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MY BOYFRIEND WALKS ALL OVER ME
I am a 24 year old student finishing my masters. I have been dating this guy for a year now, who is almost the perfect guy except he doesn't pay for anything, I mean nothing. I pay for $700.00 rent, power, cable, lots of dinners. Furthermore, he is an engineer and making o.k money; I feel that he is the perfect guy I just want to know why he wont help out. I dont want to lose him though. How can I make him see, that he is using me?
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Stop paying! Tell him you feel used and that he's making enough to help pay for SOMETHING! Don't be afraid to stand up to him, if you are...he's not really the right guy.
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I'm sorry, but if he is using you, he is not worth your time and effort.
If he is using you, he damn well knows it, and likely enjoys being able to take advantage. It's called living on the gravy train.
With supporting both of you, you KNOW you can go out and support yourself- which I think would be a wise choice.
You deserve respect, and if he is using you, he has no respect for you. He just respects your money. Why bother keeping a guy like that around?
Come on. You deserve better than that.
Personally, I would stick my foot in his ass and ask for my shoe back as he walks out the door.
ygs-29/f
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Talk to him. Tell him how you feel and ask him why he won't pay for anything. Maybe he's saving his moey up for something special. Just make sure that when you talk to him, You both have plenty of time to work things out. Also, make sure he knows how you feel about this. Don't try to insult him. Remember, this is not supposed to be a fight. Just stay cool and don't yell.
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You don't need to make him see it. He's probably well aware of it, and is very much enjoying the free ride. As long as you don't complain, why should he change anything? He's on easy street. Maybe he's even convinced himself that you LIKE taking care of him, and if you've never said a word to indicate otherwise, why wouldn't he think that?
What you need to do is sit down with him and tell him that the current situation isn't working out, and it needs to change. If he wants to live in your apartment, he needs to share the expenses. The necessities such as rent, power, and water should be split right down the middle; that's a given. Optional items like cable probably should be as well, though if he actually never watches TV he would have a case for not contributing to that. Food should also be a shared expense and should come out of a pool of money to which you both contribute equally. If he won't agree to those terms, then tell him to find a new place to live. It's that simple.
He walks all over you because you are willingly lying down under his feet. And if the expectation that he pull his own weight is too much for him, then you NEED to lose him. A child needs to be taken care of; a MAN takes care of himself. Would you rather date a man or a child?
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Users, of any kind, are not perfect guys.
Sit him down and discuss this straight up. You can certainly be as kind as possible, and ask him for an explanation why he doesn't offer to help pay, or ask how his financial situation is organized. Explain that you are feeling neglected and uncomfortable with the current arrangement and that it's something the two of you need to be able to discuss as the relationship develops.
It is something you MUST discuss. Money is the most common thing couples argue about, and it is a relationship killer.
It sounds as though he might be living with you as well, if that is the case, he needs to start helping out financially, immediately, because that is simply what competent adults do. Unless he is incompetent, the free ride is over.
There are a lot of issues he might have, choices about his own money, feeling he is 'owed', not wanting to go out as often, or not being sure how to talk this out. Some of these are things that you two can work on. Some are things he should be dumped over.
Pay attention to what he has to say very closely, and demand equitable treatment in your relationship. A healthy relationship exists between equals. If you are carrying him, you aren't equal, and you aren't healthy.
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Break up with him. He sounds like a bum and a jerk.
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The reason he's not paying his share for anything, is that you haven't made it known that it's not okay for you to cover everything on your own. I understand how frustrating it is; he should already know to pay his share of the rent, bills, etc.. But since you haven't communicated this to him, he thinks he can get away with it. Maybe he's a good guy in other ways, but it really isn't fair that you should have to take care of so many things for the both of you- you aren't married, and even if you were, it's a two way street. It's common knowledge that both women AND men should pay jointly for everything (or at least most things), especially in a relationship that's already established. You need to talk to him now- calmly and firmly explain to him that you've been paying for lots of things, including rent, and that it isn't fair to you that he isn't covering his share. He has to start paying for his share of things right away- no excuses (especially since he already has a steady job). A lot of guys will continue with their ways if they think they can get away with it- until, of course, their girlfriend (and this means you) puts a stop to that.
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