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Tell me what you think. Should I give him a second chance?
My love life has been a mess recently, and it's turned into me considering giving my ex a second chance. I'm 19, btw. He's 21.
Background: When we were together, emotions ran high and neither of us were really prepared for it. He's struggled with control, and dealing with emotions for most/all? of his teenage life, and he couldn't handle it, so he ended it.
Before he ended it, he was being kind of horrible to me. He unintentionally encouraged an eating disorder I'd been on the edge of for years, he added to my self-hatred, and when he broke up with me, threw me into depression.
On the other hand, before he freaked out about what he was feeling, he was one of the sweetest, most romantic guys I'd ever met, and he loved me. When I wound up depressed, he stayed with me and held me while I cried, if I did, and kissed my tears away. He never meant to hurt me.
We broke up last July, and we're still "involved". There are feelings on both ends and we both know it, but I had the option of being with someone else I developed some feelings for.
When I saw my ex, though, and he kissed me, I felt that he still loves me, and neither of us seem to want to let go of that. We were friends with benefits for awhile, then I stopped it, but now I want to start it again.
Neither of us are ready for a relationship again. I feel trapped and caged easily, and I don't want the "girlfriend" responsibilities.
What do you guys think? Should I go back to being FWB with him with the thought that it could turn back into a relationship?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Don't do it. Run away. Please.
Stop taking his calls. Stop kissing him. Learn to be okay without him before you even consider doing anything with him.
I believe FWB relationships can work, but not with exes. There are, as you said, too many feelings floating around.
Of course you still love him and of course you still want him. I want a pet snow leopard and would love it desperately and madly but that doesn't make having a pet snow leopard a good idea! I could love that little leopard with all my heart and it would still be a bad situation for both me and the leopard.
Love doesn’t conquer everything. Sometimes people are just not good for each other.
If you aren’t ready for the responsibilities of being a girlfriend, then you probably aren’t ready for the responsibilities of being a FWB ‘cause the truth is, they very are similar.
When you sleep with someone you make a contract where you are responsible at least in some way for being honest and respectful to them, and caring for them. Sex might happen between ‘friends’ but it doesn’t happen entirely without feelings.
We both know if you go back to being FWB with this boy you’ll probably end up falling into a relationship with this him again. That will not solve any of the past problems. It will in fact only make them worse, because instead of talking things out and dealing with the problems, you will have simply found your selves ‘involved’ again and stuck with each other.
This has been going on for almost a year now and you are not going to be happy until you learn how to be okay with yourself without this guy in your life.
If, after three or four months of NOT TALKING to him, you feel ready for a relationship again, give it a try. But if you just want a friend you can fuck, he isn’t a good choice to fill that role.
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To be honest I think that you should be done with this whole situation. You both need to move on with ya'lls lives. I think that there has already been to much damaged caused to both of you and that you will only dwell in the past.
good luck.
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I've never personally been in this type of situation. Except looking at my cousin's boyfriend problems (she's 20) I'd say you need to be done with him. Your situation is totally different though, so I'm not trying to base it on something completely different. Just my cousin learned the hard way that it's once a dog always a dog sort of thing. You could give him another chance but before you become official I would have a talk him and work things out. Just so you would feel prepared. As for FWB I guess I wouldn't be ok with that, because to me it would be a waste of what was trying to me passion. If you feel comfortable doing that then you should. Just think about the pros and cons of the situation. Girlfriend: List your reasons on why it would be great, and why it would be horrible. FWB: List why it would be fun, list why it would be stupid.
Hope I helped and Good luck!!
I have hope that you'll make a smart desicion. =]
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