A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
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Last Update: April 13, 2014
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For decades Doctors and professional Psychological Analysts have been trying to solve the puzzle of this mysterious yet destructive dilemma. It has not been determined if it is a disease which is affecting the human Brain's ability to properly analyze facts and truths presented to them which they find mentally impossible to properly analyze to help them come to a logical solution to the problem trying to be solved. Dr. Shawn Czerwinski is a Political Psychologists at one of the finest universities in Philadelphia. He believes it is due to Genetic Deficiencies Syndrome otherwise known as "GDS" which ultimately affects the ability of the human Brain to function properly. This disease or impairment is due to poor genetics in the political family tree of the persons affected. Dr. Czerwinski and other colleagues have agreed that one of the best remedies for this mental problem of not being able to properly analyze proven facts and statistics to reach a logical conclusion is quite simple. Those with the extreme liberal minded deficiencies should either study more, communicate more with smart and intelligent people, stay away from their extreme liberal minded friends who may carry this uncurable disease or just simply start believing that it's very possible, if not probable, that you're wrong and if you can't properly analyze something that concerns your family, neighbors, friends, community school system, County programs then just shut up and sit down and let more intelligent people be in charge of analyzing and solving our problems in society and elsewhere. So, what other cures or remedies are there to help the mentally impaired over-Liberal minded persons in our society? (link)
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Aha. Owned.
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I remember playing this zombie game with my brother. You play as a zombie, and you can take your hand off, and literally be the hand, then jump on peoples heads and possess them. You can fart and make everyone unconscious for a bit, You can make your head roll, And I can't remember what else. But it was so fun. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Please help. (link)
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Stubbs the Zombie. Or Stubbz. Can't remember if it's S or Z.
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lost virginity 2 years ago..since then no physical relation. wil my husband come to know that im nt a virgin? (link)
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Will he care?
If so, if you have sex with him without telling him when the subject does eventually come up in conversation the deer-in-the-headlights look on your face will tell him all he needs to know, and it'll probably be a way bigger deal than it would be now.
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k so one of my best friends(b) has hated me for 148 days now and today i managed to get one of my other friends to ask her this;
do you hate gabby cos gabby thinks you hate her and she asked me to alk to you.
and b said
i dont hate her im just really angery with her cos she lied to me
and i dont know what to do now cos yes i did lie to her but i really had to. theres is no way i could admitt to anyone that i acually did it. so what should i do to stop her hating me?
and also, this sounds really childish but i got her a christmas presant and she got evryone else a chrismas prezzie but she didnt get me one and i dont know what to tell my mum.
thanks
x (link)
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Christ.
If you apologize for your actions, mean it, and do better in the future your friends will recognize you as a decent person who can fuck up and will try to make amends.
If you don't and lie more about it your friends will eventually see you lie once and question everything else you've ever told them which they also questioned at the time. You will eventually drive a wedge you can't remove between you and your friends.
Grow up a little. Admit when you were wrong. Explain yourself while acknowledging that it doesn't make lying something you want to do to your friends. Make up with your best friend, stop just waiting for her to not hate you. Every day you make her wait for an apology is a day closer to her being over it and over you enough that she doesn't even care to forgive you.
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Im a girl abnd hes a guy obviously. But I need your guys's help. I tried making it obvious. I flirt I tell him someone likes him but he cant figure it out. I told him id tell him tomorrow. But are they any ways to tell him so we dont ruin our friendship please help asap. (link)
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Love Lesson 1: When you're falling for someone, you can't be their friend. If you try to keep quiet forever it'll kill your friendship on your side, or it'll be alot messier when you finally explode on him.
Tell him you like him as more than a friend, kiss his cheek, and run for your life if you have to. I knew a girl who did just that (and handed him a note that said "call me if you feel the same way") and got what she wanted. If he likes you, you're golden. If you're not it's out in the open and you can figure out if the friendship will work.
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I don''t know what else to do with myself. Nothing works! Here's my story...
Im the hopeless romantic. Ever since I was 13 I wanted to have the relationship of dreams. I know I deserve it. I am such a happy person. All my friends always tell me I am so beautiful inside and out. I've even advocated happiness to others and have had people tell me I've changed their lives. I'm very good at giving advice and have frequented advicenators helping people. I love making people happy. I always believed that happiness is the purpose of life and nobody has reason to not be happy! Yet I have been miserable for so long...i feel like i've lost myself because of what has happened to me...hes taken all I had.
I met this 25 year old two years ago (at 17) and have fallen in love with him over the course of the relationship. I knew it was a bad idea at start, and I honestly cannot tell you why I went into it, but I did. We have gone trough so so much! I have helped him with his past (really fucked up) relationship issues, family issues, everything. I was the young, happy, polite, passionate person and he was the cynical, hard, angry and bitter, because he was very hurt person. Hes hurt me so much before, he had almost even cheated on me, said I was his cousin to other girls, taken me for granted, made me think all our fights were my fault, said I needed to grow up, made me cry everyday, said he doesn't give a fuck, called me naive, a pushover, basically made me doubt everything about myself. It was almost abusive, and I don't know why I stayed. Probably because I knew he loved me, and I loved him, and I wanted to hold on to love so badly. Its almost sick that I stayed so long. And when i finally left him 5 months ago, he changed. He became good, he started worshiping me and I took him back for the last time, which turned out to be the last time he would ever mess up. Hes actually been different. Perfect, amazing person. Its unbelievable. But I feel like the damage was done. I was/am still so hurt by what happened before, I feel like a different person. Even my friends tell me I'm different.
And then there's the arguments we have now. We cannot be together, I've realized. We both want different things, I am 19, he is 27, I am in college, he thinks I'm too independent. We just are not good for each other but kept staying together because we loved each other. And I finally became the strong one and said that we shouldn't be together. What followed was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. Him standing in the doorway pleading with me to stop him, he didn't want to leave my house and me forever. He kept looking back to see if I would follow him. My heart broke in a million pieces because I knew I couldn't do that. I couldn't let it go on when we've tried so hard for the past 5 months to work things out and we just keep getting hurt. But I really don't know how to handle this fucking pain! Its unbearable. I know that it will pass, I know that I will be okay. I know I deserve better, hell hes even told me he knows I do. He's thanked me for being his "angel". It just really fucking hurts. I need some honest to god advice or points of view or something to do to help me. I tried my friends, parents, none helped because they all think it was about time. I am alone in my room crying and thinking of him over and over. How can one still love someone that;s caused them so much pain??? I know I did the right thing, but oh god it feels so so so bad. Can someone tell me anything else besides that it will heal with time? How does one heal from such a terrible experience with love? (link)
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Sadly, no, there's not a whole lot we can say that'll make this go easier on you. He's got 8 years on you, he's ready to settle down and you're not done growing into the adult you will be someday. By the time you're done with college and thinking about starting a job and establishing yourself in some sort of career he's going to be wanting you to stop working because he'll be thinking he's getting a bit old to have kids, especially if he wants more than one.
Even if not, by the time a guy hits 30 he's usually wanting some stability in his life, stability which you cannot provide as young as you are.
You won't fully heal until you fall in love with someone else. That said, don't rush it. Bury yourself in friends, hobbies, things that can at least make you happy in the moment. Get rid of things that remind you of him, at least box them in the attic for now.
Walking away like you did is hard. It shows alot of maturity. Maturity he lacks.
Your ex is a broken person. He is not an adult. He has not acted like one. If you stay together while he is broken, you will never be able to let go and forget. Maybe in 5 years, if he really changes and tries to better himself as a person, you could work. As it is, being with him has forced you to grow up more than any girl your age naturally will. You're more mature than he is, and you've got the strength and self awareness to walk away before you got to the point where you hated him.
He doesn't. He doesn't recognize your need to not have him fucking up your daily life, making you a non-functional person, consuming your life with the relationship between the two of you.
He is incapable of being selfless enough to end it, knowing that's what you need. That could change. He could stop being a manchild at some point in the future. But staying with him is not going to grow him up.
If he grows up and you stay, everything you want him to do will be you being a bitch until he realizes he needs to want to change it himself. Every problem you have that occurs because he's a brat which you get mad about will be something you have to convince him of.
If you leave him and stay away, he might come to these conclusions himself. He might find another woman who's not got your history and who can stick him out long enough that he's not a broken manchild and still be in love with him. He might go through a series of women and end up thinking girls are the devil. But it's got to be up to him, and you've spent enough of your life trying to make his life a little more about you.
I mean, I'm married. That makes "half your life" a legal definition, but that's the general idea of relationships that get serious. He's sucking so much energy out, and he's pouring mostly negative energy back in...
It's fixable, but he shouldn't expect you to have to wait around in the middle of it. You don't ask someone to continue to sit on the toilet you're trying to plunge. That's fucked up.
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I want you to listen and I want you to read this thouroughly please.
I am 19 years old and I am in college. I have always been the good girl. Yeah I've kissed a few guys here and there maybe a makeout session or two. But I never did anything sexual. It wasn't until I got to college. I started seeing all the pretty girls get attention and not me. I consider myself to look okay. I am african american, tall and skinny. But I guess it's not enough for boys.
My freshmen year of college, I didn't do much. Around two boys gave me oral and that was it. Around the summer time before sophmore year, is when the mahem began. There was a boy I would say used me because I really liked him and he claimed he liked me. This is where my insecurity came in and basically I gave him head and he returned it. That was that. When I got to school I became a lil more sexual than my freshmen year. On a serious count since that summer I gave four boys head including that one from summer. I feel disgusting. Even though I'm a virgin, I still feel dirty. I read up online and I fit the characteristics of someone who holds onto her virginity so she thinks its okay to do other sexual things. What made it worse is I really regret one boy I gave head to. This boy was a good friend of the one in the summer. I did that when I cam back to school sophmore year.
I just need to know your opinions. I won't get offensive at all I just need some reassurance..thankyou.
(link)
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I think you put sexuality on a pedestal that it neither needs nor deserves. I think you're an inexperienced virgin who's been taught to feel disgusting at the idea of expressing yourself sexually or (God forbid) making a mistake or two along the way.
I always love how people get this jacked up notion in their heads that sex isn't subject to the same human flaws that everything else we do is. (are? I'm having a serious issue with that sentence and subject verb agreement, "everything we do" is plural, I'd think, but are just doesn't sound right)
Anyway, you made a mistake. Learn from it, wait longer before going down on a guy to make sure you want to. Sex... I really don't know what to tell you about sex. My personal beliefs aren't compatible with waiting until marriage.
But you can sit there and beat yourself up for your mistakes, or you can learn from them adjust your behavior, and put it behind you.
Which do you think will keep you in good mental health?
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Hii guys..what do you guys think of abortion? is it good or is it bad? please let me know what you guys think. thanks (link)
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I think that choosing to not keep a baby you are not ready or able to raise yourself is a good decision to make, be it through abortion or adoption.
It's not a pretty concept. I doubt you'd find someone who thought abortions were awesome. Alot of things about the world aren't pretty concepts. The fact that it's unpleasant doesn't make it not the right choice in some situations, and I think some situations include more situations than incest and rape.
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18/f
I was in a relationship with Dave, for six months and we just broke up yesterday. Before going out he promised me the world and he said I was his dream girl. I wasn't over my ex so it took us awhile for us to get together [he tried for a year] but after getting together I realized he was everything I ever wanted in a guy. He could make me laugh like no other and he wanted me as badly as I wanted him. And most of all, he showed me what it felt like to truly be in love. Over the span of our relationship I caught him in multiple lies. Early on he messaged girls and called them beautiful but he apologized and I knew he truly meant it then. However, as our relationship grew, and my love for him grew, his lies became worse. He started using pot again, and I don't like it at all! But he still did it. And two nights ago he complained about being extremely tired, yet he left my house and texted an old crush and asked her to get high with him. He never told me, someone else did and it took him hours to admit it. Then he started yelling at me because I wanted to be friends with an ex, and broke up with me. I'm so heartbroken. I feel like he lived a life I didn't even know about and I was in love with someone I never knew. I don't know what to do. I don't know whether I should move on. I don't exactly know what I'm asking, other than what would you do in this situation? I love him so much. But he's hurt me so many times. I don't want anyone else but I want to be happy too. Please help me figure out what's the best thing to do. (link)
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Julie hit the nail pretty squarely on the head. He wants to be someone you don't like, you want him to be someone he doesn't like. Either way, neither of you has the right to ask the other to change and if neither of you is willing then the relationship is over.
Funny thing about getting older. When I was younger my list of "everything I want in a woman" was a hell of alot shorter than it is now.
Relationships come down to compromise. If he won't and you can't, or he can't and you won't, things won't work out.
Though, I will say, that from the "promised me the world and said I was his dream girl" says you've got some pretty unhealthy views as to what relationships really are. A companion is someone who accepts you.
I'm not perfect, neither is my wife. But the areas she wants changed in me are areas I want changed in myself, and vice versa. She accepts my flaws because the ones she has a serious problem with are ones I have a problem with too, and compromise comes from her tolerance of my mistakes and my efforts to improve.
This isn't something he wants to fix, or that he thinks needs to be fixed. It's up to each person to decide if they're willing or able to compromise on each issue, but you've got his answer, and it sounds like you've got yours. Call him in a few days and tell him you enjoyed the time you spent with him, and say you're sorry for your part in things not working out. Let the relationship go on the best terms you can. Maybe you can be friends later.
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I just got married six weeks ago. I am 29, my husband is 8 years older than me. Anyway, I am feeling very overwhelmed. I never have any alone time, I just moved into his apartment as well. I should feel happy but I feel so overwhelmed.... (link)
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Normal. Absolutely normal.
You're getting used to living with him, and it sounds like your first time living with someone else. It takes some getting used to, some new rules and boundaries, new compromises.
My wife and I each have our own space. I've got my computer desk, she's got the corner of the couch by the nightstand. When we're in solo mode we can each be at our places and doing our own things, maybe some TV on in the background. It gives us somewhere to be to do our little individual things without being in each other's way or having to spend every minute in the house together "spending time together".
Establish some space for yourself. Plan activities together in the house and leave each other to your own devices some of the time. If you have nothing to do, get something to do.
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hello my husband just deployed to afghanistan and like 2 weeks before he left i kept catching him lie. like he told me he wouldnt look at inappropriate internet pictures he promised actually. then one day i was showing him how to do something on his computer and they popped up and he lied about it. then started accusing me of not trusting him when he tried to minimize the window. which i was like whatever its not a big deal ill get over it and he apologized. recently his ex messaged him just asking to catch up and talk, this was his ex of 3 years and like his first love. he did tell me that she messaged him, and i told him not to message her back because i didnt want it to start something just like he asked me not to talk to a certain one of my ex's. well today i had a bad feeling about it and we share each other's passwords and i found out on facebook he did message her and had been talking to her. i was completely crushed because he told me he wouldnt. it may be dumb but i just felt like if he talked to her again he would grow those feelings back for her, even though we're married. i'm just so sad he lied to me again. i dont want him to think i dont trust him and i dont want him knowing that i went on his fb because he'll accuse me of not trusting him again etc. so i sent him a message through fb asking him if he talked to her because i had a bad feeling about it, im not sure what to do or say if he lies or confesses it.. i have a feeling he's gonna lie. i dont know why all this is happening we had a really good relationship and i thought it was so honest :( help i dont know what to do!
thanks (link)
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You're acting like an insecure teenager, I'm guessing you're 21 or younger.
If not, grow up. Your insecurities are dictating what amount of trust your husband gets instead of whether or not he's actually trustworthy.
The way you're acting, the marriage will most certainly not last. You make unfair demands, which he agrees to to placate you, and then does what he wants to do.
That implies either that your husband is a jackass to match your insecure control freak, or that you are entirely unapproachable and unreasonable.
I can't tell you where the truth lies, but I can frame it pretty well.
And I can tell you without a doubt that a guy isn't going to stick with a girl who can't be secure in the fact that he likes her. Trying to convince someone you love them is a tiring, frustrating business. The frustration breeds resentment, and resentment breeds breakups and divorces. Assuming he's not a jackass who'll just do what he likes regardless, this is your problem to deal with, and once you've realized that you need to talk with him and set some new relationship boundaries. Looser ones.
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How to stop yourself from going to far. Even though you love them its not the right time yet but I'm not sure its going to be that simple to stop from having sex. (link)
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Keep yourselves occupied. Go out and do things which keep you places you can't just sit around and screw around.
If you're cuddling on the couch in a house with no adults watching a movie you're both only half interested in, it becomes really easy to fill your time with things you know you're not ready for, and alot harder to get your mind off it once you've started.
If you're out at the movies, mini golfing, riding bikes, doing anything fun together that doesn't leave you copious alone time with nothing to do, it becomes alot easier to keep things from getting too heavily sexual.
A truism of sex is that you want the real thing. When kids start going down the road with the "bases" and taking steps into intimacy, it naturally leads to sleeping together. If you make out with someone you're dating you're probably not going to be happy with just a few quick kisses the next intimate interlude you have together. If you have oral sex making out just isn't going to seem as fun. Because you naturally want to do more. That's human sexuality.
Adults generally don't step through intimacy. If the clothes are off, they're off. If they're on, they're on. That's because by the time you get that age you've had enough time to develop towards who you're going to be as a person and to get to know yourself, to know when you're ready and have the self control over yourself to not be chomping at the bit.
Conversely, if you are chomping at the bit you have the self knowledge to be able to identify when you're genuinely ready for whatever happens.
You're not there yet. If you're really worried about going places you aren't ready to, focus your time and energy on less sexual pursuits. Try to encourage some conversations (in public, like over dinner) and go find whatever's fun in your area and give it a try.
And start educating yourself on sex and birth control if you haven't yet. WebMD and coolnurse are two great websites for accurate information. Consider trying to get on birth control. If you're asking these questions now you should prepare yourself for when you're answering them yourself.
Get some condoms and a banana and practice. That's a fairly serious tip. Both partners in sex should be able to put on a condom correctly, and if you know how to do it right and if you are with a guy who does not (not all that unlikely for teenagers in America, our sex ed sucks) you might well see him do it wrong and be able to fix it to keep yourselves safe.
Plus, if you're confident with condom use you can assert yourself by putting a condom on your partner correctly if he seems like he's thinking he wants to convince you to not use one (also common among your likely age group).
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Sometimes I see people put songs on their YT videos and they are songs like maybe lady gaga or bush or green day or something and maybe their video goes viral...do they have copy write problems...in example, if i wanted to make a video with my dog, and my dog was going to dance to britnay spears, and the video went viral, would I have a copy write problem? Could I get sued? I would really like to make some fun videos with my animals and use music and maybe they could go viral...but I don't want to take the risk of having any problems, so if I can't do this it would be great if you could offer suggestions of what I could do instead...with my pets and music in the videos that is :)Thank you, oh also, if it's like a britnay spears song but it's the instrumental, is that ok? ok thanks again. (link)
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Actually, your description falls under the definition of "Fair Use"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fair_use
Whoever owns Britney's copyrights (I doubt she does)could issue what's called a DMCA (digital millennium copyright act) takedown notice. However, given the content you intend to use it would not be a legal takedown and you could, conceivably, sue whoever issues the notice and win.
But no, you won't be able to be sued in any way and shouldn't be able to be harassed.
Copyright holders are always trying to take away fair use rights, people like you are always trying to exercise them. The worst that might happen is your video gets taken down. If that happens, just re-upload it and ask your parents about formatting a cease and desist letter targeted at whomever tries to express their control over your video.
More than likely it'll get completely left alone though.
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I am The husband of a wonderful and understanding wife. As i write this i feel it necessary to inform all of you of a few things first. I am not a religious person I have my own faiths about god and morality but as open minded as I try to be I am at a loss and am coming to you all as a last resort.
My wife and I had discussed for a long time the possibility of including other people in are sex life and before long it became a reality. We stepped in to a new experience unaware of the out come. Are experience was with another couple, people we trusted, people that we knew would be open to the idea. Initially I was the one to bring it up but without hesitation everyone jumped at the idea. In the end we had swapped partners. The first time we were all intoxicated and it went seemingly well. After however I had began to have doubts and shared them with my wife. Although I was unsure of how to react after many discussions I had felt that it was necessary to do it again this time with a clear and sober mind. So my wife and I and our friends decided to go for it. Now before I continue I want to say that we entered into this activity with the agreement that if it was uncomfortable with any party involved we would stop and that there would not be any pressure to do it again. That being said we tried again this time instead of us all being in the same room we decided to separate.
I was unable to become comfortable enough with the situation to complete the task at hand. My wife and the other man involved were able to reach that level of comfort and enjoyed themselves thoroughly. At the end of the second time I knew that these activities were not meant for me and expressed my discomfort to my wife with the preconceived notion that there would not be any pressure to perform that sexual feat again. What I did not know then is that my wife enjoyed it so much and she was unable to identify with me in that regard so she produced the thought that we would do it again but I would just need time to come around.
Shortly after the experiences I decided to see a therapist not because f the experience by its self but more just because of the way my life was going. After many sessions we came to the above mentioned topic. It had become relevant again because my wife had decided to go hang out with the guy that had been involved now that by itself did not bother me what bothered me is that she would not discuss and was actively trying to hide what had been said during a conversation via text message. Eventually after a short debate she offered the content of the conversation to me and it was nothing that directly bothered me because I know this guy to be very strange and playful in regards to sexual content. My wife how ever thought that It would elicit an undesirable emotional response which it did but not because of the content her assumption that it would bother me bothered me more than the content its self.
Through this conversation and the one that followed with my therapist I decided that I needed to have a very serious conversation with my wife so that we could get on to the same page about the issue at hand. Over the next few hours my wife and I talked screamed yelled cried but no matter what we did we could not get on the same page. Leaving us with this decision either we stay together and one of us resents the other or we separate and we both resent each other. We have both expressed or feelings fully about the subject matter. And she wants to sleep with other people and encourages me to do the same (which I can and will not) and I want us to only sleep with each other. I do not know what to do I am lost and cannot see the way out I lover her to much to leave and I love my self to much to leave.
If there is anyone out there that has been through this or something similar please respond.
If you have read this far thank you.
(link)
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Seek couples therapy. Nothing said on a website is going to sort your marriage out for you.
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Background: I met my boyfriend online, 2 years ago, and he moved from Florida to Missouri for me after a year of dating. We were really serious, and into each other. My parents disagreed with me dating him because we are different nationalities, and different religions. My parents aren't religious at all but they disliked the idea of me going against my culture. In June of 2010, I moved out of my house and in with my boyfriend.
Lately, I just haven't been happy with him. I realized how messy he is, how aggressive he is, how constantly unhappy he is, and it's the complete opposite of everything I am. I am always neat, meak, and optimistic. I'm not sure if I'm unhappy with him because I've been really stressed with school and work, or if I am interested in someone else, or because he is messy and psycho at times.
The extent to his crazyness is when he chokes on a piece of food, he will flip it off, flip the plate, curse at it, "teach it a lesson" & "punishment."
I just need an overview of someone else's thoughts. (link)
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:Edit:
Twenty Five? He sweeps shit off the table and onto the floor (and it's not "I'll use the dustpan and broom" logic) I don't even know what the fuck. I made assumptions because he sounds like he's 19 and hasn't really started to grow up.
He's 25. He's pretty close to done as a person, the little button on the turkey's popped. You've got better things to do.
:/Edit:
Welcome to living with someone. It's more about being able to tolerate each other's petty little bullshits without hating each other than it is about being splendiferously in love.
It sounds like you really can't tolerate it all that well.
I will say, that school and work and possible other interests can have a huge impact. My wife and I have been rocky for about two months and were just starting to recover from it when her mother called talking about major surgeries and now our house is chaos again.
At the end of the days we manage not to piss each other off we're still very much in love, but life is throwing too much at us to cope with the rocks in our relationship and the rocks in the rest of life right now, and it's been hard.
Your boyfriend is obviously immature. That doesn't have to be permanent. I'm guessing you're both under 24 with at least one of you under 22. You're both still growing up and learning to be functional human adults. It's up to you if you want to give him time to grow up.
You do need to communicate. I used to curse at video games when I lost. I was 12. If he's old enough to be living with you he really should have grown out of that. If he doesn't, you're not going to end up staying with him. It's not so much the little incidents of crazy as the reasons they occur in the first place that are eventually going to make you incompatible as you grow up and he doesn't, so you might want to bring it up.
You can't sit on issues and just hope they get better when you live together. You have to bring it up, fight about it if you must, and find some sort of compromise. If not, choking on food and being messy will kill your relationship as much as something more significant like abuse or an unwillingness to get off your ass and get out of the house will.
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So long story short: I'm 18 years old and sexually active. I always use protection, as in condoms. 2 months ago I went to a doctor to get birth control. I wasn't supposed to start taking it util this month when I got my period. But it's 12 days late. I haven't had sex since the end of October, and I've taken 4 pregnancy tests a couple days apart. All of them came back negative. So I'm really not sure if I'm pregnant, or what could cause my period to be so late. Going to my doctor or telling my parents is not really an option.So thats's why I'm asking for some advicce. But if I don't get it inn the next week or so, I will try and make an appointment to get looked at from a doctor. Anything would certaainly help a lot. (link)
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Assuming that one of the pregnancy tests was taken within the last week to week and a half, God only knows why it hasn't come but pregnancy is almost certainly not the reason.
Stress (it is the end of the semester) or diet or any of several other reasons could be the issue, but if you had sex at the end of October and got pregnant it would have shown up by the end of November without a doubt. After fertilization implantation takes a max of I think 6 days. Once an egg implants on your uterine wall you usually can test positive within like 48 hours.
You ain't knocked up. If you miss your period for a month consider calling your gyno to figure out what else might be the issue.
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20-female.
I've been with two guys and they both knew what they were doing sexually and I think them knowing what they're doing to you is such a turn on.
Now this boy i'm with now he doesn't seem to really know what he's doing which is a little bit of a turn off. We haven't exactly done anything yet but we were texting and he was like I am reading this womens health magazine. And I was like umm please tell me why you're reading that and he said there is a good article about love and sex and it gives good tips. And then I was like well what have you learned. And he was saying stuff like "you're suppose to talk dirty when spooning, grabbing a girls boobs while cuddling is a turn on, you're suppose to get dirty in the shower because it intensifies my arousal."
I was thinking, oh gosh when we actually get to the point of doing anything sexual I have a feeling he is not going to be able to turn me on and I'll be thinking "what is he doing..?" I feel so bad that I feel this way, what can I do to help him? Just tell him what I like? I don't know why I find this such a turn off..can someone please give me some advice on what to do. I feel bad for him. (link)
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Yeah, communication pretty much. Whatever the relative levels of sexual experience he's obviously less sexually confident than you are.
Sex is a skill, everyone has to learn. A conversation about what you like would be a good start. Begin it with "Every woman works differently, and your universal tips won't work nearly as well as just being ready to figure out what your partner likes when you begin sleeping with a new one" and continue into what you personally enjoy.
Be prepared for clumsy. If you care about each other, you can work past it pretty easily.
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So, i'm taking this hardddd class. and everybody fails. i'm pretty sure. but i'm doing excellent with my friends because we all sit in the back ( our assinged seats are all next to eachother) and during tests we copy each other and stuff. well, i don't know why but he moved me to the front of the classroom today and now i'm screwed because our test is soon and i don't know squat because we normally help each other out.. any good ideas on how to get my seat moved back to the back corner by tuesday next week? btw, he's a really stuborn old man. so like, any ideas onw hat i can tell my mom? so that she can call him and prefer me to sit in the back? please help :) thanks! (link)
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There's a better than fair chance that your teacher suspected cheating and moved you to stop it. Your grades on the next test will probably confirm his suspicions, having your mother call or trying to convince him to let you sit back there yourself will absolutely confirm his suspicions.
Study or you're screwed.
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I'm junior girl in high school. One of my very best friends is going out with this guy. He's in a couple of my classes and i've gone to school with him since elementary school so i know him pretty well. But he gets in fights all the time and gets suspended; he's kind of violent sometimes. He's really funny and nice, but he's scary when he's mad. I sometimes think he might do drugs or something, and i'm scared for my friend because she's the most innocent person i know. She would never hurt anyone or do anything bad. The other day, i was joking around and i didn't know he was mad, and he got pissed at me and shoved me really hard almost knocking me down. He then screamed in my friend's face and ran off. She was so embarrassed and kept apologising to me, even though i wasn't hurt at all, just shocked. I didn't think he would ever hit a girl, even if it was just shoving me. I've been worrying ever since then that maybe he hits or shoves around my friend too, but she won't tell anyone, and even if he doesn't, i don't think she should be going out with him. He's just bad news. I talked to my other friends and they said they have seens him scream at her before and curse in her face. What should i do? Do i ask her to break up with him? Should i talk to him? should i tell someone else? i'm so confused and scared for my friend :( Help me! (link)
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Damn.
First, that sucks. The things you described set off alot of the "abusive" alarm bells I have to set off. Apologizing for him is a major sign that, if there were actual physical abuse going on, that she would keep it quiet. If his temper is explosive like that and you've seen him yelling in public it happens alot more in private, so you just pretty much established verbal abuse.
First steps is your parents/a school counselor. I don't take for granted on this site that parents might just not want to get involved, so if you don't think it would help choose the school counselor instead. Talk to them. Tell them what you've seen and heard.
From there, talk to your friend. I've got something for you to show her, I'll post it in a second. Express your concerns. Tell her that you want her to talk to you about what's going on if there's something, and that she needs to talk to people about some of the negative in her relationship, because it's very easy to lose perspective and think things are fine when they aren't.
Here's that bit of info.
http://www.google.com/#hl=en&expIds=17259,27493,27744,27931&sugexp=ldymls&xhr=t&q=Signs+of+an+abusive+relationship&cp=13&pf=p&sclient=psy&site=&source=hp&aq=0&aqi=&aql=&oq=Signs+of+an+ab&gs_rfai=&pbx=1&fp=7b9141da4f416ce8
You may be in an abusive relationship if he or she:
Is jealous or possessive toward you.
(Jealousy is the primary symptom of abusive relationships; it is also a core component of Sexual Addictions and Love Addiction.)
Tries to control you by being very bossy or demanding.
Tries to isolate you by demanding you cut off social contacts and friendships.
Is violent and / or loses his or her temper quickly.
Pressures you sexually, demands sexual activities you are not comfortable with.
Abuses drugs or alcohol.
Claims you are responsible for his or her emotional state. (This is a core diagnostic criteria for Codependency.)
Blames you when he or she mistreats you.
Has a history of bad relationships.
Your family and friends have warned you about the person or told you that they are concerned for your safety or emotional well being.
You frequently worry about how he or she will react to things you say or do.
Makes "jokes" that shame, humiliate, demean or embarrass you, weather privately or around family and friends.
Your partner grew up witnessing an abusive parental relationship, and/or was abused as a child.
Your partner "rages" when they feel hurt, shame, fear or loss of control.
Both parties in abusive relationships may develop or progress in drug or alcohol dependence in a (dysfunctional) attempt to cope with the pain.
You leave and then return to your partner repeatedly, against the advice of your friends.
You have trouble ending the relationship, even though you know inside it's the right thing to do.
Does the person you love...
• constantly keep track of your time?
• act jealous and possessive?
• accuse you of being unfaithful or flirting?
• discourage your relationships with friends and family?
• prevent or discourage you from working, interacting with friends or attending school?
• constantly criticize or belittle you?
• control all finances and force you to account for what you spend? (Reasonable cooperative budgeting excepted.)
• humiliate you in front of others? (Including "jokes" at your expense.)
• destroy or take your personal property or sentimental items?
• have affairs?
• threaten to hurt you, your children or pets? Threaten to use a weapon?
• push, hit, slap, punch, kick, or bite you or your children?
• force you to have sex against your will, or demand sexual acts you are uncomfortable with?
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I'm a teen girl and got into anime while at summer camp. I attempted drawing anime and my friends all thought they were really "good." My mom found them and was like, "You drew this?" She disapproved incredibly and doesn't want me to draw anime anymore because she says I won't be able to draw non-anime things well anymore. Both of my parents have master's degrees in art and my dad is neutral. I'm really embarrassed that my drawings were found for some reason; I guess they were kind of private.
Should I listen to my parents and stop drawing anime? I really love drawing it and I even have manga ideas.
Thank you! (link)
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I fail to see why what you draw should be an issue. I went through a shark phase where someone gave me a book full of pictures of sea life and I was filling pages drawing sharks swimming around reefs and stuff, that lasted from like 8-12. I got into video games and started drawing game characters and stuff as well.
Can't say I agree with listening to your parents. If you want to actually do something with your artwork someday you've got to do what you have passion for, and if right now it's Anime then do what keeps you drawing.
You're a teenager. You'll grow up, be exposed to more things, and if art is truly a calling you will diversify your skills. Or maybe you'll end up a manga-artist, which isn't exactly a bad career if it's something you enjoy.
If it's just a pass time then it doesn't matter if you can only draw anime, it's just something you do to amuse yourself.
Either way, your artistry is meant to be some kind of an expression of yourself. In the music world, this situation is when a kid learns to play guitar and his/her mother tries to get the guitar away and push the kid into classical piano. It's not really ok then either.
Having parents who have masters in art... it's sad that they don't remember their own adolescent experimenting and can't get that you want to do what you want to do. Maybe your mom was the kid in the above story at one point.
Do what you want to do. If your parents get to the point of trying to punish you tell your mom that she's got no right to direct your artistic expressions when you're not doing anything bad with it.
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