|
My mother's husband has GOT to GO!
f/17
My mom is a hard working woman and she's already in her mid-fifties. She's also got a ton of health problems and my sister has severe depression, so my mom is always stressed and worried about things. She pays ALL of our bills and she cleans the entire house, she makes the food. And my father does nothing about it. He just lays around the house or goes to work, saves his money so he can spend it on himself, and then he talks crap about my mom to my little sister and I. It's outrageous!! They've been married for almost nineteen years! I mean, my father is Mexican and he never learned English, so he's a bit hindered in some places, but he could at least help pay the bills, even so, he doesn't! He told my sister that he's sick of paying all our bills and doing all the work, but he does nothing! And not to mention, he's almost as depressing as my sister and having him around her is just making her worse!
My mom keeps saying she'll kick him out, but I think she's too scared to. She'll be lonely and she doesn't want to hurt her husband. I understand this, but she's just hurting herself by doing this! I really want to help my mother, she's miserable now and I know she is, even though she smiles and says she's fine. She's just bottling it up. She broke down a while ago when she found out my dad had used some of her money to buy a new car or something like that. I'm not trying to sound heartless or anything, but my mom's husband has got to go. He treats everyone, not just my mom, like crap. He's even abused our dogs!! And, I'm not quite sure, but I THINK my dad MIGHT be saving money away to move out. I'm not quite sure, but there's no way I'm asking him. I don't talk to him very much. He's more like that annoying neighborhood kid to me than a father, which actually kind of makes me upset sometimes because I try and talk to him about things, but he just tries to start a pity party on how he's the hard worker and I just get so fed up with it... What can I do about this situation ):? I really want to help my mom because it actually sounds like she might hurt herself with all this stress... (According to her doctor, she's already had a heart attack because of all the stress last year and that's terrifying my sister and I.)
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Short of gathering your entire extended family and friends for an intervention, about all you can do is make your mom choose between you and the husband. If you deliver an ultimatum like that then you better be ready to follow through on it and pack up and split. If the threat is empty you will have nothing short of violence toward the husband.
Otherwise, your mom is an adult and adults are allowed to sometimes make bad choices, as sad to say as that is.
]
I am so sorry you are going through this. You do not deserve any of this and neither does your sister.
As horrible as your father may seem it isn't completely his fault. It is the duty of your mother to protect you and your sister. If your father is not carrying his own weight then that is something your mom should have already addressed with him. Obviously your mother is not in a position where she feels strong enough to stand up to him. This is so sad and I feel for her because sometimes situations can go on so long you almost feel like there is no way out. She's been with him for so long that it's almost like she is "comfortable" in a since. You know what I mean? Kind of like she's just so used to what life has been like for her it's frightening for her to imagine life any other way.
I think the best thing for you to do is love your mom, encourage her to gain strength to be the person she knows that she can be. Remind your mom that she is worth so much more than what her husband is putting her through. She is a strong woman and clearly can make it without him but until she believes it there is really nothing you can do. The good thing at least for you, is you are almost 18. You can go away to school or get a job and move out and remember to never let a man treat you the way your father has your mother. You, your mother, and sister are beautiful women who deserve to be happy and treated with respect. Stay strong for your mom and pull her through this. She needs you right now. As a mother myself I know that it must be breaking her heart that her daughters are so unhappy and that she allowed things to get so out of hand. Please know she doesn't want this for you all, she just hasn't figured out a way to change it yet. I'm sorry to say things may never change but I think all that you have been through will make you a stronger and wiser person. Lets pray that your mom will open her eyes and do right for you all and herself.
I am deeply sorry and hope things turn around for the better very quickly. You are a wonderful person and your mom is blessed to have you as a daughter.
]
I don't think you are going to totally like my answer. If you love your mother you will give my answer some real consideration.
As far as the situation between your parents goes there is nothing you can do about it. If your father leaves, then you have half the battle won. Your mother feels secure having a husband so there is nothing you can do to change this.
What you can do is reduce some of your mothers stress and work load. Your 17,I would think that at 17 you are able to clean the house, do the laundry and cook some meals. If you do not know how to do these things ask your mother to teach you. You will have to do these things for yourself someday and for your family when you have one.
You say your mother has already had a silent heart attack. She needs to rest when she gets home not start working all over again. By chipping in and helping out with the housework you will be helping your mother in the best and biggest way you can.
Your sister can help some too, even with her depression. If she is able to care for herself then she can do some housework for herself. As for her depression you need to see to it that she gets to the family doctor and gets properly diagnosed and treated. This too will relieve some of moms stress. Depression in most cases is easily treated, though it first has to be properly diagnosed.
I know you want a social life and you have school work. During the school year you set up a schedule for yourself. One day is laundry day, whether you do the laundry when you first arrive home or later in the evening while doing homework is for you to decide. The next day is clean the bathrooms day and so on until each part of the house has been cleaned. I would set aside Sunday as a day to cook ahead and freeze dinner meals so all you have to do when you come home is thaw the meals and reheat them. It's not as hard as you may think and it only takes a few hours especially if you cook large enough meals as to have leftovers so you can have a leftover night or two. I've done the cooking for quite a while in my family.
Unless your father is physically abusing you, you sister or your mother there is nothing you can do about the situation between them. What you can do is as I have suggested. That is if you love your mother you will help reduce her work load and as I said even your sister can help out.
If your sister has not been seen by a doctor and properly diagnosed for depression then you need to see to it that she is properly diagnoses. IF money is a problem check into free clinics, most are run by the county government, in your area that will diagnose and treat her. Call your public health service for more information.
]
really when it comes down to it making your father leave it totally your mothers choice she has been with him for a very long time and is most likely afraid to be alone talk to her and tell her how you feel and your veiws on the situation and remind her that she can do better and that you and your sister will always love and be there for her good luck
]
More Questions: |