A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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I'm a 19 year old female. I live with my parents still due to medical conditions, and recently started dating this guy. My dad and step mom hate his guts to say the least. My father met him once and told me that night I had to end it right then and there. The only reason my parents will give me for their judgement of him is that he gives off "bad vibes" which is not true. If I didn't trust him I wouldn't be with him. I have been sneaking around seeing him, lying out the wazoo to be with him. I know my parents aren't stupid, I realize that they probably know, but I love my booyfriend, I don't want to split up with him. My mother says that it is their house, their rules so I should obey my dad and stepmom and split up with him. But that's not fair to me. I'm an adult, I should be able to date who I want to date. But at the same time, I still am living with them. (link)
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No, they aren't right.
Sorry. Parents owe their kids. Period. Even once you're an adult, the ultimate responsibility of one generation is to support the generation which comes after.
You don't have to date who they approve of just because you're living in their house. Not at 19. They can forbid him entry. They can set rules about you disrupting house routine like staying up till all hours talking on the phone in a way which keeps them up. They can kick you out if they so choose. But only you can give them control over your life.
Don't. You'll regret it sooner or later. All parents have to grow up a little bit and accept that their kids don't see the world as they do, don't agree with everything they think. Not all parents are capable, but that's not your burden to bear.
Don't start confrontations. Don't rock the boat. There's no shame in lying to irrational people who can and will destroy your life to get their way. There's no shame in being at home because of a medical condition.
The only word of warning. Regardless of irrationality, people who've lived longer than you have more life experience. Whatever vibes they pick up, they aren't entirely wrong.
The thing is, the vibes they pick up might not matter to you. An example of this is, if parents detect to much latent sexuality between their "little girl" and the guy who likes her they'll often dislike him. You probably wouldn't see this as a problem.
This has to be your judgment, your life, your lessons learned. If this guy IS a piece of shit, you won't learn anything breaking up with him because they say so. You have to learn that yourself by coming to your own conclusion that the relationship is not right for you.
Do what you have to. Keep your life your own. Daddies are protective of their daughters and step parents usually just back up your bio-mom or dad.
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I'm 15 and my mom said she wants to buy me a cell phone so if I'm out with my friends and something happens I can call for her or somebody for help. She has great points because of where we live isn't the best place. Anyway, she told me I needed to do a little research online and figure out what a good phone teens have now a days that is reliable and does all these stuff it needs to do. In YOUR opinion what do you think a good cell phone is? (link)
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Look into Straight Talk. Prepaid phone that uses Verizon (should have bars just about everywhere) and costs forty five a month for unlimited everything. The phones are 50-200 and the plan can be bought on a card from Wal Mart, making it impossible for them to ever charge you late fees or anything else. You don't pay, your phone dies until you do. But the unlimited everything makes it an awesome deal.
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I really want to get pregnant. Its not that I want to have a baby as much as just have that feeling of being pregnant. All pregnancy women are so pretty with that pregnancy glow about them and everybody is always rubbing their bellies and so excited about them having a brand new baby. I talked to my bf and said i really wanted him to get me pregnant and he was like kind of unsure but said he would think about it. I was thinking of going on and throwing away the box of condoms i have here so he'd like HAVE to do it with me without them? But then I'm just kind of unsure. I mean a baby is pretty time consuming and I don't want people to think I'm evil if I give it up for adoption. Being pregnant really is so cute though. Advice? (link)
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Pregnancy is not a fun romp through the world with a big belly.
When you are pregnant your body steps up production of hormones. Between pregnancy and teenagehood, you will probably be borderline insane for certain periods and you will have no control over it until afterwards when the guilt sets in.
You'll gain probably around 40-50 pounds. Because your body isn't used to that weight, it'll hurt. Back, knees, ankles, pretty much everything from the neck down will hurt pretty regularly once the belly starts to expand.
Before that is the morning sickness. Stretch marks. More aches and pains. And other random effects. My aunt suddenly and inexplicably became allergic to shellfish following her first pregnancy.
At 15 your body isn't physically ready for pregnancy. Your mind isn't prepared. You've only ever seen pregnancy from the outside in, you're missing the drudgery and unpleasantness for the momentary glowy snapshots.
I want you to think about something. You've undoubtedly heard jokes about someone being "a mistake" and people not liking the idea. Imagine if a kid found out "mom had me because she felt like getting knocked up, then she gave me away when she was done being pregnant"
Or worse, how would you like to explain to your kid that the reason you had them when you were 15 was because you wanted to glow? What kind of parental example does that set?
Last, don't expect anyone to be all thrilled for you that you got yourself knocked up. Your parents, your friends, your teachers, aren't likely to be rubbing your belly and smiling. If it were an accident they'd feel sorry for you, but if they know you did it just to be the center of attention for nine months most of them will treat you like the kind of person who gets themselves knocked up to be the center of attention.
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My eight year old daughter and her friend (girl, same age)will often times play at my house directly after school. Frequently both kids will use our bathroom(s) soon after arriving to do a poo, since often times they hold it in during school. The problem is that neither girl flushes afterward. After talking to my daughter, they have a contest as to who does the biggest poo, who has been holding it the longest, who has to go the worst,etc. I am hoping this is just a phase that they are going through. I don't appreciate it when I go into the bathroom, lift up the lid, and see an unflushed BM and knowing it came from my daughter or her friend (although I am a little surprised at the size of the stools sometimes, and I guess I can see why they would be interested in comparing). Any suggestions? Is this just a phase? (link)
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Don't let up. It probably is a phase but that doesn't mean you should give into it. Obviously adults can't go around not flushing, they're going to grow out of it, but in the meantime allowing them to get away with it scott free because "kids will be kids" is a great way to damage your parental authority.
She'll remember that she can wear you down when she's a teenager.
Be firm, you understand it so keep anger and frustration in check, and let her know the behavior is not acceptable and give her a small punishment when you catch her. If she blames her friend she's setting herself up for teenagehood and handing you precedent for "you are responsible for your friends in our household", and you should probably shamelessly capitalize.
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14/f
I wouldn't say I'm a bad person. I don't like the fact that I don't have sympathy. But it's difficult. If it doesn't really concern me I don't feel sad for your sake..
For example..Today one of my classmates boyfriend's killed himself and she is pregnant with his child.
We are reading a book called Tears of a Tiger in class and it has a shit load on suicide and depression and guilt and death in it. And while discussing it she burst out crying and ran out of the room.
I know this is a terrible situation for her but I just can't muster any sympathy. I could fake it but that's just pretend..
I don't know what's wrong with me. (link)
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:Editited for feedback:
I suggested the school counselor for a reason. It's non-parental adult feedback.
I don't know what to tell you about your parents, mostly because I don't know them. If I'd gone to my parents and seriously brought that up I think it would have scared them enough to get me what I wanted.
But my previous point stands. You need to talk to someone a little older and wiser. Give school counselor some thought, if your parents need to be notified they can help you figure out how to do it.
A last word. At 14 the concept of telling the world to go to hell is somewhat scary, I'm sure. But sometimes in the adult world you have to do what's right for you no matter what anyone else thinks. You don't want to talk to your parents because you think there will be a no. But you can't live your life making decisions based on what you think will happen. Sometimes you have to try for an outcome and make the world prove you wrong.
You never know until you try, don't give up on the idea that your parents could understand what you're going through enough to get you help.
Emotional disconnection is usually a sign of trauma. You get hurt emotionally, you pull back, and things can't affect you as much. You pull back long enough and you don't really feel much, which easily kills empathy.
That's my best first guess based on little information. It's something that, honestly, I'd see a therapist about.
At 14 I'm sure that's an intimidating prospect. I'm sure if you had someone you were willing to talk to this about you wouldn't be posting here, so I'm going to hazard a second guess that you're afraid someone would judge you if you confessed this in person.
You need to talk to someone. Feeling like there's something wrong, feeling like you're separate from the rest of the world, will wear on you with time. The longer you go without connection the harder it is to remember how to do it, or how it feels.
I would suggest talking to a school counselor. That's pretty much what they're there for, and if you talk to the right one you might find someone who can help you talk to your parents about it.
I doubt this is something you can figure out yourself at 14. If you stick it out and go it alone you might figure it out someday years down the line (think at least a decade), but if you can brave the honesty you might be able to get some help for yourself.
It can make a lot of difference.
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If I have sex before marriage, even if it's with the man I love and no I will marry and spend the rest of my life with.. where would that leave me with god?
Hell?
(link)
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The biblical laws against premarital sex are complete bullshit contrived by Christianity to control people's behavior and make sex evil so that you have to go to them for absolution.
The actual rules are based on the translation of the word "Porneia", which has no real translation but comes closer to "fornication" than "premarital sex"
The bible is specific with references to sex outside of marriage. Such an action lowers the value of the virgin woman, and according to the bible the man you love will owe your father the value lost from your dowry in taking your virginity.
That's literally the only passage in the bible which directly refers to pre-marital sex that's consensual. It's also in the old testament, which the Christian faith has largely agreed is irrelevant (except when they want to cherry pick to make something evil) so the truth is that if God approves or disapproves of it you'll never know because Christians have been lying about whether or not it's a sin for almost 2000 years.
No one is going to hell. Just make sure you're both overage so no one goes to jail.
Please do not listen to peeps. All bad acts are not equal. That's a line that people came up with specifically to address the pious and loyal few.
Look at this logically, outside the frame of reference of what you've been taught all your life.
Guilt is a powerful force. Logically, if you can make people feel guilty and tell them that the only way to absolve their guilt (and the "sins" which cause the guilt) is through your church, you've got a follower for life. You also create a behavior pattern whereby the church becomes something of an aphrodisiac. Sin during the week, come to church during the weekend and give us money so you feel like you're still a worthwhile human being. That's the basic concept behind the Catholic Church at least (the sect of Christianity I was raised in)
It's nothing but a control mechanism for your behavior. So when you have someone like you, someone who probably isn't malicious and who tries to live an honest life, how do you get to them? How do you make the guilt hit home?
You take the smallest of actions they commit, you take their natural impulses like human sexuality and the desire for physical and emotional intimacy, and you create strict rules with the hanging spectre of hell to compel you to act the way they see fit.
The worst part is, this isn't really about the sex. Religion these days doesn't really care that you want to have sex and might. Religion cares that you are a part of their flock, feel like you have need of their input in your life, are willing to give them money and support, and will perpetuate their ways of thinking with your kids.
Sex is just the button they figured out can cause guilt in just about anyone.
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20F.
So I've been to the gyno about four times the past couple months and she asked the first time if i was sexually active .. i said no. then after that she would just say you're not sexually active right? I said right.
Well i had sex for the first time about a month ago and I'm going back to the gyno on monday. If she asks if I'm sexually active I say yes right? Even if I've only had sex once? (link)
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The answer is yes. If you feel the need to specific out "but only once so far" go ahead. You'll look like a kid, but go ahead.
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I'm 17/female, and a senior in high school. I went out with this guy, and we lasted about a year. We broke up twice. After the first time we broke up, we lasted 2 weeks without talking to each other and he asked me back out. I took him back.
Now, this guy is a very loud, funny, too friendly (touchy) at times with other people (let alone girls), center of attention kind of guy. I met his family, and they all loved me, and said I was perfect for him and what not.
While in the relationship, we argued quite a bit, and I didn't like how loose he was with all the girls, spreading himself around like he was single. He didn't like to talk to me about problems at all. He would get mad and annoyed.
The second time we broke up, we stopped talking significantly. Over the summer, all he did was get high (which he never smoked while we were going out) and hang out with his pothead friends (one of them his ex) and screw around and do nothing. Now that school is back in session, we see each other every now and then, and it seems like he's shy or scared of running into me, probably because we didn't talk all summer long, at the same time, he looks determined to do something. I would say graduate on time because he's a d-mode senior and is in for a 5th year in high school. I'm the opposite, I care about school, and talking things out, and getting things done. I have a great GPA and everything.
The only reason why I started texting him by the time school was starting was because I received an anonymous phone call from some girl asking me if it was true or false that I was a hoe, according to him. And I texted him asking him the meaning of that, and our communication started from there. He knows I don't like people smoking, and he even told me he quit after a good beating from his father. He also knows I love smart guys. And he told me about how he's going to get down to business and focus more on school and less on love or anything like that. I think that's great.
I started wondering why he kept showing up to my math class, and I asked the math teacher when he left, why he kept showing up and talking to him and asking him stuff, and the math teacher didn't even know his name. The math teacher told me that he thinks he's doing this because he wants to be near me. I got an angry text message from him shortly after class telling me that he wasn't in there for me. And I asked him who told him that lie, and he said some "Black girls that were in the class."
This is confusing me. He gets really angry easily when I tell him his truths or issues, and even more when I say something about him wanting me or something. I told him his friends who graduated already, drifted away from him for a reason, and he texted back with his whatevers and I'm done. He hates facing his truths, and I say them at times carefully.
My friends dared me to yell out and say hi to him outside after school, and I did. He half-turned his head, and didn't say hi back. His ex, who was right in front of me, and happens to be a serious weed smoker, drinker, what ever have you, told me after I yelled out hi and felt like a retard, that he told her that he doesn't want anything to do with me. I asked my best friend Danny, who communicates with him more often than I do, what that means, and he told me that maybe he's saying those things because he wants to hide his feelings from me.
I think he might be right because after the first time we broke up, a similar thing happened. I texted Danny asking him if my ex was jealous because I hung out with my friend Michael more often, and my ex took the phone and somehow knew it was me, and angrily texted back, I don't love you and I never will. Low and behold, he ended up wanting me back days later.
Every time we see each other at school, we lock eyes for a moment, and then we look away. And I notice he looks at where ever I go. He even took his skateboard and skated the direction I was walking, and skated back without even looking at me. I can't tell what's going through his head. I don't know if he hates me or if he still has feelings for me inside. How exactly should I act around him in general? How should I talk to him if he talks to me???
-Sorry for the novel, this is just really important to me. I'm eager to read your response. Thank you for your time. (link)
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He hates how much you see through him. Most people do, but teenaged guys have fragile egos and alot of need to be seen as they want to be seen.
At a guess, he wants you back but he doesn't want to sacrifice his pride by being the one asking. He wants you coming back begging for him.
At the same time, he's angry at you for getting him way more than he wants you to. He keeps to himself and doesn't talk about his shit and still you're figuring him out. That's got to be making him incredibly uncomfortable.
In your situation, I'd ignore him. He's a 5th year senior who obviously doesn't take school seriously. He puts more importance on being a social butterfly and his image. Bottom line, he's a child.
And you aren't.
Guys become men when they master their inner kid. Every single one of us has a six year old inside telling us to do stupid shit and act ridiculous. That impetuous side can be cute when held in check, but with guys like your ex it overwhelms their personality and makes it impossible for you to connect to them in any real sense. The refusing to talk about things that upset him is both evidence and a symptom.
You like his personality to some degree, maybe he's attractive, but you're also leaving him behind when it comes to addressing and living life. That gulf will grow wider as you get older, because some people have serious issues with growing up.
Being held back a year proves that. Whatever his reasons, history, etc, he's not in a place where he's ready to give up being a child.
And that means he's not ready for a relationship with someone who's not also a child, someone who's not interested in spending their time being a child.
He says he wants to focus on school, but it's the execution that matters. It's doing it, and succeeding.
Walk away. Be civil. Stop sending him messages. If he talks to you, don't be afraid to talk back, just be firm in your resolution that he's not datable.
He may be someday, but he isn't now. And he refuses to be with someone who puts his flaws in his face and asks that he address them.
That won't work. My wife and I are happily married because we can tell each other when one of us is fucking up. That communication is absolutely essential, the ability to give and receive constructive criticism.
I can tell you care about this guy, but from everything you posted dating him is going to make you miserable. Just be nice and if he keeps following you around to a point where you're not comfy with it ask him to stop. Don't argue with him when he inevitably pretends he's not following you, just tell him to stop and walk away again.
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is it considered a cult, when someone is brainwashed to believe certain things. For example i use to go to church with my friend but i stopped going recently because they are being told to go out and pour into other people's lives about Jesus even if they don't know them, and that twilight and harry potter is bad because they talk about witches and vampires. My best friend believes all this and now she starts telling me i shouldn't watch this movie because they say bad things and harry potter is dumb, and one time she saw a ganesh figurine in my car and said it's bad just because it wasn't her god. i've posted a question like this before and i know it's getting old but im worried, even though there isn't much i can do. i mean all they talk about is jesus and even at birthday parties they do prayers and it's weird. not only that but they have a youth pastor and they even hang out with him, his wife, and kids. they're really young. they both went to a bible college called CFNI and a lot of my friends are going there now, and i am not sure if it's because of their influence, since a lot of them weren't raised in christian homes. so is this church a cult? i feel like it is because the pastors are making them believe all these things. so i am not sure. (link)
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There are many, many sects of Christianity which meet the requirements of "Cult" or have at some point during their history. The Catholic Church has only really not been a cult because it's been so big for so long that it's gained some degree of legitimacy.
However, it doesn't have to be a cult to be unhealthy. They don't have to brainwash you to put unfair pressure on you. They crossed that line with baptism.
I was brought up in Catholicism. I was baptized into the church before I was six months old. I think that baptizing children into the church at that age is messed up. I didn't have a choice about being part of that church.
You weren't in any better of a situation. You were essentially coerced into baptism by stupid kids who don't know any better. They think any baptism is a good baptism because their parents don't know any better either.
Superficial service to God is good enough for them. It's obviously not good enough for you.
The answer to your first question is, essentially, yes. They believe this because of the pastor, their parents, and community.
That's how religion works, you indoctrinate the young so they believe from a young age.
I would remove myself from that group if I were you. They will continue to try to inundate you with their way of thinking until you cave or walk away anyway. There is no meaningful connection to be made with those who refuse to associate with others who do not conform to their belief systems.
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My husband and I are always in fights. He wants things his way and I want things my way. I was about fed up with him and was going to pack my things and leave and he told me he wants to go to marriage counseling to try to resolve this and work our marriage out. I know he wants to save it since he approached me about therapy. Do you think marriage counsiling really works or should I just give up now save us the money? (link)
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Marriage counseling isn't there to save your marriage. Marriage counseling helps you both (sanely) reach a decision as to whether you each want to save the marriage and figure out how to go about it.
The potential to help your marriage is great. The biggest obstacle most couples have is not willingness to try but a lack of knowledge of how to actually go about resolving conflicts and communicating without anger what's going on with each of you. A therapist is a neutral third party who can help set either of you straight, tell you when you aren't being rational or reasonable.
You both want to save this. Him asking proves it of him. You posting about it here proves it of you. Not going to at least one counseling session would be a mistake.
There are never any guarantees. One or both of you might, with help and clarity injected into the proceedings, realize that this isn't what you want.
But even that would be help, because if you realize it's the right decision for your well being it will be alot easier to separate amicably and settle this without a court bloodbath that'll destroy both of you mentally and emotionally.
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My friend gave me a thing of Velveeta cheese today because she accidentally bought a second box of it when she already had some at home. I accepted it but I've never eaten it. I know it's a processed cheese, obviously, but what are some things I can eat with this Velveeta? (link)
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Queso is the best idea.
Mix the cheese with three to four ounces of milk and a can of Rotel tomatoes and green chilies. Melt it in a decent size pot over medium-medium high heat. Buy some tortilla chips. And if you want meat, some ground beef, minced garlic, onion powder, and cumin sautee'd will taste awesome. Light with the cumin, it's a strong spice.
Stir constantly, if you let it burn on the bottom it can make the entire pot taste like burnt. Once the queso is melted and you aren't stirring up chunks of cheese lower the heat.
If you make ground meat, cook it first and strain out the oil, then mix it back in with the queso once it's melted down.
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Hey there can you help me get the right mentality i need to go through with this... me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years now and we are still very fond of each other, i love him more and more everyday and we are pretty close. We talk about forever as if we'll always be together so if things go well, we'll get married in the next few years. we just have a bit of a physical problem, that we keep coming very close to having sex even though we decided we'll keep it for after marriage. We both want to have sex, but we cant because we also both want to stick to our decision. I asked him what he thinks we should do to prevent it, like physical barriers or whatever haha and he said no, it has to be our minds that stop us. Any advice? Thanks in advance (link)
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It sounds like he's hoping you'll break down. Not to say he's not serious about the promise, but you both want each other and if you break down and he gives in because you want to it's not all his fault.
::If you're both legal::
Sex is made an overly big deal of in the US. The truth of Virginity is that the next day you still feel like you. Your eyes are just a little more open. Sexuality is a natural part of relationships, a natural part of the human condition.
I don't personally believe in premarital abstinence. Sexuality is a very significant portion of adult romantic relationships. Knowing yourself and your partner sexually and knowing there's compatibility there is, to me, important. My wife and I had a healthy sex life by the time marriage was even a consideration in our relationship.
And quite frankly, if you're both of legal age to have sex and have no other barriers between you except your mutual decision, it's going to damage your relationship.
Wanting sex, thinking about sex, wishing you could have sex, is going to mostly consume your thinking when you're around each other. By avoiding sex, sex consumes the relationship. At the same time, having sex can consume the relationship.
Relationships need balance. You need to talk with him so you two can find a better balance for your relationship. As things stand, you're going to give in eventually and one of you is going to resent the other one long before marriage in years and years. Getting married because you're horny is no better. You need to find a way to deal with it together or you need to amend the decision together.
I think your age is very much an issue here. If you're younger (underage) my advice is a bit different.
If you're both middling teenagers then wait. You don't need to end up married at 18 and you don't need to be worrying about sex right now.
As it stands, no, your minds are not enough. Sex and attraction aren't all physical. Maybe not even mostly physical. Most of the wanting is coming from up top, so you need some rules if you want to stick with your decision. Maybe like a two foot neutral zone between pubic regions.
Keeping a decision like this is something that needs to be revisited somewhat often. You can't just assume he's OK, because if he knows you're steady and he's not he probably won't mention it. In your specific situation, wanting to have sex, not caring about waiting, and keeping it a secret is going to be damaging to how he feels about you.
You two need to be honest with each other. If either one starts hiding how they feel that's a surefire way to kill a relationship with resentment. Talk to him. Let him know you just want to know what's going through his head. Keep talking.
You're both going to question the decision. That's inevitable, there will be momentary lapses where one or the other of you just thinks "fuck it, let's do it." The trick is to talk about it regularly so that when one of you is weak, the other is strong. When you're inclined to shrug out of your clothes he can stop you, and vice versa. The only way you're going to be able to stop each other is if you've got those mutual talks to fall back on where you've both reaffirmed that you're waiting, that it's hard, but that you love each other enough to respect the decision even when you don't want to.
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I just started talking to this guy that I work with (at a fast food restaurant). We have been texting every day all day for about a week. We have talked about hanging out in person outside of work and I don't know what to expect because...This guy and I are definitely flirty, but I literally just got out of a 1-year relationship and I honestly don't know how to tell if this guy is a player and is talking to other girls or if he genuinely likes me. What are the signs -- how do I know if this is just how he is with all girls or if he has a thing for ME only? (link)
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Does he listen and remember? Does he ask about you as much as he talks about himself? Guys can be forgetful but you have to watch for those who still make the efforts and you need to give yourself enough time to see it.
Hang out with him. Go on a few dates. Put off sex until a little later. Take time, get to know him. That's really the best I've got. Being a guy I don't have to deal with people dishonest in their intentions in dating, but knowing guys I will say that there's always an element if impatience. A guy looking to get off and move on isn't going to spend hours in conversation with you. He's not going to communicate. Go with your gut, feel him out. At the end of the night do you feel like he's interested or do you feel like he's horny?
Both isn't bad, but you can usually tell when a guy is all about sex, vs. when sex is all a guy is about.
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Everytime my boyfriend sees something that a guy posted on my facebook, he freaks out. I want him to be able to talk to me without freaking out "/ he doesn't trust me around any guys but he's aloud to be around girls. It's like then why can't I do it? He just fights bout everything single thing I do. I only hang with 2 or 3 females & the rest are guys. I mean, I'm not gonna change my group of friends just for him. I really need help with this one. I'm 18 & a girll. (link)
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Any time you find yourself saying "he doesn't trust me around other guys and freaks out when I'm around them" it's time to break up.
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I really hate my Dad because he's a prick and is always grounding me for this and that. Like I come home only like 1 hour later and he's FREAKING out. He doesn't like me I swear. The only thing I can think of is that I'm sexually abused or something and maybe he did it! I'm so mad at him. Is there like a test I can take to see if I'm sexually abused? Like a FREE test because I dont got a job. (link)
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Don't accuse your dad of sexual abuse because you're angry at him. If you believe in God that's the kind of thing that sends you irrevocably to hell. If you're athiest it's still immoral, self centered, and cruel.
You said that you come one hour later.
Is that one hour late? You were an hour late, got grounded and yelled at for it, and think he's a prick for it?
If the above is correct, point blank, you're a spoiled brat. You have absolutely no conception of the serious nature of the accusations you're willing to fling around, and you're willing to do it because he rightfully punishes you for being way past any reasonable breaking of curfew.
Your parents have the _right_ to exert control over your life. This is because you are a child, and need structure and discipline so that you can learn how to function in the real world. It's obvious you have neither, so to answer your direct question, no, there is no test you can take to see if you were sexually abused.
One last word.
Lies have to be maintained. It creates a gulf of trust. You would have guilt, separation, the knowledge that you did something sufficient to probably make the majority of your family hate you for the rest of their earthly existences.
That's not a fun situation to be in. And the momentary triumph of doing something he can't do back to you will be swallowed up by the years your family suffers because he's in prison, because he died in prison after inmates found out he was in for child molestation, after he ends up living under a freeway because he's a registered sex offender and can't be within a half mile of anything remotely school related.
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About a year ago my best friend and her bf set me up on date and after a while we started being boryfriend/girlfriend. My bestfriend started getting mad at my bf for "taking me away from her" or him getting mad at the stupidest things. So I had to make a decision between my bf or bestfriend and I chose my bf.After a year of barely talking to my bestfriend we started talkig again to try to make things work except my bf doesn't like the when I'm with her because they hate each other.now a year later I'm confronted with having to make the same decision..my boyfriend or bestfriend. My bf hates my bestfriend so much that he's making me choose.I have fun with both of them and just don't know who to choose.who should I pick? (17/f/Ca) (link)
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I usually don't pick sides on questions like this, but you're 17. You're not going to marry this guy, if he's not trying to get over his shit and make peace when she is you're going to dump him eventually. Or conflict over something and come out hating each other. Or get cheated on when he finds a girl more willing to put up with his shit.
Your best friend could be there for life if you maintain that relationship. You'll be happier in the long run, rejoin the world of singles.
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i wnt to stop cutting myself but i dont know how i really need advice any reccomended support groups i dont care what it is as long as it helps me stop cause i dont want to hurt myself anymore
15f (link)
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I absolutely encourage you to call the hotline posted below at any point in the future when you feel like hurting yourself.
In the mean time, some frames of reference to intellectualize this for you.
Teenage-hood is a time of high emotion and complex stressful situations. You should know, that the high's won't be as high and the lows won't be as low later in life as you develop an adult frame of reference, experience, and are no longer generating hormones at puberty levels. It won't always be as intense as it is now.
Cutting is an action taken to help you cope. Emotions and stress can build you up to a point where you act more by reflex and need than want or thought.
Something that might help is finding a positive or neutral channel. Something that you can actively do to replace cutting which lets you blow off steam and causes no harm.
Video games, losing yourself in a book, bike rides, a brisk jog in the evening (family dogs are great listeners), any of a hundred other things that wouldn't occur to me but would be appealing to you.
I discovered a particular appreciation for music and hot showers (often in conjunction) and when my parents were away I blasted my dad's 2400 watt stereo and steamed up the house.
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weve had 10 years of love and 10 years of friction. now its reduced to edginess, short visits about logistics and lack of $.
I am trying to lead my wife back to love but she is resentful, angry and almost wants me out of her way/life. obviously no sex for years (3)
any ideas on how to improve our marriage (link)
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Relationship counseling.
You should have gone long before now. Twenty years of history isn't something a three line question and internet wisdom can unwind.
Go to your wife. Tell her that you want to go see a therapist with her to try to fix, improve, deal with, or otherwise address the problems in your marriage. Be positive. Tell her you miss connecting with her and that you want an end to driving each other up the wall.
You can't lead her back. After 10 years no one is a saint. You've both given each other justified reasons for the anger and resentment you each bear. She has to come back of her own volition. Your job is to stretch out your hand.
If she refuses to work on things, you should probably start thinking about filing for divorce before you destroy each other.
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Ok so at school me and my friend are planning a project where wer go to the middle schools and talk about teen pregnancy and about how abstinence is the best way to prevent it. Well we are trying to figure out if there is any kind of fun activity we could do so that they wouldnt get bored and just ignore wat we say. so does anyone out there have any good ideas?? (link)
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You could wait until the end and then start quoting the various statistics which prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that abstinence education is the least effective way to prevent teen pregnancy and STDs.
Otherwise, no, there's nothing you can do to make an ineffectual presentation more interesting. If you chose a different tack you could fall back on the old "putting a condom on a banana" standby activity.
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I am seeing this woman and she's married. I knew she was married before we started having the affair. At first I didn't feel bad at all since it's her decision to cheat on her husband but now I'm feeling a little weird. She insists on talking about their relationship after our bedroom romp and I don't like it. She's only sex to me and it seems like she doesn't get that. I kind of want to drop her from the scene but to be honest she's really pretty good in the sack. What should I do and how should I handle this sort of thing? (link)
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Wow. Really? You should leave and stop using her, you selfish sack of shit.
People like you disgust me. Are you really so hard up for decent sex (and so commitment phobic) that you're willing to put effort and thought into continuing to use some poor woman?
Yeah, it's her decision to cheat. It's your decision to be the object she cheats with. You're still making a fucking choice to screw over someone you've never met.
Be honest. Tell her you don't give a shit and don't want to hear it. Hopefully she'll wake up after that. It's really the only decent action you can take from this point, so that hopefully she gets the message that cheating isn't the way to get what she wants and losers who are willing to cheat with her aren't going to fulfill the needs she's missing.
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