about

You see that man in that picture? That is me. I'm metal as all holy heck and I will give you answers so metal, you'll grow a beard. Even if you're a teenage girl.

So throw a question my way? "I like this guy and this guy, what do I do?" PICK THE ONE WHO LIKES METAL! "I've been feeling depressed lately, what should I do?" LISTEN TO SOME METAL! "I need help with my pre-calc homework." THE ANSWER IS METAL!

I can handle it all, I will not shy away from any question. May the metal be with you!

advice

whats a zj? you said you prefer it in the queston you answered. thanks.

It's part of a quote from the movie Beerfest, I was just trying to be silly. It goes roughly like this...

"An hj will cost you 5, a bj will cost you 10, and a zj will cost you 15."

"What's a zj?"

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

[view]

So me and my friends are kinda rocky. Were not like in a fight or anything, but I just kinda feel like theyre using me some times. Anyways, does anyone know some fun things to do with them? Besides the usual going to the movies or mall? && Thanks so much &&

You could always go bowling, skeet shooting, crab hunting, BMXing, or on long archaeological digs to find the next dinosaur. Just have fun with it.

[view]

soo is a guys cum and their spirm the same thing?

Spirm, also known as "sperm" in English, are the actual cells in a guy's "cum" that fertilize a woman's "egg" to produce a baby. Cum is generally known as the sticky white goo that comes out of a guy's "penis", which is actually a protective subtance, which helps the "sperm" to survive, or cause nasty stains on shirts, bedsheets, or even curtans.

[view]

i'm plannin to give my bf a bj sometime very very soon and i was just wandering, what do girls do when they give you a bj that drives you crazy...in a good way! what do you love for them to do in other words, during an hj too!

I'm more into zj's, but if you have to ask, you can't afford it.

[view]

I have a bf that I'm in love with and he means absolutely everything to me. I've been with him for 7 months. He's amazing to me and we get along perfectly but sometimes I just get sick of him. He gets so annoying and I never want to talk to him. I met this other guy and he's a real sweetheart and we've known each other for about a month. He's also amazing and sweet. We got to know each other more and he really likes me and I really like him. He wants to date me and everything but I have a bf that I still really love. I like both of them. I feel so horrible..I can't even believe myself. I don't know what to do. I'm so stuck. Please help me.

Forget them both and become asexual.

[view]

ok so heres the deal
so i dated this guy and everything was goin good and then we kinda started to argue a little bit so we decided to take a little break while he went to NYC on vaca. and then a couple days after he got back we would talk about things..well then he tells me that he fucked one of my closest friends while we were on the break and so we broke up and i was really hurt and i talked my "friend" that did this to me and she said shes sooo sorry and that she wont ever talk to him again n all this so he asked me back out and stupid me, i said yes and then in lunch the next day i saw her look at him and smile and i just couldnt take it so i broke up with him but we still talked and chilled but mind you he was doin the same with her but i got fed up with it and i just couldnt take it anymore so we ended things and that was about 3 months ago and its still so hard and it hurts so much to see pictures of them and stuff...and todays his birthday..actually both of there birthdays..and i cant stop thinking about him, i was going to send him a message on myspace saying happy birthday but i stopped myself. what can i do to help me get over him?

Stop being a whimp.

[view]

sorry, this is kinda long.


Okay, im in 8th grade.. but im graduating tomorrow.. so im pretty much a freshman.

This senior.. who is moving to college next year wants to hook up with me.

Hes like 17.

and july 22 is my half birthday so ill be 14.5

look at this convo on aim we had.

a= boy
l = me

A: dhcre;ugf re
l: shey
A: shey
A: ?
l: heyyy**
A: how you is
l: i is good, ytu?
A: pretty good
A: kinda bored tho nd really tired
l: same heeree.
l: i have graduation tomorrow :] are you going
A: y do like want me to go?
l: dont you have a brother in my grade?
A: no
l: oh.
l: nvm then
l: oh wait hes in 6thhh nvm.
A: yea
l: anywhoooo..
A: im
A: hot
l: c0ol
l: me too.
A: really
A: how
l: why dont you tell me
A: hmm idn ide have to see you
A: alone
l: oh reallyy.
A: mhm
A: wat do you say to that
l: when?
A: idn u tell me
l: well i cant tomorrow, thurs, fri sat or sun.
A: k
l: so idk afte rthat
A: mhm
l: waittt.
A: ughh
A: blow me psh
l: how old are you?
l: 17?
A: ya y
l: oh just wonderingg.
l: ew im only 14/5
l: 14.5*
A: soo
l: isnt that kinda wierd?
A: why
A: for what
l: that your like hitting on me?
A: who said im hitting on you
l: haha your likee.
l: i have to see for myself and that stuff then your like alone.
A: ok?

Do you think he wants something serious.. or just to get in my pants.

Either way it's weird and gross and I wouldn't do it. Also, you both suck at typing.

[view]

I make about $10 an hour right now. When the minimum wage increases to $7.50, will my wage increase, too? And won't the cost of everything go up? If it does, then why make the minimum wage higher if everything is gunna get more expensive?

It might, but who knows. One thing companies do, if they claim to be competitive, is they MIGHT raise it to keep up with their claims. I wouldn't hold your breath, you are still making quite a bit more than minimum wage, but it might go up by 50 cents at most. Good luck!

[view]

14/f

i'm trying to break my caffeine addiction, i've been drinking a cup of coffee every morning for 2 years now, and since caffeine exhausts you i'm trying to stop. (i also drink things like green tea throughout the day but i don't drink it past 1 pm)

But I don't know whether I should just cut back to 1 cup of tea (30-55 mg of caffeine) daily, or just get off of it completely?

Cutting it out of your life completely will seriously make you hate life. I never wanted to cut it out, but I stopped drinking soda so I kinda forgot about it. I was getting terrible headaches that just don't go away until you drink some coffee or tea. So just cut back for now, and slowly ween yourself away.

[view]

I am auditioning for a singing contest but I don't know what to sing. The Contest is on Saturday. I like slow easy songs but something I can dance to and is a little upbeat. Something that can be or is aprropiate. Thanks in advance♥

"I wanna fuck a dog in the ass" by Blink 182.

[view]

Has anybody read the Chinese novel Hong Lou Meng aka Dream of Red Chambers? If so, I have to write an essay on one of the themes of the novel. I think the theme I'm choosing is how the author over exaggerated the women characters to show that they weren't as worthless as the Chinese thought back in the 18th century. For those of you who have read it- do you know any specific examples portrayed throughout the book to prove this statement?

Because if the author didn't, women's rights groups would complain because they have nothing else better to do.

[view]

14/f

ok this might be sick but whenever I poop i can't get it all out and then it's just stuck in my butt and i fart a lot and no matter how hard i try i just cant get it all out.


how can i fix this?

Maybe you don't have enough fiber and the poop isn't complying with your bodies wishes.

[view]

ok on addictinggames.com the impossible quiz. i've gotten all the way to the vanishing cursor thing. but the second one that you can't skip. i pressed all the buttons at least a million times and it keeps saying it's wrong.
so my question is. what do i do ?

It's an impossible quiz, therefore you cannot win!

[view]

everytime i click on something a pop-up comes up saying : "Do you want to allow software such as ActiveX controls and plug-ins to run?"
& I keep clicking "yes" but everytime I go on something different i have to keep on clicking it & clicking it. It's getting really annoying.
I just wanted advice on how to get rid of it from popping up again & again.
thnkx

Punch your computer, that always works.

[view]

My MacBook, does'nt have Paint. I use to use paint to "Skew" my pictures. I can't find an image sizer anymore. Is there anything I can download?

The real question is why the hell would you get a Mac in the first place?

[view]

ok on your advicenators ther is this thing that says profile settings and i want to know how to make a profile

Sorry, you're not allowed to.

[view]

My boyfriends a good guy in just about any situation, but he becomes a complete jerk when his best friend is around. i want to talk to him, but everytime i see him these days his friend's there. i don't know what to do.

Your boyfriend is just trying to look cool in front of his friend. Find some awesome way to call him out on it in front of his friend, which will totally embarass him and he'll stop.

[view]

eww i have this gross, big red pimple on my chin & it REALLY hurts! and i put this stuff on it but it just realy really hurts like when i move my chin or if i poke it... my pimples don't usually 'hurt'

I had a great answer planned out for you, and then I realized that you never actually asked a question.

[view]

Does it hurt the first time you have sex? and what can you do to make it hurt less?

It can and the only way to make it not hurt is to avoid sex your entire life.

[view]

Okay, so I really like this guy. He's funny but he's kinda popular too and I'm kinda in the middle. Do popular guys go out with girls like me? Thanks much!

Yes, but only because of bets like in those teen comedies.

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
humorist-workshop
eXTReMe Tracker