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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I'm a teenager and I've been going out with my boyfriend for 7 months. I love him so much and he loves me. I think I'm ready to have sex, but there is no way I'd do it with just a condom. I'd be so scared it would break. I wouldn't be able to sleep or enjoy anything, yet I don't know how to get on the pill without either asking my mother which she would pass out because I'm "too young" or having to go to planned parenthood and getting a pelvic exam. Now I know when I'm older I need pelvic exams, but there isn't a need for one yet. I haven't had sex or anything and I'm not comfortable with a doctor I don't know down there on me. It took me a long time for even my boyfriend. I am not an easy girl and I have tried to wait as long as I can. I'm just afraid I won't be able to take it one day and not be prepared. So does anyone know how to get on it without having to go through either of those. Please help. Thanks Oh yeah I'm 14/f and my boyfriend is 16/m
The Answer
I'm sorry to tell you dear but next to no doctor, planned-parenthood or otherwise, will give you the pill without requiring a pelvic exam. In fact, you should have one! Every doctor would recommend for girls to have at least one prior, or just around the same time, that they choose to become sexually active.
It is simply something a mature sexual women needs to be comfortable doing.
If you are not comfortable seeing or talking to a doctor about this AND you are not comfortable with just a condom AND you worried about messing up taking the pill then you ARE NOT READY.
That has nothing to with your age. If a 30 year old told me the same things, I would tell her she isn't ready either.
Being in love, doesn't automatically make you ready for this.
Sex is risky. It just is. It always will be.
Even if you use a condom, and the pill, and plan B and a little Tibetan anti-fertility voodoo doll, there is still the possibility of something going wrong.
You need to accept that. You must be comfortable with taking that risk. You have to be comfortable taking care of your own body, even if that means seeing a doctor. If you canâ??t do that and still enjoy sex, then you are not ready to be having sex.
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The Question
so my mom and my sister both wear B cups. i was a B cup but i recently just switched to a C. im kinda iffy about whether i have breast cancer or not. im 14. and my grandma did die of breast cancer. so it could run in my family. and for as long as i can remember i've had bumps on the darker colored area around my nipple. the bumps kinda look like pimples wihout the pus/whitehead. they havent gotten bigger or anything though. i have 2 on my right {my right is also a tad bigger] and a very very small one you can barely see on my right on my left. could this be breast cancer by any chance?
The Answer
No. It's not breast cancer.
Those bumps are supposed to be there; they are called Montgomery glands. No one is really certain of their function, but doctors think they help keep the nipple moist during breastfeeding.
These glands can be almost invisible or look like white bumps on the areola. Sometimes a woman will just seem to have a few, other times there will be dozens, but they aren't a problem.
Talk to your mom about breast cancer if you are worried about it running in the family, she can probably give you points and facts that will help set your mind at ease, but know that it is ludicrously and amazingly unlikely for a teen to develop it. Most of the very youngest women who develop breast cancer are in their mid-twenties.
Lastly, I have two things for you to read. One is a quick article for parents whose teens are afraid they have breast cancer: http://health.yahoo.com/experts/breastcancer/6/when-teens-worry-about-breast-cancer
And the other is instructions on how to perform a self-exam of your breasts:http://www.cancer.org/docroot/CRI/content/CRI_2_6x_How_to_perform_a_breast_self_exam_5.asp
Don't panic yourself. If you feel like you've found something, simply make an appointment with a doctor and know that most lumps in girls your age are simply water filed abscesses. Your doctor could also give you even better advice and directions on performing the breast self-exam.
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The Question
My parents always take their anger out on me.
My dad has been doing it for years, so I've gotten used to it.
Lately, my mom has become irritated with my dad,
and it seems like every day, she finds something to yell at ME about,
when I know she's really mad at my dad, not me.
She'll yell at me about the dumbest things like having too many files on the computer.
A few hours after she yells at me, she apologizes,
and asks if I accept her apology, which I don't,
because I think that's unacceptable that my parents can just take their anger out on me.
Do you think I should talk to my parents, or at least my mom about this?
I really think we need to go to family counseling.
Or should I just try to accept the fact that my parents get angry sometimes and need to do that occasionally?
The Answer
Look, your parents are human. Human beings normally try to be thier best, and often they fail.
It isn't okay that they take their anger out on you, but it also isn't okay for you to be so ungracious and selfish as to not accept an honest apology from your mom.
Have you never had a bad day at school and taken it out on someone else? Sure you may try hard not too, but I wouldn't believe it for a second if you say you've NEVER done it.
So, yes you should accept that your parents get anger sometimes, and you should also accept honest, well meant apologies. You'd certainly be deeply hurt if your mother refused a sincere apology from you wouldn’t you?
But you should also try to talk to your mother. Calmly and respectfully accept her apology and tell her how you feel about what is going on in your family, with your father and her anger. Suggest family counseling, and perhaps even, tell her you might want to talk to a guidance counselor so you have some help dealing with it, even if she or your dad don’t want to go to counseling.
The two important things are to take care of yourself and remain respectful to others. Give them the benefit of the doubt, even they don’t deserve it, because everyone makes mistakes, and being malicious about it will only make your life harder.
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The Question
people on this site think they are so mature and know everything but they don't know shit. (some do, most dont.) first of all, alot of people on this site believe that if they live a simple life and dont care about electronics and huge houses that they are better than people who care about their appearence and want nice things. just because i have some designer stuff doesnt mean im not a good person right?!! i shop at all of the expensive stores but its because i LIKE the clothes. if you like walmart thats good for you but i dont. and i dont give a f*** what the "popular" kids think. i do what i want and just because i want nice stuff and care about my looks doesnt mean im immature. alot of people on this site are prejudice. and prejudice means PRE JUDGING. you guys are pre judging teenagers just because they give a care about how they look or what they buy. and usually its the adults who critisize teenagers. but if you havent noticed alot of teenagers are smart and they dont always follow the crowd... these uninformed people give us teenagers sterotypes when they havent even met all of us. i say i shop at abercrombie and fitch and suddenly i have all these people calling me a follower. i know how i am and i dont follow. i lead. wow, so i like the same stores as other people. BIG DEAL. i dont smoke and drink and im not a slut. i just CARE about my appearence. deal with it! stop judging the teens on this site wrong and calling them whiny bitches because its not us, it's YOU.
opinions please. =)
The Answer
Here's some of that egotistical wisdom from someone with a few more arbitrary numbers on their drivers license:
It's great to be right.
When it comes to an opinion like "Judging people is baaad" it's also not hard to be right
So congratulations you are absolutely right.
Most people are idiots.
Not all teens are stupid.
(Wait a second. Can both sentences be true? Never mind.)
Anyways.
Being right is fun, being content can be even more fun.
Being mad is exhausting.
Being mad at people for making generalizations, even unfair ones, is like being mad at them for breathing.
The human mind makes generalizations. It has to. My mind has made the generalization that each morning when I walk out my door the sky will not fall on my head. My mind has made the generalization that the guy on the city street yelling curse words is not someone I want to stop in chat with. Those are generalizations that make my life easier and make me able to function. If I had to stop and think about these things every time, I would go mad.
I am not a teen, but I have smoked, I do drink, and I am a bit of slut. That's who I am. Those are the choices I have made. That doesn't make me a bad person.
That doesn't make teens bad people either! That makes them people, like everyone else.
Accept it. Find some happiness in your own choices and stop going mad every time someone gives you shit.
People will be giving you shit your entire life. I promise.
When you are twenty your professors will treat you like a lazy pot-smoker, when you are thirty your boss will treat you like an idiot, when you are forty everyone will assume you having a mid life crisis, when you are fifty everyone will assume you are upset about being fifty... And ALL your life people will be deciding to hire you/flirt with you/befriend or not based partly on the way you dress!
Getting pissed about it is easy. Finding your happiness regardless and doing you best anyways, those are the traits of happy and mature people, whether they be teens or seniors.
Ranting does nothing but tire you out.
You can Rise above the universe! You can aim for better for yourself! Or you can complain on advicenators.com and feel better because a bunch of people tell you that you are right and change nothing at all but tire yourself out with pointless anger.
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The Question
Ok. so last year (or the year before i guess) I really really liked this guy. I mean, he was just my idea of an angel. He was sweet,funny, cute and smart. Well, he found I liked him, and I found out that he wasn't so sweet. He completely flipped, and I was heartbroken. I told people I didn't care because it softened the reality, but It took me a long time to get over that.
Well, a couple of days ago I met this AMAZING guy. He's funny, smart, he loves music as much as I do, he's adorable, and he is really really sweet.. Well, I just met him and I fell hard, and a lot of people have told me that we'd be cute together and blah blah blah. I find it kind of hard to believe that I like him as much as I do because we just met, but thats just my logic talking, but when I see him, or just think about him, my heart goes crazy and I can't help but smile.
I really like this guy, but I guess I'm just afraid of getting hurt again.
I don't really know how to word my question, but if you know what I mean, advice would be greatly appreciated. =]
The Answer
Everyone is afriad. Relationships are scarry.
Everyday you trust someone you give them a chance to betray you.
That is just the truth of the universe, but fear is not the path to happiness. If you want to be happy and trust another person you have to let go of a bit of your fear.
Remember your experiences, keep your eyes open for the same patterns and don't waste you time when someone isn't good for you.
This isn't your logic talking, that is your fear. Don't give it too much power. Just keep your eyes open and you'll be just fine, even if you do get hurt agian! Most of us get hurt a few times. We learn. We survive. We thrive.
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The Question
Oh my gosh - I have my whole destiny in my hands. I'm in total control, people. I just found out EVERYTHING is up to me. I get to choose if I see my crush this summer, I get to choose if THIS is the summer I'll have my first love. How do I know if I'm ready? Should I let myself fall? HOW DO I KNOW?
I don't want it to be a mistake, when I fall - I want it to last forever. And I know I will if I'm ready for love.
But how do I know if I'm ready yet?
Does it have to do with age? 15.
Gender? Female.
Is it all about experience? None. Just stupid innocent crushed.
Or religious maturity? So insecure in my faith.
What choice do I make? What's the right one? I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to interfere with destiny and what's meant to be, I wish it wasn't up to me.
The Answer
If you have a chance to do something that excites you and makes you happy, it only makes sense to take it.
What doesn't make sense is to expect happiness to last forever.
What doesn't make sense is to obsess until you are ill about a choice, as though it defines your whole life.
It wont.
You might be ready for love. Your love might not be ready for you. You might make a mistake. He might. You might not be ready. You might end up loathing each other. You might end up miserable and broken hearted. You might end up married with three kids and a collie. You might actually be the reincarnation of some Tibetan leader and leave in mid July to teach your deep wisdom at a secluded temple in the mountains.
You could drive yourself nuts with the might be. Or you could just make your choice and realize what is meant to be, is exactly what will be.
Don't tell yourself you know. Don't pretend you know. You don't know what your destiny is. It's not a set thing; it's an evolving and changing thing.
You don't know you are ready. So what?
Does it have to with age or experience or faith? Sure, everything does. Where you live, what you eat, how you speak, what you've done, what you think, how you treat others is all part of YOU. But none of that tells us, or you, what the future will hold.
Make the choice you want. Stop stalling life by worrying about it. Start living already.
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The Question
Hey guys,
I am 16 years old, and I will be 17 in about a months time. So, I can get a license this summer. It is a ridiculous to ask my parents to buy me a car, and there is no way I can save up to buy a car either.
So I am deciding to buy a motorcycle. The thing is, there is NO WAY that my mom would ever let me go buy a motorcycle if I tell her ahead of time. So I plan to save up on my own and just buy the motorcycle w/o asking her first. What do you guys think of this?
Also, I would appreciate any advice on how I can convince my parents to let me keep the bike once I buy it.
The Answer
Chances are you won’t be able to convince your parents to let you keep it after you purchase it under their noses.
If I where them I would make you get rid of it simply on the principal that you were not honest with me and you shouldn't be rewarded for that. When a person feels like they've been tricked or lied too, they tend to be really difficult to reason with.
Face it babe. You live in your parent's home. That means you don't really get to make the decision to buy a motorcycle all by yourself. You have to consider their impute. Honestly, it’s not that different from having roommates, if you want a pet, or even something else to shove in the driveway, the respectful thing to do is to give them at least a heads up.
Sounds like you have a gut feeling that your mom will not be okay with this. My advice would be to either start thinking of some very convincing arguments and plans for purchasing and insurance, or think of something besides a motorcycle.
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The Question
what is the most pleasurable positions for a woman?
The Answer
The one she tells you she likes when you ask her that question.
People have different preferences. Sex isn't a science, there is no 'ultimate position'.
EDIT: Fair enough. I'll be a bit clearer for you.
Google Sex Positions.
Pick some fun looking ones.
Try em out.
I can't tell you what the best position is anymore then I can tell you what the best colour of the rainbow is. It depends on what the women likes. Some like stimulation of the clitoris. Some women find that direct stimulation too intense. Some women like the pressure of a body on top of them. Others like to feel in control. Some like to be teased. Some like to taken.
Play around, have fun, and talk to your girl.
Might not be a bad idea to remember though, that many women find the foreplay and getting right into the right mood, more important to overall experience then the position. The best lovers I ever had could seduce me with thier voice and thier smile long before they got thier hands on me.
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The Question
do condoms work in water?
The Answer
EDIT: Haha. Sorry for that assumption!
Mostly, but they aren't meant for it, so it does increase the risk one might break or slip off.
If you are going to use a condom under water it is important the guy puts it one before he gets into the water and gets all wet. Chemicals in the water, like chlorine in a pool, or bath oils and bubble bath weaken the latex of the condom and make it much more likely to break. Extreme heat also eats away at a condom, so a hot tub or hot shower only increases the risk.
Having sex in water can also push water and bacteria into the vagina or urinary tract and cause infections.
Water will also wash away the lubricant on the condom, and all your natural lubrication. If you really want to have submerged sex do yourself a favor and buy a silicone-based lubricant. It will make it far more enjoyable for you both and will help keep the friction down, making the condom more likely to stay on.
Honestly, it may be worth a try once. But the water slows all the motions down and you have to fight against itâ??s pressure, add the that the risk of condom breaking or slipping and the fact lubrication is difficult to maintain and sex under water simply isnâ??t all that much fun in my opinion.
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The Question
I asked a question about drinking, and the people said I was 14 and I shouldn't be drinking. Not the point. The point isss that I didn't give that information, and they said they saw it on my profile... How did they see my profile? I thought this website had a sense of Privacy?
The Answer
First off, Sabine could see the age you claimed to be in your profile because she is paid user. Paid users get to see a little box above a question with a bit of extra information.
You can see what that box looks like here: http://www.advicenators.com/paidaccounts.php
Only the level 2 and 3 moderators can connect your questions to your column and they only really do that if you break the rules.
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The Question
I asked a UTI question but i'm still really confussed on what I might have. It's really weird but I never feel like my bladder is like completly empty and I feel like I have to pee when I move around or something. And if I drink water or something it makes me have to go. This is really embarrasing and I don't know what I have or how to tell my mom.
The Answer
Just tell her already.
You may not have a UTI, but you certainly have something! You are not suddenly going to figure out what it is by asking questions here. We can't make this any better.
In fact, wasting time here is only going to make things worse.
You are going to get sicker, and you are going to get more stressed out about it.
You don't need to be stressed, and you don't need to be sick.
Do the mature thing and tell you mother.
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The Question
so, what does a yeast infection actually look like, and how does it feel? Im 16/f, and i've noticed i have tiny pores inside the lips of my vagina filled with these little white things. They hurt to pop, but they're too many. I was just worried this might be way out of the ordinary. Ps. For girls who answer this question PLEASE do me a huge favor of checking out yours, before you actually tell me i have a disease or something. I dont have sex, and i've started masturbating about 2 months ago. Please help. Thanx
The Answer
That is not a yeast infection.
Yeast infections don't look like anything, except a bit redder overall then normal. They simply itch, a lot.
That is a serious problem. People are going to tell you that you have a desiese because what you are descriping does sound vaguly like herpes. But it could just as likely be folliculitis, ingrown hairs, crabs, HPV or normal tiny glands in your skin or plain old no matter irratation.
The point is: We don't know. Niether do you.
There are enough serious things that is *could* be to warrent going to a doctor and finding out. Sooner rather then later.
But no, you don't have yeast infection.
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The Question
Thanks for answering my UTI question earlier.
Do you have to have all the symptoms? The only one I have is always feeling like I have to pee especially if I drink something. I don't have to go to the bathroom like REALLLY bad but always feel like I have to just a little bit but if I drink something then I'll have to go really bad. Is that weird?
The Answer
UTI's take a week or two to build up to full force, so if you have one, that might be the only symptom you are experiencing so far.
Of course it could be something else. UTI's are just the most common. If it's noticable enough to bother you, you should really see a doctor. The moment you start to feel a burning sensation you should definately see a doctor, 'cause it only gets worse from there and it gets worse quick.
It's not big deal to go to a doctors for a UTI check. They don't even ask you to undress. They just take a urine sample and sometimes lift your shirt a bit to check your kidneys aren't swollen. Nothing to stress out about.
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The Question
I think I might be getting a Urinary Tract Infection. I got one in 5th grade and it was awful. What are some early signs of one? And can I make it go away on my own? When I had one in 5th grade I had to go to the bathroom like REALLY bad every 5 minutes but now I just feel like I kind of have to go but not REALLY bad so I don't go to the restroom until like a few hours. Could I be getting one or am I paranoid about getting one? Or is it something else? Should I be embarrassed about telling people about this or is it normal to get one?
The Answer
It's amazingly normal for a female to get a UTI. It's actually the most common reason for a female in the US to visit a clinic. It has nothing to do with your hygiene, although sexually active women do get them more often. They are just sort of spontaneous. So no, you shouldn't be embarrassed at all. Those of your friends who haven't experienced one yet, will likely have the pleasure before they hit twenty. Someday they might even be grateful to have an experienced you to confide in.
Having to go pee often is a symptom; the next one to watch for is a burning sensation at the end of urination, and a bit of blood in the urine.
There is no way to get rid of a UTI by yourself. There are so many different kinds of UTIs so you absolutely must go to a doctor and get antibiotics. There are no over the counter cures.
Although it is annoying to have to go the bathroom so much, it is important to keeping drinking. Having a UTI can make you dehydrated and then you will only feel worse. Drinking cranberry juice will GREATLY reduce the burning and pain.
An untreated UTI can migrate to the bladder and kidneys and cause serious problems. Even ones that can result in you needing surgery. So go see a doctor before the pain gets too bad. If caught early a UTI is really no big deal.
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The Question
i have a kanker sore on the side of my tongue kind of in the back, like where my molars are. if i gave my boyfriend head would that spread to his penis?
The Answer
No. A canker sore is not a viral infection. It's an ulcer. They are just caused by trauma like biting your cheek or tongue and heal quickly on their own. They are sort of like bruises in your mouth, and you can't catch a bruise.
What you might be thinking of is Herpes. Herpes causes cold sores, which look a bit similar to canker sores. But don't worry; it's just a canker sore. Canker sores happen in the soft places on your mouth, your tongue, cheeks and inner lips. Herpes happens outside the mouth and on the hard places like gums.
Don't give your boyfriend head though if it's not going to be comfortable for you. Cankers are a pain.
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The Question
i need to sew these pants before friday, like i absoluetly have to because i cant wear them how they are and i dont have enough time to shop again. so anyways, what is wrong with my sewing machine? like the top stitch looks all perfect, but then you look underneath and its a big mess. whats goin on and how do i fix it? thx!
The Answer
If you are trying to sew jeans or something as thick as denim on a domestic machine, you are out of luck. 99% of domestic machines simply don’t have the strength to do that.
If it’s a thinner fabric, first take a good look around the bobbin case inside. Look for any loose threads stuck inside or wrapped around the inside of the machine. If you find any, cut them out. Also check that the top thread goes right through the needle, front to back, and isn’t wrapping around.
Then make sure your bobbin is wound nice and tight. If it looks loose or floppy, with threads bumping out, wind yourself a new bobbin. The threads should look tight and smooth.
Those are the two most common reasons for the bobbin thread not catching nicely. But if it still isn't working, double check that your machine is set firmly to the stitch you want and isn't sitting in between settings. You could also try setting it to the largest stitch you have. It’s possible you were just trying too tiny of a stitch for a
If you do all of that and you still have a problem, then the tension of your machine is off. Which sucks. Because unless you know machines very well, you shouldn't play around with the tension. It might need to go in for service to be fixed.
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The Question
Hi. I'm 21/f.
So there's this kid, Chris, who used to like me a lot. We hung out a few times when me & my boyfriend, Dave, were on a break. I'm not going to lie, I've flirted with him a little as well & maybe even led him on. However, I told him that even though Dave & I aren't officially together, we basically are since we do everything bf & gf's do & that were in love with each other. Chris knew all about Dave (we were friends when Dave & I started going out at 16) but still had deep feelings for me. It got to the point where I felt he was way too attached to me. Once I realized how much he really liked me, I backed off. I was turned off too. It was good timing because he had to go back to college.
Soon after, me & Dave got back together. Chris & I still talked online so I let him know that were official again. He was heart broken, I can tell. After that we hardly spoke online but now he's back from college on summer break & he wants to hang out with me again. He seems flirtatious towards me & seems really pressed to hang out with me. He tells me I'm beautiful & sexy & I don't know why because he knows Dave & I are still a couple.
He's a friend but I'm afraid if I hang out with him he's going to feel feelings for me again & I don't want to hurt him. I even think it may not be a good idea to hang out with a guy who has feelings for me when I have a boyfriend. I'd feel wrong..
(Btw, these two guys know each other.)
So I need advice. He really wants to chill with me. What should I do? I don't want my bf to know & I'm not going to go behind his back either. (And even if I did hang out with Chris & I told Dave, I don't want Dee to think its okay to hang out with girls who want to be with him.) How do I avoid hanging with Chris? What do I say to him? How can I not hurt him again?
Thanks, any advice is appreciated.
The Answer
The facts are pretty simple: You don't want to hang out with him.
That is going to hurt his feelings. Period.
But you have good reason, and I agree with you, you shouldn't hang out with him. Especailly if you wouldn't want your boyfriend doing the same thing.
Tell Chris straight up that you just don't feel comfortable and that's it. He might argue, but stick to your guns. You just don't feel right. Those are your feelings and they can't really be argued with, so don't back down.
He'll get over it.
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The Question
Ok...it's like this: I'm dating a guy, now I want to get him all horny. How should I do this best? I'm 15 btw and he is 22. He made the first move on getting to know each other ^~^
I really want to seduce him. So...any advice? X3
The Answer
We can't give you advice dear. A fifteen year old getting into a sexual situation with a twenty two year old is illegal in every state, Canada and Britian.
And it isn't just 'having sex' that is illegal, almost any sexual situation, from french kissing and onwards, is considered illegal with that kind of age difference. They might not call it 'rape' but they will call it a crime.
Advicenators are not allowed to give illegal or harmful advice. Your question asks for both. Sorry. We can't help you.
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The Question
how do you know when a guy likes you because ive recently started talking to this guy and we flirt and shit and he was asking me sexual questions and we were going back and forth than he asked me who i like and i wouldnt tell him than i asked him and he said nobody and he was asking me what grades this kids in and shit and then he said that he would tell me who he liked if i dont him but then he talks about fucking other gurls and stuff and i dont know if he veiws me as just a friend or as something more its like he likes one minute and than the next hes treating me like a friend should i play him at his own game or what
The Answer
Game Playing is Stupid.
Boys can be stupid. This boy is being pretty stupid.
Basically, he wants you to show your hand first and say you like him, so he has the control of the situation. He wants you to the chasing, take the risks, and then do all the work. You are already playing the same game as him and trying to get him to tell you first. If you both keep doing that, you'll never get anywhere with this guy.
But that is probably a good thing because the truth is; guys who play that sort of game with you aren't really that into you. If they were, they would take the risk and say so, and they wouldn't keep talking about screwing around with other girls. He probably just wants to be wanted, and he thinks you want him. Any girl would be just as good as you, as long as that girl wanted him.
To sum up: He's playing a game for control and attention, it's sort of selfish, and it probably means he isn't really that into you.
So decide what you want to do. You can tell him how you feel, and see if he walks all over you or not (I'm a pessimist I guess, but I bet he will) or if he is truly interested. You could play his game, but if he doesn't give in first, it will only frustrate you and cause you stress.
This might be a good guy to let go, treat like a friend for a while, put some distance between you, and see if he’ll come around with a bit more focus to show he is interested.
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The Question
My boyfriend had a past full of drugs and drinking. Then he stopped because he was working with his neighbor and couldn't do drugs or he would get fired. So he was drug free and whatnot for months.
The subject came up and.. I told him he can do whatever he wants as a "every other day" thing.. because it's his life.
But when it actually happened, I got disappointed. I don't know. Why should I care? It's his life..
He had a little drink of liquor at school. It bothered me the whole day but I can't tell him not to drink. Today his friend gave him another tiny bottle.. He said he had a headache at school so I'm thinking he had gotten another bottle earlier.
What am I supposed to do? I don't want to be the one to tell him what he can and what he can't. It seems so rude but I honestly, don't want him to go back to drinking, drugs, partying.. Help?
The Answer
Talk to him. It's isn't rude to say "Hey man, drinking at school is a problem." or "I don't want you to screw up your life, and I feel that drinking and drugs will screw up your life!"
You are right to be aware of that fine line between sharing your beliefs and being controling, and it's very mature of you to realize that the only one you have control over is you HOWEVER sometimes love has to be a mean and rude. Someday you may regret talking to him about your fear and disapointment, but I promise you that you will definately regret it if you don't.
Your feelings are valid! You aren't doing anyone any favors by ignoring them. You don't need to tell him what to do but definately talk about your dissapointment and fear with him. Tell him you are worried. Tell him you care. Give him a chance to tell you how he feels about it as well.
Your heart is in the right place, but you are going about this all wrong. You don't need to tell him what to do, but you have every right to tell him how you feel.
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