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What should I do if my dad sincerely hates my boyfriend?
I'm a 19 year old female. I live with my parents still due to medical conditions, and recently started dating this guy. My dad and step mom hate his guts to say the least. My father met him once and told me that night I had to end it right then and there. The only reason my parents will give me for their judgement of him is that he gives off "bad vibes" which is not true. If I didn't trust him I wouldn't be with him. I have been sneaking around seeing him, lying out the wazoo to be with him. I know my parents aren't stupid, I realize that they probably know, but I love my booyfriend, I don't want to split up with him. My mother says that it is their house, their rules so I should obey my dad and stepmom and split up with him. But that's not fair to me. I'm an adult, I should be able to date who I want to date. But at the same time, I still am living with them.
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You're nineteen. You say you are adult? I agree. So act like one. Stop lying and start standing up for your own choices.
I don't agree with Witty that your parents are irrational. It's not irrational to not like some one else. It's not irrational to be distrustful of your daughter's choices when she hiding them from you. And it's not irrational to try and set some rules for an adult child living at home.
That doesn't make what they are doing right or fair, but unless they are threatening to beat you or disown you, they are not so irrational that you are justified in lying to them.
So he gives your parents 'bad vibes'. That's fair. It’s not kind of you to say ‘That’s not true!’. It might be just as true for them they get bad vibes as it’s true for you that you love him!
Those vibes are going to get worse if you keep on lying and sneaking around.
Your parents AREN'T stupid or irrational. So show them enough respect to say "Look, this is what I'm up too. You know it and I know it so lets admit it. I'm safe and happy and I'm going to keep on doing this." and they'll just need to respect that, even if they disagree.
Your parents are right that it is their house: They can ban him from it. They can kick you out. Inside their home they can try and punish you and make you miserable. It wouldn’t be kind or productive for them to do that, but it’s their house and they can. What they cannot do is tell you who you may and may not associate with on your own time in the big wide world.
Your sneaking around is only supporting their negative opinion of him AND their perception of you as being a child whose choices do not warrent respect. If you expect them to EVER respect your ability to make your own choices, first you have to admit that you are making them.
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No, they aren't right.
Sorry. Parents owe their kids. Period. Even once you're an adult, the ultimate responsibility of one generation is to support the generation which comes after.
You don't have to date who they approve of just because you're living in their house. Not at 19. They can forbid him entry. They can set rules about you disrupting house routine like staying up till all hours talking on the phone in a way which keeps them up. They can kick you out if they so choose. But only you can give them control over your life.
Don't. You'll regret it sooner or later. All parents have to grow up a little bit and accept that their kids don't see the world as they do, don't agree with everything they think. Not all parents are capable, but that's not your burden to bear.
Don't start confrontations. Don't rock the boat. There's no shame in lying to irrational people who can and will destroy your life to get their way. There's no shame in being at home because of a medical condition.
The only word of warning. Regardless of irrationality, people who've lived longer than you have more life experience. Whatever vibes they pick up, they aren't entirely wrong.
The thing is, the vibes they pick up might not matter to you. An example of this is, if parents detect to much latent sexuality between their "little girl" and the guy who likes her they'll often dislike him. You probably wouldn't see this as a problem.
This has to be your judgment, your life, your lessons learned. If this guy IS a piece of shit, you won't learn anything breaking up with him because they say so. You have to learn that yourself by coming to your own conclusion that the relationship is not right for you.
Do what you have to. Keep your life your own. Daddies are protective of their daughters and step parents usually just back up your bio-mom or dad.
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Unfortunately, they are right - their house, their rules. It sucks and it may not be fair. The best thing to do would be to start making preperations to be out on your own someday. Otherwise, you really have no authority in your own home.
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