with you. It doesn't matter if it's clumsy, it doesn't matter if it's technically brilliant, it's just the two of you being together. Everything else can come with practice.
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Hey guys, I'm a 19 year old female and my boyfriend is 21. We have been together for four year in September.. Everyone around us is getting engaged and we have been together longer than anyone of them. I dont know if im jealous or worried. I have said to him I want to be engaged, he said no. It makes me feel like he doesnt love me that much to marry me. He says he wants to marry me but wants to wait. I want a big wedding, huge dress ect.. I understand to wait for the wedding, but why cant we be engaged? He says he wants to be able to buy me a huge ring and make sure its beautiful, but I dont want/need that right now, just a small right so show hes mine.. Because of this I have decided to go away to school in the fall. Maybe to test to see if he is my "one" or just to clear my head and enjoy being 19.. Im not sure. What are your intakes of this? Am i right to feel "not loved" or do you all agree with him? (link)
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He's right.
Marriage is about two people. You're fantasizing about an amazing wedding, he's thinking about everything after that.
The way you feel is ridiculous. It's short sighted and self centered.
Guys have egos too. Pride and things we want. When your boyfriend says he wants to buy the ring, he's serious. When he says now isn't the time, he's serious there too. Marriage isn't about keeping up with friends or not being left out or fancy dresses. Marriage is about the two of you turning two lives into one together.
You need to grow up a little bit. You're young. You both have a lot of growing and changing to do. Don't add the burdens of commitment fights. Because while you're feeling unloved because you're not getting your pretty wedding, he's feeling hurt and offended that you'd question the way he feels about you to get your way when you should be having an honest talk with him about it.
That's how adults handle relationships.
Rhona also makes a good point. It's easier to combine two lives when there are two actual lives to combine. You're both fledgling adults right now. He's just coming into and defining his own manhood, give him some time to grow up and figure himself out before you start telling him what he's supposed to want and when.
Telling someone who's not sure what direction they want their life to take what direction you think they should want to take is a surefire way to drive them away from you post haste.
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ok so this is sooo embarrigin = [ so i dont wan to become sexualy active becuzse i have a frckle down there... is that normal i know this is probably so funny but its really embarring and im afraid the guy wont like me or he will be disgusted becuz of it ... = [
helllp (link)
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Freckles are cute.
Seriously though, one of the things most people enjoy about relationships is learning their partner's body. That freckle will probably be something every boyfriend is secretly proud of knowing about. It's like some random little secret you share.
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My boyfriend and i have been together for 10 months, and 3 weeks. hes always counting, im always counting, hes 16, turning 17, im 15 turning 16. were very much mature. we love eachoher alot, and everyone knows that, im upset.. my boyfriend went on vacation with his friends for 3 days, and came back and somwhat changed, not entirely, but he kept talking about wanting his space. so i spazzed and cried, and just seemed like he didnt care, i talked to some friends and they told me to give him his space, so i did, and now that hes back home, and im barely calling him or anything he keeps calling me and wanting to talk to me, but im turning the tables and telling him i want my space, he says i understand and stuff, but he keeps calling me, and when i shut my fone , he calls my sisters fone and sends me SMS voice mails, like, i dont know if i should be worried that he asked for his space, and when i gave it to him and want mine he keeps begging me to call him back ,and hes like :( ok i understand but then we shut and he calls again. i just dont understand what hte hell "space' means.. i beleive that if you really love someone all your time is with them.. can someone just please explain to me what is going on? (link)
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Lord.
Let's recall a phrase.
"I turned the tables on him"
Your boyfriend is perceptive, I'll give him that. I would have said "you're punishing me" too. My wife and I had the same problem.
Many guys are somewhat independent. We entertain ourselves, we have our own independent hobbies and interests. My wife and I watch shows together, hang out, but we also spend time apart doing our own things. Sharing an apartment often we'll just be in the same room on our computers with a movie in the background doing stuff, while others we cuddle up and watch or play something together, or go out together.
My wife, when we first moved in together, wanted to spend every night with me. I like having some time to myself on about a daily basis, and that conflicted. The point here is compromise. Sometimes you have to let him be independent and alone, sometimes he needs to drop what he's up to and spend time with you. There's no set amount here, it's based on what you both need and finding the best balance to keep you both happy.
You punished him by "showing him how you feel"
The thing is, he's trying to get what he needs, and you're trying to make him feel bad because you don't want to compromise on yours.
Flat out, that's selfish and immature. He's rightly worried when his girl of 10 months stops talking to him. Space is not a cessation of contact when one of you thinks there's a problem. Space is both of you being perfectly fine not being together 100% of the time.
Talk to your boyfriend. Apologize, because you were wrong. Tell him that you don't want to suffocate him but that you have needs to,and you want both of you to be happy. Ask him what exactly he thinks he needs, and keep the dialogue open because he might not have it all worked out for himself yet. He is, after all, not even 17 yet.
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So I've been feeling kind of down for about 4 years. Recently it has gotten worse...I just broke up with my boyfriend because I've been so stressed about everything. I snap at a lot of people it could be anyone...I have so much anger and I've been crying a lot. I've pushed away all my friends and have no determination or drive. I don't know what to possibly do.
Any advice? (link)
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You're depressed. Possibly some other issue. The answer is therapy.
Fun topic. I know.
A big part of therapy is coping skills. Depression most commonly rises when coping skills do not match life stresses, and you begin to feel overwhelmed. A long enough time period, and you get alot of what you just described in brief.
Therapy is about someone who knows more than you talking to you and helping you shore up your coping, figure out how to handle and move past whatever issues are dragging you down.
Word of warning. Talk to more than one. Like doctors, there are good and bad therapists. Some will do nothing and take your money, some will listen, take an interest, and fix you. If your first session doesn't come with a ton of questions and them trying to get to know you, consider looking for a new therapist.
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Please help.
I know its wrong but recently my boyfriend went to chicago for the summer and i realized he has a secret myspace well that isnt all so secret because i came across it. Im tired of him walking all over me and all i do is try to make him happy.
How do i get his myspace password with no downloads or cash, I wanna step up finally and this crossed the line. (link)
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There is no legal way to do what you're asking and certainly no ways to pay or download something to do it. Hacking an actual website is stupid and traceable, and no one who was actually capable of doing anything on the myspace end ever would for anything like this.
Similarly, installing a spy program on his computer would be a criminal invasion of privacy, and is completely outside of your ability to accomplish and hide even if it weren't and he weren't in Chicago.
It sounds like you don't actually know anything and are just being a bit paranoid, controlling, and creepy. When guys do this, they're called creepy stalkers and girls tell all their friends that this dude's psycho.
Just saying.
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15 female
I dont really get dating. I get hit occasionally, and I never act on it because i think going out is basically friends with benifits. I never had a real boyfriend. I just don't get why do people want them other than the obvious.I do see people that I would surely like. but what do I say " hi I'm blah blah in you were looking really cute so I just wanted to say hi". That just sounds like a pick up line. If anyone can just explain to me what it is, it will surely help. Thanks (link)
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Dating at 15 is generally pretty superficial. You're past that, most of your peers aren't. Most of the people two to four years older than you aren't.
Dating when you get a good bit older is usually about feeling someone out for something serious and relatively permanent. There's a depth to a relationship that's pretty difficult to explain when you end up in one that serious. I wake up every morning and my wife is there next to me, and that's how it's supposed to be... something like that. Closest I can get at the moment. But you're not there yet and won't be for a while. If you like someone, you can be pretty blunt. Most guys respond positively to any active interest displayed by girls they'd willingly date/be attracted to.
Sex is more exciting than the comfort of a secure relationship. Teens are supposed to be all about flashy cheap thrills and excitement. The friends with benefits thing is just because teens know about sex in ways they didn't used to (the internet and such) and so they think they're old enough to be ready for it. Instead of actual relationships, you get what you're seeing, just alot of hooking up without any real investment.
If you want a guy for other reasons, make that clear. Set your boundaries and assert your desires. You're a hell of alot more likely to get a guy who meshes with you if you're up front enough to scare off the would be friends-with-benefits.
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I am 16 and have been with the same guy for four years. We are each others first boyfriend and girlfriend and he has been incredibly sweet and patient so I want to do something special for him. Do you have to be 18 to buy an edible bra? I'm from the USA. (link)
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Way more fun to just make one out of fruit roll ups.
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So i downloaded the Cerberus Network DLC(downloadable content) for Mass Effect 2. I'm full Paragon and i already completed the suicide mission with blowing up the collector base instead of giving it to cerberus. After that i got some new micro points for the new dlcs and i was able to get the thief AND do the overlord mission but for some reason i dont have the mercenary, Zaeed. I went to Omega and he's not there and i've exited out of the game numerous times to restart it, changed the discs, and redownloaded the dlc but he doesnt appear. I even went to a save i had just before the suicide mission and i still couldnt find him. What gives? Do i gotta start all over again just to have Zaeed??? Someone please shed some light on my problem, that dlc was pretty expensive. (link)
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If I remember correctly, the Cerberus DLC does not automatically download Zaeed's mission.
Cerberus allows you access to the Cerberus thing on the main menu. When you can "resume, new, load, options, extras" or whatever there's a screen that shows news and crap and you hit Y (I think) to access Cerberus. It's from THAT screen that you download Zaeed, the eviscerator (awesome dlc shotgun) the incisor (give it to your squad and they do retarded damage, zaeed with it will do more damage per shot than legion with the widow and will fire like twice as often) and a few other things like the firewalker mission.
I think you should be fine, you just haven't fully downloaded it. Cerberus itself is a delivery mechanism, not the DLC you're really paying for. It allows you to access the other DLC downloads, pretty sure through the game itself. And obviously it's all free from this point, you just gotta go in and click it yourself.
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why would a self described happily married woman,who recently had a child, flirt constantly and tease a single guy that she has known for a long time,,then complain to him constantly about her husband,hint at having sex with him,then refuse? Then,when the guy refuses all contact with her,she wants to pull him back in again? What sort of malady and neurosis is this? (link)
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Her husband no longer worships her. He sees her for the normal person she is. She wants to be worshipped and wants flattering attention, so she toys with some guy and tries to pull him in, pretending that she's harmlessly flirting and just wants a friend.
Some women get off on being sexually desired by people they have no intent or desire to actually sleep with. These women suck, and should be avoided. It's a validation complex, nothing more complicated or sinister.
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am going to start college in the fall and am going to dorm there. i was wondering if i can go and visit my family every day, will they let me?. am going to be in umass lowell. (link)
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Usually dorms are at will entry. Might be different there, but when I lived in the Dorms it was essentially an apartment. If I wanted to leave at 2 am I could. If I wanted to leave for a week I could. They didn't really keep tabs on you much at all.
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hi, i am 18 years old and have just found out i am pregnant. My boyfriend is 20 years old, we have been together for a year and he is being incredibly supportive. I am meant to go to university in october but i do not know my options in regard to this? If i keep my baby i still want to go to uni but how? i know i can defer a year but after that what are my options? if i start in september i would be due in feb/march so would i be able to take lectures from home etc after christmas and then start my second year proprely? if anyone has any information or knows anywhere i could get this information from i would be so grateful as it may determine me keeping the baby or not. Thanks. (link)
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If you kept the baby you'd definitely need to defer. You don't need the stress of classes during the pregnancy nor the schedule to keep with a newborn. You'd need to not be in school until the kid was at least 6 months old I think (when babies generally sleep through the night)
If you kept the baby, there's probably help for you. You can talk to your college financial aid office about grants and scholarships for mothers.
If you're in America, there are other legal issues you might need to think about. Too old for emancipation means you might want to think about marriage. If you're in the UK I don't know enough about your financial aid to offer any more help, but if you're US send me a message, I've got some ideas for you about separating yourself from your parents income and being able to get 6-8k in loans and grants every semester no matter what for school.
So far as not keeping the baby... It's really hard to offer you any advice. I have my opinions and my ideas about what I might choose were I faced with that decision. I don't know what yours are.
But I can state the stark fact that your life will move more slowly and go fewer places starting motherhood this early. I can say that the early 20s are a time of severe personal change and that it's not uncommon for two people dating during this period to end, just because of the stress of two people going through personal change can bring to a relationship. It's also a fact that you have little life experience with which to teach a child to be an adult.
The stress of parenthood, the stress of growing up yourselves, the stress of the time commitments inherent with a baby, the stress of university and trying to make lives for yourselves in the practical senses, missing alot of your youth.
It's a large burden to take on. You're the only one who can say if you're ready for it. Choose wisely.
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hey guys . . .so i have to take a urine drug test friday but i smoked a small roach of weed two weeks ago . i only took 3 - 4 puffs.. now i know weed stays in your system for 30 days but i dont have time to wait for a month i need the test done by friday...alot of people told me to drink alot of water till friday but im not too sure how well that will work...any feedback would help! (link)
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If you took 3-4 puffs two weeks ago it's entirely possible that it's out of your system by now.
THC is fat soluble. That means your fat cells store it over time, but it has to be transferred from your blood to the fat first, which takes time.
There's a maximum concentration your blood will reach, and a maximum transmission rate. 3-4 puffs wouldn't even saturate your blood, which means that little to nothing transferred. THC is out of the blood within days, a week tops lacking stores elsewhere, two weeks later you should be entirely clean.
No guarantees. Water intake makes a difference, exercise makes a big difference (more exercise flushes your systems more rapidly) as does body type and general metabolism.
Drink 64 oz of water a day. Spread out. Go out for a good bit of exercise wed and thurs. Drink plenty of water the night before and the next day, and make sure you pee once or twice before you take the test itself, like when you wake up.
You'll more than likely be fine.
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