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I'm confused about his feelings, and I don't know how to act around him.
I'm 17/female, and a senior in high school. I went out with this guy, and we lasted about a year. We broke up twice. After the first time we broke up, we lasted 2 weeks without talking to each other and he asked me back out. I took him back.
Now, this guy is a very loud, funny, too friendly (touchy) at times with other people (let alone girls), center of attention kind of guy. I met his family, and they all loved me, and said I was perfect for him and what not.
While in the relationship, we argued quite a bit, and I didn't like how loose he was with all the girls, spreading himself around like he was single. He didn't like to talk to me about problems at all. He would get mad and annoyed.
The second time we broke up, we stopped talking significantly. Over the summer, all he did was get high (which he never smoked while we were going out) and hang out with his pothead friends (one of them his ex) and screw around and do nothing. Now that school is back in session, we see each other every now and then, and it seems like he's shy or scared of running into me, probably because we didn't talk all summer long, at the same time, he looks determined to do something. I would say graduate on time because he's a d-mode senior and is in for a 5th year in high school. I'm the opposite, I care about school, and talking things out, and getting things done. I have a great GPA and everything.
The only reason why I started texting him by the time school was starting was because I received an anonymous phone call from some girl asking me if it was true or false that I was a hoe, according to him. And I texted him asking him the meaning of that, and our communication started from there. He knows I don't like people smoking, and he even told me he quit after a good beating from his father. He also knows I love smart guys. And he told me about how he's going to get down to business and focus more on school and less on love or anything like that. I think that's great.
I started wondering why he kept showing up to my math class, and I asked the math teacher when he left, why he kept showing up and talking to him and asking him stuff, and the math teacher didn't even know his name. The math teacher told me that he thinks he's doing this because he wants to be near me. I got an angry text message from him shortly after class telling me that he wasn't in there for me. And I asked him who told him that lie, and he said some "Black girls that were in the class."
This is confusing me. He gets really angry easily when I tell him his truths or issues, and even more when I say something about him wanting me or something. I told him his friends who graduated already, drifted away from him for a reason, and he texted back with his whatevers and I'm done. He hates facing his truths, and I say them at times carefully.
My friends dared me to yell out and say hi to him outside after school, and I did. He half-turned his head, and didn't say hi back. His ex, who was right in front of me, and happens to be a serious weed smoker, drinker, what ever have you, told me after I yelled out hi and felt like a retard, that he told her that he doesn't want anything to do with me. I asked my best friend Danny, who communicates with him more often than I do, what that means, and he told me that maybe he's saying those things because he wants to hide his feelings from me.
I think he might be right because after the first time we broke up, a similar thing happened. I texted Danny asking him if my ex was jealous because I hung out with my friend Michael more often, and my ex took the phone and somehow knew it was me, and angrily texted back, I don't love you and I never will. Low and behold, he ended up wanting me back days later.
Every time we see each other at school, we lock eyes for a moment, and then we look away. And I notice he looks at where ever I go. He even took his skateboard and skated the direction I was walking, and skated back without even looking at me. I can't tell what's going through his head. I don't know if he hates me or if he still has feelings for me inside. How exactly should I act around him in general? How should I talk to him if he talks to me???
-Sorry for the novel, this is just really important to me. I'm eager to read your response. Thank you for your time.
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He hates how much you see through him. Most people do, but teenaged guys have fragile egos and alot of need to be seen as they want to be seen.
At a guess, he wants you back but he doesn't want to sacrifice his pride by being the one asking. He wants you coming back begging for him.
At the same time, he's angry at you for getting him way more than he wants you to. He keeps to himself and doesn't talk about his shit and still you're figuring him out. That's got to be making him incredibly uncomfortable.
In your situation, I'd ignore him. He's a 5th year senior who obviously doesn't take school seriously. He puts more importance on being a social butterfly and his image. Bottom line, he's a child.
And you aren't.
Guys become men when they master their inner kid. Every single one of us has a six year old inside telling us to do stupid shit and act ridiculous. That impetuous side can be cute when held in check, but with guys like your ex it overwhelms their personality and makes it impossible for you to connect to them in any real sense. The refusing to talk about things that upset him is both evidence and a symptom.
You like his personality to some degree, maybe he's attractive, but you're also leaving him behind when it comes to addressing and living life. That gulf will grow wider as you get older, because some people have serious issues with growing up.
Being held back a year proves that. Whatever his reasons, history, etc, he's not in a place where he's ready to give up being a child.
And that means he's not ready for a relationship with someone who's not also a child, someone who's not interested in spending their time being a child.
He says he wants to focus on school, but it's the execution that matters. It's doing it, and succeeding.
Walk away. Be civil. Stop sending him messages. If he talks to you, don't be afraid to talk back, just be firm in your resolution that he's not datable.
He may be someday, but he isn't now. And he refuses to be with someone who puts his flaws in his face and asks that he address them.
That won't work. My wife and I are happily married because we can tell each other when one of us is fucking up. That communication is absolutely essential, the ability to give and receive constructive criticism.
I can tell you care about this guy, but from everything you posted dating him is going to make you miserable. Just be nice and if he keeps following you around to a point where you're not comfy with it ask him to stop. Don't argue with him when he inevitably pretends he's not following you, just tell him to stop and walk away again.
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