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Boyfriend problems, I don't know how to help him
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. We were living together for a month in New York before he decided to move down to Puerto Rico to be with his grandma. I went down with him, because I found out I was pregnant. While we were living there, I miscarried the baby. He was there for me and helped me in any way he could. After about a month of living in Puerto Rico, I decided to come home to New York. We promised we would talk every night on the phone, and do everything we could to make this relationship last until I came back down there. He doesn't want to come back to New York because he hates it here. Lately though, he's been getting annoyed with me I think. I tell him that I love him and miss him every time we talk and he tells me to stop saying it so much because it bothers him. Which hurts me, but I can understand since he isn't really the lovey type all the time like I am. Then he always seems as if he's in a bad mood when we talk, I always have to bring up things to talk about and sometimes I run out of things to say so we sit there silently until he tells me he's got to go. Tonight we talked for a few minutes and he was in another bad mood. He was telling me how he's tired of life down there and is thinking of coming home to live with me again. He then told me I shouldn't call so much, only once a week. I tried to make him feel better by talking about the job offer I got. He didn't say much about it, then told me he would talk to me later. So I said "Okay, I love you.." and he said "Okay bye" and hung up :( He's never done that before and it hurt.. alot to say the least. I don't know what to do, or how to help him. I try to give my advice on what he should do but he doesn't really listen to me. I feel like our relationship is falling apart and it's killing me inside. He's my best friend and our relationship used to be so strong, I don't know what I'm doing wrong to cause all this. What should I do? :(
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There could be one of three things at work here:
One, he is doing a passive-aggressive thing about you leaving him alone in Puerto Rico. He resents it but yet doesn't have the huevos to tell you that because maybe he is afraid of sounding like a whiny bitch to you.
Your boyfriend could also have one foot out of the relationship. He doesn't like it now in PR and will use you as a stopover point when he gets back to the states and then once he has done that will give you the heave ho for somebody else.
To a degree, I think he may also feel he is at kind of a dead end at this stage of his life and he hasn't come up with any plans to make it better.
Now I want to ask you a couple of things: why didn't you use birth control (you aren't falling for that Catholic Church crap against it, are you?) and why are you with a guy who is perhaps not as emotionally, and now physically, accessible to you as you would like? Are things kinda strained or worse with your dad? Or was he gone a lot, too? Women often tend to repeat in their private lives the relationship they had with their fathers. If I am on to something in this connection you may need some therapy to end this form of self sabotage in your life.
Whatever happens, I hope it all works for the best. But there are real questions as to the viability of this relationship right now.
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Hey dear
Calm yourself down, you are doing nothing. I'm really sorry for your loss.
I just think your boyfriend is missing you so much that he can't bear to just talk to you on the phone for a few minutes.
I say u need to re-connect with him. Sit down and think about the first time you guys met. Why you fell in love.
Review on all the memories, good n bad times. Go down there and be with him or convince him to come up here. Re-candle the love you have for each other.
You love him and I think he needs you!
Good luck, take care and be strong!
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