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boyfriend jumped to his own conclusions
i hung out with my boyfriend last night. he introduced me to some of his cousins and by the end of the night me, my best friend, boyfriend, and his cousin ended up going to the park. i didn't have any pockets so i asked my boyfriend to hold my phone. a few hours into the night i had asked him what time it was so he pulled out my phone and he was joking with his cousin saying how i have pictures i don't want him to see since my pictures are locked. well i said if i had something to hide, my messages would be locked so i told him to go to my messages just because i didn't want him to think i'm doing anything behind his back. well i kind of keep in touch with one of my ex boyfriends from three years ago and he randomly texted me the other day. well my boyfriend was only looking in the inbox so this is how he read it:
ex: hey :)
ex: that makes both of us now haha
ex: so did i haha. where are you??
ex: F*ck me right? haha. what you do today?
ex: your bf??
ex: yea
Now, this is the WHOLE conversation:
ex: hey :)
me: hey. you hella didn't answer my call the other day haha. what are you doing?
*the other day he had called me to tell me he had something important to tell me about my old friend but i was busy so i called him back but he didn't answer*
*he calls me; i reject it*
ex: that makes both of us now haha
me: thats no fair i have a reason haha
ex: so did i haha. where are you??
me: sure haha. in my little sister's room
ex: F*ck me right? haha. what you do today?
me: haha spent the night with my best friend and boyfriend. we were driving around, came home went swimming. what about you?
ex: your bf??
me: boyfriend? haha. are you still talking to that one girl?
ex: yea
and that was it. i tried to get my boyfriend to read the sent messages but he just gave me my phone back and his cousin was telling me how i messed up. which i don't understand. i got really irritated to i asked my best friend if we could leave. we walked outside, i called my boyfriend to ask if he needed a ride home, he said he was going to spend the night down his cousins house, i said okay and he hung up. I'm so lost. i don't know what to do. any advice/opinions? should i give him space? i have all the messages still saved but he said he doesn't want to see them.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I can understand your boyfriend's insecurity about your continuing relationship with the ex. To your boyfriend, it is like the ex is warming up in the bullpen to take his place as soon as he puts a foot wrong, which is a lot of pressure to operate under. So now he wants to decide whether you are two timing him or you are about to check out of the relationship. I can see that. The boyfriend's passive-aggressive move to stay at the cousin's rather than spend more time with you shows that you really did screw up in his eyes.
So the ball is in your court. You can either end any communication with the ex to reassure your boyfriend, you can write the boyfriend off as a whiny, insecure bitch or you can try to convince the boyfriend that the ex has now been consigned to the "friend list" and there will never be anything happening between you guys ever again.
Personally, if I am your boyfriend I am pushing the eject button on you because I can't be committed to someone who doesn't seem to be 100% committed to me and me only.
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Edit:
I asked someone else to read your issue, so I would have a female perspective on it and she pointed this out to me:
"me: boyfriend? haha..."
... was probably taken as you denying you had a boyfriend at all. As in: 'Boyfriend? What boyfriend? Haha...'
Now that she says it, it is as plain as day.
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Original response:
Did he know you were in friendly contact with your ex? If not, I am pretty sure you just ended your relationship.
You are very lucky he opted not to read the rest of the conversation. You ex is very obviously trying to get back with you from the conversation.
If I read just four lines of that:
me: haha spent the night with my best friend and boyfriend. we were driving around, came home went swimming. what about you?
ex: your bf??
me: boyfriend? haha. are you still talking to that one girl?
ex: yea
... I would never even consider taking you back.
You are talking to your ex, it is WAY friendly... AND worst of all, you haven't bothered to tell him you have a boyfriend until now? Huge mistake.
As far as your ex trying to get with you... please not that as soon as you said boyfriend and asked about who he was dating, the conversation ended RIGHT there.
Your boyfriend didn't even need to read it all to know there was trouble. :-(
Sadly, there is only one thing to do: Get him to read the rest of it, then ask him if he can forgive you for neglecting to tell your ex you were dating someone new.
Try and remember: He isn't stupid. He knows that no guy who is an ex talks to ANY girl he doesn't want to sleep with again. Period.
If you are in a relationship, and it ends... it is painful. Why would you subject yourself to more pain, watching her going out with someone else, unless you think you can get back with her again? You wouldn't.
So here is how it goes: If you are keeping this guy in your friends list so you can get back with him someday (why else would he be there, right?) then you need to make a decision:
Be with your boyfriend, if he will take you back.
Be with your ex.
Your choice.
Friendly note: If you have any more ex boyfriends hanging around waiting to get back with you... make SURE you actually told them you have a boyfriend.
I hope, now that you can see it from his perspective, that you getting irritated with HIM when YOU committed a totally relationship ending act... would not make him want to be with you anymore.
If you still don't see that you have a huge pile of things to apologize for here, then he really would be better off without you.
If you break his heart like this, and you can't even see it, then how many other times are you going to hurt him... then get mad at HIM for something YOU did... AND leave with someone else?
Does that put it in perspective for you?
If not, then leave him be. He will be much better off without you.
If you can finally see what you have done, then make it up to him. Take responsibility for your actions... all of them, and apologize.
Tell him you were stupid not to see from that conversation that your ex is only talking to you to get back with you.
If you do all this, he may give you another chance.
I have already danced this dance, so to speak, and I can tell you that for me, this would be the end of the relationship. No chance I would ever trust you again. Not ever.
Talking to an ex, and the ex not knowing you are dating me? Only one reason for that, and we all know what that is.
I hope you didn't know what you were doing, and that you are mature enough to apologize for all the things you have done here. I hope it works out for both of you.
Please write and let me know how this works out.
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That situation sounds annoying. I think you made it worse though by leaving, it makes you seem guilty. If the cousin said "you fucked up," then you just shoulda said why. And your bf is stupid for not reading the sent box. honestly id just be like way to trust me when you talk tomorrow. itll blow over.
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This was not my first anser but some one had pointed out that I had not read your question properly and they were right btw the person that let me know thank you :)
Ok now originally I had not noticed the "?" behind your response to the text
"me: boyfriend? haha. are you still talking to that one girl?"
this right here, as the person who kindly pointed out my mix up said, is implying that you do not have a boyfiend... the "?" behind boyfriend is pretty much saying... "boyfriend??? what boyfriend?? I dont have one of those"
and when your boyfriend read this it most likely hurt him and made him a little angry with you because you denied he was in your life...
best thing for you to do in my opinion, choose the guy you want to be with and stick with him... if you want to be with your boyfriend drop the ex like a bad habit... all he is going to do is tear you and your boyfriend apart (as is happening now) and will do so for future relationships as well if your current one does not work out... also if you want to stay with this guy, you need to apologize and let him know that you care for him and want to be with only him and that he can trust you... and you show him this by 1, not talking to the ex again and 2 unlocking the pictures on your phone... if you dont have anything to hide and you want him to believe so little things like that should not be locked... sorry if I am sounding at all hard on you but you have to make the choice if you want this to work out... good luck and best wishes to you
and thanks again to my anonymous tipper :)
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You are in contact with your ex, That would piss any guy/girl off. It is a slap in the face for most people and it takes it's toll on the relationship most of the time. Exes are exes for a reason, There should be no need to be in contact unless you both have children or what not.
Understandably, Your boyfriend is pissed and perhaps he feels insecure in the relationship now. That is completely normal and even if the text messages were innocent you are still in contact with someone you formally dated. I would suggest giving him a little space and when he is calm try to bring it up again by saying "I love you very much and I want you to know I would never do anything to hurt you" and take it from there. Having exes in the picture is playing with fire also never go around telling people what you do in your relationship that is private business.
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He's mad because of the fact that ti looks like you are talking to your ex about what you two are doing,. which is none of his business. Just give him sometime,. and do the cutsie things like holding his hand and rubbing his back,. to make him realize that he is the only one that you want to be with. and that your ex is your ex for a reason.
Hope This helps:)
~Jasmine*
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