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Boyfriend with drinking and drugs
My boyfriend had a past full of drugs and drinking. Then he stopped because he was working with his neighbor and couldn't do drugs or he would get fired. So he was drug free and whatnot for months.
The subject came up and.. I told him he can do whatever he wants as a "every other day" thing.. because it's his life.
But when it actually happened, I got disappointed. I don't know. Why should I care? It's his life..
He had a little drink of liquor at school. It bothered me the whole day but I can't tell him not to drink. Today his friend gave him another tiny bottle.. He said he had a headache at school so I'm thinking he had gotten another bottle earlier.
What am I supposed to do? I don't want to be the one to tell him what he can and what he can't. It seems so rude but I honestly, don't want him to go back to drinking, drugs, partying.. Help?
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Talk to him. It's isn't rude to say "Hey man, drinking at school is a problem." or "I don't want you to screw up your life, and I feel that drinking and drugs will screw up your life!"
You are right to be aware of that fine line between sharing your beliefs and being controling, and it's very mature of you to realize that the only one you have control over is you HOWEVER sometimes love has to be a mean and rude. Someday you may regret talking to him about your fear and disapointment, but I promise you that you will definately regret it if you don't.
Your feelings are valid! You aren't doing anyone any favors by ignoring them. You don't need to tell him what to do but definately talk about your dissapointment and fear with him. Tell him you are worried. Tell him you care. Give him a chance to tell you how he feels about it as well.
Your heart is in the right place, but you are going about this all wrong. You don't need to tell him what to do, but you have every right to tell him how you feel.
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If you aren't going to tell him what he can/can't do, who is? Yes, it is rude if anyone tells him what to do/not to do, but you're his girlfriend. You're suppose to be there for him no matter what. That's what a relationship is about & you cannot have a great relationship without communication. You don't need to be bossy about it either. Simply tell him how you feel. Explain how you really don't like him drinking/doing drugs & how it not only affects his life, but it affects yours too. You're only telling him that because you care about him. Ask him if he would take what you say into consideration about it & talk it through with you. He'll probably be okay with that, as long as you don't sound pushy. Don't yell at him either. He is human & can make his own choices. We all make mistakes. If he doesn't listen to you & still wants to drink/do drugs, it would be a good idea to talk to him about it & rethink your relationship. You obviously cannot be with someone who does things you don't agree with. Maybe you guys can think of a plan on what he can/can't do & how much he can drink. That way you both get a little bit of what you want.
-hope that helped!♥
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