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Madly in love with a married man
How do I get over him when I don't feel my love for him is wrong, when I don't feel it should be a reason for any of his family members to dislike me???
I've been open about my feelings. He doesn't like me - not the way I like him - but I've told his wife I love her husband. She said she appreciates my honesty.
I did not want to be looking in her face, having feelings for her husband and feel like a hypocrit...Say "Hi" to her, wishing i was hugging her man.
Why don't I see anything wrong in having feelings for him? Am I supposed to feel like i am commiting a crime or something??? 'Cause if I am, I am not.
I want him to be MY MAN. I want him emotionally and sexually. I want to love him forever, BUT I do not ever want to be his wife, don't want to steal his wife's place - i remember all too well the suffering my father put my mother through - do not want to cook, clean, wash, iron...do not dream of becoming a housewife.
I am madly in love with a married man. Am I supposed to be feeling guilty? SHOULD ONE FEEL GUILT EVEN WHEN THEY ARE LOVING???
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
So what you want is the fantasy aspects of a steady relationship without the reality of the day to day end product. Hey, been there done that. The only difference is that I kept it to myself because, really, nobody needs to know.
It isn't wrong to love anyone, but your actions in this regard are entirely narcissistic. You seek the thrill of being able to tear a man away from another woman to make you feel as if you have won that perennial competition that women have with one another and you have projected on to the poor schmuck the image of a golden god when, in reality, he is just another guy from the block.
I mean, suppose you had sex with the dude and he is a two pump chump? Or he is into some serious BDSM? Or he is another David Vitter and has a thing for pooping into diapers?
If you put this guy on a pedestal any higher it would reach to the moon.
So my advice is to butt out of those poor folks lives and take your carnival of delusional relationship sabotage somewhere else. Or seek therapy. Pick both, in fact.
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You don't need to feel guilty about what you feel.
There is nothing wrong with what you feel.
It's what you did that you ought to be ashamed of. Your actions were reprehensible.
You had no right or reason to approach his wife.
It doesn't make you a hypocrite to keep your inappropriate attraction, unreciprocated affection, to yourself. That is not a lie. That is respecting the fact that some things are none of your damn business. When a married man tells you that he is not interested, then he and his marriage are none of your damn business.
If you did feel like a hypocrite you should have sucked it up and realized that causing his family pain just to alleviate your little bad feeling of hypocrisy was not okay. That's like ripping someone else's heart out just to make your stubbed toe stop hurting. It's an entirely inappropriate trade off. Sure your little toe feels a bit better, but the other person is left there bleeding to death.
You choose to disrespect him, his wife and his marriage just to make yourself feel a little bit better. That was a deeply selfish thing to do. You inflicted your feelings like a weapon on their family just because you felt like it. That is not the behaviour of someone who just wanted to be honest. That is the behaviour of someone who drama-seeking and trying to make something that had nothing to do with her- their marriage - all about her.
Sometimes we can’t help how we feel, but it is the height of selfishness and self-involvement to not consider how your behaviour might affect other people.
You are perfectly right to honestly feel whatever you feel, but you are absolutely wrong to go around doing whatever the hell you feel like!
You might honestly feel your boss is an asshole, but walking up and telling him so is not appropriate. You may honestly feel like stealing someone else's car, or pet, or child, OR husband! But it's completely fucking wrong to actually try and DO it.
The things you have chosen to do are completely wrong.
Apologize to them both, and then stay the hell away from them both.
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You obviously know the answer but are looking for any sort of justification. As someone who has been on both sides of this situation I must tell you for the married couple's sake and for your own you should just move on. Whatever you think you have with him you can have with plenty of other available men. Marriage is hard wnough without another person's feelings involved. If you truly care about this guy let him do right by his wife and possible family. He made a commitment with her and you don't want that so why interfere. It's just selfish on your part. Trust me the grass is always greener. I had a man leave his wife and do you know the momment he was "mine" I didn't want him anymore and to top it off his wife ended up dying. WOW!! Now that I am married with children I feel terrible for what I put his wife through. Think about it. That kinda love is not divisible and you will be the odd man out.
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