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18/f
Is there ever such thing as unselfish sex? I'm not talking about when you are only giving to receive.
I'm having a usual weekend (too much time on my hands) existential crisis, and wondering whether I really do it because I want to make him happy, or simply because I like being physically close to someone, to have someone in my arms, because I like to touch him, because I find him physically attractive.
And in the same way, when he touches me, is it actually just because it makes him happy to have a girl in his arms?
So, does anyone think its possible to be truly unselfish in this regard - is it ever really about the other person?
And should I be worrying about it?
(NB I should just add that our relationship is fairly on-off - a lot of the time we are more like very close friends who hug and kiss, but will then cross the thin dividing line now and then!)
its a balance of both *it should be anyway* of hugging..kissing..etc to both pleasure your partner and to get pleasure for yourself. there are people out there who only do it for themself, and thats sometimes accepted with the partner..the partner also does it for themself.
if you really have feelings for someone- its for the both of you..if you dont ..then its just for yourself
There is this guy that I am IN LOVE with. The problem is, is that he is my Ex. He looks 'SORTA' like Billie Joe Armstrong and this guy that I used to like. Me and him last night were talking at one his ballgames and I said "Kody, Fuck You" But I was just joking though and he knew it. Then he said "Yeah I know you do. But 'we' can't here" And I was about to die. And I said "hahahaha Very Funny Kody." Cause I knew he was joking. There is times were he will walk me to the bus and be as happy as anything. But then theirs times when he never talks to me. Like tonight at another ballgame. He saw me sitting with another guy, Jay and I think he 'sorta' got mamd and left after his game. He always stares at me and also tonight. I was cryin cause my cat died and he was like "Whats wrong?" and I said "My cat died" andn he said "Well uh.. How did it die?" and I told him and he said "well its better off now". I don't know whats up with him. When my friend the other day said "she likes KODY!" he turned around and smiled and never said anything.... Please HELP!!! P.S The Rerason We Broke Up Was because He liked Someone Else. But He is Single.
it sounds like yeah there can be something in your future..they say the second time around is better than the first. kody seems a little moody, but hey everyone can be moody. maybe when he saw you sitting with another guy it kinda crushed his hopes and thoughts that you would get back together. the part where your friend screamed that you like him and he smiled about it is another good sign-- the only thing left for you to do is to continue flirting, maybe get your friend to nudge things along a little. isnt it nice how frineds are there to nudge hookups along for you...hook you up? get your friend to talk to kody and tell him how you feel or w.e you want her to say..OR talk to him yourself..whatever your feeling more comfortable with
good luck! :)
I share custody of our 15 year old daughter with my ex-husband of 20 years. She quickly became friends with a troubled girl who recently turned 16 and has a history of self-mutilation and now shoplifting.
How can I explain to my daughter that she is taking, unnecessarily, upon herself her friends punishment. The punishment was prosecution, court and fees and community service. The girl was also banned from the mall for 6 months.
She feels that if she tells her father that he will (being very strict) forbid her from hanging out with her best friend. She's afraid that if she's not "there for her" than she will do something bad or resort to hurting herself again.
The girl's mother and aunt are the adults in the home with her 10 year old brother and 2 younger cousins. My ex didn't like the situation from the beginning and questioned the environment the girl lives in as well as labeling her a bad influence.
I told my daughter after much discussion, deliberaton and a 24 hour delay, that It is the correct thing to do to talk to her dad. I told her that I wouldn't have a problem with her hanging out with her friend at school and school activities adn they could still attend Wed night church services they enjoy together. I also told her she wouldn't lose her own mall priviledges, although she would not be allowed to shop with Lisa for the 6 months she's banned and recommended that she speak to her school counselor and friends and me again before tomorrow.
She has waited patiently, missing many social activities with friends and being denied her autonomy--even being allowed to go to the mall without a parent--until the past year or so.
She's afraid she'll lose priviledges and her friend (whom she needs right now, too). She's living through the rubble of a divorce and a new step-mom and split custody and is an honor-student taking honors classes.
How can I help her to see that she will be guilty by association and defined by the people she chooses to befriend?
Many thanks for this site. I hope someone can advise me quickly.
Respectfully, Haze
your daughter is faced with many choices each day ..this whole situation is another thing she and she alone will have to decide on. i dont beleive its realistic to completely isolate your daughter from this girl...if your daughter choses to hang out with her- she will find a way. I had a friend who got into the wrroonng stuff..drugs,sex,alcohol...my mom didnt order me to not see her -- she guided me i guess you can say. she told me what my friend was doing was bad and how she was making bad choices...i stopped hanging out with her on my own -- we still talk in school , but its not the same. i think your daughter is going to have to get through this one on her own..its her choice to either keep being good friends with her, or to kind of get away from the friendship and keep it as more of aquaintances. its her life - she will be faced with many many desisions you wont even know about (unless she tells you evvverything) examples of these desisions she will have to make is --- sex,drugs,alcohol,fights, relationships..etc--
you sound like a great mother..continue to guide your child, but ultimately the choice is in her hands. she will always find a way around if she wants to. encourage her to talk to her dad, and assure her that you will talk to her father about it as well.
What's it like to make out with someone? Because my boyfriend said he wants to make out with me. We've never kissed so is that all he means? I guess this is kind of a stupid question but please anser anyways.
well. the feeling is hard to describe. it feels special..good..makes you happy. can make you feel good in special places ;) lol
you will see for yourself when you try it..its all good though- the feeling you get and how it feels
:) have fun
k i like this guy lets call him D and he is black i am white and my parents are totaly against that! i havent told them yt but i really like D so i am confussed about what to do!!! i think he likes me too but its kinda iffy!!! i wanna date him but i dont want to be disowned by my family. and i know they will disowen me because the had told me before if i had ever dated one then they would ! so what should i do!!!
Thanks!
P.S. for really stupid answers i will give ones!!
i honestly would go for the guy. when i like someone, i dont care what others think..your family is racist and thats wrong..you and "D' can go out..share romance..without your family knowing. it will be a little tricky, but doable.try it out..inbox me with a question if you have any more :)
-meliss
Alright .. well word is that my boyfriend is cheating on me.. whenever i ask him about it of coarse he gets defensive and ends up mad at me for even thinkin it...but whatever he's a guy.. i've heard this alot but now it's just pushing me over the edge... i like him alot but im starting to wonder if its worth it.. he isn't at school toda and last night his mom called my house looking for him...i like him and this is like half of all the drama going on ... what would you guys do?! i'm not willing to break up with him so something other than that...
look..i would break up with him. i know you said to mention something besides cheating...so heres what you do:
-take some alone time to really think..to put 2 and 2 togetheer...you dont want to break up with him..your really into him...if he felt the same about you would he be going around behind your back cheating on you? noo! be strong, dont let him stomp all oveer your heart. this is some shady bs going on, and you shouldnt let it go on any further. so really think...hard..hes not into you like your into him..hes a dirty cheater..get rid of him..what else is there to do.? do nothing and look like a fool?
^my opinion...i hope i helped, i only want whats best for you ok? :)
ok this prolly sounds weird but wen me and my b/f are 2gether we get each other in themodd and then we start having sex then i always stop him in like 5 min and feel gulty and start cryin, i prolly sound very stupid but y am i doing this?
well- probably because your not ready. i would keep away from sex for awhile..if your going to have sex, ,make sure your ready! dont feel ashamed or agitated that your not ready yet..your bf should understand, nd if he doesnt there is a problem.
remember, do nothing until your so0o absolutely ready
how do you know if your a good kisser? and how do you know if your bad? tell me this from jason
well, when you kiss a girl..look at her reaction. is she not wanting to kiss you again? is there nasty slobber all over her mouth? those are signs she doesnt like it. a lot of people wont say "ew.." or "your bad.."
signs that your good:
-she pulls you in for more
-she smiles when its over
-you hear from her friends or your friends she liked it
-she kisses you again
she might say "that was nice.."
all of these are signs
honestly..i dont think yuo can screw things up that bad unless you shove your tongue down her throat or have really bad breath.
i hope this helped
Last night, my middle school had a dance. I finally got the courage to ask (let's call him "Will") Will, this guy I've really liked since April of last semester, to slow-dance. Well, the song was really short, and we're fairly good friends (we usually talk most of the time on AIM) so he said to me "Hey, Penelope, can I tell you a secret? I have a huge crush on Catherine." Isn't that awful? I feel terrible. And to top everything off, it's my birthday today too :( Is there anyone I can talk to? Because my friends don't really get it and neither do my parents.
yes, you can talk to me anytime. i know how bad rejection hurts sweetie..try not to get so down..there are lots others out there..so live up the single life, keep mingling..meet new people, and you will find someone hun
yourinvalid is my aim sn
-melissa-
I need advice! My middle school is soooooo boring! All my friend's schools have cooler teachers, more freedom, and fun activities and dances on friday nights. What does my school have? Zippo. We have teachers who aren't interested in making school atleast a little bit fun and interesting, classes that are terribly boring, and no social events at all. We don't even have any free time. The only time we can talk is at lunch which is only 25 minutes long and isn't even lunch, its at 10:30! i kno i can't transfer cuz im doing really well academically and i have a lot of friends. What to do? I RATE!
alright. something can be done, but you have to be ready to step up as a leader. go to student council meetings..express yourself..plan activities,dances, "fun days", etc. if there is no student council, make one! talk to the principal..there will be elections for president,vice pres,treasurer, etc. and with an organized student governement, things can be accomplished and your voice (along with other students) will be heard
be a leader! :)
okay me and my boyfriend matt have been going out for almost three months.. i really think just making out is getting boring for him but since hes sucha gentleman hes not gonna say anything, if i want to give him a handjob, what should i do? just put my hand down his pants? it seems like there should be more to it? i dont know its my first one! and when he fingers me.. does he like go inside my pants or is it like.. over my jeans? im really confused on all of the second base junk. HELP? please!
dont do something just because you think its boring for him..do it because your ready and wanting to. if your not ready..do not go any further..he would understand.
--so your making out..things are getting good..start to unbutton his pants..he can help if your having troubles lol..and its simple..with your "good" hand move it up and down the penis. you cant really screw it up..the only way you can screw things up is if you like bend it or yank it or somethin (ow that would hurt). Change speeds..fast and slow..maybe he has something he likes *ask!* communication is the key to pleasure
he can finger you by just going over the jeans..its not really hardcore fingering though. its just like rubbing yuo there with your jeans on..which can be interesting..but fingering is when he actually has his finger in there. he will do it by either sliding his hand down your pants without takign them off..he might take them off..well whatever you feel comfortable with
inbox me if you have more questions!
I guess you could say that i am prude...but I have made out with a guy and he has felt me up, but I am really scared to be in a situation where he wants to finger me or he wants me to give him a handjob,or do anything else for that matter.(he is my boyfriend) I just think it would be awkward and i dont know what im doing when it comes to sexual stuff. can u jus give me advice on what to do if the times comes? Sorry so long...i rate high
if you find yourself in this situation...all you do is say "no" or "i dont want to" Thats all there is to it. Your bf wouldnt want you to be uncomfortable or do anything you wouldnt want to do. He wont push you about it..and if he does you need to seriously have a talk with him because if he really cares about you, he will be fine that your not ready.
Another idea is to bring up going farther in conversation, this way you wont find yourself in a situation where your having a makeout session and he wants to go farther . (like i said before just saying no your not ready is fine..) but if you bring it up in convo how your not ready, you wont be in the momnent saying 'no' i hope i helped..feel free to inbox me anytime
-melissa-
I'm a 15 year old female.
I have had sex before, but it wasn't a good experience... of course.
IT seems like ever since, I have completely lost my sex drive.
Help?
ok, well if you chose you have sex, thats your business. im not going to preach to you like i know a lot of people will.
to gain sex drive i would think being with someone and having meaningful sex (not casual sex) will help. foreplay foreplay foreplay..have fun with it..play 'dress up' use sexxy foods like whipped cream, cherries, etc.
set the mood..whatever you want it to be..like candles,soft music,
try new places ..like the shower,on a table? lol, on the washing machine, while its running..lol there are lots of places to do it.
i hope this helped a lil
i was just wondering if this makes me fat.. because i think i am.. im 16 i weigh 107 and i wear size 5 pants.. just wondering what you think please be honest.
wow, i would kill for that!!!! im so jealous...cuz im a biggg person..trust me...
dont think your fat. your NOt
ok i have this friend and hes my ex but we are still good friends and for a week iv had the same dream when im snuggling up to him really close and we are kissing and some other think (holding hands...) but i dont know what this means! is it something thats wrong with me? should i ask him out again? if its any help i still have a cup he drank out of from my best (girl) friend's b-day party and her party was in June! please help im desparete im afraid ill do something stupid!
**sleepiesheep**
dreams dont always mean something. ive had dreams and i would wake up like woah , how did this person get in my dream? other times i hhave dreams about crushes or whatever because i guess if that person is on your mind a lot, it makes sense you will dream about them. idk my theory anyway. I dont think a dream means you like him...dreams are fascinating, so strange arent they? but i think if you like this guy, you would know it..a dream wouldnt tell you you like him...maybe a dream could make you realize you like him..but it could have just been a dream and thats it.
if you like him..miss him..then yeah ask him out again sure.
good luck with it all!
16/m. I find that I have much dificulty in telling stories to my friends, like to a group. Even with jokes sometimes. I have no trouble whatsoever with talking and joking around, but when it comes to tell a story, I just can't do it, not even about me. It sounds terrible, I lose their interest too quickly, and they completely miss what I was trying to say. I feel confident about it, but whenever I try nothing comes to mind on what I can do to improve myself. I listen to other people tell stories and jokes all the time, and try to learn from them, but when I apply it to myself, it just doesn't turn out right. I think its leanining more toward a lack of practice. What do you think? Any suggestions on what to do or how to approach this problem? Thanks in advance.
ok here are some ideas:
-this may sound funny, but write notes on index cards to help you out..if you want to tell a story..write down things on an index card and read off of it..i know it sounds funny but i bet it will work.
-think of how you will say your story..it might flow better if you have a good idea on exactly how you will tell your story..
-maybe evenn actually reherse it when your in your room or something...try telling the story to a brother or sister first..
* i bet you will get things all straightened out. Try those and let me know how it works. Do you have a speech teacher in your school? My brother used to stutter (still kind of does) and he went to a speech teacher. Maybe if you work with a speech teacher he/she can work with you on expressing your ideas and stories to people
-melissa-
okay well me and my boyfriend have been dating for about a month now. over the weekend we went on a school trip to NYC. we had to be at the school at 4 in the morning and he seemed really distant from me but i thought that was just because he was tired. but that's how it went for the whole day. he only occasinaly came over and started hanging out with me. well then that night in the hotel my friend called me and he said that some girls were sneaking up to the boys rooms. he said that they were in the same room that my bf is in. i called his room and he answered but quickly hung up when some girl screamed. the next day he was ignoring me just as he had the day before and everyone was talking about the big orgy they had in there room. he came over to me and promised me he didnt cheat but i dont know if i can beilive him. should i beilive him or dump him? sorry its long
*rate 5's*
well i dontt know..you dont really have evidence that he cheated..but things arent adding up. how come he didnt have you come over to his room also? i would be very suspicious and you have a right to raise questions. stuff like this wont stay quiet if he did cheat..it will get out SOMEHOW ..so maybe investigate a lil, have your friend ask the girls what went on..
you dont have all the facts so i dont know about breaking up with him..give it a couple days and see how things go and what information you get. if it turns out he did cheat, then yes brreak up with this guy
I was going out with this guy for awhile and I lost my virginity to him. He swore to me he was a virgin too and that he loved me. Once school started he told me his parents found out about us having sex and he had to break up with me. It was all bull shit.(fyi hes "popular" and i have friends from every group) Later I found out that hes had sex with atleast 4 people before me... and I also found out that him and one of his shit head friends are having a bet to see how many girls they can get laid by the time school ends.. and also my friends are telling me that hes been talking shit about me. He has a new girlfriend now but he asked me to hang out every weekend until i told him to stay the fuck away from me... I'm still beyond pissed and I NEED to do something... any ideas? I'm a junior.
what a shallow guy..dont hang out with him..screw him..move on with your life..enjoy your junior year..dont let this guy ruin it.. learn from your mistakes/misjudgements and next time be positive you know what your getting into.
-write down your anger in forms of poems,stories
-talking helps s0o0o so0o much..talk to someone who you can trust and is a good listener..or maybe someone who can relate to you
- just focus your attention on your friends and having fun..get your mind off this..it will get better with time
-meliss-
Okay, so. I have a huge problem that I need serious help with. Okay. So me and my boyfriend are crazy about eachother. Like, for the first time in my life I could honestly say that I am IN love with him. And I know that may sound like shit because I'm not older or anything but I don't think age means a thing. (I'm 14. He's about to turn 16.) So anyways. His mom totally like, hates me or something. But that's beside the point. So he got grounded for getting a horrible grade in Trigonometry. But it wasn't exactly his fault because I mean c'mon it's Trigonometry and he's only 15 and he had come in half-way during the semester and had to make up all that stuff he missed. So anyways, he got a 37 in that class. And he got grounded. At first it was only until progress reports so I didn't think it was all that bad. But I just found out last night that he's grounded until January 12th. Meaning he can talk to me on the phone all he wants, but he can't see me. At all. So. I'm gonna go absolutely insane until then. But by January 12th he'll have his car and he'll be able to see me a lot. So is it worth it to wait? Keep in mind, I truely am head over heels in love with him.
Pleasseee give me some advice. Please. I'm desperate
of course its worth the wait..there is nothing that can stop love ..nothing
soo..until then..make the best of your phone convos. also: im not sure on your situation...does he not go to your school but live in your area? if thats the casse..make plans to meet him at walmart or something when he goes with his family..you two wil just happen to be there at the same time lol..and you can give him a hug and whatever and see him. so you see..you can get around this :)
IM me on my aim sn YourInvalid if you want more ideas or if you want to talk more
i am involved with a married man i dont love. i am with him because i have no other financial assistance. he is very controlling, obsessive and he threatens me , even locks me up in the house and demands to know my every move. i can live with my mother but i am scared through past experiences that they might disown me again and i have a 6yr old son. what should i do? i am 26yrs old, female.
get away from him..get out of there and be strong. you can work hard and save up to improve your finances. try living with your mom..go in there with a "fresh start" and hopefully it will work out. the most important thing is to get away from this man..financial security is nice and all..but i would rather have finance trouble than to go through what you are with this man.