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feeling overwhelmed in new marriage
I just got married six weeks ago. I am 29, my husband is 8 years older than me. Anyway, I am feeling very overwhelmed. I never have any alone time, I just moved into his apartment as well. I should feel happy but I feel so overwhelmed....
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Normal. Absolutely normal.
You're getting used to living with him, and it sounds like your first time living with someone else. It takes some getting used to, some new rules and boundaries, new compromises.
My wife and I each have our own space. I've got my computer desk, she's got the corner of the couch by the nightstand. When we're in solo mode we can each be at our places and doing our own things, maybe some TV on in the background. It gives us somewhere to be to do our little individual things without being in each other's way or having to spend every minute in the house together "spending time together".
Establish some space for yourself. Plan activities together in the house and leave each other to your own devices some of the time. If you have nothing to do, get something to do.
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Oh honey... this is TOTALLY normal, I promise you! People always say that 1st year is the honeymoon stage, but NO. The first year is the hardest. You must understand, you are going from being a single person to a part of a unit. That takes an adjustment. You are learning how to live a whole new life. You are going to spend a lot of this next year or two figuring out how to remain an individual while still being a family unit with your new husband. It will take some trial and errors, ups and downs, but you'll adjust. The best thing I can suggest is to tell your husband how you feel. He's your partner now. He needs to know it all. Perhaps just talking about it will take a lot of the sting out of it. Don't feel that just because you live together now means you have to spend all of your time together. Yes, adjustments need to be made. Gone are the days when you can just take off for somewhere without clearing it with someone else first, but you can still make ways for your own time. So talk with hubby, see what he has to say. He might say something to put your mind at ease. And do your best to make your apartment your home. That may be part of the problem, you feel like you aren't in YOUR space. Is it workable to find a new apartment? Something you can both call your own? If not, start doing things to make your current place feel more like YOUR home as well. Don't be shy. You're married now. What's his is yours, vice versa. This is your home now, so you need to start thinking of it as such. And don't be afraid to start finding interests outside of home as well. Meet with friends, take classes etc. But mainly, I think you need to find a way to start feeling at home in your new place. As you do that, you'll relax more and find ways to create your own space within your living environment, just like you did before you were married. FYI - last week I celebrated 12 years of marriage, so I know what I'm talking about! You're NOT crazy, you're just figuring out what we ALL had to figure out in the beginning - how to share your life with another person. Good luck. Don't be too hard on yourself and enjoy the ride!
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Some people, going into a new marriage, feel more overwhelmed than they do happy.
Just make some alone time for yourself. Hangout with some girlfriends or go shopping, or tell your husband you need some alone time. He'll understand if you talk to him and share your feelings with him.
Good luck
xx
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