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My name is Elly and I am 18 years old. I live in Michigan and I graduated High School in '07. I'm currently attending a great college, but I'm home for the summer. It's too nice outside to sit on the computer all day, so I might not be as active on here as I would like.I guess a good way to describe me is experienced. I've discovered a lot about life and I can't wait to discover more... while having fun at the same time of course! ...BUT, like everyone, I have experienced things in life that I rather wish I hadn't. And I also feel that those bad experiences qualify me to help others with this column.
I have been in a serious relationship for over two and a half years now. I personally know that love is a difficult thing to nurture. It takes a lot of work. Life is NOT a fairytale where two people can simply love each other and everything will just fall into place. It doesn't work like that in the real world.
People on Advicenators are starting to disappoint me. Everyone says "ooh I want to help! I've experienced EVERYTHING!" Yet, I can't tell you how many questions I see with answers like "you could have googled that" or "we're not going to do your homework" or "I'm so sick of 'wow does he like me?!' questions." I used to sort of be like that, but now I realize how hypocritical that is. If I know the answer to a question, I will answer to the best of my ability without making you feel stupid for asking it in the first place. Advicenators is going to turn into a pretty nasty place if people just keep brushing off questions like that.
Rate or don't rate. I really don't care. But don't give me a 1 just because I tell you something you don't want to hear. Go to your mom for advice if you want sugarcoated answers.
I can give excellent advice on:
relationships/sex
friendship
family issues
anything about animals (i worked at a vet for several years)
college
advice
what is some sexy stuff to say to your boyfriend to get him really turned on?
Say something like "That shirt/pants looks really hot on you, but it would look better on my floor!"
15/f (16 this year)
I recently got caught up on my appearance. As a young girl I used to look in the mirror and promise myself I was beautiful and not let anyone tell me otherwise. I grew older and began to give in to the pressure to look good. I made my best attempt to keep the matter in perspective, and I now have a look that I think is great.However, it did make me spend many nights worrying and obsessing.
Unfortunately, when I look around a room of people I still compare myself to other girls. (Immature) guys just care about looks right now, and when a guy is paying attention to some other girl I'm tempted to think I'm ugly and undeserving of their attention.
This insecurity rarely shows through and I try my best to be confident. I just wish people would see everything I've worked for (appearance, grades, personality) but no one really seems to appreciate it. I'm afraid to fall into worry over such unimportant things again.
Is there any way to encourage people to see my strengths and potential? Or does it just take the right person?
I realize there's no right answer to my question, so if you would like to add any general insight on the situation I would like that also. Thanks, help is greatly appreciated!
You are very young and you're still in High School. Your peers are way to immature to actually appreciate someone for what they have achieved thus far in their life. Besides, why would you WANT attention from a guy like that? You are beautiful just the way you are. You don't need a guy to tell you you're beautiful to believe it. The most important thing to do when you want people to notice you for what a great person you are is to believe YOURSELF that you are a great person. No one can be loved by another until they learn to love themselves.
This might be a little complicated to put into words, but I do need advice pretty badly.
Ok, so I went out with this boy for a while, like 4 months. He is a senior and I am a freshman. Fair enough. Anyways, while I was with him, I became friends with his friends, including this girl, let's call her K. So K and I were best friends for a while, then when my boyfriend and I broke up, we didn't talk much.
Basically the whole point of this is, K is a REAL bitch. Like, pure evil. She is a horrible person. Me and her have gotten into many fights, and I just dislike her completely, and she knows it too because I have told her straight to her face that we shouldn't talk anymore. She is a cruel person.
The thing is she won't leave me alone! she IMs me randomly about my friend T, who she is all of a sudden "best friends" with (and of course has to say it oh so loud whenever I walk by.) This girl is phsyco, always telling me she's wanted to punch me in the face and stuff. I would love to give her a beat down, but she would probably snap me in a second. She has changed my ex, who I have been being fine with until K steps in and is getting him into drugs.
What the HECK to I do to
Get her off my back.
and to stop her from ruining my ex boyfriends life?
If your ex boyfriend was smart, he would realize that K is bad news. If he's willing to start doing drugs and ruin his life, there's nothing you can do about it accept let him know that you're worried about him. Let him live his life and he'll learn from his mistakes sooner or later.
Next time K IMs you, block her! You don't have to listen to her. You've obviously made it clear that you want nothing to do with her, so don't talk to her. And don't fight with her, because I'm sure you are smarter than she is and if you start getting physical, you'll both get in trouble and you'll just be sinking down to her low-life level.
All you can do about your ex is tell him that K is bad news and you're worried that if he starts hanging around with her he'll get into serious trouble. And as for getting K off your back, just ignore her completely. You have no reason to talk to her, so don't.
Okay, so I want to pierce my friends cartilidge, and she wants it done. Does anyone have any tips/experiences to share? And, how big of a needle shoud we use and what are the steps other then numbing, sterilizing, cleaning, and putting in the pin then the earring?
Has anyone had a good/bad experience with self-piercing the cartilidge? Please share.
thanks
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE have a professional do it. Yes, I know it's possible to pierce it yourself, but if you make ONE wrong move, her ear could swell up like a balloon, become permanently deformed, extrememly infected, etc. The risks ARE NOT WORTH IT. It only costs maybe $20 bucks to get it done at claires or a typical jewelry store. It's well worth the price for your friend's safety.
One of my friends tried piercing her cartilage awhile back and she ended up in the hospital a few days later because it got so infected.
okay i got my hair dyed a while back but i dont like it its like a redish brown and my natural hair color is like like dirty blonde..what can i do to make it fade faster or get my hair color back more?
You're going to have to either bleach it or dye it a lighter color. Because you dyed your hair a darker color than your natural, it will never fade all the way out.
Okay well to make it short me and my boyfriend have been dating for a yr and 1/2. And a few months ago we started arguing alot. Im scared hes cheating on me and i dont know what to do. He seems annoyied with me all the time he never calls me he always yells and screams at me. And he never likes me looking through is phone he like has a fit if i ask to see it. And theres this girl that likes him. He wont admit she likes him but lets not state the obvious. So anyway i was looking at her myspace, she had a hat on and my boyfriend has the SAAAAME exact hat and they are both in the same lunch. They were sitting at the lunch table together with a few other people but sopposibly "He sits at a different table" I know its his hat he told me plenty of people have that hat. BUt i mean seriousily how many people in his lunch have that hat im sure not many. And when i looked at her comments on the pic soem girl was like haaa i wonder whose at that is.? Is it me or is he cheating on me i dont know? I know everyone says OHhh youll know when hes cheating on you BUT HELLO I DONT KNOW! some one please help.!!
It's time to step up and confront this dude. Tell him straight up that you're concerned he is cheating and you're really upset that you've been fighting so much. Honestly, relationships need to be about trust and communication. Easier said than done, yes, but it's absolutely true. If you can't trust him, what's the point of being with him? If you can't sit down and have a calm discussion about what's bothering you and the problems you two are having, what's the point of being with him?
Right now, it's impossible to tell if he is cheating. There's a chance he's just getting to be friends with that girl. Perhaps you could have a one-on-one mature conversation with the girl. Remind her that you ARE his GIRLFRIEND and you are concerned as to whether or not she still has feelings for him.
Before you go ahead and dump the guy, give him a chance to explain and see if you can talk things out. If things work out okay, it will help you to gain more trust for each other in the future.
I care about my boyfriend ALOT im love him soooo much. We have been together for 6 months. The problem is that he does stupid shit to piss me off ALL the time. We fight what it seems like everyday. When i get pissed at him i think that i could find someone who treats me so much better but then i think i love him so much. What should i do? Because i dont want to loose him but he doesnt listen. And its like hes using it to his advantage that i wont break up with him.
It depends on what kinds of things he does to piss you off. I'm not saying you're entirely at fault, but first of all you need to look at yourself. Is there a chance you overreact to something that really isn't a big deal? Next time you feel you're starting to get angry with him, say to yourself, "Is this really even going to matter within the next week?"
However, if he is doing stupid things like ditching you for guy friends, cheating, making you feel like crap, etc., then you NEED to dump him. Either that, or confront him right away and say, "This is serious. If you don't stop doing this, I'm going to break up with you because I can't put up with it anymore. I love you, but this is getting ridiculous and I don't want to be with you if you're going to keep doing that stuff because I do NOT deserve it."
Next time you get into an argument, see if you can talk things through with him. Communication is key in EVERY relationship. Ask him to try and see things from your point of view and you try to see things through his. Like I said earlier, think about whatever you're arguing about and if it's even going to matter next week.
Im 25 years old and my boyfriend just recently found a wart on his penis that he had removed. We have never had unprotected sex, but I got tested for std's anyway just to make sure. The results came back negative for HPV, and all the rest of the bugs out there. My question is how can I stay free of infection if I ever wanted to have a baby with this person whom has genital warts?
You could always have his sperm inserted medically. DON'T EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX WITH HIM!!! Not just for your health, but your baby's health! Unless you got a c-section at delivery time, you could very well pass on those diseases to your child. If you love this man, you don't have to leave him just because he has an STD, but don't EVER put yourself at risk no matter how much you love him. He made a mistake in life, but you DO NOT have to pay for it and neither does your child!
Sorry about the wrong category btw! Well I have this important party to attend on sunday. I am worried to get pimples so I decided i'd use the clean and clear acne spot treatment on my whole face....will it work? Will it harm my skin?
If you have really sensitive skin, don't do it. If your face is clear right now, just keep doing what you've been doing. On Saturday, if you get any pimples, crush an aspirin and mix in with lemon juice until it makes a semi-thick paste and put a pea size amount on each individual pimple. Leave on for 20 minutes and rinse off. The pimples will be gone the next day. If it's really bad, use the paste once saturday morning and saturday night. If you're worried about harming your skin, then don't take the risk. You don't want your face to be all red and peeling at the party.
13/f
There's this guy I fancy. And I mean really fancy. He's gorgeous with an amazing personality. He's not my usual type, and before now I always wondered why I kept falling for the wrong guys. But now I can see that he's different to them, he's the type of guy I need, someone who would respect me.
The problem is, he's in the year above me. He's hotter, cooler, more intelligent and mature than me. Basically, he's out of my league in every possible way. How can I stop him from thinking of me as average-looking, young, uncool, dumb and immature. I'm not all those things. Well, I'm young, and sort of immature.And I'm not the coolest person around. But I can be quite pretty sometimes and I'm in top set for everything.
On saturday, me and my friend will probably be hanging around with him cos we know some of his mates and we are going to be with them and their group. How can I make him likefancy me? Or at least like me as a friend?
First of all, stop downsizing yourself and putting him up on a pedestal. I'm assuming you don't know him personally as of right now, so don't assume he's the greatest guy ever. In the meantime, have some respect for yourself! If you can't respect yourself and have confidence in who you are, no one will ever like you.
When you see him on Saturday, wear a cute outfit, something that you look really good in, so you'll have more confidence to approach him. Strike up an intelligent conversation with him about school or politics. Anything really. Crack a few jokes to make him laugh and just be really friendly and nice. Once you get past that awkward first conversation with him, it will be much eaasier to talk to him later and get to know him better. Good luck!
Really this is awkward for me. alot.
Like i dont even know hwo to word this, its just some thing ive wondered.
But Do you girls ever release discharge while being fingered. and doesnt the guy find that gross to the extreme. Why doesnt a guy find it gross to finger a girl just is a little... i dont know.. "gooey?". ANd how many of you girls release dischage? Is it alot? Does it effect your sexual relationships? ANd do guys ever finger a girl and think, EW MY FINGERS SMELL AWKWARD. Yes this is really embarrasing, and awkward, but i would really like anserws seriously.
All girls discharge. It's normal. You can't help it. Guys deal with it. He should be smart enough to know that he needs to wash his hands after doing those things. Some guys think it's gross and others don't. You would be unhealthy if you didn't have discharge. It's not like we have a choice.
Ok well i was sick before but I got better it's just that my throat really hurts. Can you list things that i'm supposed to eat and things im not?
Avoid any and all dairy products, as that will make your throat ten times worse. Soup is good for it as well as tea. Lots and lots of tea. Really any hot liquids would be good for it, but green tea is the healthiest for the problem. The hotter the better. And don't add a bunch of sugar to make it taste better because that will just defeat the purpose of having the tea. Hope you feel better soon!
Hey. For my sweet sixteen party I'd like to have a slideshow showing pictures of my family and friends. The thing is, I really want some good songs that would go with a slideshow and are meaningful. Maybe about family or friends or growing up. Good songs too. So my question is, does anyone have any good ideas? Thanks so much in advance =).
"whenever you remember" carrie underwood
"time after time" jewel
"we can" leann rimes
"some people" leann rimes
"photograph" nickelback
"if everyone care" nickelback
"here's to you" rascal flatts
"some say" rascal flatts
"live like you were dying" tim mcgraw
"time of your life" greenday
"thats who i am" jessica andrews
Not all of those have exactly to do with family, but they make me think of growing up and remembering good times. Hope this helps!
I'm a 21 year old female. I live in Pennsylvania. I met this guy about two weeks ago off of a dating website. He lives in Canada. I know two weeks doesn't seem long, and to fall in love with someone you've never physically met is stupid, but this guy stole my heart. I instantly fell in love with how much of a gentleman he was, how much he cared about me, and how sweet he was. I'd never felt so happy in my entire life. People actually commented me on how happy and alive I seemed. We got into some sort of argument over something, and he told me that he felt as if we were too incompatible. And the distance. I told him I'd move to him and everything. The thing is, I just can't get over this. I cried the hardest i've ever cried before in my life last night. I didn't sleep a wink, I got up for work at 5:30 this morning feeling like a zombie. I sat at work for three hours just staring into space, not doing anything, feeling like I didn't even exist. I haven't had anything to eat since 7:00 last night... the thought of putting food near my mouth just makes me sick to my stomach. I came home from work at 11:00 because the pain was just too much to handle. What should I do? I don't know how to cope with this at all.
You obviously really like the guy, and you tried your hardest to make things work, but it doesn't sound like he's willing to go the extra mile to be with you. My advice is to move on as best you can. Do things that make you happy and keep yourself busy so you don't have to think about him. Spend time with your family and friends. Read a good book. Go see a few movies. Throw yourself into your work and do your best in everything you do. If you surround yourself with people who actually care about you and do things you love, you'll find yourself getting over him in no time. Plus, by putting yourself out there and doing fun things to keep your mind off him, you're bound to meet someone that is much better for you that you can actually spend time with and not just speak to on the internet.
hey
well.. i like this guy. and i'm not saying i'm like in love with him and stuff cause i know i haven't been in love / will be in love anytime soon.
his locker is one over (except the girl that's between us never goes to her locker) and he's soo cute
I think it would be adorable if you said you thought he was cute while he was there. Like pretend you don't realize that he's standing behind you and turn to your friend and say, "So that guy that has his locker right there, he is so adorable and I wish he would come to the movies with me sometime." He'll be totally flattered that you're talking about him and he'll most likely say "Aww how cute!" And then act all embarassed and say, "Well since you obviously think I'm cute too, want to take advantage of that movie sometime?"
Guys love confidence in a girl. Go for it!
If you're too shy to do that, next time he makes the comment "Aww how cute" flirt with him and say something like, "Aww you know you wish we talked about you!" And just joke around with him or include him in on the conversation.
I'm not planning on having sex the first time for a couple years or so atleast but I'm afraid I will end up regretting it later on. I'm just curious about the average age girls lose their virginity.
So basically I have three questions..
1. What age did you lose your virginity?
2. Do you regret it or are you happy with your choice?
3. What age do you suggest? (Please don't say when you're ready because obviously I'm going to wait until I'm ready but I'm talking like what's too young, etc.)
Thanks
1) I lost my virginity when I was 16.
2) I do not regret it. I had been dating my boyfriend for a very long time (we're still together actually) and we were ready.
3) 16 and up would be a good age to start, if you're ready of course. As long as you are smart about it, aka use a condom and birth control and really love the person you are with, I see nothing wrong with it. I don't think it's ok for a couple to start having sex after like a month of dating, you know what I mean? At least get to know the person a bit.
My boyfriends ex girlfriend owns the house we are in. He doesnt know that i know the house is foreclosing. We are moving into our new home next month around the 15th. I saw the sherriff auction paper in his car and it is for the 11th. Arent i going to find out eventually??Does the winning bidder push eviction? how does that work.He says he is in a hurry to buy our new house because his ex is pushing him out. Should i be worried that he is so secretive? why wont he just tell me the truth?I wont be angry with him.
He probably just feels like he needs to be strong for you. The house and issues with his ex are his problems and he doesn't want you to have to worry about anything. If he wants you to know, I'm sure he'll tell you on his own when he feels it's okay. If you're really worried about it, confront him and let him know that it's ok and you don't mind if he shares these kinds of problems with you. If you're going to be living together, it's important for him to open and honest with you.
I (21/f) have a higher sex drive than my boyfriend (22/m). It started putting stress on our relationship when we moved in together at the beginning of this year. First, please don't tell me to masturbate. I do. It doesn't help. Physically, yes of course it helps, but I'd rather be with my boyfriend than with myself all the time. I don't have a problem with him masturbating, but when I think that he has, I get jealous because I feel that he isn't meeting my needs and he should have involved me since I'm the one with the higher sex drive. I know these thoughts are very selfish, wrong, and most of all, hypocritical. That's why I'm asking for help.
Things are made worse by the fact that he is the dominant one sexually and I am more submissive. He is always the one to initiate. I will always be submissive and I enjoy being so, so that's not going to change. Even so, I get so upset about things at times that I attempt to initiate, but nothing ever ends up happening, frustrating me even more. All of this makes me often feel that my boyfriend is not sexually attracted to me, which hurts our relationship further since, duh, he is.
I'm looking for a mature way to handle this that preferably doesn't involve him. I'm looking for a way to get rid of all of these inaccurate, negative feelings on my own. I don't want to threaten his masculinity and I've already tried talking to him about it. We argued for awhile, then talked about it maturely, but didn't really get anywhere. He says that he already does things for me sexually when he's not really feeling up to it himself. He told me that I was making it sound like I want our relationship to be based on sex and that sex is all I care about. That's not in the least bit true. He knows that, but I obviously didn't go about things the right way if he got that impression from me.
This isn't going to cause us to split up or anything, but it's making me moody and difficult to be around. I feel really bad for my boyfriend for having to put up with all of this.
So,
Is there a way to talk about this with my boyfriend and actually get somewhere?
How would you feel if you knew that your significant other had this problem?
How can I get rid of the inaccurate, negative feelings that this situation is causing me to have?
Is there anything that I haven't tried that might help?
I hope to get an answer from someone who has been in a similar situation. Thank you.
I think a good idea would be to first off prove to him that you don't want your relationship to be based on sex. I understand the urges of a high sex drive, but you really need to try to avoid sexual activity for awhile. The break in your sex life will prove two things: 1) that your relationship is more than just being sex partners and 2) the break in sexual activity WILL make your boyfriend want you even more.
After taking a break from sexual activity and your boyfriend is pretty much begging you for some action, tell him the things you said in your question: "It's not that I want our relationship to be based on sex, it's just that I often feel really strong urges to be with you and when you say you don't feel like it it makes me feel like you don't want me or that I'm not good enough. Normally I would just masturbate, but I want to have sex with you because I like being close with you and I enjoy sharing that intimacy. I'm sorry if you feel that I'm pressuring you for sex too often and I will try to fix that, but promise me that you'll allow me to initiate sex every now and then instead of only doing it when YOU feel like it."
The fact that you are living together can obviously cause some issues because you're getting used to seeing each other all the time. It's important to have time for sex, yes, but it's even MORE important to take care of the little things so your relationship will still be healthy. By little things, I mean just letting the other person know you love them. Having fun times together while still allowing your partner his space to see his other friends.
Whenever you get really upset about this whole situation, just spend some time away from him. Go to the movies. Go shopping. See your friends for a little while. Anything to keep your mind off sex and issues you may be having with him that particular day.
I'm certain that after you two live together for awhile, these problems will smooth themselves over as you learn to deal with each other 24/7 and still have a strong relationship and good sex life. Communication and personal space is key to succeeding that.
Good luck and I hope things work out for the two of you!
okae. so this might get long + sorry if it is. but here we go. on Fri. my school had a dance.and the guy i like , joey was there. me and him went out back in oct. he broke up with me. well i got really depressed at our dance. and when lips of an angel (our song) came on i started crying. and i then said i was gonna throw up my food. but i didnt. but today being a stupid idiot i am told my best friend i did. when i would never be bolemic (sp?) - aka throw up my food. how should i tell her i was lieing. or should i just pretend to overcome my "eating disorderr?"
Tell your friend exactly what happened. You were just really upset that night. Admit that you just said to sound more dramatic and that you're NOT bulimic. If she's a good friend she'll understand.
Is this okay to do?I've always heard it's better to shave with warm-hot water,but whenever I do I get all cut up.I tried cold water today and there weren't any problems but I think I heard something about having a chance of getting ingrown hairs or something like this...
It actually is better to shave with warm water for the sole reason that it relaxes the pores and does, infact, prevent razor burn as well as ingrown hairs. However, there should be nothing wrong with using cold water as long as you use plenty of creme. Same goes for using warm water. So basically make sure you are using plenty of soap on your legs and you should have no problems. It might also help to apply some type of lotion after shaving. If you are still getting cuts, get a different razor and make sure that you shave in the direction that the hair grows.