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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Ok well it's almostthe end of year year and I'm so stressed.
It wouldn't matter if it was any other year but thsi is the year I graduate and it's a really big deal for me but it seems that none of my best friends seem to care!
Anything I'd say theyed answer back with "oh.." or "meh.."
I just feel so stressed and sad, is it me or them?
The Answer
Maybe they are a little stressed too?
End of the year is stressful for everyone, if you are graduting or not. Sometimes people can only deal with that, by not dealing with it.
Focus on what you need to do, not what your friends are doing or saying, and when things calm down a bit they will probably be more willing to talk about thier feelings.
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The Question
If you know how to answer this question you might wanna check "Voice = Attraction" because its the same type of question!
Anyways, I've heard that attraction depends a lot on smell. Is there any scientific research that have showed what type of smells are mostly appelaing to the opposite gender?
I've also heard that big pupils (The black in your eye haha) makes it easier for someone to like you. There are several articles about that.
And Im wondering if anyone here can find any websites that let you know all these little things poele dont think about that the opposite sex is attracted to subconsciously.. like smell, posture, big pupils, tone of voice and so on. It would really help me, and I'm not quite sure WHAT to google to find that (That is IF it exists haha) Thank you!
The Answer
Hun, you need to relax.
It isn't *THAT* important.
It's dumb and cliched, but it's true: You will be liked for who you are.
Pick a perfume you like. Speak geuninely and truthfully. Be exicted to speak to them. Care for them. Be all around decent to everyone.
Take care of yourself the way you want too. Smell the way you want too, wear the make up you like. Look put togeather. That is all.
Don't live by silly obscure studies done by people who needed a research thesis in order to get thier Doctorate. Not worth it.
However, the smells men have been proven most attracted too are cooking smells. Strawberries, Mellons, Cinnamon, Cookies baking, and pumpkin pie. Also things like Lavender (which every guy I've ever asked had said they hate) and Frankincense (not something I'd wear, although I like the incense.)
I'm not even kidding. Find one silly article here: http://www.sixwise.com/newsletters/05/02/01/the_top_seven_scents_that_can_enhance_your_love_life.htm
But I wouldn't recomend you go about smelling like a baking acident. You can never geuss exactly what some people will like, or hate. A guy might just hate cinnamon for all you know!
A guy who was trying desperatly to flirt with me, complained to me once that I didn't seem to respond to his constant eye contact, which he had been told was a sure fire way to tell a girl you are interested. 'Cept not an extremly far sighted girl like myself, eye-contact is almost useless on me, because it's tiring to focus that close. Those tricks are iffy at best, and can backfire or make you look like you are trying too hard.
Seriuosly, BE YOURSELF. The best, prettiest, nicest smelling version of yourself, but still, just you.
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The Question
i'm not sure why, but i just so happen to be a girl that moans and breaths heavy a ton during anything sexual with my boyfriend... should i try to contain myself, or do you think my boyfriend enjoys it?
The Answer
Ask him.
He probably loves it.
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The Question
i live in florida and ive never been to new york city.
we're going on vacation in a couple days and me and my mom are going to broadway one night, just me and her, and i was wondering, what are you supposed to wear?
my mom told me to wear something dressy. but i dont want to be over dressed.
but then again, i dont want to wear a jean skirt and be under dressed.
so i really don't know what to do. i dont want to look like an idiot tourist.
please help. (:
The Answer
If you look like a tourist, you'll be the majority on broadway dear. It aint really a hang out for a locals, that is were the tourists go!
Wear a nice pair of black slacks, or a simple skirt. If you go to church, think that kind of dressing, or the way you may dress for a job interview. No jeans, but no ballgowns either. I would avoid really light skirts or dresses though, and bring a sweater. Theatres often get cold.
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The Question
first of all we've been in a relationship for almost a year now. well, my boyfriend has already decided he doesn't want to attend the end of the year dance.
i kinda wanna go, but i dont want to force him to go either. he told me if i wanted him to go with me he would. but the stupid dance thing is 20$ and i dont want to make him go just because i want too. haha if i went by myself, i'd feel bad if i danced with another boy but yeah blah. or i could hang out with the boyfriend at night and thats how it would go. blah idk any opinons on this little situation haha? thanks for readingg :)
The Answer
Be totally honest with him:
"I want to go to this dance. It would be great if you would go with me, but if you really don't want to, don't, cause it wouldn't be any fun if you weren't having at least a bit of a good time. If you don't go though, I want you to know I might dance with someone else, and I don't want to feel guilty about it, so I'm telling you now."
If he comes, make him promise to try and have a good time. If he doesn't, assure him nothing inapropraite will happen (duh!) you just wanted him to know you were gonna be dancing so there would be no surprises. If he refuses to go and refuses to be okay with you dancing with other guys, dump the unreasonable little boy.
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The Question
There are a few things making me super nervous about meeting my crush this summer (at camp) and I need y'all to tell me if I'm screwed or if there's hope for me.
Alright, first thing.. kissing. I read somewhere that the first kiss means everything, if the first kiss isn't great most people will not prusue a relationship with that person. Will that's just great! Does that mean that even if I make myself super pretty, super funny, super smart - but I'm a bad kisser - I'm doomed? That's it! Everything I've worked for.. gone. The guy Ive dreamed about for 4 years now.. will not be mine, just cause I can't kiss? That blows!
I decided to write my second question in a different "question" because it belongs to a different category I think, but it will be under the label "voice = attraction" if you want to take a shot at it! Thank you!
The Answer
That is total bullshit.
I had a relationship last two years, we were both 19 and had plenty of experience kissing, but on our first kiss, we knocked teeth a bit. HOWEVER, we both had enough kissing experience to know to just ignore it and keep kissing. That sort of thing happens.
The sinmple truth is, there is no one way to kiss. Everyone has thier style and often a first kiss isn't perfect, because you are only learning eachother's styles, and are probably nervous and over thinking too!
Don't put so much emphasis on the first kiss, what is important is creating enough of a solid friendship that there will be a second one too.
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The Question
I noticed that when one asks a question on Advicenators or any other advice websites many answers to the questions being asked do not make any sense or the answer that is given is to UPSET the person who asked the question - why
The Answer
Some people are stupid. Some are just jerks.
Some people, like myself, are just kinda bitchy, and refuse to sugar coat thier opinion so it goes down easier.
Some questioners don't like to hear the truth.
I think that about covers it.
If someone treats you truly badly here on advicenators, fill out an abuse report and a moderator will look into it.
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The Question
I am a 24 year old student finishing my masters. I have been dating this guy for a year now, who is almost the perfect guy except he doesn't pay for anything, I mean nothing. I pay for $700.00 rent, power, cable, lots of dinners. Furthermore, he is an engineer and making o.k money; I feel that he is the perfect guy I just want to know why he wont help out. I dont want to lose him though. How can I make him see, that he is using me?
The Answer
Users, of any kind, are not perfect guys.
Sit him down and discuss this straight up. You can certainly be as kind as possible, and ask him for an explanation why he doesn't offer to help pay, or ask how his financial situation is organized. Explain that you are feeling neglected and uncomfortable with the current arrangement and that it's something the two of you need to be able to discuss as the relationship develops.
It is something you MUST discuss. Money is the most common thing couples argue about, and it is a relationship killer.
It sounds as though he might be living with you as well, if that is the case, he needs to start helping out financially, immediately, because that is simply what competent adults do. Unless he is incompetent, the free ride is over.
There are a lot of issues he might have, choices about his own money, feeling he is 'owed', not wanting to go out as often, or not being sure how to talk this out. Some of these are things that you two can work on. Some are things he should be dumped over.
Pay attention to what he has to say very closely, and demand equitable treatment in your relationship. A healthy relationship exists between equals. If you are carrying him, you aren't equal, and you aren't healthy.
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The Question
and my boyfriend and i don't have sex. i'd say i'm on the right track. however, my parents think that we're getting "too serious" and that i'm "too young" to be in a relationship lasting this long. they think i am wasting my time. i totally see their point of view, they're parents .. they're supposed to worry about that. but it's gotten to the point where they're almost telling me NOT to see him anymore. they are STRONGLY encouraging me to "play the field" and "date around" i know that i won't marry my boyfriend, but why would i break up with him if i love him. this isn't junior high love either. i promise you with everything in me that i love him with a maturity far beyond my years. i plan to ride this relationship out for as long as the Good Lord allows it, and i'm extremely upset that my parents aren't behind me. so my question is, what do i do? i'm torn between wanting to have my parents approval, and wanting to make my own decisions and live with whatever consequences may come as a result. please, ANY advice would be greatly appreciated.
The Answer
I give it at least one more go of talking them and make sure you make a few things clear to them. Especially the "planning to ride this out as long as it lasts" and having not immediate plans to be marry him or live happily ever after.
If you can recognize that playing the field will probably happen in the future, that circumstances or disagreements will likely cause this to end at some point and explain to your parents that with everything go well between you now you simply can't see a reason to end something that is only a gift in your life just because it likely wont last forever.
The other thing you might want to do is ask them honestly if there is something about your boyfriend specifically that they do not like. It sounds to me they are pushing pretty hard for not too strong a reason. They might have a concern about your relationship, and it would definitely be worth it to hear them out.
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The Question
How do you know if you can make out really well?
The Answer
Positive Peer Reviews.
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The Question
alright im going to sum up my night and my gf's night, tell me if i did the right thing.
my night:
got stoned with 3 guy friends of mine, had a complete and utter blast, made cupcakes, brownies, played games, watched movies. harmless fun.
my gf's night:
got completely shitfaced with some 3 of her girlfriends, 1 of my other guy friends, and another guy who i dont like. they went skinny dipping, she claims to have covered up and stayed at the opposite end of the pool as the other girls.
how it went down, she called me today told me about her night after i told her about mine, she threw in skinny dipping as if it were no big deal, i then proceeded to tell her that if she did that, then she wouldnt mind if i went skinny dipping with a bunch of girls while she wasn't there. she then said oh but it was only two guys, i then told her that i still dont like the one guy (he grabs her and touches her and is a complete ass to me, so we're in a conflict right now) and that she went skinny dipping with him while they were completely shitfaced, she then tried to blame the alcohol, i asked her who consumed it, and she said that she did (duh), and i asked her whose fault it was.
i hung up and told her i'd talk to her later, due to the fact i dont know what to say.
help me out with what to say when i call her back.
thanks.
The Answer
Call her back and say you are sorry for hanging up on her bur that you didn't like what happened, and that you hoped she would respect your feelings and not go skinning dipping with other guys again.
Look, you both seem cool with choosing to use substances that alter your inhibitions and perceptions, and that is okay. What isn't okay is flying off the handle and bitching your girlfriend out over a difference of opinion.
She didn't think it was a big deal.
You do.
You don't get to bully her or blame her for it, unless you told her when your relationship started that skinning dipping with the opposite sex was a no-go.
What you do get to do is calmly tell her you don't like it and don't think it's acceptable and would appreciate if she didn't do it again.
Different people find different things acceptable while in a relationship. They have different boundaries. Nudity, isn't always sexual either, it's definitely possible they were just having innocent fun, while naked.
Remember: if she had thought the skinny dipping would be a problem, she probably wouldn’t have mentioned it too you. This is nothing but the two of you having differing opinions about boundaries, which is fine, as long as you can discuss them in a way that isn’t accusatory or insulting. You don’t have a say in who she hangs out with, but if you rather her not get naked around other guys, then sure, share that, and see if she can respect it.
It sounds like the very worst she did here was make a drunken mistake. If you have never made a drunken, or high, mistake before in your life then you are a better person then me. Say your piece about what you think is acceptable behavior while in a relationship, forgive her for the mistake, and see if the two of you can abide by each others boundaries.
If she does it again, or something similar, then she can’t abide by your boundaries and end the relationship.
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The Question
is it just me or nebody else where whenever i love someone, they end up breaking me heart. everytime...
The Answer
Have you heard the phrase "It's always in the last place you look for it." Of course, it's in the last place you look for it, because when you find it, you stop looking.
Heart break is much the same way, it will keep happening, untill it doesn't anymore. The trick is not to demand perfection from your relationships, to accept, even though you hope they will lost for ever, that very few of them actually will.
Enjoy what you have. Enjoy the memories of what you had. Keep working towards what you want.
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The Question
I'm 20 years old and I have a bf who's 21. My bf and I live in different city. Just this week, he went in our house to have his vacation. He's very much welcome in our house because my mum is a cool mum and my sister is so nice that they became close immediately. The problem is with my aunt. I already introduced my bf to my relatives and everyone likes him because he's a nice guy, except to my aunt. She was so angry because she said that it's not nice that a guy would come to a girl's house and sleep there.(we sleep in different room) My bf stayed with us in our house for 2 weeks. My aunt told us things that made me cry. She said that she's pretty sure that my bf and I already had sex and that maybe i wouldn't graduate from college because i maybe become pregnant, and many more. The rest of the family really didn't believe in this opinion of my aunt because they trust me a lot, especially my mum. The problem is that i'm GUILTY.. My bf and I already had sex but i told them that i wouldn't do it before our marriage and i assure my mum that nothing happened yet and that i really won't do it. She believed in me and she really trusts me. I really feel guilty. I don't want to tell the truth because first of all it would break their heart and i feel shame if they'll know it.. Please help me.. and should i stop having sex with my bf to make sure that i wouldn't become pregnant? Thanks a lot..
The Answer
You are twenty years old. Although lying to your mother wieghs on your concience the simple truth is neither she, nor your aunt, nor anyone else in your family has any say in your sex life.
It is simply none of thier bussiness at all, and not thier place to judge you.
So can you feel that you will not get pregnant, then yes, stguilty about lying to your mother? Sure. Go ahead, but I bet you will find not having sex wont make the guilt go away. You still will have lied. You can either come clean, or just let it continue. That much is up to you.
As for the not getting pregnant bit: If you want to be absolutely, 1000% sure op having sex would be the right plan. If you can deal with only being 98% to 99.8% certainly you'll never become pregnant, then invest in birth control.
It really is all up to you, just remember that the only thing you have to feel guilty about it the lie, everything else is thier silliness and not your problem.
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The Question
I have this friend "annie" who I've know all my life. She's always been a major drama queen, making up crazy stories to get attention and make people feel sorry for her. In kindergarten, it was a "rattlesnake bite" and she might die! Last year it was "internal bleeding", and no one better make her laugh or it might kill her! Her latest thing is pretending to be bulemic. After she eats she goes to the bathroom and makes noises like she's throwing up. I know she's so totally faking it, but everyone else is sooo worried about pooorrr annie! Even our friends' parents are really worried... and that's what makes me so upset. I wish I could tell people "She's just trying to get attention!", but that would make me sound mean and heartless, plus I don't like talking bad about her because she IS one of my oldest friends. I just feel bad for the parents who are being fooled by this. Should I say anything, or just sit back and see what her next drama will be?
The Answer
No doubt your friend is an attention whore, but getting her some help for her 'blumia' might not be such a bad idea. Therapists and doctors are generally pretty intelligent people, and will likely recongize her behavoir for what it is.
For you own part, ignore what others are saying, change the subject and don't get to involved. You know the whole thing is silly. If you must talk about it, refuse to talk about anything except getting her help. If she trys to speak to you about bulmia tell her she should see a doctor, and when she trys to avoid it or talk more, shut down the conversation and move on.
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The Question
i broke up with my bofriend last night because i ldidnt thinnk i loved him
but i loved the way he treated me. &i loved that he was deep. maybe i just wasnt attracted to him.
now my friend is telling me about how mean her boyfriend is to her.......
so im starting to think. maybe him treating me right is enough?!?!?
idk. im having second thoughts.
what do you think?
The Answer
Trust your instincts on this one.
I've met so many girls and guys who stay in icky relationships because "Well... he doesn't hit me." or "Well... I know she doesn't cheat on me."
That is just plain stupid. You shouldn't stay with a preson just because they don't treat you like crap. He might be a wonderful person and good boyfriend, but if just aren't feeling it, that is as good a reason as any to move on.
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The Question
I'm working at under a doctor this summer for an internship..Dr. Ana Johnson (I changed her name). Anyway, when I email her, I refer to her as "Dr. Johnson," but she emails me back and ends the email with "Thanks, Ana." Also, I've only met her once (I finally start working with her Wednesday)...The first time I met her, she introduced herself as "Ana." Would it be disrespectful to call her Ana since she refers to herself as that..? Does this mean she wants me to call her by her first name..should I ask her what she prefers me to call her or would that be rude?
The Answer
Certainly ask her straight up how she would perfere you to refer to her. You've done the right thing by sticking to the most formal name while you were in doubt, but now that you are going to be speaking to eachother more it's certainly the right time to ask her what her perference is.
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The Question
every i look theres peple saying oh limewires illegal bla dee bla but i was thinkin the other day if its so illegal why is it still on the internet to be downloaded? surely the gov't would have taken it off by now. also its not illegal to send songs through msn and isnt limewire just like msn but on a much larger scale its all file sharing (you can chat with people on limewire btw if ya didnt know :P) so whats exaclty classed as illegal from limewire because the only decent excuse i can think of is its ok to download as long as you dont broadcast it on like public TV
The Answer
Limewire is not illegal, and as you pointed out, neither is MSN that can do the same thing. But using either of the programs to share copy written material is piracy and it is illegal.
It is theft, plain and simple, even if you think it's okay. But it's the same way people don't make guns illegal, it's just illegal if you use them to shoot people. People, not programs, break the law.
EDIT: I really REALY wish people would learn to do their research:
Under US law the legality of such things were established a LONG time ago. In 1984 a company developed the first video recording device, called Betamax, an early VHS recording device. Sony took them to court, and the decision was this: that copying "technologies" are not inherently illegal, if substantial non-infringing use can be made of them.
When MGM took Grokster to court in 2005 the decision, although not in favor of the P2P software, was still similar. It was the fact that Grokster was proved to ‘induced’ or encouraged people to use the software for illegal means that got them in trouble. To quote the judges decision directly: “One who distributes a device with the object of promoting its use to infringe copyright, … is liable for the resulting acts of infringement by third parties.”
Limewire dodges this by simply requiring users to agree to the statement "I will not use Limewire for copyright infringement.” As long as Limewire, as a company and software continues to NOT FOSTER or ENCOURAGE the use of their software for illegal downloads, they remain legal software.
Now, that doesn’t mean that the record companies won’t go after them, and that doesn’t mean that Limewire, or all P2P softwares, won’t be declared illegal in the future, just that, in the US at this time, Limewire is not illegal.
Limewire is also not illegal in Canada. All P2P software is, in my understanding anyways, illegal in Spain, and several countries in the European Union but there have been no cases against individuals for using the software as of yet.
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The Question
does anyone who live in toronto near york street or that area know any night club like where you can dance or anything that you can go even if your underaged (17) just that they won't sell any alcohol to you??????? thnkx
The Answer
I did some online searching and didn't have a lot of luck, so I'm just going to suggest a few places you could look into.
The Republik and Klick used to run all ages nights when I was underage (three year ago) They are both located in the club distract around Richmond W.
The only one I'm sure is still running is Club 77 in Hamilton who runs an all ages every other Friday.
I found nothing online, so you either need to call these clubs up yourself, or poll your friends. If you start asking everyone you know, likely someone will have heard of an all ages club night.
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The Question
My love life has been a mess recently, and it's turned into me considering giving my ex a second chance. I'm 19, btw. He's 21.
Background: When we were together, emotions ran high and neither of us were really prepared for it. He's struggled with control, and dealing with emotions for most/all? of his teenage life, and he couldn't handle it, so he ended it.
Before he ended it, he was being kind of horrible to me. He unintentionally encouraged an eating disorder I'd been on the edge of for years, he added to my self-hatred, and when he broke up with me, threw me into depression.
On the other hand, before he freaked out about what he was feeling, he was one of the sweetest, most romantic guys I'd ever met, and he loved me. When I wound up depressed, he stayed with me and held me while I cried, if I did, and kissed my tears away. He never meant to hurt me.
We broke up last July, and we're still "involved". There are feelings on both ends and we both know it, but I had the option of being with someone else I developed some feelings for.
When I saw my ex, though, and he kissed me, I felt that he still loves me, and neither of us seem to want to let go of that. We were friends with benefits for awhile, then I stopped it, but now I want to start it again.
Neither of us are ready for a relationship again. I feel trapped and caged easily, and I don't want the "girlfriend" responsibilities.
What do you guys think? Should I go back to being FWB with him with the thought that it could turn back into a relationship?
The Answer
Don't do it. Run away. Please.
Stop taking his calls. Stop kissing him. Learn to be okay without him before you even consider doing anything with him.
I believe FWB relationships can work, but not with exes. There are, as you said, too many feelings floating around.
Of course you still love him and of course you still want him. I want a pet snow leopard and would love it desperately and madly but that doesn't make having a pet snow leopard a good idea! I could love that little leopard with all my heart and it would still be a bad situation for both me and the leopard.
Love doesn’t conquer everything. Sometimes people are just not good for each other.
If you aren’t ready for the responsibilities of being a girlfriend, then you probably aren’t ready for the responsibilities of being a FWB ‘cause the truth is, they very are similar.
When you sleep with someone you make a contract where you are responsible at least in some way for being honest and respectful to them, and caring for them. Sex might happen between ‘friends’ but it doesn’t happen entirely without feelings.
We both know if you go back to being FWB with this boy you’ll probably end up falling into a relationship with this him again. That will not solve any of the past problems. It will in fact only make them worse, because instead of talking things out and dealing with the problems, you will have simply found your selves ‘involved’ again and stuck with each other.
This has been going on for almost a year now and you are not going to be happy until you learn how to be okay with yourself without this guy in your life.
If, after three or four months of NOT TALKING to him, you feel ready for a relationship again, give it a try. But if you just want a friend you can fuck, he isn’t a good choice to fill that role.
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The Question
So I'm a high school thespian who has a future in musical theater, but I haven't decided which conservatories (possibly universities) to consider auditioning for.
It must have a strong musical theater concentration, and no academic subjects, and also it can't have high expectations on grades (or better yet, none at all). and i'd like the college to be well-known. something that will really look good on my theatrical resume.
so if you could give me the names of some that would be great. thanks.
The Answer
Some of the very best schools for performing arts and/or musical theatre training in the US are listed below:
Yale School of Drama
NYU drama program
The Conservatory of Theatre Arts and Film at SUNY Purchase.
Carnege Mellon
Cincinnati Conservatory
Boston Conservatory
Elon University
All of them will require an academic work load. All of them will expect decent, or at the very least passing, grades.
The university I attended had one of the most reputable acting programs in Canada. 3000 people apply each year, and slightly less then 30 get in. They have to balance their performance work and rehearsal schedules with a full academic load. They are also expected to maintain a C+ average.
That is the way of the universe.
Acting is not magic. Performance schools are not so different from other schools. If anything, they are only harder and demand more from you as you must perform on top of learn. The idea being that the industry is hard, that you need to be a fully rounded person and that you need to have the passion and drive to work yourself to bone to get what you want in order to succeed in the theatre.
You will not find a reputable program that doesn’t have academic standards to maintain, because those academic standards are part of how they maintain their powerful reputation.
You can’t have your cake and eat it to. Any drama teacher will tell you, talent is great, but it’s not enough. You want an impressive education, you better be willing to work for it. You will not find a school that will really wow people on your resume that didn’t demand you be not just a talented actress/singer/dancer but also a driven, educated and intelligent human being.
As an example, take a look at the course requirements for the Cincinnati Conservatory: http://www.uc.edu/programs/viewprog.asp?progid=2088
They have some of the fewest requirements outside of performance, but those requirements are definitely there, and are taken seriously.
Take a look into those programs, even call and talk to the admissions office about what is requireed of a student. Honestly, it's very very easy to fail out of college. Of those 30 people in the acting stream at my school, its a good year if 20 of them graduate.
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