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18, pregnant, going to uni
hi, i am 18 years old and have just found out i am pregnant. My boyfriend is 20 years old, we have been together for a year and he is being incredibly supportive. I am meant to go to university in october but i do not know my options in regard to this? If i keep my baby i still want to go to uni but how? i know i can defer a year but after that what are my options? if i start in september i would be due in feb/march so would i be able to take lectures from home etc after christmas and then start my second year proprely? if anyone has any information or knows anywhere i could get this information from i would be so grateful as it may determine me keeping the baby or not. Thanks.
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Want to answer more questions in the Domesticity category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Parenting?
your best choice is on line school, for now. then, after things calm down you can attend the school of your choice...you need to get with a college copunslor and ask about babysitting, on line options and any ideas they may have....good luck.
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If you kept the baby you'd definitely need to defer. You don't need the stress of classes during the pregnancy nor the schedule to keep with a newborn. You'd need to not be in school until the kid was at least 6 months old I think (when babies generally sleep through the night)
If you kept the baby, there's probably help for you. You can talk to your college financial aid office about grants and scholarships for mothers.
If you're in America, there are other legal issues you might need to think about. Too old for emancipation means you might want to think about marriage. If you're in the UK I don't know enough about your financial aid to offer any more help, but if you're US send me a message, I've got some ideas for you about separating yourself from your parents income and being able to get 6-8k in loans and grants every semester no matter what for school.
So far as not keeping the baby... It's really hard to offer you any advice. I have my opinions and my ideas about what I might choose were I faced with that decision. I don't know what yours are.
But I can state the stark fact that your life will move more slowly and go fewer places starting motherhood this early. I can say that the early 20s are a time of severe personal change and that it's not uncommon for two people dating during this period to end, just because of the stress of two people going through personal change can bring to a relationship. It's also a fact that you have little life experience with which to teach a child to be an adult.
The stress of parenthood, the stress of growing up yourselves, the stress of the time commitments inherent with a baby, the stress of university and trying to make lives for yourselves in the practical senses, missing alot of your youth.
It's a large burden to take on. You're the only one who can say if you're ready for it. Choose wisely.
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Hi,
I wonder how you feel about being pregnant at 18. IF you feel good about it and your boyfriend does too, here's something to think about:
Having a baby with your supportive boyfriend may seem like a 'good sign' to you NOW, but after that baby comes, a few things will happen-
1. You're going to find out that the things that kids do between 18-28 *the years you learn THE MOST* will be impossible for you to experience. Your friends will be out partying, but not you; you're taking on a HUGE responsbility, and it will rob you of those essential years.........
2. Daddy might just be overjoyed when you have your baby, but he'll soon see the work involved and suddenly it will be YOUR baby, not OUR baby.
3. You don't know enough about life- though I'm sure you're intelligent (except for the getting pregnant part) so you won't be able to share your wisdom with 'it' since you have so little experience with life
4. 2 things; I was pregnant at 18 and I chose to have an abortion because it was the best thing I could do for the litte zygote inside of me (look up zygote and trust me, had I been any further along, I would have probably HAD the baby and put it up for adoption; VERY MATURE THINKING; but tough to imagine...............then I wanted to tell you I have an 18 year old daughter who is suddenly talking about getting a kitten or puppy (she's got an apartment off campus) THEN she started talking about babies and WHOA! This information was just talked about yesterday and I had to ASSURE HER WITH EVERY DROP OF HONESTY that her 'biological clock' was probably 'just formed', giving her a very maternal feeling. I told her that other than HERSELF, she will be responsible for another living creature (cat dog or human baby) and it will prevent her from being free to work on herself and enjoy the next critical 10 years when you're "supposed" to be out there having fun and learning how to become an independent young lady who will grow to be a woman who's got her shit together and will conquer the world!!!!!!!!!!!! You will, instead, be STUCK. I promise you; you don't want and you WONT be happy when you're stuck in the house with a screaming infant. And that's what youll have; an enormous responsibility that you likely will RESENT HAVING (though no doubt you'd love your baby).
A baby will take over your life, and if you choose to keep it, you're going to have a huge mess on your hands. They are difficult, you're not sure what youd "do" with the baby while you attend uni, so your question really gives you all your answers. IT'S CONFUSING (your question) because of all your 'unknowns', so that should tell you what you need to do. I assure you, uni is IMPORTANT AND DIFFICULT, but it's age-appropriate for you; being a mother is not-not yet.
If you dont keep your baby *how far along are you?* then what would you do? abortion/adoption. Search your heart and KNOW that you're not ready to have a baby (you'd lose your mind at such a young age), and the only other option is adoption, which is what I wish more teens would consider, since there are adults out there who are married, in love, have the means to raise a child and are deeply troubled by their inability to have their own child. My opinion is that as you start your life, doing something completely unselfish and yet something that will bring such joy to a couple who yearn for a baby would be the MOST HEROIC THING YOU COULD DO; and the most difficult. But you CAN do it, and don't jump up and send me to hell, but let my words sink in a bit and pray. Ask whatever you believe in (god, allah, jehovah; anything you care to call the universal energy) to give you a clear answer. You're guaranteed to get it.
I had my 2 babies at 35 and 37 years old, and it was COMPLETELY OVERWHELMING...........and by the way, babies don't mean to do this, but they can drive a wedge between you and your loved ones/or your boyfriend in about a week. It simply complicates your entire life, and then the fighting comes in (from your utter fatigue at meeting that little bundles needs) and soon you'll find yourself raising a child on your own; once the deed is done- you're MOTHER FOREVER--------don't you think you have time to grow up a bit and will KNOW when it;s time to start a family? You've got heaps of time, lil girlfriend, now the question is: Which path will you choose? whatever your imagination is telling you about all the cute little baby stuff is SO OFF BASE-BABIES ARE WONDERFUL LITTLE HASSLES, SO I SUBMIT TO YOU: Live YOUR LIFE without being responsible for anyone but YOU, and when the time is right, you'll know it. Whatever you do, don't listen to your boyfriend, because despite his mighty heroic words, whatever he says ain;t gonna happen cos he has NO IDEA WHAT HE'D BE IN FOR. NOT A CLUE.
One more thing; if you should happen to know of other teen moms who are HONEST, you should talk to them. Watch out though; there are teen moms who will tell you it's WONDERFUL and they're saying that so they don;t appear stupid by saying, "I wish Id waited". I forsee a nightmare on one hand, but by making the right decision, I would consider you FAR MORE MATURE AND UNSELFISH than most 18 year olds. Adopting your baby to a couple who've been spending thousands and thousands of dollars trying every medical 'trick' to get pregnant would be SO HARD; but it's the pain in life which teaches us the most, but pain DOES go away, and once it does, you can hold your head up with pride and consider yourself well on your way to becoming a compassionate young lady who did the right thing- your self-esteem will soar and your education will be free of conflict, and in your heart you'll always know that you are a loving enough person to realize that you cant provide a baby with everything a struggling older couple CAN. Tough love. That's what being a parent means: you do what's best for the child and you take yourself out of the picture, since this isn;t about you, it's about the future of a life you're carrying around. What I'm about to say sounds HORRIBLE, but couples pay women heaps of money for a baby, and they take care of you while your preggers. SO BADLY do they want a child that you are the focus of their lives; you're their angel send from God. Consider that. Nowadays you can interview couples and pick the ones you would love to see your baby grow up with. There is no greater sacrifice you can make in life, and it would go a VERY LONG WAY in determining the type of person you are. All the uni and daycare and this and that just shows you how you'd literally be carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders; and you will hate it. You're right to ask those questions, but let me tell you something; THERE'S ABOUT A JILLION MORE QUESTIONS THAT COME WITH YOUR QUESTIONS so please, do the right thing and I can feel that you're a sweet girl who would definitely do her best, but who doesnt have a clue as to what all is involved. google '18 and pregnant' and see what you find. One thing's for sure; youre a high-risk pregnancy since you're not fully developed yourself, and you CANNOT WAIT to make a decision; if my zygote weren;t just a zygote (it's just what babies 'are' before they get a heartbeat, etc, so that's how I justified mY abortion so long ago) then I would have had the baby and put it up for adoption..........but in my day it wasn't as acceptable as it is now; google adoption too. you need a very knowledgable woman to help you and I'd talk with someone at an adoption agency first.
Sweetie, I wish you all the best and I do hope that you know I feel tremendous compassion for you (Hey! I'm a mom~how could I not?) and somewhere in my heart I just know that the choice you make will be spot on........and one you can live with in peace.
with love and i'll be thinking of you; please keep me posted,
xxxxRhona
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Depending on the university youre going to and the classes youre planning to attend, they may have an option of doing the classes online. But I have a couple friends who are going to college despite being pregnant.
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Hi
Firstly congrats on your pregnancy!!!
dont worry at my university there are alot of people who get pregnant and still atend classes.there are no rules to say you cant be pregnant and still not atend uni.The onnly problem is that you might not be able to fit in a seat whith your big belly. The distance from the chair and the table might not be enough for you in the lecture rooms.
I think you should go for it.start uni and go for as long as you can. Find out when your due and maybe take that semester off. Its going to be very hard jugling uni and a kid at the same time but if your bf us supportive im sure he can help you out.
You should ask the university for more advice too.im sure theyll be able to help you
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