Member Since: May 3, 2011
Answers: 1053
Last Update: December 12, 2012
Visitors: 30962
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f/17
My mom is a hard working woman and she's already in her mid-fifties. She's also got a ton of health problems and my sister has severe depression, so my mom is always stressed and worried about things. She pays ALL of our bills and she cleans the entire house, she makes the food. And my father does nothing about it. He just lays around the house or goes to work, saves his money so he can spend it on himself, and then he talks crap about my mom to my little sister and I. It's outrageous!! They've been married for almost nineteen years! I mean, my father is Mexican and he never learned English, so he's a bit hindered in some places, but he could at least help pay the bills, even so, he doesn't! He told my sister that he's sick of paying all our bills and doing all the work, but he does nothing! And not to mention, he's almost as depressing as my sister and having him around her is just making her worse!
My mom keeps saying she'll kick him out, but I think she's too scared to. She'll be lonely and she doesn't want to hurt her husband. I understand this, but she's just hurting herself by doing this! I really want to help my mother, she's miserable now and I know she is, even though she smiles and says she's fine. She's just bottling it up. She broke down a while ago when she found out my dad had used some of her money to buy a new car or something like that. I'm not trying to sound heartless or anything, but my mom's husband has got to go. He treats everyone, not just my mom, like crap. He's even abused our dogs!! And, I'm not quite sure, but I THINK my dad MIGHT be saving money away to move out. I'm not quite sure, but there's no way I'm asking him. I don't talk to him very much. He's more like that annoying neighborhood kid to me than a father, which actually kind of makes me upset sometimes because I try and talk to him about things, but he just tries to start a pity party on how he's the hard worker and I just get so fed up with it... What can I do about this situation ):? I really want to help my mom because it actually sounds like she might hurt herself with all this stress... (According to her doctor, she's already had a heart attack because of all the stress last year and that's terrifying my sister and I.) (link)
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Short of gathering your entire extended family and friends for an intervention, about all you can do is make your mom choose between you and the husband. If you deliver an ultimatum like that then you better be ready to follow through on it and pack up and split. If the threat is empty you will have nothing short of violence toward the husband.
Otherwise, your mom is an adult and adults are allowed to sometimes make bad choices, as sad to say as that is.
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I'm a 13 year old girl and I want advice tips etc to help me become a better singer. people say you have to be born with a great voice but i wanna no how to be a good singer. I mean I can rap i just wish soo much that I could be a good singer. Please help! Thanks. :) (link)
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I have to echo the earlier advice. A good vocal coach will help you get the most out of your voice and keep you from falling into bad habits that can lead to throat polyps.
If you can't afford it, listen to how the best singers use their voices, their phrasing, their breathing, the way they pick material that is suited for their voices (not all songs are suited for all singers), the attack of the notes as they go up and down the registers, how they use their headtones (the natural timbre of their voice that results from how their head and throat are constructed) and just the overall feel for the songs.
The first thing you need to work on is breathing from your navel. If you breathe from your chest or throat you can really injure your vocal cords. That will also enable you to generate more power and you will be able to go up and down your range easier.
Then solidifying your sense of pitch. Gotta hit those notes on the nose or it sounds like crap. This takes practice and the ability to really listen to what tones are coming out of your mouth.
Good luck. I can't sing at all. You probably came out of the womb better than me.
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how can one be free from the spirit of leisbainisn? i really do need help/advice. "
i am from nigeria." (link)
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Kiddo, whether you are straight or lesbian is determined at birth. According to recent studies, this fact has been proven by how the brain develops. So it is all genetics. Lesbianism isn't a "spirit" or a choice, it is something a minority of women are born with.
There is nothing at all wrong with being a lesbian. Don't let the emptyheaded prejudices of certain fearful segments of society tell you any different.
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i've been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 months. we've been long time friends, and dated once before, but now its becoming more serious. lately, he's been getting tutored by his ex girlfriend. she goes over to his house, and he goes to hers all the time. they used to have a really close relationship, and now its getting back on track. he says i have nothing to worry about and he wont ever go back to her. i feel very jealous and insecure. i dont know what to do. please help.
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If your gut is telling you something is funky it is FUNKY. Always listen to your gut and respond accordingly.
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Two days back,My husband and my friend had sex with me together in the same night. But now I'm worried because In case I get pregnant, Will there be a problem with my baby because they were two peoples indulged in sex with me. (link)
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The deed was done and a DNA test will be the referee. That's what happens when you don't use birth control.
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My girlfriend and I have been best friends from a young age. After a few dating fiascos on both our parts, we realized that we wanted to be with each other. We are 6 months into our relationship and we both couldn’t be happier…except for one thing. She works at a job which keeps her extremely busy for about 5 months in the year. During this time she gets some evenings off every other week, and about one weekend off a month. I’m at the point where I love her so much that I want to spend every second I get with her, but my 40 hour a week schedule doesn’t match up with her 95 hour a week schedule. I find myself getting frustrated with the lack of time I spend with her, and the lack of physical and emotional connection I feel with her working constantly. We spend less time together, talk/text less, and our sex life is pretty infrequent. I can’t be in a relationship that is like this nearly 50% of the year.
With how hard she works, she has been getting praises from her bosses, saying she can go anywhere within the company. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for her and her career. But because of this, her talk of possibly finding something else has changed to talking about staying for several more years. What’s worse is the fact that this is very close to her dream job, and what she went to school for. The time I get to see her, my frustration goes away, but then when she’s away I hardly feel like I’m in a relationship.
How do I bring up just how dissatisfied I am with her schedule? This is literally the only thing wrong in our relationship. I feel like bringing it up at all would push her away from me. I will be the one telling her that she shouldn’t pursue her dream, and getting out would inhibit her career. How can I effectively talk to her about and maybe even fix the situation?
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Got to let her go, dude. At this stage of her life she feels the need to set up her future by working her ass off. I personally think people who work those hours are bloody insane. I did it for a week once when I was just out of my teens and I thought I was going to drop dead.
You can sabotage her future by putting pressure on her to change her routine. She will basically be caught between the hammer and the anvil. So don't do it. I'm sure she is a great chick, but if she pulls back and retards her career prospects and stays with you in the meantime, she may resent it.
Look, women are security driven. She sees putting in all these hours as a way to build sweat equity and a reputation to assure her future. You are not going to overcome that. So you can either accept things as they are now and for at least the near term or you have to leave.
And look at the sexual deprivation as a preview for after she has kids. Your needs will not trump those of the children to any woman.
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I am a 13 yearold girl and everyone says I'm skinny when I ask or they will just tell me and my stomach is skinny but my legs aren't as good as I would want them too. There not wicked muuscley. how can I get them thinner and have more muscles? I am self conscious in my suit bottoms so please help! :) (link)
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Running and/or a lot of walking should do the trick.
Swimming a mile or two a few days a week will tone your leg muscles to beautiful effect, but your thighs will likely get more muscular if that is a concern for you. I think swimmer's bodies are killer plus swimming exercises every muscle of the body, burns buttloads of calories and it will improve aerobic conditioning. Plus it is low impact on joints, unlike running, which is jarring to the knees and back.
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I think my friend is anorexic. She wasn't really that fat in the first place but she's lost a lot of weight. Don't get me wrong i'm happy for her but also worried too. She also never ate lunch at school which was really weird because everyone eats lunch! She even stayed after school everyday from 3:30-5:00. I don't want to hurt her feelings but I'm worried about her. What should I say or do? (link)
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Minding one's own business is usually a good thing, but not when it comes to this anorexia/bulimia nonsense. You reach out to your friend about it. If you can see her ribcage she is too thin. Women are built to carry some fat on them, which makes them soft, hippy and fun to hug and more. When they get anorexic, they lose what makes them nice to look at (hips, boobs, butt, and the face starts looking gaunt, which is not attractive).
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I'm 5'5" and weigh 145
Can I lose 20 pounds before august 25th?
I do workout and eat healthy and drink water (link)
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I personally would be fine with your weight. Keep in mind that because you workout you probably have a little bit of muscle mass, which is heavier than fat. This is why you can't go solely by the numbers on your bathroom scale.
It is more about being healthy looking and carrying your weight well. Which I'm sure you do. So just keep your routine as normal and don't focus so much on just the sheer number of pounds.
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Okay so this guy is 17 and I'm 14. I really like him a lot and we kinda talk to each other but I'm not sure he really notices me. He's cute, funny, great personality, fun to be with, and very sweet. I only get to see him twice a week and when i do see him I don't know if he really wants anything to do with me. I just want him to talk to me and feel the same way as I feel about him. I might be young but i know for a fact that I'm in love with him. Please can someone help me solve my love problem!?!? :'( (link)
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The age disparity isn't that big a deal here.
Just be where he is and let him know you're interested. That is all you can do. How come you only get to see him twice a week, though?
If he rebuffs you, don't be hurt. Not everybody is going to like all people. Someone does want to go out with you who would be good for you, so don't put all your eggs in one basket here. Look for good guys wherever they roam.
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my boyfriend Junior. I've been knowing him for about a year now. there's this girl, stacy, who's his "ex" me and Junior have been going out for a couple of weeks now and since the day he asked me out, we've been hanging out every single day and talking on the phone/texting every day. he's introduced me to some of his cousins, and a lot of his friends as his girlfriend. a couple of days after he asked me out i heard he was still with his "ex" so i confronted him about her. he said that she still hasn't let go of him because she had a miscarriage by him and she's emotionally attached. I believed him, put that whole situation in the past then a couple of days ago one of mine and stacy's mutual friends told me stacy's telling everyone they're dating still but now i'm kind of starting to believe her because she knows a couple of his cousins that i've met and one of mine and stacy's mutual friends said that the cousins always talk to her about Junior as if they're together. I don't think she could be THAT stuck in the past. Someone's lying. I'm not sure how to go about the whole situation. He's cheating on me, he's cheating with me? he's lying, she's lying? it's confusing. I don't know what to believe at this point. I'm supposed to hang out with my boyfriend today. I want to tell him that if he has any feelings towards stacy then he should just be with her instead. I don't want to let him go, but I don't want to be played. I would talk to Stacy myself but she's not the type that someone could conversate with. I don't want to accuse her of lying but i also don't want to see her get her feelings hurt because of me, even though it's not exactly my fault. Any advice on how I should go about this while situation? Thanks in advance. (link)
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Here is a rule of thumb: because there is a drama underway doesn't mean you have to be dragged in to acting in it. Bow out and let the other contestants figure it out. Your life will be a lot simpler, less stressful and you can find another circle with less duplicitious people.
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How do I get over him when I don't feel my love for him is wrong, when I don't feel it should be a reason for any of his family members to dislike me???
I've been open about my feelings. He doesn't like me - not the way I like him - but I've told his wife I love her husband. She said she appreciates my honesty.
I did not want to be looking in her face, having feelings for her husband and feel like a hypocrit...Say "Hi" to her, wishing i was hugging her man.
Why don't I see anything wrong in having feelings for him? Am I supposed to feel like i am commiting a crime or something??? 'Cause if I am, I am not.
I want him to be MY MAN. I want him emotionally and sexually. I want to love him forever, BUT I do not ever want to be his wife, don't want to steal his wife's place - i remember all too well the suffering my father put my mother through - do not want to cook, clean, wash, iron...do not dream of becoming a housewife.
I am madly in love with a married man. Am I supposed to be feeling guilty? SHOULD ONE FEEL GUILT EVEN WHEN THEY ARE LOVING??? (link)
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So what you want is the fantasy aspects of a steady relationship without the reality of the day to day end product. Hey, been there done that. The only difference is that I kept it to myself because, really, nobody needs to know.
It isn't wrong to love anyone, but your actions in this regard are entirely narcissistic. You seek the thrill of being able to tear a man away from another woman to make you feel as if you have won that perennial competition that women have with one another and you have projected on to the poor schmuck the image of a golden god when, in reality, he is just another guy from the block.
I mean, suppose you had sex with the dude and he is a two pump chump? Or he is into some serious BDSM? Or he is another David Vitter and has a thing for pooping into diapers?
If you put this guy on a pedestal any higher it would reach to the moon.
So my advice is to butt out of those poor folks lives and take your carnival of delusional relationship sabotage somewhere else. Or seek therapy. Pick both, in fact.
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i hung out with my boyfriend last night. he introduced me to some of his cousins and by the end of the night me, my best friend, boyfriend, and his cousin ended up going to the park. i didn't have any pockets so i asked my boyfriend to hold my phone. a few hours into the night i had asked him what time it was so he pulled out my phone and he was joking with his cousin saying how i have pictures i don't want him to see since my pictures are locked. well i said if i had something to hide, my messages would be locked so i told him to go to my messages just because i didn't want him to think i'm doing anything behind his back. well i kind of keep in touch with one of my ex boyfriends from three years ago and he randomly texted me the other day. well my boyfriend was only looking in the inbox so this is how he read it:
ex: hey :)
ex: that makes both of us now haha
ex: so did i haha. where are you??
ex: F*ck me right? haha. what you do today?
ex: your bf??
ex: yea
Now, this is the WHOLE conversation:
ex: hey :)
me: hey. you hella didn't answer my call the other day haha. what are you doing?
*the other day he had called me to tell me he had something important to tell me about my old friend but i was busy so i called him back but he didn't answer*
*he calls me; i reject it*
ex: that makes both of us now haha
me: thats no fair i have a reason haha
ex: so did i haha. where are you??
me: sure haha. in my little sister's room
ex: F*ck me right? haha. what you do today?
me: haha spent the night with my best friend and boyfriend. we were driving around, came home went swimming. what about you?
ex: your bf??
me: boyfriend? haha. are you still talking to that one girl?
ex: yea
and that was it. i tried to get my boyfriend to read the sent messages but he just gave me my phone back and his cousin was telling me how i messed up. which i don't understand. i got really irritated to i asked my best friend if we could leave. we walked outside, i called my boyfriend to ask if he needed a ride home, he said he was going to spend the night down his cousins house, i said okay and he hung up. I'm so lost. i don't know what to do. any advice/opinions? should i give him space? i have all the messages still saved but he said he doesn't want to see them. (link)
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I can understand your boyfriend's insecurity about your continuing relationship with the ex. To your boyfriend, it is like the ex is warming up in the bullpen to take his place as soon as he puts a foot wrong, which is a lot of pressure to operate under. So now he wants to decide whether you are two timing him or you are about to check out of the relationship. I can see that. The boyfriend's passive-aggressive move to stay at the cousin's rather than spend more time with you shows that you really did screw up in his eyes.
So the ball is in your court. You can either end any communication with the ex to reassure your boyfriend, you can write the boyfriend off as a whiny, insecure bitch or you can try to convince the boyfriend that the ex has now been consigned to the "friend list" and there will never be anything happening between you guys ever again.
Personally, if I am your boyfriend I am pushing the eject button on you because I can't be committed to someone who doesn't seem to be 100% committed to me and me only.
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anytime anything happens in our family, my sister and I get yelled at. Our parents are always telling us we are disrespectfull when all we EVER do is talk to them in respectfull tones and we NEVEr say anything rude! all they do is mimic us with rude tones or scream at us for no reason. Today i found out my dad smokes from my best friends father, when i ask him about it he yells at me saying to stay out of his f****ng life or im grounded, now im in myroom because my father smokes, he also had the decency to tell Me that my life is messed up. He constantly puts us down and tells us we are all basically crap and mean nothing to him, but then whenever anything comes down on him he calls us disrespectufl and threatens us. is this just the way all parents are? Do all parents scream and throw (yes i mean throw) you in your room? i am 15 almost 16 and i am grounded from going out of the house untill i get a job, its the middle of summer and i have applied everywhere in my town, even places that arent hiring. I look way younger than most people and I also have no experiance? i dont find this family fair at all! what am i supossed to do!??!!
(PS i am a girl and i am my fathers only child, my sister is my step sister and my step mother always lies about anything that happens in the house while he is at work) (link)
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You're in the middle of emotionally abusive and dysfunctional parents. Not your fault. So don't blame yourselves. At this point, all you can do is kick butt in school and make plans to go away to college and then get a good job in order to get out of the hell hole you're in.
It is a lot to put up with, but good luck. Keep your eye on the ball and don't let your loser parents sabotage you.
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Well ok long story short im married, and both my husband and i are lookin to find another female partner to help us spice up the bedroom, im all for it and he says he is aswell but im just not convinced and am worried that if we go ahead with it a few months or years down the track he is going to turn around and throw it back in my face, we have talked and talked about it but i still feel since it was my idea in the first place he is just more or less going along with it so not to dissapoint me, is there any way that i can really be sure that he does want it as much as i do??? any advice would b great plz. (link)
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You say you want to "spice things up in the bedroom," but why do you feel this particular episode is the answer?
First, you are adding another element to the chemistry you and your mate have (unless that chemistry is becoming less and less potent as time passes) and that can have either good or bad results. It just depends on the mindsets of the folks involved. But generally, studies have found that these things do not have good outcomes in terms of predicting the lifespan of the union.
Now usually it is the guy who wants two girls, not the woman. For men, a FFM arrangement is often an expression of male sexual aggression or need for variety. However, as a woman, what specifically are you getting out of this? Do you have underlying lesbian feelings? Do you REALLY want your husband involved in this or is this just an excuse for you to get freaky with another girl?
The weird thing for me is the hesitance of the husband here when this kind of scenario is a lot of guys' dream (not really my thing, btw). Do you feel obligated to save the marriage due to social pressure when what you most want now is to find a female partner? How really interested in sex with your husband have you been over the course of your marriage? I get the impression that your husband thinks you are about to check out of the marriage no matter what happens.
Understand that I am not trying to cast aspersions, but while marriage counseling is often the final stage of a marriage before the divorce papers are filed, the threesome thing could be what happens before the counseling. I just don't see this ending well.
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. We were living together for a month in New York before he decided to move down to Puerto Rico to be with his grandma. I went down with him, because I found out I was pregnant. While we were living there, I miscarried the baby. He was there for me and helped me in any way he could. After about a month of living in Puerto Rico, I decided to come home to New York. We promised we would talk every night on the phone, and do everything we could to make this relationship last until I came back down there. He doesn't want to come back to New York because he hates it here. Lately though, he's been getting annoyed with me I think. I tell him that I love him and miss him every time we talk and he tells me to stop saying it so much because it bothers him. Which hurts me, but I can understand since he isn't really the lovey type all the time like I am. Then he always seems as if he's in a bad mood when we talk, I always have to bring up things to talk about and sometimes I run out of things to say so we sit there silently until he tells me he's got to go. Tonight we talked for a few minutes and he was in another bad mood. He was telling me how he's tired of life down there and is thinking of coming home to live with me again. He then told me I shouldn't call so much, only once a week. I tried to make him feel better by talking about the job offer I got. He didn't say much about it, then told me he would talk to me later. So I said "Okay, I love you.." and he said "Okay bye" and hung up :( He's never done that before and it hurt.. alot to say the least. I don't know what to do, or how to help him. I try to give my advice on what he should do but he doesn't really listen to me. I feel like our relationship is falling apart and it's killing me inside. He's my best friend and our relationship used to be so strong, I don't know what I'm doing wrong to cause all this. What should I do? :( (link)
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There could be one of three things at work here:
One, he is doing a passive-aggressive thing about you leaving him alone in Puerto Rico. He resents it but yet doesn't have the huevos to tell you that because maybe he is afraid of sounding like a whiny bitch to you.
Your boyfriend could also have one foot out of the relationship. He doesn't like it now in PR and will use you as a stopover point when he gets back to the states and then once he has done that will give you the heave ho for somebody else.
To a degree, I think he may also feel he is at kind of a dead end at this stage of his life and he hasn't come up with any plans to make it better.
Now I want to ask you a couple of things: why didn't you use birth control (you aren't falling for that Catholic Church crap against it, are you?) and why are you with a guy who is perhaps not as emotionally, and now physically, accessible to you as you would like? Are things kinda strained or worse with your dad? Or was he gone a lot, too? Women often tend to repeat in their private lives the relationship they had with their fathers. If I am on to something in this connection you may need some therapy to end this form of self sabotage in your life.
Whatever happens, I hope it all works for the best. But there are real questions as to the viability of this relationship right now.
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My best friends mom thinks I'm like a bad influence because I am vegan, and eat organic. I mean clearly she must be uneducated in health. Sure best friends mom you can slurp up some more aspartame, and down another quart of sugar, but I wont. I am 15, and I do not know how to confront this problem. I do not care what her diet consists of...so why does she hate me for mine? (link)
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She thinks you are one of them thar commie pinko types seeking to rob America of its precious bodily fluids.
Unless, of course, there is more going on here than you are letting on.
Look, sometimes you run into idiots and there is nothing you can do about it. You don't need to win their approval because you can't.
People are herd animals and half of them have IQs under 100. And one of the more extreme example of that is the woman who has produced your friend, who is so obsessed with what she is comfortable with that she won't accept any other ways of doing things, even when they are benign. You get this with religious nuts, too.
Read "Escape from Freedom" by Erich Fromme and you will understand this better.
As for you, you are the only one who can live your life and make yourself happy. So when you smell bullshit don't sign up for a big heapin' helpin' just to make people happy.
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What can i take to delay my period? (link)
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This is a question for your gynocologist. I've personally never heard of women being able to delay their periods with the exception of women who engage in prolonged strenuous daily exercise (swimmers and gymnasts, to cite two examples). Then they may disappear completely for a while.
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im 15 almost 16 and im not planning on having sex anytime soon but i was wondering if i should shave down there if i do, i mean i already do moslty but when i do it itches and is prickly and stuff, what do most girls do. any suggestions?
thanks!(:
Christina :) (link)
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First, if you just keep it neatly trimmed and bathe regularly you are going to be fine. So don't feel any pressure to be completely shaven. There is no shortage of guys who prefer women to have hair down there. I personally prefer no hair, but that's me.
You can get a waxing, which is very temporarily painful when the hair gets ripped out, but lasts much longer than a shave will.
If you decide to use a razor in shaving it completely, though, DO NOT use deodorant down there since it clogs the pores and may dry the skin. Use a pre-shave cream after you've showered but before you've dried off and give it a couple of minutes to soften the hair. Use a brand new razor if you use disposables or a brand new blade if otherwise. DO NOT use crap like Nair or other depilatories , which can burn. Then shave with the grain of the hair in short gentle strokes.
Now I'm a guy and I shave down there, too, but usually just do it while the shower spray washes over me. I don't have a problem with bumps. I found that after the first few times I shaved down there I didn't get any bumps and it wouldn't itch unless I allowed my pubic hair to grow out for a few weeks.
FWIW.
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I don't know what else to do, or who else to turn to.. not that I've turned to anybody because I'm afraid talking about it is going to make it worse.
I've been with my boyfriend for six months, and I love him so much. He loves me just as much... if not, then more. He tells me he's in love with me and I'm the most important person in the world to him. He tells me I'm the reason why he's going to try to get into college. And I'm so glad I could do this much for him. I've always loved hearing this, us making scenarios about our future together like getting married and everything. We have legit plans to go to school near each other so it won't be too much of a long distance relationship.
I have never once doubted my love for him. I know I'm young, and so is he, but I never felt so strongly about somebody before. He electrifies my life. I love being with him, being at his house doing nothing but eating & watching movies, and I really like his family & vice versa.
But out of NOWHERE a couple days ago, I began feeling uneasy about this whole thing. I don't know if it's a long, committed future, or if it's that he's suddenly gotten a bit clingy (I get reminded how much he loves me dozens of times a day, and I don't understand why, because he knows I know already).
There isn't anybody else, I don't want anybody else. I want to be with him, but there's something stopping me from returning the words "I'm in love with you too", which I've already done before and I'm afraid he's going to think something's wrong.
Which I think there is. But I don't know what. I don't know what to do. He knows something's wrong but nothing this serious. I mean, it could be worse. But with the slightest doubt about ME scares me so much. I don't want to hurt him, I'm not ready to end this. I don't know what to do.
Just today, just a few minutes ago, he noticed I was a bit upset so he said, "Don't worry about me breaking your heart, okay?" assuming it was about that. I shook my head, telling him that's not what I was thinking about: I was worrying about me breaking his.
I don't know what's wrong, or how to approach it. But I need to fix it because I want to have that 100% feeling again like he does about me. But right now it's not 100%.
Hopefully this is just a phase. But it hurts me to tears. I'm scared of breaking his heart, along with breaking my own. I don't want to feel this way anymore, and I'm not ready to give up.
Any advice? Any similar situations? Thank you SO much. (link)
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First, Dr. Laura Schlessinger (Phd in physiology, not in psychology) is mentally ill, imho. I would steer well clear of anything she has to say.
Okay, that aside, what you are detecting in your guy is a self esteem problem where he tells you he loves you 18 times a day because he wants to be reassured that you really do love him. I understand what you're feeling since this can get really tedious.
Moreover, you want a guy who feels good about himself and who will be a leader in the relationship and you are wondering now if he has the courage or confidence for that. The answer may be no.
It depends where his sudden insecurity is coming from. For example, has he been getting any feedback from peers, work or his family that he is a doofus? And that then causes him to wonder if you may be feeling the same negative way toward him.
What makes this so complicated is that the hesitation you are now expressing in your feedback to him is creating an unintentional vicious cycle. The more hesitant he sees you being the less confidence he has, especially after he has made some bigtime verbal commitments to you on the tacit understanding that it was safe for him to do so because you sent the message that you really loved him to that degree.
Now there are a couple other things at work here: one, as your thinking evolves and you get more and more acquainted with the world, you begin realizing just how ignorant you are and how temporary life can be. He may also have some bigtime qualms about the way the world is running right now and what it may portend for you guy's future.
Two, you may be wondering if you have bitten off more than you can chew and perhaps, somewhere in the back of your mind, you would like more of a chance to explore life before you settle down. Indeed, if you don't have that exploratory phase you will live to regret it. There are no exceptions to that rule. You better be honest with yourself about this.
Anyway, solution: be straight with him and tell him to stop telling you he loves you 18 times a day. Also reassure him that you are comfortable with him driving the bus in the relationship. Tell him you love him to death (only as long as you feel that way.
If you are beginning to have doubts about the future of the relationship and your place in it, though, you also have to talk about that. Yeah, you're a girl and you hate disappointing people, especially since he seems like such a decent guy, but ultimately it is YOUR life and your sensibilities are still evolving and so a little growing apart at this stage is not uncommon.
Again, be dead honest with yourself. Do not stay in the relationship out of any obligation. Be grateful for the experience and what you learned from it, but sometimes changing thinking necessitates changing direction.
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