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I am a virgin, but I still feel like a slut. HELP
I want you to listen and I want you to read this thouroughly please.
I am 19 years old and I am in college. I have always been the good girl. Yeah I've kissed a few guys here and there maybe a makeout session or two. But I never did anything sexual. It wasn't until I got to college. I started seeing all the pretty girls get attention and not me. I consider myself to look okay. I am african american, tall and skinny. But I guess it's not enough for boys.
My freshmen year of college, I didn't do much. Around two boys gave me oral and that was it. Around the summer time before sophmore year, is when the mahem began. There was a boy I would say used me because I really liked him and he claimed he liked me. This is where my insecurity came in and basically I gave him head and he returned it. That was that. When I got to school I became a lil more sexual than my freshmen year. On a serious count since that summer I gave four boys head including that one from summer. I feel disgusting. Even though I'm a virgin, I still feel dirty. I read up online and I fit the characteristics of someone who holds onto her virginity so she thinks its okay to do other sexual things. What made it worse is I really regret one boy I gave head to. This boy was a good friend of the one in the summer. I did that when I cam back to school sophmore year.
I just need to know your opinions. I won't get offensive at all I just need some reassurance..thankyou.
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Virginity?
No... and yes.
Exploring your sexuality is normal.
Overindulging while young and single is normal.
Are you cheating on anyone?
Were they cheating?
If not... no, you're not a slut.
But...
Oral sex is very intimate... in some ways more intimate than regular sex because of the selflessness of the act as well as the tabboo and semi-submissive nature of the act itself.
A woman performing oral sex in a regular sexual relationship is viewed as intimate and giving.
A woman performing oral sex as the only sex act with casual flings... well there is a social stigma for women like that.
Oral sex is viewed as more intimate than casual.
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I think you put sexuality on a pedestal that it neither needs nor deserves. I think you're an inexperienced virgin who's been taught to feel disgusting at the idea of expressing yourself sexually or (God forbid) making a mistake or two along the way.
I always love how people get this jacked up notion in their heads that sex isn't subject to the same human flaws that everything else we do is. (are? I'm having a serious issue with that sentence and subject verb agreement, "everything we do" is plural, I'd think, but are just doesn't sound right)
Anyway, you made a mistake. Learn from it, wait longer before going down on a guy to make sure you want to. Sex... I really don't know what to tell you about sex. My personal beliefs aren't compatible with waiting until marriage.
But you can sit there and beat yourself up for your mistakes, or you can learn from them adjust your behavior, and put it behind you.
Which do you think will keep you in good mental health?
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Time for a little grandfatherly advice. Since I am old enough to be your grandfather I am going to offer some.
If preserving your virginity for Mr.Right is your ultimate goal you are definitely not a slut. Many girls, if not most of the girls your age lost their virginity a long time ago. You have managed to hold on to your principals and retain your virginity. That is definitely not the definition of a slut.
You are 19 and in college; you are old enough to have some form of sex life. What form of sex life to have is up to you. Like anyone else I'm sure you have pent up sexual energy. Masturbation is one way to relieve this energy. So is oral sex and mutual masturbation. If you find a young man who is satisfied with enjoying this type of sex with you, you may be well on the way to finding Mr. Right.
At your age most boys do all of their social thinking with the head in their pants and that head knows only one thing; to get in the pants of a young lady. So when you find some one your age mature enough to override what the lower head wants and respect your limitations. You just may have found the guy your looking for.
I would say a better definition for you would be a person of principal, slut does not come even close to fitting you.
Have fun being at college, enjoy learning about what is out their not only academically but socially as well. Most of all worry less about how others may see you and just enjoy being you.
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girlllll you're in the clear. You are not not not a slut. Your insecurities are just making decisions for you, instead of that intelligent brain you have. Honestly, the one thing that will keep you from feeling regret afterwards is to only hook up with guys that you're monogamous with. (Dating/ 1/1) I know, I’m in college too. When your friends are doing it, you want to bring home a random cute boy too. But the issue is girls get attatched, and guys don’t. So after he gets what he wants, and doesn’t call again, you are left lonely and feeling unaccomplished.
I wont tell you to stop doing it, because guys hook up with randoms all the time. The only thing is, with girls it tends to cause emotional problems down the road. Maybe don’t go farther than make out for as long as you feel you need til you feel better about this year and everything that happened. You sound like a bright lady I’m sure you’ll get it all figured out :)
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Hey, you're not a slut. Holding your virginity is what you're doing. I mean, some of the things that you did are considered slutty because you did it for fun and not for your significant other. Personally, I don't think you're a slut but you shouldn't be acting that way. I'm sure you're a pretty girl who deserves a great guy that you wouldn't feel ashamed to do anything with.
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Here you did not classify the category of a "slut" A slut is normally defined as someone who sleeps around.
1, You are not disgusting, Most woman your age have done a hell of a lot more than what you've described above
You feel regretful, Possibly because you've done sexual things to people who weren't committed to you it was more of a friends with benefits, Some worked out okay and others didn't. This is what I called a lesson you've learned the hard way, Future, I would take things slow and make sure there is trust, honesty and respect. I would recommend not doing anything sexual until you find the right person who wants to commit themselves to you. You are however an adult and I can only lend you my advice. You are not a slut and far from being labeled as one, Remember it all comes down too you had enough self respect to hold your virginity the things you've done were regretful but it sure as hell is not too late for a clean slate as if you given away your virginity it'd be too late.
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