|
Living with my BF
Background: I met my boyfriend online, 2 years ago, and he moved from Florida to Missouri for me after a year of dating. We were really serious, and into each other. My parents disagreed with me dating him because we are different nationalities, and different religions. My parents aren't religious at all but they disliked the idea of me going against my culture. In June of 2010, I moved out of my house and in with my boyfriend.
Lately, I just haven't been happy with him. I realized how messy he is, how aggressive he is, how constantly unhappy he is, and it's the complete opposite of everything I am. I am always neat, meak, and optimistic. I'm not sure if I'm unhappy with him because I've been really stressed with school and work, or if I am interested in someone else, or because he is messy and psycho at times.
The extent to his crazyness is when he chokes on a piece of food, he will flip it off, flip the plate, curse at it, "teach it a lesson" & "punishment."
I just need an overview of someone else's thoughts.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
In my opinion he acts as if a meer child. I would leave him, he sounds like he is psychologically confused. Maybe even bi-polar. This rage may go out on you. If your unhappy just leave.
]
:Edit:
Twenty Five? He sweeps shit off the table and onto the floor (and it's not "I'll use the dustpan and broom" logic) I don't even know what the fuck. I made assumptions because he sounds like he's 19 and hasn't really started to grow up.
He's 25. He's pretty close to done as a person, the little button on the turkey's popped. You've got better things to do.
:/Edit:
Welcome to living with someone. It's more about being able to tolerate each other's petty little bullshits without hating each other than it is about being splendiferously in love.
It sounds like you really can't tolerate it all that well.
I will say, that school and work and possible other interests can have a huge impact. My wife and I have been rocky for about two months and were just starting to recover from it when her mother called talking about major surgeries and now our house is chaos again.
At the end of the days we manage not to piss each other off we're still very much in love, but life is throwing too much at us to cope with the rocks in our relationship and the rocks in the rest of life right now, and it's been hard.
Your boyfriend is obviously immature. That doesn't have to be permanent. I'm guessing you're both under 24 with at least one of you under 22. You're both still growing up and learning to be functional human adults. It's up to you if you want to give him time to grow up.
You do need to communicate. I used to curse at video games when I lost. I was 12. If he's old enough to be living with you he really should have grown out of that. If he doesn't, you're not going to end up staying with him. It's not so much the little incidents of crazy as the reasons they occur in the first place that are eventually going to make you incompatible as you grow up and he doesn't, so you might want to bring it up.
You can't sit on issues and just hope they get better when you live together. You have to bring it up, fight about it if you must, and find some sort of compromise. If not, choking on food and being messy will kill your relationship as much as something more significant like abuse or an unwillingness to get off your ass and get out of the house will.
]
Sounds to me like emotionally you have already checked out of the relationship. Do the both of you the kindness and favor of checking all the rest of the way out, physically, as well. Whatever the reasons for your unhappiness, you've identified the relationship as part of the problem. Maybe some distance and time will give you clarity. In the meantime, don't worry about being embarrassed about it not working out. You're grown, you tried something, it didn't work out, end of story. Everyone has to live and learn and make their own mistakes. You have nothing to be ashamed of if you leave. You should only be ashamed if you let embarrassment or cowardice keep you in a relationship that is clearly not good for you anymore. Good luck.
]
Your boyfriend's behavoir is awful, immature and will kill your relationship.
You've got two options really:
You can tell him that his aggression and negativity is going to drive you apart (and it is) and ask him to seek counseling to find better ways to deal with his unhappiness.
Or you can simply walk away.
Everyone has a degree of crazy you inevitably discover when you live together. I, for example, leave dirty socks lying about and I get very cranky and fidgety when I'm sleepy. I'm sure there are other irritating things I do that only my partner would know about.
However, just 'cause everyone has their crazy, doesn't mean you have to accept all crazies. What you've described here would not be easy to live with, and you can choose to not live with it.
Do some serious soul searching to see if you want to talk to your boyfriend about getting help so he can address his unhappiness in ways that aren't aggressive and as negative, or if you do not want to fight a battle of change and it is simply time to go.
Whatever path you choose, it's pretty clear from your question things can't go on as they are. You are loosing respect for this man very quickly. If you want to maintain this relationship, you both need to act quickly, and he needs to be told that in no uncertain terms.
]
More Questions: |