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How to feel unguilty??
I'm 20 years old and I have a bf who's 21. My bf and I live in different city. Just this week, he went in our house to have his vacation. He's very much welcome in our house because my mum is a cool mum and my sister is so nice that they became close immediately. The problem is with my aunt. I already introduced my bf to my relatives and everyone likes him because he's a nice guy, except to my aunt. She was so angry because she said that it's not nice that a guy would come to a girl's house and sleep there.(we sleep in different room) My bf stayed with us in our house for 2 weeks. My aunt told us things that made me cry. She said that she's pretty sure that my bf and I already had sex and that maybe i wouldn't graduate from college because i maybe become pregnant, and many more. The rest of the family really didn't believe in this opinion of my aunt because they trust me a lot, especially my mum. The problem is that i'm GUILTY.. My bf and I already had sex but i told them that i wouldn't do it before our marriage and i assure my mum that nothing happened yet and that i really won't do it. She believed in me and she really trusts me. I really feel guilty. I don't want to tell the truth because first of all it would break their heart and i feel shame if they'll know it.. Please help me.. and should i stop having sex with my bf to make sure that i wouldn't become pregnant? Thanks a lot..
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Hey there.
I guess I am kind of in the same situation as you at the moment.
From my point of view you are old enough to do what you want, when you want. You are 20 years old. You are no longer a teenager anymore.
It's ok for you and your boyfriend to have sex. Sex is something so special between two people, its passionate and it brings you closer to your partner.
As long as you are careful with sex like using condoms and perhaps the pill you will not become pregnant. If you do become pregnant well thats just going to have to be a responsibility that you and your boyfriend are going to have to accept.
Perhaps you should talk to your mum. Talk to her in a mature way and explain to her that you love your boyfriend very much and he loves you and you feel as though you are ready to take things in your relationship a bit further and how would she feel about you having sex..?! If she disagrees with this then just leave it at that, tell her you respect her desicion but you wanted her to know how you felt.
You don't have to tell her that you've had sex with your boyfriend. It was your choice. Don't feel guilty because it's what you wanted to do. This was totally your choice. Don't let anyone make you feel bad.
As for your aunty. She is not your mother. Tell her to leave you alone and let you live your life how you want. You know how to make the right choices for yourself.
Obviously your Aunty is trying to make you feel bad so you wont make the same mistakes she did??
It's ok to do what you want.
Good luck. Hope I helped!
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You are twenty years old. Although lying to your mother wieghs on your concience the simple truth is neither she, nor your aunt, nor anyone else in your family has any say in your sex life.
It is simply none of thier bussiness at all, and not thier place to judge you.
So can you feel that you will not get pregnant, then yes, stguilty about lying to your mother? Sure. Go ahead, but I bet you will find not having sex wont make the guilt go away. You still will have lied. You can either come clean, or just let it continue. That much is up to you.
As for the not getting pregnant bit: If you want to be absolutely, 1000% sure op having sex would be the right plan. If you can deal with only being 98% to 99.8% certainly you'll never become pregnant, then invest in birth control.
It really is all up to you, just remember that the only thing you have to feel guilty about it the lie, everything else is thier silliness and not your problem.
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I think you should explain this to your guy and not have sex with him till your married,not just because your gonna get pregnant,but because they all refused to beilive your aunt and they all have such deeeeeep trust for you,you shouldnt let them down,ok you kinda did but whats past is past,dont do it again.Stop before you get pregnant because if you are,therell be nothing that you can do to solve it.
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Yes, you should stop having sex with your boyfriend, until BOTH of you are using contraceptives. (That means the pill for you, dear if you want to go to college.) See how guilty you feel now, and no one really knows the truth, but you, and so far your immediate family believe you and like your boyfriend. So assuming you are not pregnant, then you are lucky, you dodged a bullet (so to speak) Now, forget about your aunt, she is just jealous, and remember how bad it feels to lie to your family, so don't put yourself in that position again.
Stay on track to go to college. If your boyfriend really cares about you, he will understand why it is best NOT to take chances so you can both have a better life in the future.
Don't beat yourself up about already having had sex, just wait now, for a long time before your try again. Don't worry, sex is not going anywhere, you have the rest of your life to enjoy sex. Life is just much easier to manage for people who have college educations. they have more choices and more money.
(PS here is a little secret: people who have babies still go to college anyway....but that just makes it harder on the mom. It's just easier to "do" college before you start a family.
Good luck to you.
Michele
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