He wanted "space" so I gave it and now I punish him
Question Posted Tuesday August 3 2010, 1:35 pm
My boyfriend and i have been together for 10 months, and 3 weeks. hes always counting, im always counting, hes 16, turning 17, im 15 turning 16. were very much mature. we love eachoher alot, and everyone knows that, im upset.. my boyfriend went on vacation with his friends for 3 days, and came back and somwhat changed, not entirely, but he kept talking about wanting his space. so i spazzed and cried, and just seemed like he didnt care, i talked to some friends and they told me to give him his space, so i did, and now that hes back home, and im barely calling him or anything he keeps calling me and wanting to talk to me, but im turning the tables and telling him i want my space, he says i understand and stuff, but he keeps calling me, and when i shut my fone , he calls my sisters fone and sends me SMS voice mails, like, i dont know if i should be worried that he asked for his space, and when i gave it to him and want mine he keeps begging me to call him back ,and hes like :( ok i understand but then we shut and he calls again. i just dont understand what hte hell "space' means.. i beleive that if you really love someone all your time is with them.. can someone just please explain to me what is going on?
Your boyfriend is perceptive, I'll give him that. I would have said "you're punishing me" too. My wife and I had the same problem.
Many guys are somewhat independent. We entertain ourselves, we have our own independent hobbies and interests. My wife and I watch shows together, hang out, but we also spend time apart doing our own things. Sharing an apartment often we'll just be in the same room on our computers with a movie in the background doing stuff, while others we cuddle up and watch or play something together, or go out together.
My wife, when we first moved in together, wanted to spend every night with me. I like having some time to myself on about a daily basis, and that conflicted. The point here is compromise. Sometimes you have to let him be independent and alone, sometimes he needs to drop what he's up to and spend time with you. There's no set amount here, it's based on what you both need and finding the best balance to keep you both happy.
You punished him by "showing him how you feel"
The thing is, he's trying to get what he needs, and you're trying to make him feel bad because you don't want to compromise on yours.
Flat out, that's selfish and immature. He's rightly worried when his girl of 10 months stops talking to him. Space is not a cessation of contact when one of you thinks there's a problem. Space is both of you being perfectly fine not being together 100% of the time.
Talk to your boyfriend. Apologize, because you were wrong. Tell him that you don't want to suffocate him but that you have needs to,and you want both of you to be happy. Ask him what exactly he thinks he needs, and keep the dialogue open because he might not have it all worked out for himself yet. He is, after all, not even 17 yet. [ WittyUsernameHere's advice column | Ask WittyUsernameHere A Question ]
XSugarPieX77 answered Wednesday August 4 2010, 1:05 am: Most likely what he meant by giving him "space" was that he wanted to just chill with his friends. Sometimes people in relationships like to get away from there significant other to just not have to have the responsibility to have to call you, and talk to you while he was away. Don't punish him because of how he was acting,learn from it and continue your relationship. Every person needs some space to not have to worry about another person. Hope I helped! Good luck!
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